David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Category: Advice

  • So you want to be an extra?

    This year I’ve dabbled in a bit of work as a television extra. You might recognise me as “guy walking in background with street light antennae” in the above scene from episode 17 of Seven’s “Winners and Losers”… No? Well, you must have missed that one.

    I’ve now been a professional extra on shoots for every major Australian television network, with the exception of SBS. As well, I’ve finally got around to watching Ricky Gervais’s “Extras”, which is some fantastic satire on the whole process of being an extra. Plus it’s just a funny show.

    So I thought I’d pool all of my “wisdom” together into a blog entry to enlighten you on some common myths and harsh realities of working as a television extra.

    1. It’s good money.

    No it isn’t.

    Sure, a lot of the time you’ll just be sitting around getting $25 an hour, waiting to be told where to walk. But you might be lucky enough to get one or two 4-hour jobs A MONTH (assuming you live somewhere with a thriving film and television scene). You’re not getting paid to sit around the other 712 hours of the month.

    And keep in mind, you have to give 10% to your agent.

    The real TV money is in acting, writing, producing, directing and crewing. But you’re never going to buy a house by working as an extra.

    2. Free catering!

    Well… sometimes…

    This is one of the finest illustrations of what it’s like for an extra at the catering table… (skip to 8.21):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBFZP2wU1Tg

    From my own personal experience, I’ve found that often the producers will try very hard to AVOID feeding the extras. Feeding extras = extra costs.

    One time I was on a shoot with a cal time of 6AM. I approached the catering table, just hoping for a coffee. A guy who was standing at an espresso machine said, “What are ya after mate?” I replied, “Oh… just a flat white, thanks.”

    I made two mistakes there:

    1. He wasn’t the guy who makes the coffees. And
    2. Coffee was for actors and crew only.

    So I settled with just a water.

    On another occasion, I’d just finished 4 hours of wandering in the background with a group of about eight other extras. The AD (Assistant Director) called out, “Right that’s lunch everyone. Oh, and extras, that’s a wrap for you. You can go straight home.”

    But if you’re lucky enough to land a full day extra gig somewhere, make the most of it and enjoy that free food!

    3. You get to MEET famous people!

    Maybe…

    You’re probably more likely to MEET a famous actor if you’re hanging around the set and you’re NOT an extra. Because when you’re an extra, this tends to happen (skip to 4.50):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_K9kdV36S0U

    Sure, you certainly get to SEE lots of famous people when you’re an extra. But you generally don’t get the opportunities to have extensive conversations with them.

    Even if you’re in the same scene together, you can’t bother them. They’ve got to think about their lines and which marks they have to hit around the set. And you have to listen out for your cue to walk.

    Unless you’re directed to “converse and have a laugh with Al Pacino”, you’re not likely to exchange more than a “hello”, or at best a handshake and a quick photo. But I guess on Facebook, that’s all you need as evidence you met a celebrity… Speaking of which, did I mention I met Peter Combe?

    4. It’s easy.

    Most of the time it is. But it can also be extremely stressful.

    Picture this. You’re one of 10 extras in a scene with big name TV stars in front of a crew of about 30 people. There’s guys with smoke machines and bright lights. There’s boom microphones bobbing all around just above your head. Guys running around with steady-cams looking like some half-man half-recording-machine. And you have to somehow walk through all of this in a precise way, at a precise time, without disturbing the real actors, without tripping on cables, and without looking at the cameras.

    AND, you don’t want to be the extra who screws up the take. Because you know that you’re a nobody. And the only good thing an extra has going for them is their reliability. If word gets out you don’t perform 100% every time, BANG that’s it. You’re blacklisted and you’ll never work as an extra in this town again.

    Keep in mind also that quite often as an extra, you’re not always given all the information.

    You rarely get to see the script. You don’t know the names of most of the cast or crew. Sometimes you’re not even sure who the director is. And there have been occasions where I’ve been on a set and I don’t even know the name of the show I’m on!

    I’ve showed up for a job only to discover I was at the wrong place, and the unit base was about half a kilometre away.

    On that same shoot, I also discovered only when i arrived at the set, that the role would require some serious heavy lifting. No one told me that. No one asked if I was fit enough to carry a man on an antique stretcher. Even more surprisingly, there was no safety briefing! No one told me how to lift, or to do any stretches.

    Then just before we go for a take, the director tells me to turn around and lift the stretcher backwards! I was struck by a vision of me slipping on the slick marble floor and seeing this guy’s head crack open with cameras capturing the moment in stunning high definition.

    No one else seemed to realise the danger. Was I going to be the one who speaks up? (My girlfriend works for WorkSafe Victoria, you know)

    That’s too much pressure for $25 an hour.

