David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Category: photos

  • December in Adelaide Part 1 (with medicine!)

    On December 2nd, I jetted back to Adelaide for 10 days of R&R. And I tell ya, a week and a bit of driving a car with the ’80s new wave music blasting; long lunches at Subway, taking advantage of the plentiful booth seating and free soft drink refills (regardless of which size drink you order… I’m looking at YOU Melbourne subway restaurants…); walking around Seacliff, Glenelg, Blackwood and the CBD; and just hangin’ out with old friends is just what I needed!

    I swore I wouldn’t become one of these Adelaide ex-pats, who go on and on in a culturally cringe-worthy manor about all things SA; Stobey Poles, frog cakes, Farmer’s Union Iced Coffees and the like. But to be honest, seeing all these things again was quite comforting. Adelaide is my home town, and it seems only now that I’m no longer a resident, but rather a visitor, that I’m starting to appreciate it.

    Don’t get me wrong, I prefer to LIVE in Melbourne. But it is good to get away from the hustle and bustle once in a while and reconnect with my roots. Keep it real, if you will.

    I made sure to take advantage of my good friend Tim Wray’s generosity and access to hospital attire, and caught a refurbished 3000 Class train to the beautiful Adelaide Oval for Day 4 of The Ashes 2nd cricket test (England vs Australia).

    We were going for a “we’ve just left a patient on the operating table for a minute to attend the cricket” kinda look. It’s that sort of line between cricket tragic and malpractice minefield that makes a true sports fan.

    We may have looked a bit silly, but when the rain came, turned out the scrubs were waterproof, so that was a plus.

    Here’s a quick video I shot. You can hear the Barmy Army singing Joy Division:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gydXVld_KoE

    Also, at one point the camera guys took a break from filming the guy with the bow tie and the horse head (I think his name is Alcopop?) and put US on the big screen! I don’t believe we were broadcast on TV though.

    I particularly like this photo. With the light tower, it sort of looks like we’re performing surgery on someone, from the patient’s perspective… and maybe we were?

    Speaking of healthcare, I also took the opportunity while I was in town to donate some more of my blood. I went with my sister Hannah to the Pirie Street Red Cross, purveyors of fine bloods. It was her first time. It was my 2nd. Both extractions went off without a stich… hitch… And good news for me: No HIV!

    I also caught up with Radio’s Alex Williamson and Nick Godfrey to discuss filming some more Too Easy episodes. I’m going back to Adelaide for a week over Christmas. We’re planning on filming 3, possibly 4 new episodes. And there’s a couple of big names who might just be making a surprise guest appearance… Billy Joel as Toby’s long lost jazz piano-playing half-brother? Florence Henderson as Adrian’s Brady Bunch-esque Step-Mother? Josh Thomas for no reason? Or… BOMBSHELL! Toby has a daughter?!?

    Stay tuned…

    I’m back in Melbourne now for my RMIT graduation ceremony. Then it’s back to Adelaide for Christmas. Talk to you all again soon.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    And that’s where babies come from… The Internet.

  • 31 Questions: Making a TV Pilot.

    I fulfilled another life-long dream on Thursday. I hosted a TV show.

    Although it’s not what I envisioned when I moved to Melbourne – hosting a TV game show – filming the pilot for “31 Questions” on Thursday was certainly one of the highlights of my entertainment career.

    This was my first opportunity to combine the host/writer roles for television. I’ve previously combined these roles for radio and YouTube, but this was essentially the first time I’ve been able to present my own material in my own style in a TV setting, which was absolutely fantastic. A very rare opportunity indeed.

    The first thing you’ve no doubt noticed is my zany jacket:

    I came up with the idea for the jacket before any of the segments. Let’s face it, the jacket is essentially the show. 31 Questions co-creator (& producer/director) Simon Eastwood and I found a beautiful silver jacket for $40 at Arthur Daley’s Clearance House on Swanston Street. And it fit perfectly. We couldn’t believe it. Then we ruined it by covering it with question marks.

    When I arrived on Thursday and saw the jacket in its “questionable” form for the first time, I thought the idea looked better in my imagination. It looked pretty crappy. But when it’s on TV it actually looks pretty good. Thank Christ. The miracle of television! And thanks to Simon and his sister for staying up til 6am the day of the pilot, sewing on the ?’s.

