Category: The Life of DMG

  • Man Alive 2025

    David M. Green standing on a rock in Sweden

    This was without a doubt the toughest year of my life. Not because of any singular horrible event but just due to the daily grind. Of course, plenty of people have been through far worse this year so I shouldn’t complain. But obviously, I will.

    You hear a lot about the ‘Terrible Twos’ but not so much about the ‘Terrible Threes’, which I can confirm are much more terrible.

    Last year we had three childcare days a week, plus a nap during the day, which gave Annika and me a nice little break to recharge and get stuff done.

    This year we could only get two days a week and the naps were suddenly replaced with a 1000% Gus energy increase. And two days of childcare a week is only the theoretical maximum. It was rare to actually get that more than a couple of weeks in a row thanks to the regular carrousel of exotic daycareborne illnesses that swept through our house.

    So it was a challenge to get anything done this year. On the plus side we did spend a lot of time together doing family things like going to playgrounds and/or centres, swimming lessons, riding to the end of most Melbourne train lines and hanging in the backyard.

    It’s been fascinating seeing Gus’s sense of humour develop. He’ll often say things wrong on purpose and then look at me with a sly grin to see my reaction. For example: “Wee comes out the butt.”

    Hmm… the farce is strong with this one.

    Speaking of cracks, we’d noticed the ones in the walls were getting pretty big and several of the doors no longer fit in their frames so we got a structural engineer to come have a look at our house.

    Turned out our circa 1939 terracotta sewer pipes were leaking, causing the nearby wall and everything else to move. So after a series of quotes and inspections and soil testing and coordinating with our neighbour (because yes, turns out it’s a shared sewer) and many, MANY different opinions, we finally got that fixed just before Christmas.

    The sections that were more accessible were dug up and replaced with PVC and the rest was re-lined.

    Mmm. Love that new sewer smell.

    Putting in the new sewer, 8 December 2025

    Aside from releasing the 2024 season finale of VHS Revue in February, I took a break from making new episodes this year. It just wasn’t practical to make any with the time constraints.

    I did however post some of the shorter clips from the back catalogue as YouTube Shorts. In the past I hadn’t posted many Shorts as it requires the video to be in portrait and if I upload the 4:3 file directly it crops the sides off (and I hate that).

    So my Shorts upload process involves using the Instagram stories editor (or TikTok if the video is longer than 60 seconds) to add black squares at the top and bottom of the video to fill it out to portrait and then add some text at the top. This is somewhat tedious.

    But it was something I could do on my phone (usually while at work) and when YouTube increased the maximum length of a Short from one minute to three, it meant a lot of my older VHS Revue clips were now Shortable. Ditto with BlueSky.

    Occasionally a Short would get 10k views and I’d get a trickle of new YouTube subscribers. More recently a couple got over 100k. So despite only the one new full VHS Revue episode in 2025, I increased my subscribers from 5,600 to 7,154. That’s 7% of the way towards that shiny silver plaque 😉

    I did make time for one major creative project this year however and that’s the ‘On The Talking’ podcast, which had been in the works since 2021. Here’s our just released Christmas episode (which was actually recorded LAST Christmas):

    Why do these episodes take so long to come out? Although it’s mostly improv, it does have scripted material like fake ads and news gags and they take a bit of time to edit. Plus we can only record when I go back to Adelaide and get together with the other guys. It’s really just an excuse to hang out with mates and laugh a lot. But I’m really happy with the result and I think it’s some of the funniest stuff we’ve ever done.

    And then there’s my actual job(s).


    For the first time in five years I was back working as an audio operator at the Australian Open in January – this time at the (relatively) new Kia Arena during the evenings. It was great.

    My two favourite things that happened were when a Dad held his baby up above his head and the arena roving camera put the vision up on the big screen. It was the last shot before play resumed and JUST as the vision mixer was fading back to the AO logo, the baby threw up.

    The sound of the crowd was indescribable. Sadly I don’t think any cameras got the reaction in the arena. You just had to be there.

    The other thing was during a mixed doubles match with an all New Zealand team. There were a lot of Kiwis in the crowd and a couple of pockets started singing ‘Slice of Heaven’ by Dave Dobbyn.

