David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Category: photos

  • Sam Mac? Yes.

    It was a meeting of two former SAFM panel-operators at my house this week as Sam Mac came to visit, where he was immediately presented with a copy of “David M. Green: The Radio Adelaide Years” by the one and only (as is the custom with all visitors to Casa de Verde), the moment snapped up by his personal paparazzo (Tim Wray). Needless to say, Sam Mac couldn’t conceal his excitement, as can clearly be seen in the above photograph.

    But seriously, but still in a funny way, Radio’s Sam Mac took a bit of a risk by agreeing to team up with local sporting/comedy personality Alex “Shooter” Williamson and myself to film a sketch for no reason. Sam was in Adelaide for a few days, taking a well deserved break from hosting breakfast on Perth’s 92.9. Shooter and I were, naturally, doing nothing. The three of us actually got together December 23rd 2009 to film some stuff. Turned out pretty funny (I reckon, anyway). I thought we all meshed really well with each other. We met up again this week to take a look at a rough cut version of the sketch and to put the finishing touches on. So the good news for YOU is that the sketch in question, yet to be named (but heavily DMG-focused), will be appearing on the Internet for your viewing pleasure sometime very soon…

    In the mean time, here are a couple of still images (or stillies) with some cryptic clues and references to the somewhat anticipated up-coming Mac/Green/Williamson audio-visual creative debut:

    Okay, possibly a chair?

    Right, so something about music and chairs. Hmm… what COULD that possibly be? What are you, an idiot? It’s clearly to do with musical chairs… Jesus…

    So to quote Dutch street-fighting sensation Bas Rutten: Watch out for that. Very dangerous.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    For YOUR copy of “David M. Green: The Radio Adelaide Years” simply turn up unannounced at my house!

  • Newsflash: I’m moving to Melbourne!

    Hello!

    Well yes, as you can guess from the title of this blog, I have indeed reached that point that every young Adelaidean reaches when they realise they must leave. After much speculation I can now officially announce that I’ll be moving to Melbourne in mid-February to study a 1-year post graduate diploma in journalism at RMIT University. Hopefully this will give me some legitimate media skills that will make it harder for me to be replaced with a computer (ala my stint as a panel-operator at SAFM).

    But why go to Melbourne to do journalism? Can’t you do that in Adelaide? Good point and well made. Sure, I could do journalism at Uni SA’s fabulous Magill campus. But what would be the point? The radio elective practical is reading the news on Radio Adelaide. Whoop-dee-doo. I’ve already done 4 shows on Radio Adelaide, each with 13-week seasons, plus 27 weeks of  student radio. I want a new scene. I want a new audience. Melbourne’s where it’s at. And I do hope to make the most of my time there and do some more comedy, radio and possibly some TV. They have RMITV after all, where Rove and Hamish & Andy cut their teeth. I couldn’t recommend eating glass. Not even for a freak show segment…

    So the plan is to get over there, find a place to live, possibly some student-type accommodation, study journalism, find a new casual job, make new friends, continue writing comedy and recording sketches and voice-overs and basically live the dream. Piece of cake, right? It’s going to be a big life change, but it’s something I have to do. I’ve really enjoyed the last 2 years since I finished my behavioural science degree at Flinders University. I did some community radio, worked for SAFM, stopped working for SAFM, went back to community radio, dated a wonderful girl named Jemima, wrote a novel that no publisher is interested in, applied unsuccessfully for about 40 different radio jobs, somehow tricked Triple M into letting me and some friends make a once-off comedy show, waited by the phone as promise after promise failed to materialise and miraculously got probably the best casual job possible at the Palace Nova cinema. But I can’t keep doing this forever. I can’t keep mooching off my parents. I’m 22. I need to get a proper job. And there’s only one thing I want to do, and it ain’t working at a cinema full time. It’s radio. It’s comedy. It’s goofing off in front of a camera. Sure, journalism isn’t the definitive answer, but it’s a step in the right direction. I’d rather read the news at a country radio station or be a newspaper reporter than serve customers at the candy bar 40 hours a week. Something’s gotta give! And if it means getting a job as a journalist in order to support myself and pursuing comedy-related ventures on the side, then that’s the way it has to be. As Mr Mister said: Welcome to the Real World.

    So appreciate photos like the one above, because there will be less images of David M. Green with Stobie Poles orderly alined in the background. In 2010, I’m living in Melbourne.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Live in Melbourne? Be my friend! Reasonable prices.

  • He’ll have to give me my own Recording Studio…

    Hello!

    Frustrated by the lack of support I’ve received from the majority of Adelaide radio stations (community, commercial AND government), I loosened my extremely tight belt and forked out $254 for a decent microphone: The Zoom H2 Portable Audio Recorder.

    Since I began my love affair with radio and audio-based comedy circa 2006, I’ve never actually had my own microphone. I’ve always relied on the facilities of which ever radio station on which I was currently broadcasting, or at times resorting to sneaking into a station on which I was NOT broadcasting (Some of our recent Triple M show was recorded at Radio Adelaide! Funnily enough I think neither radio station wanted us on their property). But now… screw them! I’ll make my OWN DAMN RECORDINGS!

