David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Category: Stand-Up

  • Local Boy Makes Goo(d)

    Ahoy hoy,

    After 10 days in Melbourne, I flew back to Adelaide on Tuesday to perform stand-up at the first of the two South Australian Raw Comedy semi-finals at The Arkabar.

    My good friend Adam Navarro picked me up from the airport (not a huge gesture in Adelaide, as the airport is so close, unlike most other major cities, with the exception of Sao Paulo, Brazil, for the airport buffs playing along at home, presumably with themselves…) and we had a delicious lunch at Jetty Road, Brighton. When I got to my family home I realised how totally exhausted I was. Physically and emotionally. It’s just been completely full on the last 10 days. I haven’t had a chance to properly relax since I arrived in Melbourne. But there was no time to rest as I had to get ready for my evening gig.

    I’d never been to The Arkabar before. I must say it’s quite a nice place. I like the booths and dim lighting particularly. Apparently the place has a reputation for being a haven for mature single ladies, or a “Grab a Granny” hotspot as they say. There weren’t many there last night. It was mostly very young, very “cool” suburban types. And I think we all know how I feel about these people…

    Similar to last year’s Raw Comedy venture, crowd reaction wasn’t nearly as favourable at the semi-final, compared to the qualifying heat night. Different crowd. As soon as I started I knew it wasn’t going to be as smashing a success as January 28th. Although I did get laughs, and I was quite satisfied with my performance, I saw a lot of faces in the audience that appeared to say “what the hell is this?” Another problem: it was a pretty big room, and my “snowglobe bit” wasn’t as effective because the prop is too small and the room too big. It’s more suited to a small room with an intimate audience, possibly even in a romantic way…

    So anyway, I didn’t make it to the state final. To tell you the truth I’m a little relieved, as now I won’t have to miss out on any uni! When I arrived at The Arkabar last night I felt awful. I could literally feel the tears welling behind my eyes. I did feel better after my spot though (surprisingly). Although I guess I always feel good after a gig… except for that time at The Star Theatre where I forgot my routine and stood there silently for 30 seconds. I felt awful after that. But this time I felt good. And it was great to hang out and chat with my good friends Tim Wray and Nick Godfrey. My good friends are very important to me (and my emotional stability). The original plan was actually to fly back to Melbourne today, but when I got to Adelaide the thought of going back straight away suddenly seemed unnecessary, so my Mum very generously re-booked my return flight for Thursday (incurring a costly cancellation penalty from the good people at Qantas). But God, I really needed today just to recover. I really needed it. I often forget how important “down time” is for me. I like to sit in a comfy chair and just think, or pace around my room talking to myself. I’ve been a bit self-conscious about doing that in the Altona house due to its paper-thin walls, and also out of respect for my fellow house mates, although I believe they already think I’m a bit… “odd” for lack of a better word.

    And so, I commit the video footage of this routine, which I call “Medical Oddities,” to the Internet. Of course, to make me look “more gooder” I’ve uploaded the footage from the heat night on January 28th 2010 at The Rhino Room, which was exceptionally well-received by the audience:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmdTp97X9oA

    What a great night. Actually, last night was pretty good too. Best of “well done” to the other comedians who performed that night. I particularly enjoyed Aaron Nobes. That guy cracks me up, hehe. I think I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again; he’s like a young Tony Martin. And congratulations to him and the other 4 comedians who made it through to the state final. I can’t seem to find a list of the comedians who performed last night, so apologies for not knowing more names. There was a guy with a guitar who I thought was quite funny, Peter Beaglehall (I think). I must admit (again and again) I don’t particularly enjoy what many consider to be “good” stand-up. My comic preferences lie more towards sketch comedy, radio, sitcoms and obscure things that make me think and possibly laugh many hours/days later. But I do recognise that the comedians who got through last night did display competent skills in the field of stand-uppery. Great stage presence, engagement with the audience, etc. all that crap. So good on them.

    I return to Melbourne tomorrow. I think it would be a wasted opportunity if I didn’t try stand-up in Melbourne at least a couple of times. Hmm… stay tuned…

    Oh yes, and here’s a good photo of me from Heat #3 taken by friend and former Palace Nova Cinema colleague Gabbie Zizzo:

    See you all in Melbourne! Well… not everyone (obviously).

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    I like Stobey Poles. Very orderly. Soothing.