    Incidentally, this song has a special significance for me as it was the number one song in Australia the week I was born.

    After the third or fourth time hearing it from the crowd I thought we should play it for real. I got the okay from HQ (as it wasn’t in the approved playlist) and during a set break I played it from the start with the fader up. As soon as the “DA DA DA” came out the speakers, the crowd went nuts. They were singing so loud and kept singing after the players came back on court (and I had faded it down), the chair umpire had to tell them to be quiet.

    I even got a shout out in the post match interview:

    This was my highlight…

    [image or embed]

    — David M. Green (@davidmgreen.bsky.social) January 25, 2025 at 10:01 PM

    (By the way, we always tried to balance songs from each player’s home nation but there were so many New Zealanders in the crowd it was a bit stacked against the other side)

    January 23: A general view of KIA TV Production Crew at at the Australian Open at Melbourne Park on Thursday, January 23, 2025. Photo by TENNIS AUSTRALIA / MARK PETERSON

    Panelled the sport radio at SEN again. Yeah that’s still going.

    Wrote quiz questions for a popular TV show throughout the year. That ended up being more work than I expected as it kept getting extended – a good problem to have in this biz in these times.

    The familiar conversation I keep having with TV folks is: “yeah bit quiet out there”. Hoping these new local content quota rules will actually have a positive impact.

    I found some time to get my frustration with Subway Restaurants out of my head and into this article for The Guardian. Although it wasn’t my intention, since writing it I haven’t eaten there again. Possibly because I discovered a fantastic sandwich place not far from my house in Coburg called Elio’s Panini & Coffee. Once you have their focaccias there’s no going back.

    David M. Green takes a photo of a handful of coral washed up on the beach at Lady Elliot Island, 10 May 2025

    In May the extended family spent four days on Lady Elliot Island in the Great Barrier Reef (thanks Mum!). Really enjoyed snorkelling and seeing the sea turtles up close.

    Swimming was really the theme this year.

    Annika, Gus and I went to Sweden again for the northern summer. We stayed for six weeks this time. It was the best weather I’ve ever experienced there and the water was unusually warm.

    Gus looks at a boat in Sweden

    I finally had no excuses to swim across the bay to the neighbouring island. It’s only 120 metres but it looks further when the water’s up to your neck.

    Every year I’ve wanted to do it but the water has been just a bit too cold or the current a bit too strong. There’s also a bit of boat traffic but I figured if I didn’t do it this time I was never going to do it.

    So I did it.

    David M. Green swims to the island, 21 July 2025

    It sparked a love of swimming that’s continued after we got back to Melbourne, where I’ve joined up at a local gym and now swim laps regularly in their pool. This was also a new year’s resolution, which frankly I assumed I wouldn’t keep.

    However, I didn’t realise this exercise would actually be enjoyable. I feel great too. I’ve never been a gym person. But I think you get to your late 30s and you’ve got to face the reality of “use it or wake up every morning with an aching back”.

    RIP Richard Green

    By far the worst thing that happened this year was losing my Uncle Richard, who passed away in June. He was 71 and had been diagnosed with cancer three years ago.

    He’s the uncle I saw the least, as we only lived in the same city at the same time briefly. He was in Sydney when I was growing up and then just after he came back to Adelaide, I moved to Melbourne. This is probably also why I have so few photos of us together.

    A rare photo with me and Uncle Richard in the same frame, Christmas Day 2017

    My earliest memory is visiting him in the Hyatt Hotel when I was about 7. He let me waste half a roll of his film taking photos of the trains from the window as they pulled into Adelaide Railway Station below. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen the photos so it’s possible there was no film in the camera.

    On my first trip to Sydney in 1996, Richard took my sister Alice and me to see ‘The Phantom’ and ride the monorail.

    He loved the arts and had exquisite taste. When I moved into my first apartment he gave me a Laguiole cutlery set and a Royal Albert tea strainer. He was also a Le Cordon Bleu graduate so dinner at his place was always a treat.

    Whenever I was back in town, I enjoyed catching up with him for a coffee (or two) and a chat. He had a great sense of humour and knew all the gossip.

    Richard also loved to travel and wherever he went he made lots of friends. He never stopped planning his next trip. Even as he lay in his hospital bed in March, he told me he’d love to visit Spain again.