    I actually refused to carry him backwards. I simply said “I’m sorry, but I can’t lift it like that.” We got through it in the end without killing anyone. But my hands, shoulders and legs were very sore for the rest of the week.

    Absolutely appalling for one of Australia’s major broadcasters.

    I did actually call the line producer the next day and told her my concerns. She said she’d look into it. I never heard back. I suspect I’ve probably been blacklisted.

    But who cares about all of that when…

    5. You get to be on TV!

    If you’re lucky.

    I’ve actually been very fortunate so far with being selected on the day, purely by chance, to be an extra who has his face pointed towards the camera (See “Winners and Losers” screen shot top of page).

    Of course I’ve had my fair share of being hidden in the background with my back to the camera as well:

    Here’s how Ricky Gervais portrayed it in Extras (watch the first minute):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skmwwHS4iR8

    I can beat Ricky on this one though. Back when I was still living in Adelaide, I was an extra in an episode of Nine’s “McLeod’s Daughters”. The whole scene was cut.

    6. Well, it’s a good place to start.

    No. No it’s not.

    You will never ever be promoted to “star” from purely doing work as an extra. The best you can hope for is more extra work. And the occasional screen shot (see above).

    But no Hollywood director is going to watch the show, notice you miming in the background and say, “Wow, look at that out of focus guy pretending to drink a coffee! He’s perfect for the lead in my next picture!”

    Still, it is a bit of a laugh. And I’ll happily pretend to drink coffee out of focus in the background for $25 an hour again, if and when the time calls for it.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Extra special.

  • Lights Camera Maction! Ep 1

    Check out TV & Radio’s Sam Mac’s new webseries “Lights Camera Maction”, as it makes its glorious Internet debut!

    Episode #1 guest stars TV’s Peter Helliar. And more importantly… ME! In a regular segment called “Stuff Girls Like”. It’s essentially just an excuse to be sexist, an opportunity that I rarely turn down. I’ll be alternating this segment with Alex Williamson, so he’ll be telling us about “stuff girls like” next time.

    Follow and “like” Lights Camera Maction on Facebook here.

    Special thanks to the lovely Minky Cooper for helping me out with some lipstick pointers, as well as Simon Eastwood for his amazing camera and competent operation.

    You’d never know that 37 second sketch took us about 4 hours to film. Getting the footage of the fire truck was the tricky part. We wandered around Melbourne looking for a fire station that was actually where Google Maps said it was, and when we finally found a fire station, there was no fire truck! We had to stake it out. Simon’s working on a short “making of” video, which will hopefully be online soon.

    Already working on the next one!

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    How could I not like a show with Devo’s “That’s Good” as it’s theme song?

  • The Magic Factory Podcast! 3SYN 90.7FM

    Yes finally!

    It’s been two weeks since Antonio Cafasso and I teamed up for a 7-hour straight graveyard broadcast on Melbourne’s SYN 90.7FM, and I’ve finally cut together the podcast.

    Now, I know you people are busy with your various “commitments” (work/family/various drug addictions/etc.) so I’ve created a “Best of The Magic Factory” podcast just for you, the listener on the go:

    The Magic Factory – BEST OF – Podcast  (66 mins)
    Featuring the best bits of David M. Green & Antonio Cafasso’s graveyard shift on 3SYN 90.7FM January 27-28 2011. Taylor’s Hill Tailors, Antonio’s weight loss job, David M. Green’s Songs to Have Sex to, live cross to Sam Mac in Perth, Shane Warne Soundboard Prank Calls, re-setting public transport, The Magic Factory Newsroom, fun with sound effects & Alan Jones clips, song intro challenge, Lorne Lawns & a live call from “Steve” at a Lilydale petrol station.

    But for the REAL fans, or if you just don’t have a life and you’d like to listen to the FULL podcast, you’re in luck!

    The complete The Magic Factory podcast can be downloaded below in three parts, for your convenience. Obviously the music has been removed, which reduces 7 hours to about 3 hours and 45 minutes.

    Perfect for any long drive (when, for some reason, you don’t want to listen to music). Alternatively, import them into your Grand Theft Auto PC game so you can listen to Antonio and me play wacky sound effects as you mow down hookers with an AK-47!

    The Magic Factory FULL Podcast PART #1 (72 mins)
    Taylor’s Hill Tailors, driving in Melbourne & dealing with VicRoads, Antonio’s weight loss job, David M. Green’s Songs to Have Sex to, live cross to Sam Mac in Perth, Shane Warne Soundboard Prank Calls,  re-setting public transport, Too Easy: The Webseries & DMG’s pen.

