And so another curtain turns by the milestone where a chapter passes around a corner that’s closed to cap off the page’s end of yet another ticked over year.

Hi, I’m David M. Green and here’s the gist of what I did in 2014.

It’s coming up on 5 years since I left Adelaide for dead and moved to Melbourne to pursue a life of comedy, radio, television and shopping after 9PM. And man, I did a big steaming pile of all those things this year…

January through April was full on. I started at my childhood dream job of writing for a Shaun Micallef-based ABC TV comedy show: Series 3 of Mad As Hell (as seen above with Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall and Simon Taylor in our official ABC-supplied writing uniforms). There’s no other way to put it. It was bloody fantastic. An amazingly talented team of people and so, so much fun. I returned in September to write for Series 4 and I’m thrilled to say I’ll be back in the writers’ room again on Series 5, which starts in February.

If you want tickets to come join the studio audience – which I can highly recommend – hit me upside the head. I know a guy 😉

Here’s my favourite Mad As Hell sketch from this year: “Watching the Watcher”

Returning to the start of the year, the ole RMITV gang got back together one last time to record the third and final season of 31 Questions: The TV game show where YOU get to be the viewer. We put everything into this one and it almost killed me.

I reckon the best episodes this year were 1, 6 and 8.

I’ve crapped on about the show enough now, but if you literally have nothing better to do and like that behind the scenes shit, read the blog entry I wrote after we finished shooting. Or the other one I wrote after the final episode aired.

I’m amazed we got so far with that show. But 4 years and (fittingly) 31 episodes seems like enough for now. It cost a lot of money, time, sleep, dignity, and even a couple of friendships. But we did it because we loved it and everyone involved learned an incredible amount. And that’s community TV.

And that’s why I’m so concerned about the future of community TV, which is currently under threat after Communications Minister Malcolm Turnbull decided to kick all 5 metro stations off the air at the end of 2015.

So concerned, a few months ago I wrote an article for The Age/Sydney Morning Herald, which was shared a hell of a lot more than Malcolm Turnbull’s half-arsed response.

It was even mentioned in Parliament:

They’ll get my name right one of these days…

Make sure you sign the petition over at Commit to Community TV if you think community television in this country is worth having.

After that burst of TV-making in the first half of the year, I took my first trip to Tasmania with my friend and mentor Van Badham. It was pretty good, aside from the food poisoning on the second day. I think it was a combination of some bad fish and a slightly disturbing experience seeing MONA‘s infamous “shitting machine”.

I thought surely I took a picture of that machine? But looking back through the photos, evidently I did not. Probably for the best.

3 days in Hobart was great, though I spent one of those days in bed watching QI, which arguably I could do at home. So I’d love to go back and explore the rest of the state properly. There’s some pretty breath-taking scenery.

Here I am taking a breath:

Back in Melbourne, I met a girl from Sweden. Her name’s Annika. She wants to stay in Australia, so to get a second year on her visa, she went and worked at a dairy farm in Lockington near the Victorian/New South Wales border. For 3 months. For no money. In a profession in which she has zero interest.

Understandably, she didn’t like it much. I’m kinda ashamed we make foreign visitors do that in Australia. We are a selfish, small-minded country – as comprehensively encapsulated by our current federal government and their systematic policies of unfairness… But on the other hand, at least I got something out of this situation (not selfish).

I got to visit a part of the country I’ve never had a reason to go to. So I twice drove up to see Annika, temporarily save her from the life of a milk maid, and spend a few days in Echuca. I introduced her to Red Dwarf and we stayed in a B&B that had a fireplace. (A FIREPLACE, people.)

Both trips were great, though the guy at the B&B was a bit of a dick the second time. Got a stern lecture when we went to check out at 10.07AM. Hey, I was there at 9.55 and the counter was unattended!

Anyway, we’re totally going out now. Here she is riding a cannon (hoho):

Throughout the year I’ve also been back behind the radio panel at Crocmedia, where I continued my self-imposed tradition of panelling the Grand Final for “AFL Live” in a suit:

Even panelled a few shows with cricket legend Merv Hughes. Turns out we have similar tastes in shirts:

There were fewer sound effects this year, but that wasn’t enough to prevent another batch of bizarre audio highlights. Get a load of these:

As always, a thrill and a pleasure to work with the whole team, on-air and behind the scenes (and not just because they get my name right, but that does go a long way).

So that’s the gist of it. I’m seeing the year out in Adelaide. Gonna see the old gang. Gonna play some golf. Gonna have my bowl. Gonna eat cereal. Gonna eat at my favourite spots: The Blue Bird Bakery and Charminar Indian restaurant in Brighton, that Yiros House place on Rundle Street, and maybe even Gilbert Place’s The Pancake Kitchen – just like Melbourne’s The Pancake Parlour, but everything’s 30 per cent cheaper. Just the way I like it.

I still love Adelaide. And I love coming back to visit. It’s slowly turning into a proper city. I reckon every time I’m here, I see more solar panels and speed cameras. And little bits of Melbourne slowly being absorbed into the local scene. That’s progress, my friend.

So that’s the gist of it. Thank you for reading, enjoy your holidays and I’ll see you in 2015. We should do lunch.

Kind regards,
David M. Green
Your treat.

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