    When I open my email, it sorts them by the oldest first and I’m always welcomed by this one he sent me in 2009 when he was working with Mum at Chandlers Hill Surgery:

    An email from Uncle Richard

    “I’m well and happy, and enjoying working with your mother, although it may be time for an O.S. trip. Perhaps France later in the year. See you soon, Richard.”

    I figure that’s where he is now. Out there somewhere, having a wonderful time on his next adventure.

    Perhaps France.

    David M. Green, Dr Laureen Lawlor-Smith, Governor Frances Adamson, Dr Carolyn Lawlor-Smith & Hannah Green, Government House, Adelaide, 17 September 2025. Photo by Tom Roschi

    I was very proud (well, more proud than usual) of my Mum, Dr Carolyn Lawlor-Smith, this year as she was awarded an Order of Australia Medal in the King’s Birthday Honours List for services to General Practice and Community Health. She has worked as a GP in Adelaide for over 40 years and was one of the first doctors to be trained in Voluntary Assisted Dying in South Australia. She travels all over SA to assess people who are requesting access to VAD and has so far assisted more than 280 people in their VAD journey.

    My sister Hannah, Aunty Lorry and I went with Mum to her medal ceremony at Government House in Adelaide. I’d never been in there before. A wonderful experience and a great day.

    David M. Green and Rockley the cat, 4 January 2025

    Other things… We had a small olive harvest from our seven trees – about 25kg – which gave us a couple of litres of oil and I preserved two jars of olives. More than last year (which was zilch) but not as many as the 62kg we got in 2023.

    I think our cherry tree is on the way out. Last year’s cherries must have been its swan song because they were probably the best I’ve ever eaten.

    I’ve started learning Swedish on Duolingo five minutes a day. I figure I’ve been to Sweden six times and probably going to go many more times so should make an effort.

    I got Lyme disease again this year thanks to another tick bite (yeah cheers Sweden). That’s the second time that’s happened – so I had another huge course of antibiotics, which wrecked havoc with my digestive system.

    The worst thing about it is I’m now not allowed to donate blood in Australia, which used to be something I enjoyed doing regularly. There’s talk of the Lifeblood people changing the rules some day but doesn’t sound like it’s happening any time soon.

    David M. Green escapes from Pentridge, 2 December 2025

    You may have also noticed I’ve given this website an upgrade and changed its appearance for the first time since I launched it in 2007. It’s okay if you haven’t.

    Mainly to fix some compatibility issues in the back end and change the page design to one that displays better on a phone. This website is so old it can have its own social media account in Australia.

    I was also (forced to) upgrade to a new laptop thanks to Microsoft ending support for Windows 10. I’d had my old ASUS laptop since 2017 and felt like I’d only just got it set up just the way I like it. It had all the ports I needed. A DVD burner, which I didn’t really use any more but when I did, I was glad I had it. Windows 10 was very stable and reliable. I used it for all my video editing.

    Editing VHS Revue with the 2017 laptop, 20 January 2021

    My God I’d been to hell and back with that thing. I originally got it with Windows 7, which must have been one of the last ones out the door because most of them came with the awful Windows 8 at the time – and I was keen to avoid that.

    Then after about six months I stupidly used Windex to clean the keyboard and it shorted out a bank of keys. My friend Alexis had to take the whole thing apart and snap the plastic connections off to remove the keyboard, then put a new one in by using a soldering iron to melt the plastic back together. Seeing that laptop in pieces with tiny screws and ribbon cables all over the table was one of the most stressful things I’ve ever witnessed.

    Disassembled laptop

    When I had to upgrade to Windows 10, Alexis helped again and we took the opportunity to replace the 1TB mechanical hard drive with a 2TB one. The new hard drive always felt a bit hot and failed after less than a year (thankfully) just after I had finished editing season 2 of ‘Good Afternoon Adelaide’. This was in the middle of the second Melbourne Covid lockdown in 2020 with all the state borders closed.

    This time my talented friend John Hnatowych – who was also trapped in Melbourne – saved the day. He put in a 2TB solid state drive and reinstalled everything. Man that was a quantum leap. Over the next few years he also added more RAM for me and eventually replaced the entire keyboard section of the case when Alexis’s initial keyboard repairs started to come loose.