    Simon did a fantastic job. There’s so much to organise to film a TV show. And as it was the pilot, there were a few bugs we had to iron out. It turned out the questions were a little bit hard, and there weren’t enough of them, so we were under-time by about  8 minutes!

    I had to go and write some more questions, which we then filmed. And somehow Simon’s going to edit those extra questions into the show. Hehehe… Jeeze thank God I’m not doing that. It messed up the scores as well, so the guys in the control room had to watch back the tape to work out who won.

    This shot pretty much sums up how we felt at that moment:

    Joining me on camera was my good friend Lachlan Cowlishaw, acting as the show’s moderator. The idea was we were going to do some back and forth gag banter in between questions, but because we didn’t have enough cameras, whenever we wanted to do that we had to do it as a “pick-up”.

    That means we shot the whole segment, then at the end, repositioned the cameras so Lachlan and I could talk. But by that stage we’d lost the flow and weren’t quite sure what we were supposed to be doing.

    Not to worry. Simon’s worked out how to film this in a better way if the pilot gets picked up for a series. Likewise, Lachlan and myself will try to be funnier.

    It’s a good format for comedy though. We had a lot of fun with the questions and there’s plenty of room for gags and sketches, despite labelling it as a “game show”. Technically it’s “light entertainment”.

    All those years of reading scripted gags for my radio shows and trying to make it sound like I’m not reading from a script paid off. Turns out that skill is immediately transferable to reading scripted gags off an autocue.

    And an excellent job of operating the autocue by Emma Halfpenny. Thank you so much. Without your perfectly timed finger, I would have completely stuffed up my jokes!

    You’re worth your name in coins, which isn’t actually that much. Seriously, nice work.

    Thank you also to my glamorous assistant, Minky Cooper, keeping track of the scores. A particularly difficult job considering adding in the extra questions completely screwed up the scoring sequence.

    And we couldn’t have done it without the crew. I’ve said it many times before: crew people are the best people. Being the pilot, it was a bit of a shambles, and our studio booking ran overtime by about half an hour. A lot of people were there from 2pm until 10:30pm, all for no money.

    Everyone conducted themselves very professionally. I’m sorry I didn’t get to hang out with you all more and have a few laughs on the side. I didn’t even get to say thank you too each of you in person. I was pretty focused on the show. I think if we’re approved for a series, we’ll get our act together and have much more time for goofing around.

    Thank you all so much.

    And special thanks to the show’s inaugural contestants, Andrew and Carley. Thanks for being such good sports…

    I have very high standards for myself. I’m happy with how the pilot went. I think with editing it’ll look good. But I also think that we can make it a whole lot better.

    Practice makes perfect. Looking back at my old radio shows, whenever I started a new show they didn’t start getting good until about show 3 or 4. TV is a lot more complicated and labour-intensive than radio. And we were very fortunate to get such a great looking set for essentially no money. That’s half the battle right there.

    Simon and I have already worked out half a dozen ways to make the show better if we get approved for a series. Hopefully RMITV and Channel 31 will give us a chance.

    It was a goal of mine this year to move to Melbourne and make a TV show. I did it. And I’m happy. Now to do it again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again…

    Kind regards,
    TV’s David M. Green
    Thanks also to Olav Dias for taking some amazing photos. His ones are the 500×333 ones above (ie. the good ones).

  • Hey kids, get a job like me!

    At the risk of exposing myself to green screen-related graphical editing tomfoolery… allow me to fill you in on my recent fantastic experience as a professional writer and presenter for Video Educational Australasia.

    A few months ago, I auditioned at VEA as a presenter. I happen to casually mention I was also a writer. I didn’t think much of it, until several weeks later when I was offered a gig as a writer for an educational video they were making, ironically called “How will this help me get a job?” And of course I jumped on the idea.

    The video is aimed at high school students and discusses several skills employers look for when they’re hiring people. I had to write several scenes demonstrating those skills, eg. communication, team work, etc. And best of all, I could be funny! So I had a great time coming up with scenes (sketches, if you will) emphasising the importance of each skill.

