I don’t like it and I don’t want it.

The big wigs over at “Facelessbook” tell us their 800 million users (11 per cent of the world’s entire population) will now be forced to adopt the new Timeline layout.

And I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I declare this to be history’s greatest disaster. Thanks a lot, Zuckerberg.

The much heralded “New Facebook” design is bad ergonomics.

Users of “Facebook Classic” will know that everyone’s most recent status updates are at the top of the page, and to trace backwards requires a simple vertical glance downwards, like so: (follow the red arrow)

Viewing Timeline on a computer requires your eyes to dart left and right around the screen, zigzagging down the page, searching for some sort of chronological consistency.

Compare the above design to the Timeline layout:

It’s the equivalent of designing a stove with controls that don’t line up with the hotplates, or a speedometer with no numbers on it.

If I land on a friend’s Facebook page and they have the Timeline, I usually leave straight away. I don’t care about whatever benefits they’re toting. I simply do not want to look at it.

Now, I don’t have a problem with software giants changing the design of their user interfaces. But I do have a problem when it’s a forced change, and not one for the better.

They’ve been doing this to us for years. Windows Media Player used to have the “play” button on the left of the screen. Then they moved it to the middle.

The latest version of Internet Explorer moved the favourites menu to the opposite side of the page. Why? Because they can.

I had to break years of mouse-moving habit in order to adapt. And even still, if I’m not concentrating, I’ll sometimes go for the old positions.

And YouTube just made their new channel design mandatory as well.

It rightly ruffles my feathers!

Of course, they’re not all evil manipulative execu-nerds over there in Silicon Valley, driving around in their fancy convertibles, laughing at the thought of pissing off millions of users by making them change their habits.

The good people who designed the Winamp multimedia player also catered for their long time users who don’t like change. With a simply click, you can revert back to the classic “skin”, where everything on the screen is where it should be.

It’s quite possibly the greatest thing since sliced bread. Or rather, if there was such thing as sliced bread that – with the click of a button – could also be turned back into the classic unsliced variety of loaf.

People don’t like change. That’s the only thing that stays the same.

But is Mark Zuckerberg offering users the option to keep the old Facebook design? No he is not. And why should he? At this point there’s no incentive for the colour-blind monopoloid to cater to his “friends”.

What are we gonna do? Go crawling back to MySpace? I don’t think so.

But before you criticise me (probably on Facebook) for overreacting, I am aware this is a first world problem. No one’s starving to death because of some rearranged zeros and ones. At its worst, it’s just kind of irritating.

There must be hundreds of thousands, if not millions of Australians who along with me, are lamenting waking up one morning to discover a Timeline where their Facebook page used to be.

They’ve already converted the fan pages for myself and 31 Questions. They switched over on March 31.

But what choice do we have? Could you imagine your modern lifestyle without Facebook? Impossible.

It’s now so ingrained in our society there’s no way back. You don’t ask for someone’s phone number any more. You ask for the correct spelling of their name, so you can stalk them on the Internet.

How on Earth are you supposed to remember anyone’s birthday? Write it down on a desk calendar? Absurd.

And up until the late 00s, if you wanted to “poke” someone, etiquette dictates you needed to buy them a drink first.

But, I suppose if being subjected to the Facebook Timeline is the worst thing that happens to you this month, you’re probably doing better than the 6.2 billion people who don’t have Facebook at all.

They actually have real problems to deal with.

Feathers can be unruffled.

We will adapt. Reluctantly. We will learn to like. Reluctantly. We may even eventually give it one of those little thumbs up… Reluctantly.

And then we’ll kick up a fuss when Facebook decides they want to change the Timeline to something else.

Kind regards,
David M. Green
Reluctant Facebook user.

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