    But in 2025, Microsoft insisted my laptop was too old to run Windows 11 so I had to get a whole new one.

    My 2017 ASUS laptop vs my 2025 ASUS laptop, 29 September 2025

    Eventually I landed on the ASUS Zenbook with an Intel Core Ultra 9 processor and ordered a 4TB hard drive, which was the largest it could take. I would have preferred a keyboard layout with a proper number pad instead of the weird one integrated into the touch pad.

    Also going from four USB-A ports to one plus two USB-C’s felt like a downgrade but these are the compromises you have to make. It was more important for me to store a lot of video and render it fast and boy, this thing is a beast.

    After one day using it though I suddenly realised everything I was looking at was out of focus. It turned out the screen is much more reflective than my old laptop and where my desk is situated with a window behind me, I was straining my eyes without even realising. That’s a great feature isn’t it? “Yeah let’s design the screen so looking at it makes the user blind.”

    So I had to install an anti-glare filter (and I hope that’s the last time I have to stick one of those on a screen this decade).

    As nice as the keys are to actually press, I realised just how often I need the ‘home’ and ‘end’ buttons, which are technically there but you need to hold the ‘function’ key down to use them. Plus the slightly smaller screen meant over the course of a day I was unconsciously leaning in closer and hurting my neck. So I propped it up on some books and got this cool retro external keyboard. The setup looks a bit unwieldy but it works.

    The new set up, 13 November 2025

    Still not thrilled about Windows 11 but I’m hoping future updates will make it better.

    So it seems the theme of this year was very much about stepping back and doing some much needed maintenance. I know I said earlier the theme was swimming but swimming is also a form of maintenance.

    And in news just in we’ve just been confirmed for FOUR child care days a week next year!

    Okay so I’ve got my laptop, my sewer, my health, my family.

    2026. Let’s go.

    DMG

    PS. Best book this year = John Romero’s ‘Doom Guy’. Best TV show = Pluribus

  • VHS Revue Update – March 2025

    Hey here’s an update on VHS Revue and other things. Plus a bonus sketch from an upcoming new podcast series.

    DMG

  • It’s 2024 Etc.

    Well, that’s a quarter of the 21st Century done… Hey, anyone else feel like consequences no longer exist, apparently nothing matters any more and everything’s kinda terrible? Yeah.

    I think the Macquarie Dictionary made the right choice for their word of the year: ‘enshittification’.

    Whether it’s coffees and boxes of cereal getting smaller and more expensive, social media becoming inundated with garbage to the point where it’s essentially useless, or Melbourne City Council removing free street parking on the weekends, it seems many things that used to be quite good are now all just a little bit shit. Oh and Trump being re-elected. Really? How was he even allowed to RUN again? The guy should be in prison.

    Anyway, putting all that to one side, I’ve had a good year.

    Let’s start with VHS Revue and (once again) it’s been the best year ever. Made 10 new episodes – Ep 60 will be out in January – which is fewer than the 16 I released in 2023 but they’re longer this year so it works out to about the same runtime.

    Started the year with just under 2,000 YouTube subscribers. It’s now 5,591. This Tedious Explanation was responsible for some of that:

    As were a few more radio appearances, including some ABC shows and my first time as an in-studio guest on 3AW – and with my old pal Tony Moclair from the Mad as Hell writers’ room no less:

    Only one TV appearance this year but it was a good one. On October 8th I was a guest on The Cheap Seats Season 4 Episode 24 showing a few of the stranger ads I’ve unearthed on VHS Revue over the years. Watch it on 10 Play.

    It’s been really rewarding seeing the overwhelmingly positive reaction to these episodes and I love reading everyone’s nice comments (as well as the occasional nut trying to convince me that Coon Cheese isn’t a problematic brand name). To both groups I say Cheers!

    I was back pushing the buttons at SEN for another year, mostly on their live sport broadcasts: AFL(W), (W)BBL, NBL, netball, golf, greyhound racing (hasn’t been banned here yet!) and the odd breakfast and morning show on various local stations around the country.

