Month: February 2012

  • Subway: 10 years without cranberry sauce

    As media consumers, we hear about some of the big issues: asylum seekers, the economy, climate change. But for too long, the mainstream media have been shunning society’s real problems. Why is there no cranberry sauce at Australian Subway restaurants?

    This year marks one decade since cranberry sauce was unceremoniously removed from the popular sandwich restaurant’s sauce menu. How this is not front page news escapes me.

    But for ten years, Subway has continued to serve turkey. How have they been getting away with this? What good is turkey without cranberry? It’s like a ying without a yang. Or Lady GaGa in her birthday suit.

    Since 2002, I have been making a point to ask my Subway sandwich artist for cranberry sauce. I figured if I kept asking for it, eventually they would put it back on the menu. Sadly, not the case.

    I called head office. I asked them why they chose to remove such a fine sauce from their repertoire. Apparently the removal of cranberry was to ensure all Subway restaurants in Australia had the same menu.

    So why not have cranberry sauce at all of them? Why instigate conformity by limiting choice?

    Their recommended condiment for a six inch turkey sub is now “honey mustard”. Honestly, why don’t I just eat out of a toilet?

    I’ve tried to find a diplomatic solution. I even asked my local Subway restaurant if I could buy a jar of cranberry sauce and keep it behind the counter so I can use it at my discretion whenever I dine in.

    They told me they would only agree to it if they could let other people use MY cranberry sauce. Firstly, they can buy their own damn sauce! And secondly, well wouldn’t that therefore prove there’s a demand for it?

    In an act of desperation, on a couple of occasions I have actually brought my own cranberry sauce into Subway, with which management didn’t seem to have a problem. They had more of a problem with the knife that I also brought in to spread it. Turns out the practice of bringing knives into service stations is generally frowned upon.

    I used to love Subway. But this whole cranberry sauce ordeal has put a sour, sauce-less taste on the whole dining experience. It’s very disappointing. Might I even say un-Australian?

    If you walk into any independent Australian eatery that has sandwich-making facilities, you’ll probably be greeted by a good old Aussie battler with a wife beater singlet and a twinkle in their eye.

    Sure, he might not have all his teeth and you might have to turn a blind eye to a few hygiene issues, but you can be damn certain they’ll have the option of cranberry sauce! But not Subway.

    Eat fresh?

    I’m not so sure.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Jellied or whole berries. I don’t mind.

  • C31 gives 31 Questions the green light!

    That’s right!

    After 18 months, two pilots and not much else, my game show 31 Questions has finally been given the green light by both RMITV Student Television AND Melbourne’s Channel 31.

    We’re booked in to start shooting our 13-episode TV series starting mid-April for broadcast starting in June.

    Due to the vast amount of time that’s passed since we started this project, understandably there’s been some attrition of cast and crew. So we’re looking to fill a few roles.

    If you live in Melbourne and you’re interested in getting involved with the fabulous world of community television production, make sure you’re a member of RMITV Student Television. We’ll be sending out emails with more information soon.

    And keep in touch with the show’s progress on Facebook and Twitter.

    A big thanks to the several key people who have fought for us and helped us through this journey. You know who you are. This has been a dream of mine for many years and I’m absolutely thrilled that I’m now actually going to get a shot at it.

    Kind regards,
    TV’s David M. Green
    Let’s make some TV gold.

  • You write one mX article about online dating and suddenly you’re a guru…

    Who does The Age turn to when they need someone to admit they’ve used an online dating mobile app? Because there were no bigger idiots available… me!

    Click here for Jane Lee’s article: An app-etite for love, featuring a couple of quotes from me, or someone with my exact name and photo, I can’t really remember.

    NB – I offer no useful advice.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Somewhat appt