    VEA cast three young actors to play three young people on the verge of entering the workforce. The talented Lisa Marie Shaw, Aldi Godjali and Rhys Thomas. I also wrote in a role for a presenter, which I was lucky enough to land myself.

    Here we all are:

    The video was shot in a day and a half. One full day for the three actors to film the scenes, and one half day for myself to film the intros and summaries for each chapter of the 20 minute video.

    I stopped by VEA’s Fitzroy studio on Tuesday to experience the novelty of complete strangers reading lines I wrote and acting out scenes I created…

    In case you’re colour blind, the whole thing was shot in front of a green screen. Backgrounds will be added later digitally (as it’s cheaper that filming on a real tropical island!).

    Coincidentally, I happened to know the boom operator, Elliott Klein. We both worked on the pilot for Channel 31’s “Late Night Tonight” with TV’s Michael Lanzer.

    Industry contacts: one of the best things, if not THE best thing, about becoming a member of RMITV student television.

    This was another special moment for me, as it was the first time I’d held a boom…

    Hehehe… booms are great!

    Hey, remember my advice earlier this year borne from one of my uglier experiences in student television? Well let me remind you… if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, get in with the crew! It makes for a much better working atmosphere:

    Someone feel free to add a beach background for that photo. Or a volcano or something. That’d be pretty cool…

    So that about wrapped it up for Day 1. Unfortunately due to another VEA production, the camera was due somewhere else by 10am Wednesday. So we all got to the studio at 6AM in order to get my presenting parts recorded. 6AM!?! Jeeze…

    I can’t seem to get to bed early, even if I know I have to be up before dawn. So I finally managed to get to sleep around my usual time of 1:30am. I was on three and a half hours sleep for this.

    Also, they didn’t have a teleprompter for me, so I had to memorise these quite wordy spiels. And some of what I originally wrote had been altered by VEA’s advisers to ensure the educational elements were on message. This was a challenge, but by God it was fun!

    Most of my presentation pieces were filmed at and around “my” desk. I’m sort of an arrogant boss-type character, laying down the employment wisdom on the young folk.

    Unlike when I was a sports correspondent on Channel 31’s “Newsline”, on this occasion my wandering eye brows were permitted, even encouraged, by director Bryce McNamara!

    We wrapped by about 10:45am. I went home and crashed on my bed. I fell asleep in my suit (I even still had my shoes on).

    At about 5pm I woke up and got ready for my weekly quiz night down at The Peacock Hotel in Northcote. After that nap, I was surprisingly refreshed. Turned out to be a good night too.

    All up, a fantastic day of working in show biz!

    So look out on the VEA website for “How will this help me get a job?” Funnily enough, with the project done, I’m back to looking for work…

    I’d recommend you purchase a copy. You might find a few subtle David M. Green-related references buried in the script…

    Special thanks to Anoar Ahmed for giving me this incredible opportunity. And thanks to Bryce and the rest of the cast and crew. It was truly a pleasure to work with you all.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    I still can’t believe I was paid to do that!

  • Adelaideans reading the news on Melbourne’s 3RRR

    Greetings!

    Just yesterday I handed in my final assignment, thus completing my post-graduate diploma of journalism at RMIT University!

    This month has been incredibly busy. As if getting my major uni assignments in on time wasn’t enough, I also started two new jobs (Quiz Meisters Trivia host, plus a job writing for VEA, but more about that later); we got a new real estate agent (throwing my share-housing situation into uncertainty); plus I’ve been making arrangements for my work placement with WIN TV in Ballarat next week.

    But I wanted to make a special blog entry about my recent experience reading the radio news on Melbourne’s RRR. We had to do this as part of the radio journalism subject at uni and I’ve gotta say, I absolutely LOVED it! It was a lot of fun.

    We were put into groups of four. Coincidentally, I was paired with Bec Puddy and Ben Hagemann, both former Adelaideans (like myself). We were also joined by the lovely Maddy Maung.

    We arrived at RMIT University’s Swanston Street radio studios in Building 6 at 8am. We then wrote the news, recorded phone interviews for grab stories and recorded a voice-report or two, before reading the news live to air at midday, via some sort of link to the RRR Studios in Brunswick. Each team got to do it twice.

