David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Category: raw comedy

  • The Magic Factory Podcast! 3SYN 90.7FM

    Yes finally!

    It’s been two weeks since Antonio Cafasso and I teamed up for a 7-hour straight graveyard broadcast on Melbourne’s SYN 90.7FM, and I’ve finally cut together the podcast.

    Now, I know you people are busy with your various “commitments” (work/family/various drug addictions/etc.) so I’ve created a “Best of The Magic Factory” podcast just for you, the listener on the go:

    The Magic Factory – BEST OF – Podcast  (66 mins)
    Featuring the best bits of David M. Green & Antonio Cafasso’s graveyard shift on 3SYN 90.7FM January 27-28 2011. Taylor’s Hill Tailors, Antonio’s weight loss job, David M. Green’s Songs to Have Sex to, live cross to Sam Mac in Perth, Shane Warne Soundboard Prank Calls, re-setting public transport, The Magic Factory Newsroom, fun with sound effects & Alan Jones clips, song intro challenge, Lorne Lawns & a live call from “Steve” at a Lilydale petrol station.

    But for the REAL fans, or if you just don’t have a life and you’d like to listen to the FULL podcast, you’re in luck!

    The complete The Magic Factory podcast can be downloaded below in three parts, for your convenience. Obviously the music has been removed, which reduces 7 hours to about 3 hours and 45 minutes.

    Perfect for any long drive (when, for some reason, you don’t want to listen to music). Alternatively, import them into your Grand Theft Auto PC game so you can listen to Antonio and me play wacky sound effects as you mow down hookers with an AK-47!

    The Magic Factory FULL Podcast PART #1 (72 mins)
    Taylor’s Hill Tailors, driving in Melbourne & dealing with VicRoads, Antonio’s weight loss job, David M. Green’s Songs to Have Sex to, live cross to Sam Mac in Perth, Shane Warne Soundboard Prank Calls,  re-setting public transport, Too Easy: The Webseries & DMG’s pen.

    The Magic Factory FULL Podcast PART #2 (72 mins)
    DMG’s adventures in commercial radio, The Magic Factory Newsroom, origins of the Alan Jones clips, horrible share-housing experiences, Peter Macinkovic calls in, DMG records some demo radio talkbreaks for Gold 104.3FM, song intro challenge, Antonio’s hilarious fart sounds, Lorne Lawns & Rove L.A.

    The Magic Factory FULL Podcast PART #3 (79 mins)
    Elaborately over-produced IDs, bed music samples, Adelaide v. Melbourne, more Alan Jones, DMG “picks up” at the cinema, texts from the listeners, David M. Green’s Songs to Have Sex to (reprise), DMG’s “31 Questions” TV game show pilot, a live call from “Steve” at a Lilydale petrol station, plans for the day, a chat with Nicholas Waxman from “Get Cereal” & a live call from “Jennifer”, some random listener.

    Overall a fantastic experience. Comedy on radio is a huge passion of mine and it was great to get back behind the panel. Although, I’m not jumping at the opportunity to do 7 hours straight again… This is us at 6AM…

    Although, a return to a regular hour slot is not out of the question. The question is where, who and when…

    Special thanks again to Antonio. You can hear from the clips we were genuinely having a great time. The laughter is real, I can assure you. That’s what makes great radio, in my opinion.

    Happy listening.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    I’m radioactive!

  • Raw Comedy 2011… Eh…

    I guess I did cast a shadow at this afternoon’s Raw Comedy heat at Melbourne’s fabulous Northcote Social Club, but this literal shadow wasn’t what the judges were looking for.

    I was on first, which is always a tough spot. The audience wasn’t really warmed up. And no one was drunk yet. However, I’m not sure whether alcohol would have increased the crowd’s appreciation for my cerebral blend of humour.

    I am not a particularly good “stand-up” comedian.

    I think a lot of my gags would work better if written on a desk calendar…

    I don’t do jokes about where I’m from (who cares?). I don’t play to the room. I don’t swear in my routine. And David M. Green doesn’t go blue, unless it’s “clever”, and even then, I personally find using the scientific words for things funnier than their crude slang equivalents. This doesn’t seem to be a shared love.

    Maybe if I did the opposite of what I just stated above, I’d get more laughs. But, what would be the point?

    I have really high standards, both for my own material, and that of other comedians. So generally I find myself sitting quietly in the audience hearing other comedians play on some old gender/racial/locational stereotypes, thinking, “this has been done”.

    It’s quite heart-breaking. But of course, what do you expect? People are idiots, after all.

    So why do I keep doing this?

    Because comedy is networking. Because people don’t take you seriously as a comedian unless you do stand-up. To show people I can write and perform, fundamental skills that apply to other comedy formats, eg. television, radio, etc.

    And also, so stuff like this happens:

    Triple J’s Dave Callan came up to me after the show and took me up on my offer of free autographed headshots!

