Hey I wrote this for Mad as Hell.
-DMG
Category: Idiots
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Tips for Citizen Journalists… with Chelsea.
This is a radio sketch I made for SYN a couple of years ago, using clips from ACTUAL news bulletins broadcast on Adelaide’s Fresh 92.7FM circa December 2008 – January 2009.
At the insistence of my good friend Van Badham, I knocked up this visual version using stock footage from some American educational film about the 1956 Interstate Highways Act.
If you know anything about news or journalism, you should enjoy this.
Kind regards,
David M. Green
Chelsea, you’ve done it again! -
The idiots. They walk among us…
People are idiots. Evidence as follows:
Fine coffee. Appalling punctuation.
Every week I see menus with shocking spelling. Now would be the time your usual bad-grammar-blogger would mock the “Chinglish” found at Asian restaurants, but hey, how about a little class?
Let’s make fun of Italians!
Spot the mistakes:
Assuming you ignore the capital letters, did you spot all of these:
These are printed menus, by the way… What a joke!
I was at a Williamstown ice-creamery recently. Take a gander at their Licorice Licks:
It’s the flavour that demands followers!
Now for some numerical idiocy:
That 8 looks a little top-heavy…
And finally, ha-ha-have a look at this sign:
Wait a minute… let’s have a closer look…
Yes, who could forget one of Melbourne’s favourite beach-side suburbs… Bondi.
WHAA!?!
Unless by “made” they mean “post-produced”, I’m pretty sure Bondi Vet is made in Sydney.
Maybe they mean the SIGN was made in Melbourne?
People, aye? No freaking idea.
Kind regards,
David M. Green
Sure, everyone makes mistakes, but JESUS! -
You thought Tiger Airways was incompetent…
On one of my frequent trips to Coburg’s fabulous Sydney Road (on a quest for some new tea towels) I dropped by one of those dirt cheap discount shops – you know, the ones over-stocked with Southeast Asian merchandise – when I came across this gem:
Oooh… The “Aerobus”!
But wait… That’s clearly an Airbus A380 inside. Even if you chalk the missing under-wing engine to creative license (The A380 has two engines on each wing), it’s clearly presented in A380 livery.
But hang on… I’m confused?
Why is it labeled as “Aerobus” if it’s an Airbus?
And take a closer look at that silhouette. That doesn’t look like an Airbus. Maybe it’s one of these “Aerobuses” I’ve heard so much about?
Or maybe it’s a silhouette of THIS plane, which is on the opposite corner of the box:
Ah yes, the Boeing 787 Dreamliner. Of course. And this is related to the “Aerobus” how? Well, it’s a plane, I guess.
Sure, it’s a different model of plane, and sure, it’s produced by a different manufacturer. But all planes are the same, right?
According to “Aerobus”, these are some fine qualities you should look for in an aircraft:
Frequent Flyer
If they’re referring to the aircraft, I suppose this is a good thing. Yes, the “Aerobus” does frequently fly.Real Comfort
Fantastic! I’m so over other airlines “unreal” comfort with their virtual seats and imaginary in-flight entertainment systems.Chief Efficient
Well that’s lovely.Science Refreshed
Why, who on Earth would want science that’s gone way past its use-by date? I’m sure the “Aerobus” corporation wouldn’t accept any aerospace engineering that had been out of the fridge for more than a couple of days.They’re really selling their plane on comfort:
Am I to understand one can actually walk around, take a seat, relax, feel the “speace” AND enjoy the comfort?
What is this, a PLANE FOR ANTS!?!
It’s a toy! You can’t take a seat in it! For one, there are no seats in it! IT’S JUST A PLASTIC SHELL!
The only comfort you’ll get from this model plane is if you’re one of those people who enjoys inserting things into yourself… Would that mean you qualify for the Mile High Club?
This reminds me of that Simpsons episode where Mr Burns designs the “Spruce Moose”, a plane that can “fly 200 passengers from New York’s Idlewild Airport to the Belgian Congo in 17 minutes!”
Mr Burns attempts to force Smithers at gunpoint into the plane, which is only a model, probably smaller than the “Aerobus” above.
So in conclusion, people are idiots.
Still, could be worse. It could say “Tiger Airways” on the side.
Kind regards,
David M. Green
No complaints about their selection of tea towels though.
