David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Category: Melbourne

  • Tom’s employed. Now David M. Green wants a job!

    The image you see above is a photo of my bed, lined with 22 rejection letters, the majority of which I’ve received in the last 2 years.

    And don’t worry, I’m aware of the irony of so many examples of rejection placed at a location where I’m usually quite successful at getting jobs…

    This is of course not an accurate reflection of how many jobs I’ve applied for.

    The ABC recently changed their policy of sending rejection notices via mail, and now conduct their rejections via email, putting them in line with most of society.

    Well, I say “most” but then again, commercial radio and TV stations rarely get back to me at all. It was a very rare occasion the other week when I received two letters from commercial radio station jobs I’d recently applied for.

    Not only that, but they both had signatures written with an actual pen, not some xeroxed mass produced rejection template… So a genuine thank you to K-Rock Geelong and ZooFM Dubbo for taking the time to personally respond.

    Once in a blue moon will I actually receive a phone call. Those are usually reserved for occasions where I’ve actually made it to an interview.

    So here’s the situation folks…

    I’ve finished my graduate diploma in journalism (with distinction!) from RMIT University. I would like to stay in, or at least close to Melbourne, because there is a high probability that I’ll be hosting a TV game show on Channel 31 in early 2011. And I just can’t miss this opportunity.

    But in the mean time, I have a strange craving to WORK. I would like a job, preferably in the field of media. Radio or TV ideally. Wouldn’t say no to a job in print at this point. Doesn’t have to be journalism related. I may or may not have mentioned on this website that I’m also a comedian… And a producer for that matter.

    Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green

    PS. Probably my favourite rejection letter in the above photo is the one I got in 2008 from RMIT University, rejecting my application for the journalism degree I’ve just completed (with distinction).

  • 31 Questions: The TV game show pilot!

    About 4 months ago a conversation took place in RMIT University’s Studio A on the set of Channel 31 Melbourne’s “Tough Times”.

    I was sitting on the couch, providing my pale skin for the guys in the control room to configure the flesh tones. Fellow crew member Simon Eastwood was hanging around, talking to Eliza Beck (who later became RMITV General Manager). The conversation went something like this:

    Simon – “I want to make a TV show.”
    Eliza – “What sort of show?”
    Simon – “I don’t know, maybe a game show? Hey Dave, you wanna help me make a game show?”
    Me – “Can I host it?”
    Simon – “Sure.”
    Me – “Yeah!”

    So Simon would be producer/director, and I would be host/writer/executive producer. Essentially I would handle the content, and Simon would handle the technical and organisational side. And thank god, because no one ever wants to do that crap.

    And after more paperwork that I would have liked to worry about, Simon and I had a meeting with RMITV programming manager Naomi Davis. Basically our pitch was: “Channel 31 doesn’t have any game shows”. And we were quite quickly given the green light to make a pilot!

    “31 Questions” will be a standard quiz show with a youth/pop culture focus, a bit like Sale of the Century mixed with Spicks and Specks, Talkin’ Bout Your Generation and Vidiot (I loved that show in the mid ’90s!).

    In preparation for my new role as host, I’ve been researching famous game show hosts of the past. I’m sure there’s a few pointers I can pick up from this guy…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TRBwKFfJv4

    Jeeze… what a creep!

    Joining me on the show will be the show’s moderator Lachlan Cowlishaw, and our glamorous assistant Minky Cooper, currently the Monday host of 1700 on Channel 31.

    So we are filming the pilot for “31 Questions” the evening of Thursday 25 November 2010. If you live in Melbourne and would like to be in the studio audience, details are available on this Facebook event page.

    See you then!

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Man am I looking forward to this!

  • Hey kids, get a job like me!

    At the risk of exposing myself to green screen-related graphical editing tomfoolery… allow me to fill you in on my recent fantastic experience as a professional writer and presenter for Video Educational Australasia.

    A few months ago, I auditioned at VEA as a presenter. I happen to casually mention I was also a writer. I didn’t think much of it, until several weeks later when I was offered a gig as a writer for an educational video they were making, ironically called “How will this help me get a job?” And of course I jumped on the idea.