  • Week of Things

    Greetings all,

    It’s been a turbulent week for David M. Green (me). Let’s start with the good news… I won my raw comedy heat! I attended heat #3 at Adelaide’s “The Rhino Room” just one day shy of exactly one year since my appearance at Raw Comedy 2009. I was surprised with how well I was received by the packed room. I guess you go over the routine in your head so many times beforehand that it loses all meaning and you can’t remember why you thought it was funny. Here’s a still of me in action:

    Of the 9 stand-up appearances I’ve made so far, I do believe Thursday night was my best. I think I’ve “found myself.” I compared this year’s video with last year’s and I suddenly had a new perspective. I immediately thought of my 2009 appearance: “Wow… I was really awkward, and not that funny.” I was doing a more bumbling version of myself, whereas this year I was just me and I took a more personal approach with my material (and not in a disgusting way) that I think set me apart from the other comedians. So anyway, I was declared one of the two winners for the evening, which means I’ve made it through to the semi-finals. Slight complication, I’m moving to Melbourne in 2 weeks and the South Australian Raw Comedy semi-finals are in 3 weeks, and in Adelaide (obviously), so I guess I’ll have to come back for the day. If my next appearance goes as well as the heat, it’ll certainly be worth it. Of course, that’s never a given…

    Like all my stand-up appearances, this one was recorded in video form. However, as I have to do the same routine at the semi-finals, I’ll hold off uploading it to YouTube (to avoid further joke spoilage). Stay tuned for more details…

    In other news, less success on the “living close to the Melbourne CBD” quest, but that’s okay, because I’m actually really looking forward to spending more time with two former Adelaidean friends of friends (who, at a personal request, wish to remain nameless) in their fine Altona abode. Along with the reduced rent comes a quiet suburban house with good (albeit anonymous) company. It will be similar to the Adelaide set-up I’ve got now, living in Seacliff and working in the city. Living in Altona and working/studying in the Melbourne CBD won’t be too difficult to adjust to, as these maps illustrate…

    Interestingly, both suburbs are about 14km from their respective central business districts. However, I couldn’t take that exact route seeing as though helicopters are unaffordable at this stage in my entertainment career. From my house in Seacliff to the single Adelaide Railway Station it’s about 20-25 minutes on an express train (40 minutes stopping all stations). To catch the train from Altona to the underground Melbourne Central Station, right across the street from RMIT, it’s 25 minutes stopping all stations! Electrification is certainly the way to go. Of course, if you’re a motorist, Adelaide does have its advantages; abundant cheap parking, no toll roads and an easy-to-navigate grid system that puts Melbourne’s suburban layout to shame. It’s only 20 minutes to drive from my house to Adelaide. As a thrifty individual at the best of times, I certainly couldn’t see myself taking the tolled West Gate Freeway/Citylink when I’m a poor student again. I’m planning on selling my car anyway and relying purely on trains and trams. Don’t much care for buses though. However, on a side note I was shocked to discover that as a post-graduate student I’m NOT entitled to a student concession fare! Even though I’m a full fee-paying ($12,000), full-time student I still have to pay full price for train tickets. That’s ridiculous. I shall be joining the next protest meeting… assuming it’s not to expensive to get there.

    In Palace Nova cinema news, I found out yesterday that I won a little staff competition they were running. I had the highest average candy bar sale over the December/January period, entitling me to a $300 Myer voucher! This’ll certainly come in handy for buying furniture (possibly a bed) in Melbourne. It makes a nice going away present, actually. I handed in my letter of resignation a few days ago. It was sad. I’d never actually written a resignation letter before. I seem to have a history of ending employment through just having my shifts stop (Kmart), the store closing down (GameTraders) or being replaced with a computer (SAFM). This was the first great job I actually had to leave under my own accord.

    But now for some sadder news. After a little over 2 years, Jemima and I decided to end our relationship on Friday. This had been a long time coming, as I’ve been planning on moving to Melbourne for many months and we had already decided we didn’t want to “settle down” together. It’s been a fantastic 2 years and I’m certainly a much richer person for having known her. I’d be happy to write her a letter of recommendation.

    Understandably this week has been quite stressful for me. From my whirlwind visit to Melbourne, to the nerves of preparing for the Raw Comedy stand-up, breaking up with Jemima and quitting my fabulous cinema job. I’ve done a lot of walking and not had much of an appetite so I’ve lost a bit of weight. I’m actually feeling rather sick right now with a sore throat and that “stuffed-up” feeling. This used to happen to me after my first university exams. Your immune system fights it off until the hard work is finally finished, then you get ill.