    The Magic Factory FULL Podcast PART #2 (72 mins)
    DMG’s adventures in commercial radio, The Magic Factory Newsroom, origins of the Alan Jones clips, horrible share-housing experiences, Peter Macinkovic calls in, DMG records some demo radio talkbreaks for Gold 104.3FM, song intro challenge, Antonio’s hilarious fart sounds, Lorne Lawns & Rove L.A.

    The Magic Factory FULL Podcast PART #3 (79 mins)
    Elaborately over-produced IDs, bed music samples, Adelaide v. Melbourne, more Alan Jones, DMG “picks up” at the cinema, texts from the listeners, David M. Green’s Songs to Have Sex to (reprise), DMG’s “31 Questions” TV game show pilot, a live call from “Steve” at a Lilydale petrol station, plans for the day, a chat with Nicholas Waxman from “Get Cereal” & a live call from “Jennifer”, some random listener.

    Overall a fantastic experience. Comedy on radio is a huge passion of mine and it was great to get back behind the panel. Although, I’m not jumping at the opportunity to do 7 hours straight again… This is us at 6AM…

    Although, a return to a regular hour slot is not out of the question. The question is where, who and when…

    Special thanks again to Antonio. You can hear from the clips we were genuinely having a great time. The laughter is real, I can assure you. That’s what makes great radio, in my opinion.

    Happy listening.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    I’m radioactive!

  • Tom’s employed. Now David M. Green wants a job!

    The image you see above is a photo of my bed, lined with 22 rejection letters, the majority of which I’ve received in the last 2 years.

    And don’t worry, I’m aware of the irony of so many examples of rejection placed at a location where I’m usually quite successful at getting jobs…

    This is of course not an accurate reflection of how many jobs I’ve applied for.

    The ABC recently changed their policy of sending rejection notices via mail, and now conduct their rejections via email, putting them in line with most of society.

    Well, I say “most” but then again, commercial radio and TV stations rarely get back to me at all. It was a very rare occasion the other week when I received two letters from commercial radio station jobs I’d recently applied for.

    Not only that, but they both had signatures written with an actual pen, not some xeroxed mass produced rejection template… So a genuine thank you to K-Rock Geelong and ZooFM Dubbo for taking the time to personally respond.

    Once in a blue moon will I actually receive a phone call. Those are usually reserved for occasions where I’ve actually made it to an interview.

    So here’s the situation folks…

    I’ve finished my graduate diploma in journalism (with distinction!) from RMIT University. I would like to stay in, or at least close to Melbourne, because there is a high probability that I’ll be hosting a TV game show on Channel 31 in early 2011. And I just can’t miss this opportunity.

    But in the mean time, I have a strange craving to WORK. I would like a job, preferably in the field of media. Radio or TV ideally. Wouldn’t say no to a job in print at this point. Doesn’t have to be journalism related. I may or may not have mentioned on this website that I’m also a comedian… And a producer for that matter.

    Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green

    PS. Probably my favourite rejection letter in the above photo is the one I got in 2008 from RMIT University, rejecting my application for the journalism degree I’ve just completed (with distinction).

  • The Glamorous World of Television

    Hello!

    It’s been quite a turbulent month. I’ll start this blog entry with some words of wisdom from my first hand personal experience, for anyone with an interest in joining the hideous bitch goddess that is, “show biz”:

    1. Don’t ever write a review.

    Just don’t do it. Unless you want to write reviews for a living. Or, if you feel you must write a review, don’t write a bad review. Even more specifically, don’t ever write a review of someone you may have to work with in the future. Even if it’s not a bad review, I’d say best to avoid it all together and keep your opinions to yourself. And be wary of fragile egos. But of course, if you want to be the next David Stratton, then go nuts! You might want to grow a beard too.

    2. Don’t under-estimate the power of the telephone.

    90% of people won’t pick up the phone and call someone if there’s a problem. They’ll prefer a passive-aggressive email, or even worse, a text message. Leave those forms of communication where they belong, in the bedroom. If you want to get things done, pick up the phone. It’s instant. It’s intimidating. All the celebrities are doing it.

    3. Be nice to everyone, but don’t take any crap from anyone. (Thanks for that one Dad!)

    You’ve got to be nice to people. Even if they’re not nice back, make sure you can always say you treated them with respect first. But of course, there are always going to be incompetent people in this industry who will try to take advantage of you. Work out where your limits are. If they start pushing you a bit too far, ask yourself if you’re content to put up with that forever? If someone’s outta line, tell it to ’em straight. And don’t swear at anyone. Ever. It’s unprofessional. Stick to legitimate comments. For example, call them unprofessional! However, most likely you won’t be in the position of power, so be prepared to eat dirt for a while until the incompetence and unprofessionalism of others catches up to them.