    The video is aimed at high school students and discusses several skills employers look for when they’re hiring people. I had to write several scenes demonstrating those skills, eg. communication, team work, etc. And best of all, I could be funny! So I had a great time coming up with scenes (sketches, if you will) emphasising the importance of each skill.

    VEA cast three young actors to play three young people on the verge of entering the workforce. The talented Lisa Marie Shaw, Aldi Godjali and Rhys Thomas. I also wrote in a role for a presenter, which I was lucky enough to land myself.

    Here we all are:

    The video was shot in a day and a half. One full day for the three actors to film the scenes, and one half day for myself to film the intros and summaries for each chapter of the 20 minute video.

    I stopped by VEA’s Fitzroy studio on Tuesday to experience the novelty of complete strangers reading lines I wrote and acting out scenes I created…

    In case you’re colour blind, the whole thing was shot in front of a green screen. Backgrounds will be added later digitally (as it’s cheaper that filming on a real tropical island!).

    Coincidentally, I happened to know the boom operator, Elliott Klein. We both worked on the pilot for Channel 31’s “Late Night Tonight” with TV’s Michael Lanzer.

    Industry contacts: one of the best things, if not THE best thing, about becoming a member of RMITV student television.

    This was another special moment for me, as it was the first time I’d held a boom…

    Hehehe… booms are great!

    Hey, remember my advice earlier this year borne from one of my uglier experiences in student television? Well let me remind you… if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, get in with the crew! It makes for a much better working atmosphere:

    Someone feel free to add a beach background for that photo. Or a volcano or something. That’d be pretty cool…

    So that about wrapped it up for Day 1. Unfortunately due to another VEA production, the camera was due somewhere else by 10am Wednesday. So we all got to the studio at 6AM in order to get my presenting parts recorded. 6AM!?! Jeeze…

    I can’t seem to get to bed early, even if I know I have to be up before dawn. So I finally managed to get to sleep around my usual time of 1:30am. I was on three and a half hours sleep for this.

    Also, they didn’t have a teleprompter for me, so I had to memorise these quite wordy spiels. And some of what I originally wrote had been altered by VEA’s advisers to ensure the educational elements were on message. This was a challenge, but by God it was fun!

    Most of my presentation pieces were filmed at and around “my” desk. I’m sort of an arrogant boss-type character, laying down the employment wisdom on the young folk.

    Unlike when I was a sports correspondent on Channel 31’s “Newsline”, on this occasion my wandering eye brows were permitted, even encouraged, by director Bryce McNamara!

    We wrapped by about 10:45am. I went home and crashed on my bed. I fell asleep in my suit (I even still had my shoes on).

    At about 5pm I woke up and got ready for my weekly quiz night down at The Peacock Hotel in Northcote. After that nap, I was surprisingly refreshed. Turned out to be a good night too.

    All up, a fantastic day of working in show biz!

    So look out on the VEA website for “How will this help me get a job?” Funnily enough, with the project done, I’m back to looking for work…

    I’d recommend you purchase a copy. You might find a few subtle David M. Green-related references buried in the script…

    Special thanks to Anoar Ahmed for giving me this incredible opportunity. And thanks to Bryce and the rest of the cast and crew. It was truly a pleasure to work with you all.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    I still can’t believe I was paid to do that!

  • Adelaideans reading the news on Melbourne’s 3RRR

    Greetings!

    Just yesterday I handed in my final assignment, thus completing my post-graduate diploma of journalism at RMIT University!

    This month has been incredibly busy. As if getting my major uni assignments in on time wasn’t enough, I also started two new jobs (Quiz Meisters Trivia host, plus a job writing for VEA, but more about that later); we got a new real estate agent (throwing my share-housing situation into uncertainty); plus I’ve been making arrangements for my work placement with WIN TV in Ballarat next week.

    But I wanted to make a special blog entry about my recent experience reading the radio news on Melbourne’s RRR. We had to do this as part of the radio journalism subject at uni and I’ve gotta say, I absolutely LOVED it! It was a lot of fun.

    We were put into groups of four. Coincidentally, I was paired with Bec Puddy and Ben Hagemann, both former Adelaideans (like myself). We were also joined by the lovely Maddy Maung.