    Actually, I kinda like it when I’m nervous and stressed-out because that means I’m breaking new ground and challenging myself. It’s a good thing.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    One stand-up guy.

  • Comedy for the Working Man

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kLYToFDTkI&feature=player_profilepage

    Hey Hey!

    I did a spot of stand-up again last night. Thought I’d talk about my job at the cinema a little this time, so I did… I hope it doesn’t lead to my firing, like the last time I did workplace-related humour… Triple J’s Dave Callan did a great job hosting the evening. I actually thought I was on 3rd, but someone didn’t show up so I was surprised when my name was announced. Smiddy didn’t have the camera ready, as it was still in my bag, so the first 15 seconds or so wasn’t recorded (but those opening jokes fell flat anyway!). It was a very casual, laid-back evening of entertainment. Please enjoy.

    Oh yes, while I’m here, I watched John Safran’s Race Relations on ABC TV this week. Hilarious! By far the best Australian show I’ve seen all year. Wasn’t impressed much with the show on before it “Hungry Beast” (which I actually auditioned for under the show’s previous title of “Project Next”). It seemed like a bunch of journalism students trying to be the next “Chaser,” but very wooden and bland and not particularly funny. And I’m not just saying that because I was looked over for a hosting gig… stupid stuffed shirts wouldn’t let me on their crappy show for jerks… Na, they’re okay.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Several projects in the pipeline

  • Where no stand-up has gone before… probably

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JU_hQB3jdM

    Hello!

    David M. Green again. Hey I made my quarterly stand-up appearance last Thursday at Adelaide’s “The Rhino Room.” Having recently watched “Carl Sagan’s Cosmos” and HBO’s “From the Earth to the Moon,” read up on NASA’s Apollo program and listened to The B-52’s complete discography, you can see how the above stand-up routine came to be. I seriously have no idea what’s “topical” any more. Free-to-air TV is a complete waste of time, in my opinion. I’m not too keen on radio at the moment either There’s no show that makes me want to go out of my way to watch it (Although I hear good things about this THE Big Show on Triple M). So hey, I make up my own damn entertainment!

    The stand-up didn’t go quite according to plan, but the confusion probably actually made it funnier. Sometimes I prefer “rough around the edges” comedy to “slick.” For that very reason I always preferred Conan O’Brien to Leno. I just like the idea that any minute the whole thing could come crashing down around someone, in this case: me. I screwed up the Buzz Aldrin gag, got some of it out of order, and I was going to do a more detailed impression of Carl Sagan but interaction with some enthusiastic audience members forced me to move on. Final conclusion: good, not great. One tick.

    What do you think?

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    There are others like you… thousands…

  • Stand-up Trip to Lol-Ville. Population: Hilarity.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJnM1woqM-Q

    Hello!

    David M. Green here in blog form. What a turbulent week… I did some stand-up comedy on Saturday night at the “Star Theatre” in Adelaide’s fabulous western suburbs. It didn’t go so well. Maybe it was the atmosphere. Maybe it was the audience. But most likely, it was because I freaking forgot the damn routine and just stood there silently for 30 seconds trying to remember my next joke. Actually, that was definitely it….

    So needless to say I was feeling pretty down all week: Cognitive dissonance at work, people. Allow me to illustrate… I, David M. Green, believe that I am funny. However, on Saturday I did some stand-up and I bombed, mainly due to personal incompetence (Just for something different, I thought if I practiced LESS it would make for a more spontaneous performance. Instead, I couldn’t remember what I was going to say). Then there’s a conflict between my personal belief (ie. I’m funny) and reality (ie. I suck). And as in this biz, you’re only as good as your last ‘gig,’ for most of the week, I was a complete hack.

    However, last night at the Rhino Room, I had another go. The routine was about 50% the same material, but the material I did repeat I re-worded for maximum comedy output. And this time, I killed! Everything just worked. The audience was great. The other comics were quite good for a “new-comedy” night. It was fantastic. So, dissonance corrected, confidence restored, reputation redeemed and self-esteem reacquired. If you haven’t watched it already, you can view the GOOD stand-up performance at the top of this blog entry. Your comments and feedback are always appreciated.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Apologies to the Royal Society for the Blind