    I guess the day wasn’t a complete waste of time.

    So that’s it for me and Raw Comedy. You can only enter 3 times, which I have now done. Certainly my best appearance was last year, when for some reason, everything just worked:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmdTp97X9oA

    But if you want to experience a more DMG-friendly comedy format, tune in to “The Magic Show” on SYN 90.7FM from 8pm, Thursday January 27. I’ll be radio-ing with Antonio Cafasso until 6am!  Ten hours of sketches, prank calls, guests, obscure ’80s new wave music and a few other surprises…

    Now you’re talkin’!

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Did someone say excessively over-produced IDs?

  • Local Boy Makes Goo(d)

    Ahoy hoy,

    After 10 days in Melbourne, I flew back to Adelaide on Tuesday to perform stand-up at the first of the two South Australian Raw Comedy semi-finals at The Arkabar.

    My good friend Adam Navarro picked me up from the airport (not a huge gesture in Adelaide, as the airport is so close, unlike most other major cities, with the exception of Sao Paulo, Brazil, for the airport buffs playing along at home, presumably with themselves…) and we had a delicious lunch at Jetty Road, Brighton. When I got to my family home I realised how totally exhausted I was. Physically and emotionally. It’s just been completely full on the last 10 days. I haven’t had a chance to properly relax since I arrived in Melbourne. But there was no time to rest as I had to get ready for my evening gig.

    I’d never been to The Arkabar before. I must say it’s quite a nice place. I like the booths and dim lighting particularly. Apparently the place has a reputation for being a haven for mature single ladies, or a “Grab a Granny” hotspot as they say. There weren’t many there last night. It was mostly very young, very “cool” suburban types. And I think we all know how I feel about these people…

    Similar to last year’s Raw Comedy venture, crowd reaction wasn’t nearly as favourable at the semi-final, compared to the qualifying heat night. Different crowd. As soon as I started I knew it wasn’t going to be as smashing a success as January 28th. Although I did get laughs, and I was quite satisfied with my performance, I saw a lot of faces in the audience that appeared to say “what the hell is this?” Another problem: it was a pretty big room, and my “snowglobe bit” wasn’t as effective because the prop is too small and the room too big. It’s more suited to a small room with an intimate audience, possibly even in a romantic way…

    So anyway, I didn’t make it to the state final. To tell you the truth I’m a little relieved, as now I won’t have to miss out on any uni! When I arrived at The Arkabar last night I felt awful. I could literally feel the tears welling behind my eyes. I did feel better after my spot though (surprisingly). Although I guess I always feel good after a gig… except for that time at The Star Theatre where I forgot my routine and stood there silently for 30 seconds. I felt awful after that. But this time I felt good. And it was great to hang out and chat with my good friends Tim Wray and Nick Godfrey. My good friends are very important to me (and my emotional stability). The original plan was actually to fly back to Melbourne today, but when I got to Adelaide the thought of going back straight away suddenly seemed unnecessary, so my Mum very generously re-booked my return flight for Thursday (incurring a costly cancellation penalty from the good people at Qantas). But God, I really needed today just to recover. I really needed it. I often forget how important “down time” is for me. I like to sit in a comfy chair and just think, or pace around my room talking to myself. I’ve been a bit self-conscious about doing that in the Altona house due to its paper-thin walls, and also out of respect for my fellow house mates, although I believe they already think I’m a bit… “odd” for lack of a better word.

    And so, I commit the video footage of this routine, which I call “Medical Oddities,” to the Internet. Of course, to make me look “more gooder” I’ve uploaded the footage from the heat night on January 28th 2010 at The Rhino Room, which was exceptionally well-received by the audience:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmdTp97X9oA

    What a great night. Actually, last night was pretty good too. Best of “well done” to the other comedians who performed that night. I particularly enjoyed Aaron Nobes. That guy cracks me up, hehe. I think I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again; he’s like a young Tony Martin. And congratulations to him and the other 4 comedians who made it through to the state final. I can’t seem to find a list of the comedians who performed last night, so apologies for not knowing more names. There was a guy with a guitar who I thought was quite funny, Peter Beaglehall (I think). I must admit (again and again) I don’t particularly enjoy what many consider to be “good” stand-up. My comic preferences lie more towards sketch comedy, radio, sitcoms and obscure things that make me think and possibly laugh many hours/days later. But I do recognise that the comedians who got through last night did display competent skills in the field of stand-uppery. Great stage presence, engagement with the audience, etc. all that crap. So good on them.

    I return to Melbourne tomorrow. I think it would be a wasted opportunity if I didn’t try stand-up in Melbourne at least a couple of times. Hmm… stay tuned…

    Oh yes, and here’s a good photo of me from Heat #3 taken by friend and former Palace Nova Cinema colleague Gabbie Zizzo:

    See you all in Melbourne! Well… not everyone (obviously).

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    I like Stobey Poles. Very orderly. Soothing.