    Verdict: I LOVE this microphone! As these photographs clearly demonstrate:

    The Zoom H2 is incredibly versatile. I takes 2 AA batteries and it’s portable so I can record anywhere. It’s actually got 4 small microphones inside it, so it can record stereo in 2 different directions, allowing for surround sound recordings. I can hook it up to my PC using a USB cable and record directly into Adobe Audition, which is great because I’ve had a lot of trouble in the past with Vista and microphones. And I’ve finally solved the problem of recording straight off the sound card. Ever since I upgraded to Vista in 2007 I haven’t been able to record what’s playing through the speakers into Adobe Audition. Why would I need to do that, you ask? Sound effects for sketches. You can’t always download an audio file. Sometimes you can only stream it, or it’s in a weird format, or you want the audio from a video. With Windows XP I could just change a setting in Audition and press record and get an instant recording. With Vista they changed the “Windows Mixer” or something and it just didn’t work. But now I can use the Zoom H2 almost like a mini broadcast panel, and record onto the SD card from the computer speakers, and then copy the recording back onto my PC. And this is great that this has happened now, right at the start of my first summer in 4 years where I’m NOT doing a radio show!

    I have to admit, there’s no creative motivation like having 60 minutes of air time to fill every week. But even when I’m not doing a show I still get ideas for sketches and segments. I’m at my happiest writing, recording, editing and listening back to radio sketches. In that order, obviously… I mean, I’m hardly going to listen back to it before I’ve recorded it. So even though I’m not doing a show on radio this summer, I still plan to make some new sketches. I’ll still call them radio sketches, because that’s what they are. “Off-Air Radio Sketches,” if you will. So to kick off David M. Green’s “direct-to-Internet” summer of podcasting, please enjoy this sketch, which I did mainly simply to test out my new microphone…

    Sim City 2000 A Cappella

    Overlooking the appalling singing, I think the audio quality is excellent. It sounds like it was recorded at a radio station like all my other sketches. And apparently it’s not just me who thinks the same. I went to a music industry charity luncheon yesterday for the SALSA Debonairs, hosted by Radio’s David Day. To my total surprise, resting on the podium in front of him was a Zoom H2 recorder. The exact same model I’d just purchased. Not only that, another radio/production veteran, Greg Clarke, had one too! They’ve both had them for years, and I had no idea! I mean, I’ve already decided I like my Zoom H2 based purely on performance, but knowing that these two legends of the industry also use one confirms my suspicion that this was $254 well spent.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Unemployed radio comedian

  • Wake(field) in Fright

    But unlike the 1971 motion picture “Wake in Fright” starring Australia’s own Chips Rafferty, Tim and I did not slaughter kangaroos, nor did we drink ourselves to death while gambling our savings away on game after game of “2-up.” Instead, we had lunch in historic Port Wakefield, a mere 10km from the Australian Army’s “Proof and Experimental Establishment” where the recent weapons testing created a lovely cloud of fumes for the enjoyment of passers by:

    Hello, I’m David M. Green.

    My good friend, Voice-Over’s Tim Wray, is currently completing his nursing placement in Port Pirie, 224km north of Adelaide. We both had a free day, so just for the hell of it, we met half way and had lunch in Port Wakefield, dining in a roadside delicatessen called “Pope’s Cafe” (not the actual Pope’s cafe, or Pope) and injecting approximately $23 into the local economy. I think the map above speaks for itself (not literally).

    Included in our itinerary of activities included completing the crossword puzzle in the complementary trucking newspaper and correcting the appalling grammar on display on a local community notice board. And now… YOU CAN PLAY TOO! Can YOU spot the 16 grammatical errors below?

    How’d you go? Answers:

    Port Wakefield: A land unknown to punctuation. Na, it’s okay. Good day.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    It’s “Real” Australia. Everything else is just balsa.

  • Hilarious Spam!

    Hey Hey Hey!

    We all hate spam. Well, I assume we all do. I certainly do. But hey, maybe you love it. But if you’re like me, which I assume you are, although I’ve been known to be wrong, and hence I’m no better than you… annoying… right, the spam. My website receives about 20 spam blog comments a day. Most of them are a jumble of links and random characters, sometimes not even able to be displayed, and hence it’s just a string of those little rectangles. But some of them are just completely random comments that have no connection at all to anything I mentioned in any blog, ever. For your enjoyment, here are some of my favourite random spam comments:

    On Blog Entry – Ed Fella!?! Oh hang on… Michael Jackson!?!

    Submitted on 2009/09/27 at 9:14pm by yapapanyatt
    WOW! Good thing you kept your wits enough to fight off the bugger. Glad you’re ok. The worse thing to happen to me on that street was when I encountered a pack of dogs late one night. I kept a safe distance behind them until I got home. Take care.

    Submitted on 2009/10/01 at 6:34am by BlopayGlypelp
    Hey! Genealogical humor! Thanks, Internet!

    Submitted on 2009/10/31 at 11:49am by homemastergoga
    hiii ravin….do a favour for us….plz put a pic of ur love khushi on ur website or orkut…we all wanna see her…..plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……
    davidmgreen.com – go to my favorites!!!

    Submitted on 2009/11/02 at 7:11am by BlopayGlypelp
    I’m in love with you, my Adonis.

    On Blog Entry – Insane about Mad Men (the show. I’m straight.)

    Submitted on 2009/09/29 at 12:44am by yourbig.ru
    If you’re cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

    Submitted on 2009/09/30 at 8:00pm by ownbig.ru
    I think what they did to you was unfair and poor customer service

    On Blog Entry – Stand-up Trip to Lol-Ville. Population: Hilarity.

    Submitted on 2009/10/22 at 8:32pm by noemijed
    I have a joke for you =) Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage? Ta da dump, ta da dump, ta da dump Dump DUMP!!!

    Submitted on 2009/10/27 at 1:06am by carolzun
    I have a joke for you =) Did you hear about the bandit that held up a Chinese restaurant? Half an hour later he was broke.

    Submitted on 2009/10/29 at 2:08am by mireillelig
    I have read a good joke in internet What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.

    Submitted on 2009/10/05 at 9:03pm by vickyhuv
    Easy to get ed cheap priaprism at the famouse cheap online site. No prescription required a – buy vigra pill online..

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Hehehe… priapism…