Author: David M. Green

  • “Interview” with Tony “Captain Catholic” Abbott

    Greetings,

    It’s been a while since I’ve done an interview, and hey, I’ve just bought a new microphone, so for no other reason than to pursue the TRUTH… I stormed right up to Parliament House and demanded to speak to the Prime Minister. However, Kevin Rudd was busy. Think he was out to lunch. But newly elected opposition leader Tony Abbott had nothing better to do… I’ll also take this opportunity to test out this new embedded audio player, which should help to make podcasting fun, instead of the tedious chore that it presently is. Enjoy.

    [display_podcast]

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    The Star of David is his Kryptonite

  • He’ll have to give me my own Recording Studio…

    Hello!

    Frustrated by the lack of support I’ve received from the majority of Adelaide radio stations (community, commercial AND government), I loosened my extremely tight belt and forked out $254 for a decent microphone: The Zoom H2 Portable Audio Recorder.

    Since I began my love affair with radio and audio-based comedy circa 2006, I’ve never actually had my own microphone. I’ve always relied on the facilities of which ever radio station on which I was currently broadcasting, or at times resorting to sneaking into a station on which I was NOT broadcasting (Some of our recent Triple M show was recorded at Radio Adelaide! Funnily enough I think neither radio station wanted us on their property). But now… screw them! I’ll make my OWN DAMN RECORDINGS!

    Verdict: I LOVE this microphone! As these photographs clearly demonstrate:

    The Zoom H2 is incredibly versatile. I takes 2 AA batteries and it’s portable so I can record anywhere. It’s actually got 4 small microphones inside it, so it can record stereo in 2 different directions, allowing for surround sound recordings. I can hook it up to my PC using a USB cable and record directly into Adobe Audition, which is great because I’ve had a lot of trouble in the past with Vista and microphones. And I’ve finally solved the problem of recording straight off the sound card. Ever since I upgraded to Vista in 2007 I haven’t been able to record what’s playing through the speakers into Adobe Audition. Why would I need to do that, you ask? Sound effects for sketches. You can’t always download an audio file. Sometimes you can only stream it, or it’s in a weird format, or you want the audio from a video. With Windows XP I could just change a setting in Audition and press record and get an instant recording. With Vista they changed the “Windows Mixer” or something and it just didn’t work. But now I can use the Zoom H2 almost like a mini broadcast panel, and record onto the SD card from the computer speakers, and then copy the recording back onto my PC. And this is great that this has happened now, right at the start of my first summer in 4 years where I’m NOT doing a radio show!

    I have to admit, there’s no creative motivation like having 60 minutes of air time to fill every week. But even when I’m not doing a show I still get ideas for sketches and segments. I’m at my happiest writing, recording, editing and listening back to radio sketches. In that order, obviously… I mean, I’m hardly going to listen back to it before I’ve recorded it. So even though I’m not doing a show on radio this summer, I still plan to make some new sketches. I’ll still call them radio sketches, because that’s what they are. “Off-Air Radio Sketches,” if you will. So to kick off David M. Green’s “direct-to-Internet” summer of podcasting, please enjoy this sketch, which I did mainly simply to test out my new microphone…

    Sim City 2000 A Cappella

    Overlooking the appalling singing, I think the audio quality is excellent. It sounds like it was recorded at a radio station like all my other sketches. And apparently it’s not just me who thinks the same. I went to a music industry charity luncheon yesterday for the SALSA Debonairs, hosted by Radio’s David Day. To my total surprise, resting on the podium in front of him was a Zoom H2 recorder. The exact same model I’d just purchased. Not only that, another radio/production veteran, Greg Clarke, had one too! They’ve both had them for years, and I had no idea! I mean, I’ve already decided I like my Zoom H2 based purely on performance, but knowing that these two legends of the industry also use one confirms my suspicion that this was $254 well spent.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Unemployed radio comedian

  • An Evening of Wrestling

    Good evening,

    Yesterday I acquired four complimentary tickets to see the National Wrestling Alliance’s “Re-Emerging” wrestling performance at Adelaide’s Thebarton Theatre. After calling all of my friends, I was unable to find one who wanted to go. Wouldn’t even see it for free. Fair enough. Even I didn’t particularly want to go. But my attendance was requested by my new comedy friend, Ben Rosenthal. Ben is the head writer for these wrestling shows. How about that? I mean, I knew they were all completely rigged, but I didn’t give a second thought to how it was all put together. I guess I always just assumed they made it up as they went based on the level of cheers and boos from the audience. Apparently not.