    Here’s me in action playing some AFL highlights out of a break:

     

    View this post on Instagram

     

    A post shared by David M. Green (@david_m_green)

    If you’re wondering what the bed music was during that highlights package, barely audible over the cue speaker, it was this classic. This of course was shortly before panel operators were forbidden from choosing their own music.

    Wore the traditional attire to panel the AFL Grand Final again obviously.

    Also this year I picked up some casual panelling work at SCA. It was a bit of a surreal experience actually as my first radio job back in 2008 was panelling radio at SAFM in Adelaide – back when Southern Cross Austereo was just Austereo – primarily babysitting the Sydney-based network feed of ‘The Hot 30 with Tim Lee and Biggzy’.

    Now here I was 16 years later panelling none other than Tim Lee on Melbourne’s Fox FM for a week of OBs at Crown Casino! Thanks again Tim for the opportunity. And also good to work with Fox FM afternoon presenter Kat Markey.

    Australian media really is a series of revolving doors. If you wait around long enough, eventually you’ll get back in. If you haven’t been flung out under a bus.

    Although I only did a handful of shifts at Fox FM this year, it did give rise to one unusual situation on March 22 where I panelled for two different commercial radio networks on the same day. Figured I’d choose that day to do one of those ‘Day in the Life’ type videos. And here it is:

    Of course, if it were a typical day in my life in 2024 a large percentage of it would be me either sitting in front of my laptop writing/editing VHS Revue or sitting with Gus as he transfers his toys one by one from the toy box to every empty part of the floor while the same four kids’ YouTube videos play on repeat. But who wants to see that?

    As for family life in Melbourne, we’re doing well. Feels like we’re finally putting down some roots in the community. We’ve got lots of friends within walking distance and I’ve now joined both the local library and R.S.L. (Boy, if I had known how cheap the food and beverage prices were at the Coburg R.S.L. when I lived in the Bell Street share house back in 2010 I would have signed up a lot sooner).

    No olives this year on our trees. In fact, I didn’t see many on any of the olive trees around the neighbourhood. Great year for plums and cherries though.

    Annika did an amazing job transforming the run-down cubby house in our backyard into what I’ve dubbed The Gingerbread Shed. Lost count of how many Bunnings trips we made but it’s been a hit with both the kids and grown-ups alike.

    Annika, Gus and I went to Sweden again for a few weeks in June/July. Gus had most of his 2nd birthday in the skies above the Middle East and Eastern Europe (not exactly where you’d want to be at the moment).

    The flights this time round were a lot better than last time. He slept for most of it. Memories of the 2023 flights from Australia to Northern Europe with a 1-year-old are still in the process of being repressed.

    This time though Gus could walk, which changed things a little. He loves walking. Away, mostly.

    The log cabin we stayed in at Dalarö was near a parking area for construction vehicles and if Gus got outside he’d immediately start running up the dirt road to look at the trucks and front-end loaders.

    He’s got an eagle eye for little details too and while we’re out walking he will often say a word, eg. “candy cane”, and only after a while we realise he’d actually seen a candy cane decoration in someone’s window 50 metres away. He honed this skill in Sweden to pick wild blueberries with great success.

    I prefer the wild strawberries myself. They’re small but they pack a burst of flavour.

    Sweden highlights this year include visiting Junibacken (AKA Astrid Lindgren World), seeing two baby deer with their mother on our front lawn and the usual joys of lovely food, drinks and saunas with family and friends.

    I signed up to Bluesky this year. That’s now 10 social media apps I have on my phone. 10! God, remember the days when it was just Facebook and Twitter and that had you covered? Those were the two logos you saw in every TV show’s end credits, or the cafe’s front window, or the back of the bottle of hair spray. Who exactly would befriend a pharmaceutical company on Facebook or follow their favourite brand of dip on Twitter, I’m not sure (both now and back in 2012 when I was actually writing Tweets and Facebook posts for such brands).

    But Facebook and Twitter have been crap for ages now. You used to see fun updates from your friends and interesting news. Now on Facebook I just see stuff from pages I don’t follow between the occasional birth/death/marriage. And everything good about Twitter has been systematically removed one by one ever since Elon Musk took over. Eg. letting any Nazi incel buy a blue verification badge, suppressing tweets with external links, hiding quote tweets and likes, the search function barely works at all, and apparently the only people who reply to tweets now have OnlyFans pages (which wouldn’t be a problem if their comments were actually relevant to the tweet they’re replying to).

