David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Category: Adelaide

  • Adelaide Fortnight!

    Ahoy!

    My blog entries have been a bit “Too Easy-oriented” lately. Forgive me. I’ve been in Adelaide the last 2 weeks and was so busy catching up with people (and filming more “Too Easy”) I didn’t have time to properly archive my trip in blog form. It is a time consuming exercise…

    Anyway, hello! This was the first real time I’d returned to my home town since I moved to Melbourne back in February. I hadn’t been back in 4 months. People told me I’d be shocked when things didn’t quite appear exactly as I remembered them. That’s exactly what happened. Walking along North Tce, it suddenly seemed strange that there were many buildings to my right, but an empty skyline to my left. And you really do notice just how wide the city streets are. It’s crazy there aren’t more trams through the Adelaide CBD. I did take the opportunity to ride the new tram extension to the Entertainment Centre. Very nice. Now if only they could do an extension like that every year…

    I made sure to stock up on Fruchocs and was strangely compelled to drink a Farmer’s Union Iced Coffee while I was in town, even though I never actually drank them even when I lived there. They’re actually pretty good. I wanted to get a photo of myself leaning up against a Stobey Pole, drinking one, but I didn’t have the time. I was too busy catching up with all my Adelaide friends. It was great to see the ole gang again, plus my family too. I also played golf for the first time in about 6 months, the fun that came from which can clearly be seen in the below photographs:

    We also took the opportunity while I was in town to film some more of our “Too Easy” webseries. We filmed 2 more episodes. I’ve had a look at the rough cuts and they’re very funny. Can’t wait to get them online. I think the fans will like these. Just imagine more ridiculously inappropriate behaviour from Adrian and more misfortune for Toby. I think we’ve found our formula for hilarity!

    Here are some production stills for the upcoming episodes 7 and 8:

    To see more photos, become my friend on Facebook. Or alternatively, if you don’t like me enough to justify becoming my friend, just look through my photos anonymously (they’re set to public).

    We recently became YouTube partners, which means YouTube is now putting advertisements on our Too Easy videos! So if you’d like to show your support for our webseries, why not give us financial incentive by watching the videos and clicking on an ad every now and then? You don’t have to buy anything, just click the ad and then close the window. It’s a victimless crime. The only victim is our economic system.

    But as good as my trip down Adelaide memory lane was, it’s good to get back to Melbourne to continue, you know, my life. Since my return on Thursday I’ve already had an audition for a TV sitcom (can’t say much more at the moment) and I’ve got a meeting with the makers of “In Joke” on SYN 90.7FM this week to discuss my impeding “coming onto” the show. You know what this means… More radio sketches! HAZAA!

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    MelbAdelurnean

  • No car winter

    Yes, not quite as bad as “nuclear winter” but “no car winter”, or indeed, a no car year-long lifestyle is something that takes a little adjusting to. Hello, I’m David M. Green.

    This month marked the end of another motoring era, for me anyway. I’ve been without access to my 2001 Toyota Corolla Seca since I moved to Melbourne in February. However, just recently my Mum sold it for me. So even if I were to return to Adelaide, it would be unlikely that I’d be able to drive it, obviously because it now belongs to someone else.

    Had a lot of good times in/with that car…

    I originally got it because my 1986 Toyota Corolla Seca was beginning to consume about the same amount of oil as petrol, and there was a chance that I’d have to commute regularly to Murray Bridge, when I applied for a radio job there. So Mum wanted me to have a safer car. She helped me with the finances too, as this was during an extended period of unemployment (after GameTraders but before SAFM).

    I recall I hated it at first. There wasn’t enough room around the pedals, everything was too sensitive and at just the wrong angle compared to my previous car, so I had to develop different muscles in my legs. It took some getting used to. The other big drawback was its lack of a clock. Can you believe that? A car made in 2001 didn’t have a clock in it! Ridiculous.

    I had my first kiss in that car, amongst other things I won’t get into right now. Good times… Ohohoho… VERY good times…

    I also delivered many a pizza. Fun times.

    Had some not so good times too. Like the time I spun out on my way to a radio job interview in Berri. I was extremely lucky not to total the car, or myself, or anyone else. Amazingly there was no damage. I just got out, had a drink of water, reassessed my life, and continued driving for another 2 hours to the job interview. Driving is dangerous. I never told my parents about that. I didn’t want them to be worried if I actually got the job and had to commute regularly back to Adelaide on weekends. It doesn’t matter if they find out now. They don’t read my blog anyway!

    With my previous car, the ’86 version, I had a quirk of keeping track of the wildlife I’d destroyed with the car, and so on the side window I kept miniatures, just like an aircraft after a successful bombing raid. By the end I had 5 little bird stickers. And before you start writing angry letters to the RSPCA, may I point out I’m not a monster. It was more a form of remembrance. I certainly wasn’t TRYING to run over those birds. Well, definitely not the first few anyway.

    But not being one to heavily repeat material, I didn’t bother doing that for the ’01 model. I did do something with stickers, although not as interesting. I placed radio station stickers on my rear bumper. However, to be awarded a coveted bumper space, I had to have operated the radio control panel at that station. Hence the two station stickers below:

    Although I also appeared on Fresh 92.7FM, 891 ABC Adelaide and the Triple M Network during the time I had that car, I didn’t actually operate the panel at any of those stations. Hmm… specific, aye? Aside from the sentimentality, the bumper stickers also really came in handy when identifying my highly popular mass-produced car in a crowded parking lot. So it was also practical.