    4. Get in with the crew.

    Television (and films) generally have large crews. Crew people are the best people. They get the job done and without them, it wouldn’t be TV. It’d be someone posting a video blog on YouTube. Help out with the crew. Put in the hard yards with them and you’ll get respect. From everyone. And for the love of God… Don’t f*** with their equipment!

    5. Not everyone likes critical feedback and constructive criticism.

    I love it myself. However, unless someone asks you two or three times for critical feedback, don’t give it to them. ESPECIALLY if you don’t know them! Remember, fragile egos in this biz.

    6. Don’t believe everything everyone says.

    A lot of people will make a lot of wild promises. Don’t count on all of them coming through. Unless the contact is in your hands and they’re asking for your signature, assume there’s only a slight chance of it actually happening.

    These are just a few things that may or may not have any relevance to recent events in my life… And now for an update on what I’m up to:

    Catalyst
    Read a condensed transcript of my interview with Tim Vine in edition 3 of RMIT’s Catalyst Magazine. Hard copies available from the various Melbourne campuses. There doesn’t seem to be an online copy, but you may as well just listen to the audio version right here. No plans to write anything else soon (especially any reviews!).

    RMITV
    I’m very excited to be helping out on “Late Night Tonight” this week. It’s a parody of a late night talk show. I’ll be operating camera two, presumably pointing it at host Michael Lanzer (Channel 31’s “The Inquiry”).

    I was previously going to be involved with “Studio A”. However that doesn’t appear to be happening any more. Particularly disappointing considering that show alone was one of the big selling points of moving to Melbourne. On the other hand, it didn’t look like I would have had much creative input as “script editor”. But anyway, I wish them all the best. They’re okay.

    Recent events and pep-talks from certain individuals have encouraged me to use my time in Melbourne and access to RMIT’s fabulous student television facilities wisely. After all, as much as I’d love to stay in Melbourne, it will all come down to where the jobs are at the end of the year. So my good friend Lachlan Cowlishaw and myself are going to make our own comedy show pilot. A 22-minute show incorporating single camera sketches and multi-camera studio pieces. Hey! Why not? That’ll be a goal for the year. Get that done. If nothing else, hopefully we’ll be able to say we made something funny and put it on the Internet. I can also confirm right now that at the request of Mr Nick Godfrey, the show WILL have a puppet.

    Stand-up
    I’m doing stand-up at The Comic’s Lounge on fabulous Errol Street, North Melbourne this evening. 8:30pm. Feel free to come along. It’ll be the first time I’ve done it in Melbourne. I can get five people in for free so let me know if you want in.

    Too Easy
    Yes, the webseries I filmed with Alex “Shooter” Willamson back in January is just about edited and the first two episodes will hopefully be online within the next few days, closely followed by the four other episodes of Season 1.

    Radio
    I’ve completed the compulsory training that one requires if one is to be a broadcaster at SYN, RMIT’s student radio station. I tried to get out of it, but ironically it was easier to get on-air via this 4-week training course, as opposed to simply providing a link to this website with my 100+ hours of radio experience. The facilities are lacking a decent soundboard/cart-rack programme to play sound effects, so I’m on the lookout for a version for my laptop. If anyone has any software options they can suggest I’d love to hear them. Hopefully get back on-air sometime soon, even if it’s just a graveyard 2am-6am one just for fun. Any excuse to subject others to obscure ’80s New Wave music!

    Voice-Over
    I recently did a voice-over for Riverside Plaza, Queanbeyan. So if you live in the A.C.T. and would like to hear my best David Attenborough impression, tune in on Mix106.3. Special thanks to Radio’s Michael Princi for that one.

    And that video game I did some voices for back in December has finally been released. Download “Sunset Studio – Behind the Scenes!” from this link right here. I’m not sure where exactly my voice appears in the game but I do know it’s the “science-fiction movie scene”. I’m eager to see/hear it myself! If anyone makes it that far into the game PLEASE let me know!

    Miscellaneous
    In other news I’m coming back to Adelaide for 2 weeks! I’ll be there from June 24 to July 8. It’ll be great to see the ol’ gang again. I’ll probably have a gathering in the city to catch up with everyone en mass in one big burst of socialisation. But if you want to book in a lunch or something, just give me a dial.

    Anyway, must tend to my life. Excuse me.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Can’t wait for DEVO’s first new album since 1990! “Something for Everybody” comes out next week!