    Bluesky has been a breath of fresh air. It’s like what Twitter used to be – The Twitter of the early 2010s. The enshittification process hasn’t taken hold yet. I’m sure it will of course, but for now it’s a nice place and I think I’ll be spending more time there. Come join me and VHS Revue.

    As for next year, I’ve already got quite a bit of work locked in, which is a nice change. Plus I’m planning a couple of new projects: a podcast with the ole GAA gang and a book. Both should be fun. Watch this space.

    This year I could finally do that Monty Python and The Holy Grail line “I’m 37, I’m not old”. In November I made a brief trip back to Adelaide to (among other things) attend my 20th high school reunion. This is the first one where you really start to see some variation in how people are ageing. There were some classmates who looked exactly how I remember them and others who look about 60. I think I’m somewhere in the middle.

    It was just an informal gathering at a bar in Glenelg. Maybe 70-80 people there, so about a third of the whole year level. I’m guessing a third of people don’t live in Adelaide any more and another third probably want to put that whole chapter of their lives out of their… lives. And fair enough. Me, I didn’t mind Sacred Heart Senior School. Hated most of my four years at the middle school. By comparison, years 10-12 weren’t so bad. A lot of good memories.

    Our Year 12 video (which I had personally converted to a .mp4 from the 20-year-old DVD) was projected onto a wall with the sound off. It was a nice addition, which we didn’t do at the 10th reunion. Back in 2004 there were a couple of people with a nice video camera who came to school and recorded interviews with kids and showed up to capture all the big moments, eg. sports day, retreats, the formal, muck up day, etc. At the end of the year everyone got a copy for our personal archives. We were the first year to get a choice between VHS and DVD.

    Apparently they stopped making Year 12 videos a few years after us? Not sure if that’s true but if so, that’s a shame. Sure, every kid at school now is recording video on their phones every day probably, but without someone to coordinate it and cut it into some sort of coherent highlight package, it’s not much use.

    After the reunion ended just past midnight, it was a nice night so I figured I’d walk in the direction of my Mum’s place in Brighton and get an Uber when I got too tired. The walk down Brighton Road took me right by Sacred Heart College. It was about 1.15 in the morning and the gate was open so naturally I wandered in and had a look around. While trying to remember what the brickwork in the quadrangle used to look like, I saw a possum crawl by with a little baby possum riding on its back. I suspect they weren’t supposed to be there either.

    I ended up walking all the way to Mum’s. As usual with this genius tactic, you typically reach a point where you’re too close to your destination to justify paying the Uber service charge so you just keep going. You know, in all the years I lived in Seacliff, not once had I ever done that walk.

    I think it’s good to do new things, while occasionally looking back at the old things.

    Hope you have a good 2025. I’ll be around.

    DMG

    Oh yeah also I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease and found broken glass in a packet of chicken nuggets but more on that later.

  • Goodness Gracious 2023

    Urgh here we go again.

    2023 was certainly the year of VHS Revue. With no writing work on Mad as Hell for the first time in a decade, I figured I’d go all in on the video tape-based web series I’ve been dabbling on since 2008. And I reckon the hard work paid off.

    I made 16 episodes to bring the total to 50. This one is probably my favourite:

    I thought I’d try doing some PR this year too. I ended up appearing on three radio shows, eight podcasts, plus three TV appearances! Here’s me shitting myself on Studio 10 shortly before the show was axed:

    And here I am on Today Extra a mere 34 hours after getting back from Sweden, not entirely sure if any of this was real:

    Then there’s the show’s growing audience on social media – especially TikTok – which started the year with about 12k followers and ends it at more than 27k, with one clip gaining more than one million views – a first for me on any platform.

    It’s never the ones you think will do well…

    @vhsrevue

    Remember when Kmart sold stuff besides plastic shoes? Get a load of their range in this Aussie ad from 1984. #kmart #australia #vhsrevue #80s #nostalgia #videogames

    ? original sound – VHS Revue

    Those 16 new episodes were also just enough to reach the magic 4,000 watch hours on YouTube within a 12 month period, thus finally allowing me to become a partner and start getting a slice of that YouTube ad money. So far I’ve made 28 cents.