    Here are the highlights from our team’s days:

    It was great! There was an unofficial contest going between teams to see who could get the biggest person to give a quote. I myself managed to get Fiona Pattern, president of the Australian Sex Party. On the second day, Ben got the Chilean ambassador to Australia. One of the other groups got Tony Windsor. I think the winner goes to whichever team got the East Timor opposition leader. Well done… jerks…

    Day one was probably more enjoyable for me, as I got to read the news and because it was a slow news day, there was more room for some funny stories, eg. “the sex lives of women 40+” and “toilet phones”. On the second day however, I was quite ill and really had to drag myself into the studio. Surprisingly, my throat held out long enough for me to record a voice-report. Luckily I made it in because Maddy was sick as well, and without me it would have just been Bec and Ben.

     

    This was actually the first time I’d ever read REAL news on the radio. And thank God I enjoyed it, because I was kinda banking on this when I decided to come to Melbourne to study journalism. I could certainly see myself doing this everyday.

    Of course the reality of a REAL radio news room would probably involve half as many people, and instead of spending four hours preparing for one five-minute bulletin, you’d probably be doing them every half hour, possibly for two different radio stations…

    But hey, bring it on!

    As for the next challenge, I’m off to Ballarat for a week of work experience with the WIN TV News team!

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    That is one sweet-arse panel they’ve got in the RMIT studio.

  • David M. Green: Quiz Meister.

    Greetings!

    My blog postings are getting more infrequent as I race towards the end of my post-grad diploma of journalism at RMIT University… Needless to say I’m doing a lot of writing.

    But I’ve also had a couple of recent employment opportunities. I’m now hosting a weekly quiz night for Quiz Meisters Trivia every Wednesday at the fabulous Peacock Hotel in Northcote!

    I’ve been doing it for 3 weeks now. Starting to get the hang of the technical side. Thankfully my months of panel-operation at SAFM have not completely vacated my brain.

    As for the “hosting” part, it’s incredible fun. Unlike stand-up, where people expect me to be funny, the crowd really just want the questions. Head office sends me the questions and I put them to the teams. There are also DVD questions and mini-games throughout the night with free jugs of beer for the winners.

    In just three quiz nights I’ve now got more stage time as an MC than I do as a stand-up comedian. I think I prefer this sort of thing, to be honest. With this I’ve got something to do. There’s a reason for me being there, other than just make people laugh (who don’t always want to hear it). I can’t remember half the comments I make in between questions, but apparently I’m good at it? So people tell me…

    I think my “live” public speaking has really improved in the last year. I couldn’t imagine myself doing this sort of thing a couple of years ago, with no script. When I first started radio, everything was scripted. It gradually became less so, of course, but getting up in front of a crowd at a pub, asking some questions and ad libbing would have scared the crap out of the younger, more uptight me.

    The first time I ever MC-ed anything was back in 2006 when I was 19 and I hosted the Marion Youth Council Advisory Committee’s “Sounds of Summer ’06” live music… thingy at the Marion Swimming Centre. And that was awful. Bunch of idiot teenage guitar bands. Plus the people who wanted to see them, instead wanted to throw sausages at me!

    But now, I have to say, I absolutely love it. It puts me in such a good mood (especially when it goes well, like it did this week!). And it’s great fun for everyone.

    Last weekend I went back to Adelaide for my cousin Julia’s wedding. They asked me to be the MC at the reception. I don’t think I would have agreed to do it before joining Quiz Meisters. I was a little shaky at first but got better as the night went on. Made a couple of good gags. It turned out to be a pretty fun night. Congratulations again, by the way, to Julia and Peter.

    It was also great to catch up with some of the Adelaide gang. Here are a couple of photos from my trip that need no introduction:

    Yes… So if you live in the north-eastern suburbs of Melbourne and have nothing better to do on a Wednesday night, why not come on over to the Peacock Hotel and ruin my photos like these fine people:

    It’s free to play and there are literally fabulous prizes to be won!

    Hope to see you there.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Oh yes, and I bought more turtle necks!