    I also left all my Flinders University parking permit stickers on the front windscreen, even though the most recent one expired in February 2008. The 2005 one was never valid for that car. I peeled it off the ’86 model and stuck it on the ’01 model when I bough it! Just for decoration.

    But anyway, I live in Melbourne now and I’m without a car. In fact I’ve only driven a car once since February. I can’t say I miss the expense. However, I do miss driving. Driving’s fun! There have been a few times when I’ve found myself late at night waiting 15 minutes for a tram to take me home on a 45 minute tram-ride, and really wishing I had my car. Sometimes it’s just great to hit the open road on a long drive, ’80s New Wave music blasting out the windows; something I did regularly in Adelaide.

    But a car is an unnecessary luxury in Melbourne. You don’t really need one. It would be a lot harder to do without a car in Adelaide. I love the trams. Although a few more east-west lines in the northern suburbs would be nice. See! I knew this would happen! You’re bedazzled by the marvelous Melbourne metro transport network at first, but after you live here for a while you start to discover its limitations. Happens to the best of us.

    I think the biggest problem is that grocery shopping is limited to what I can carry. That’s a bummer.

    So in conclusion, I’m getting by without a car (and a job for that matter), although I do occasionally miss the benefits of time-saving as well as the sheer pleasuring of driving. But you know, good for the environment and all that crap. Al Gore, you’re okay.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Adelaide Driver

  • Local Boy Makes Goo(d)

    Ahoy hoy,

    After 10 days in Melbourne, I flew back to Adelaide on Tuesday to perform stand-up at the first of the two South Australian Raw Comedy semi-finals at The Arkabar.

    My good friend Adam Navarro picked me up from the airport (not a huge gesture in Adelaide, as the airport is so close, unlike most other major cities, with the exception of Sao Paulo, Brazil, for the airport buffs playing along at home, presumably with themselves…) and we had a delicious lunch at Jetty Road, Brighton. When I got to my family home I realised how totally exhausted I was. Physically and emotionally. It’s just been completely full on the last 10 days. I haven’t had a chance to properly relax since I arrived in Melbourne. But there was no time to rest as I had to get ready for my evening gig.

    I’d never been to The Arkabar before. I must say it’s quite a nice place. I like the booths and dim lighting particularly. Apparently the place has a reputation for being a haven for mature single ladies, or a “Grab a Granny” hotspot as they say. There weren’t many there last night. It was mostly very young, very “cool” suburban types. And I think we all know how I feel about these people…

    Similar to last year’s Raw Comedy venture, crowd reaction wasn’t nearly as favourable at the semi-final, compared to the qualifying heat night. Different crowd. As soon as I started I knew it wasn’t going to be as smashing a success as January 28th. Although I did get laughs, and I was quite satisfied with my performance, I saw a lot of faces in the audience that appeared to say “what the hell is this?” Another problem: it was a pretty big room, and my “snowglobe bit” wasn’t as effective because the prop is too small and the room too big. It’s more suited to a small room with an intimate audience, possibly even in a romantic way…

    So anyway, I didn’t make it to the state final. To tell you the truth I’m a little relieved, as now I won’t have to miss out on any uni! When I arrived at The Arkabar last night I felt awful. I could literally feel the tears welling behind my eyes. I did feel better after my spot though (surprisingly). Although I guess I always feel good after a gig… except for that time at The Star Theatre where I forgot my routine and stood there silently for 30 seconds. I felt awful after that. But this time I felt good. And it was great to hang out and chat with my good friends Tim Wray and Nick Godfrey. My good friends are very important to me (and my emotional stability). The original plan was actually to fly back to Melbourne today, but when I got to Adelaide the thought of going back straight away suddenly seemed unnecessary, so my Mum very generously re-booked my return flight for Thursday (incurring a costly cancellation penalty from the good people at Qantas). But God, I really needed today just to recover. I really needed it. I often forget how important “down time” is for me. I like to sit in a comfy chair and just think, or pace around my room talking to myself. I’ve been a bit self-conscious about doing that in the Altona house due to its paper-thin walls, and also out of respect for my fellow house mates, although I believe they already think I’m a bit… “odd” for lack of a better word.

    And so, I commit the video footage of this routine, which I call “Medical Oddities,” to the Internet. Of course, to make me look “more gooder” I’ve uploaded the footage from the heat night on January 28th 2010 at The Rhino Room, which was exceptionally well-received by the audience:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmdTp97X9oA

    What a great night. Actually, last night was pretty good too. Best of “well done” to the other comedians who performed that night. I particularly enjoyed Aaron Nobes. That guy cracks me up, hehe. I think I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again; he’s like a young Tony Martin. And congratulations to him and the other 4 comedians who made it through to the state final. I can’t seem to find a list of the comedians who performed last night, so apologies for not knowing more names. There was a guy with a guitar who I thought was quite funny, Peter Beaglehall (I think). I must admit (again and again) I don’t particularly enjoy what many consider to be “good” stand-up. My comic preferences lie more towards sketch comedy, radio, sitcoms and obscure things that make me think and possibly laugh many hours/days later. But I do recognise that the comedians who got through last night did display competent skills in the field of stand-uppery. Great stage presence, engagement with the audience, etc. all that crap. So good on them.

    I return to Melbourne tomorrow. I think it would be a wasted opportunity if I didn’t try stand-up in Melbourne at least a couple of times. Hmm… stay tuned…

    Oh yes, and here’s a good photo of me from Heat #3 taken by friend and former Palace Nova Cinema colleague Gabbie Zizzo:

    See you all in Melbourne! Well… not everyone (obviously).

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    I like Stobey Poles. Very orderly. Soothing.