    We arrived at RMIT University’s Swanston Street radio studios in Building 6 at 8am. We then wrote the news, recorded phone interviews for grab stories and recorded a voice-report or two, before reading the news live to air at midday, via some sort of link to the RRR Studios in Brunswick. Each team got to do it twice.

    Here are the highlights from our team’s days:

    It was great! There was an unofficial contest going between teams to see who could get the biggest person to give a quote. I myself managed to get Fiona Pattern, president of the Australian Sex Party. On the second day, Ben got the Chilean ambassador to Australia. One of the other groups got Tony Windsor. I think the winner goes to whichever team got the East Timor opposition leader. Well done… jerks…

    Day one was probably more enjoyable for me, as I got to read the news and because it was a slow news day, there was more room for some funny stories, eg. “the sex lives of women 40+” and “toilet phones”. On the second day however, I was quite ill and really had to drag myself into the studio. Surprisingly, my throat held out long enough for me to record a voice-report. Luckily I made it in because Maddy was sick as well, and without me it would have just been Bec and Ben.

     

    This was actually the first time I’d ever read REAL news on the radio. And thank God I enjoyed it, because I was kinda banking on this when I decided to come to Melbourne to study journalism. I could certainly see myself doing this everyday.

    Of course the reality of a REAL radio news room would probably involve half as many people, and instead of spending four hours preparing for one five-minute bulletin, you’d probably be doing them every half hour, possibly for two different radio stations…

    But hey, bring it on!

    As for the next challenge, I’m off to Ballarat for a week of work experience with the WIN TV News team!

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    That is one sweet-arse panel they’ve got in the RMIT studio.

  • David M. Green: Quiz Meister.

    Greetings!

    My blog postings are getting more infrequent as I race towards the end of my post-grad diploma of journalism at RMIT University… Needless to say I’m doing a lot of writing.

    But I’ve also had a couple of recent employment opportunities. I’m now hosting a weekly quiz night for Quiz Meisters Trivia every Wednesday at the fabulous Peacock Hotel in Northcote!

    I’ve been doing it for 3 weeks now. Starting to get the hang of the technical side. Thankfully my months of panel-operation at SAFM have not completely vacated my brain.

    As for the “hosting” part, it’s incredible fun. Unlike stand-up, where people expect me to be funny, the crowd really just want the questions. Head office sends me the questions and I put them to the teams. There are also DVD questions and mini-games throughout the night with free jugs of beer for the winners.

    In just three quiz nights I’ve now got more stage time as an MC than I do as a stand-up comedian. I think I prefer this sort of thing, to be honest. With this I’ve got something to do. There’s a reason for me being there, other than just make people laugh (who don’t always want to hear it). I can’t remember half the comments I make in between questions, but apparently I’m good at it? So people tell me…

    I think my “live” public speaking has really improved in the last year. I couldn’t imagine myself doing this sort of thing a couple of years ago, with no script. When I first started radio, everything was scripted. It gradually became less so, of course, but getting up in front of a crowd at a pub, asking some questions and ad libbing would have scared the crap out of the younger, more uptight me.

    The first time I ever MC-ed anything was back in 2006 when I was 19 and I hosted the Marion Youth Council Advisory Committee’s “Sounds of Summer ’06” live music… thingy at the Marion Swimming Centre. And that was awful. Bunch of idiot teenage guitar bands. Plus the people who wanted to see them, instead wanted to throw sausages at me!

    But now, I have to say, I absolutely love it. It puts me in such a good mood (especially when it goes well, like it did this week!). And it’s great fun for everyone.

    Last weekend I went back to Adelaide for my cousin Julia’s wedding. They asked me to be the MC at the reception. I don’t think I would have agreed to do it before joining Quiz Meisters. I was a little shaky at first but got better as the night went on. Made a couple of good gags. It turned out to be a pretty fun night. Congratulations again, by the way, to Julia and Peter.

    It was also great to catch up with some of the Adelaide gang. Here are a couple of photos from my trip that need no introduction:

    Yes… So if you live in the north-eastern suburbs of Melbourne and have nothing better to do on a Wednesday night, why not come on over to the Peacock Hotel and ruin my photos like these fine people:

    It’s free to play and there are literally fabulous prizes to be won!

    Hope to see you there.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Oh yes, and I bought more turtle necks!