    The Patreon account has been a bit more successful. Currently the show has 52 paid subscribers. Thanks, you people! And thanks to everyone else who’s helped me make the show – or just watched it – over the last 50 episodes.

    Oh yeah and I wrote an article for The Guardian too.

    But what does the future hold for VHS Revue? Well I’ve certainly got no shortage of tapes…

    Other work things and back in March I was in a TV commercial for Seek.com.au.

    More of that please.

    I had a little writing work on a TV quiz show and wrote a bit of website copy but nothing like Mad as Hell unfortunately. Doesn’t feel like there’ll be a show like that again any time soon, which is a bit of a shame (speaking as both a writer and viewer).

    Still panelling radio at SEN. Pushed the buttons for the usual things: AFL, NBL, BBL, AFLW. I also panelled SEN’s first ever netball radio broadcast and did some of the FIFA Women’s World Cup coverage.

    The Australia v. France penalty shootout was a pretty special sporting moment to be part of. You can see me on the video through the glass here.

    See if you can tell what went wrong…

    I also did a few days on Trade Radio and ended the year with three weeks panelling Afternoons with Jimmy Smith and The Run Home with Joel & Fletch on 1170 SEN Sydney.

    The Sydney studios were out of action in November/December for refurbishing so all their programming had to be panelled from other studios around the network. It also resulted in my first on-air appearance on said network. Despite working for Crocmedia/SEN since 2012 and being referred to on various shows by everyone from Rex Hunt to Tim Gossage, I’d never actually been on air. Mainly because I can’t talk about sport. Still, The Run Home guys invited me on to say hi and once Jimmy Smith found out I was a comedy writer, well I had to give him something:

    [display_podcast]

    It’s been so long since I’ve hosted a radio show, I do kind of miss it. So it was cool this year to be part of a podcast pilot called ‘Back in Those Days’ with Isabella Valette, which we recorded at the fabulous HitMaker Studios in Port Melbourne. Hope we can make more of those.

    Annika, Gus, Rockley and I have settled into Coburg. We’ve got our favourite cafés, playgounds and local landmarks (ie. The Cat House – if you know, you know).

    One of the highlights of the year was our olive harvesting party, where we had some friends round to hang out, eat nice bread and pick the olives off our seven olive trees. We got 62kg of olives, which we had turned into 6 litres of olive oil.

    There were still a few buckets left on the trees so I also preserved some in jars, a process I found surprisingly enjoyable. The black ones in particular turned out great. Probably won’t bother with the green ones next time (a bit too acidic. Probably best to use those for oil).

    In June/July we spent a month in Sweden for midsommer. It was my first overseas trip since the pandemic, our first long haul flight with a baby and probably the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. But once we got there it was quite nice.

    We introduced Gus to Annika’s side of the family. My Mum and her partner Nigel came too and they met all the Swedish relatives. Basically a lot of time with family and friends; eating, drinking, saunaing and enjoying the long summer days outdoors.

    I’d been to Sweden three times before but this was my first time driving a car there. Thanks to those skills I picked up on our honeymoon in the US though, it wasn’t nearly as terrifying. Just like riding a bike.

    Couldn’t quite say the same for the kayak…

    That year 8 canoeing camp didn’t do squat.

    Oh and I saw a moose for the first time! Which I’m told is actually quite rare. It was munching on some grass in the glade just outside our house. Had to get out the video camera for that one:

    Thankfully the flight back wasn’t as bad.

    God if there was ever a time to have a row to yourself…

    There a Bob Odenkirk stand-up bit that gets recited quite a bit in our house:

    “At some point your kids kinda mutate. They go from being beautiful miracles of love into the worst roommates you’ve ever had. Because they become roommates who: don’t help, who you have to drive around, who don’t think you’re funny, kinda hate you… you have to feed them or you go to jail. YOU go to jail if you don’t feed them. And you’ve had bad roommates but the worst part is you love them. You love these bastards.”