    So I went by myself anyway. I’ve had some good times at “The Thebby” (Weird Al Yankovic, Devo, Weird Al Yankovic the second time). Unfortunately, on this occasion I happened to be sitting right in front of the loudest, most crazed wrestling fan in the whole theatre. She was standing right behind me, jumping up and down and thumping the back of my seat, yelling right in my ear, informing the whole auditorium exactly which wrestlers were “faggots” and screaming randomly. Thankfully after about 30 minutes she snuck down to steal a closer seat. I was able to film a sample of what I had to put up with. See for yourself…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhlJhlaqFaU

    She did start talking to me at one point. I really had no idea what she was talking about; names of wrestlers and shows I am unfamiliar with, telling me who she hopes will win. I considered telling her, since I knew the writer and the evening’s outcome, but decided that probably wasn’t a good idea, considering her love of violence. Wrestling. What a bizarre combination of sport and theatre. In which other sports do people accept match-fixing on such a fundamental scale? Could you imagine if football or soccer was rigged? Well, arguably those sports contain some equally poor over-acting.

    Anywho, my review of the evening from the perspective of a non-wrestling fan: 3 hours of egocentric men in tights jumping around, containing maybe 10 minutes of highlights. This has nothing to do with the strength of the writing, or what have you. It’s just that… wrestling is stupid. I hate it.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Although, I did like the bowling ball in the groin. Now that’s comedy!

  • Wake(field) in Fright

    But unlike the 1971 motion picture “Wake in Fright” starring Australia’s own Chips Rafferty, Tim and I did not slaughter kangaroos, nor did we drink ourselves to death while gambling our savings away on game after game of “2-up.” Instead, we had lunch in historic Port Wakefield, a mere 10km from the Australian Army’s “Proof and Experimental Establishment” where the recent weapons testing created a lovely cloud of fumes for the enjoyment of passers by:

    Hello, I’m David M. Green.

    My good friend, Voice-Over’s Tim Wray, is currently completing his nursing placement in Port Pirie, 224km north of Adelaide. We both had a free day, so just for the hell of it, we met half way and had lunch in Port Wakefield, dining in a roadside delicatessen called “Pope’s Cafe” (not the actual Pope’s cafe, or Pope) and injecting approximately $23 into the local economy. I think the map above speaks for itself (not literally).

    Included in our itinerary of activities included completing the crossword puzzle in the complementary trucking newspaper and correcting the appalling grammar on display on a local community notice board. And now… YOU CAN PLAY TOO! Can YOU spot the 16 grammatical errors below?

    How’d you go? Answers:

    Port Wakefield: A land unknown to punctuation. Na, it’s okay. Good day.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    It’s “Real” Australia. Everything else is just balsa.

  • Hilarious Spam!

    Hey Hey Hey!

    We all hate spam. Well, I assume we all do. I certainly do. But hey, maybe you love it. But if you’re like me, which I assume you are, although I’ve been known to be wrong, and hence I’m no better than you… annoying… right, the spam. My website receives about 20 spam blog comments a day. Most of them are a jumble of links and random characters, sometimes not even able to be displayed, and hence it’s just a string of those little rectangles. But some of them are just completely random comments that have no connection at all to anything I mentioned in any blog, ever. For your enjoyment, here are some of my favourite random spam comments:

    On Blog Entry – Ed Fella!?! Oh hang on… Michael Jackson!?!

    Submitted on 2009/09/27 at 9:14pm by yapapanyatt
    WOW! Good thing you kept your wits enough to fight off the bugger. Glad you’re ok. The worse thing to happen to me on that street was when I encountered a pack of dogs late one night. I kept a safe distance behind them until I got home. Take care.

    Submitted on 2009/10/01 at 6:34am by BlopayGlypelp
    Hey! Genealogical humor! Thanks, Internet!

    Submitted on 2009/10/31 at 11:49am by homemastergoga
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    davidmgreen.com – go to my favorites!!!

    Submitted on 2009/11/02 at 7:11am by BlopayGlypelp
    I’m in love with you, my Adonis.

    On Blog Entry – Insane about Mad Men (the show. I’m straight.)

    Submitted on 2009/09/29 at 12:44am by yourbig.ru
    If you’re cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

    Submitted on 2009/09/30 at 8:00pm by ownbig.ru
    I think what they did to you was unfair and poor customer service

    On Blog Entry – Stand-up Trip to Lol-Ville. Population: Hilarity.

    Submitted on 2009/10/22 at 8:32pm by noemijed
    I have a joke for you =) Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage? Ta da dump, ta da dump, ta da dump Dump DUMP!!!

    Submitted on 2009/10/27 at 1:06am by carolzun
    I have a joke for you =) Did you hear about the bandit that held up a Chinese restaurant? Half an hour later he was broke.

    Submitted on 2009/10/29 at 2:08am by mireillelig
    I have read a good joke in internet What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.

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    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Hehehe… priapism…