    And he’s only 18 months…

    No surprise I didn’t watch as many things or read as many books this year. Basically every free moment I had went into VHS Revue. But I did read ‘Lincoln in the Bardo’ by George Saunders (2017), which was absolutely brilliant. Very original and full of many funny choices.

    My favourite TV show at the moment is ‘For All Mankind’, now in its 4th season and the best Australian show this century returned with the season 2 of ‘The Newsreader’ on ABC TV. I highly recommend all of the above.

    Sometimes I reckon I hit the genetic lottery (I mean, just look at that lush head of hair with nary a grey in sight) but I think this might have been the first year where I’ve started to see the cracks of middle age appearing. Particularly while editing VHS Revue, I saw a noticeable difference between the batch of episodes I shot in November 2021 compared to January 2023. It might have something to do with me becoming a parent in between and losing all notion of a good night’s sleep. Or maybe it’s because I shot 16 episodes in a single weekend, I don’t know.

    But I’m 36 now. I can injure my back just by reaching for the shampoo in the shower. It’ll be my 20th high school reunion next year! And I’m getting closer to that point where there’s actually more years behind me than ahead. That’s if I’m lucky. Which of course I am.

    There have been some horrible, disturbing and disappointing things happen in the world this year. War in Gaza, the failed referendum, global warming, AI, the soaring cost of everything, Elon Musk ruining Twitter. Right wing authoritarianism. It feels like we are teetering on some sort of precipice.

    It’s a wonderful gift this life.

    Wishing you all the good things.

    DMG

  • Bye Bye 2022

    It’s been a large year. New house, new car, new phone, new baby. Pretty much compressed all of being an adult into a few months.

    Also wrote on the final 2 seasons of Mad as Hell before catching Covid at the wrap party. Here are some of my favourite things I got on the air this year:

    Like I said after the finale in September:

    Sitting in the Hoddle Street Hungry Jack’s at 1AM this morning after the #madashell wrap party, I realised this was also where I went after getting the email from Shaun in November 2013 offering me a job on the writing team. I couldn’t believe it. I literally dropped everything and drove to the closest Jacca’s to give myself a burger treat.

    I started writing on series 3 in 2014 and kept getting just enough gags on the show to justify being invited back and somehow managed to do that for 13 more seasons. It’s been the greatest job. Getting to hang out with some of my best friends and just think of funny stuff feels like a scam.

    When our comedy idol Shaun Micallef gives one of our scripts the nod of approval and it’s brought to life by the absolute best cast and crew in the business, and it gets a laugh, it is an unbeatable feeling. So many things have to go just right.

    We’re all feeling many things about Mad as Hell ending. Personally I can’t be sad because the show gave me so much laughter. I can’t think about it for long without remembering something hilarious and smiling.

    Thank you to everyone on the team. It’s been like flying first class. I hope I can work with you all again someday. And thank you to the audience. It’s certainly a rare thing in Australia for a local television show to be so beloved. But we never took it for granted.

    Got a pretty nice souvenir from the show:

    Also very much enjoyed Shaun’s autobiography ‘Tripping Over Myself: A Memoir of a Life in Comedy’. Especially stories from his time at Sacred Heart. One particular prank he pulled with the school’s PA system had me laughing out loud. Should make a nice telemovie or miniseries some day.

    Made some new VHS Revues this year and currently writing more. They bring me much joy. This one is probably my favourite of the latest batch thanks to John Hnatowych’s amazing VCR animation:

    In May, I moved back to Coburg after a ten year absence. The place hasn’t changed a bit. Literally.

    This local milk bar for example:

    A closer look in the window…

    Following advice from several real estate agents, Annika and I made sure to buy our first house right at the top of the market. But it has radiators and air conditioning and art deco features, plus a beautiful backyard with several fruit trees and plenty of places for Rockley to explore.

    Shortly after in June, we welcomed Gustav Luke Green into our lives. To quote my favourite Futurama episode, he was “named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit.”

    He is objectively the cutest baby.

    Already getting him started on Thomas the Tank Engine and very much looking forward to teaching him how to play Donkey Kong Country and Heroes of Might & Magic 2 when the time is right.

    Was a nice change to get the extended family in Adelaide coming to visit us in Melbourne several times this year, instead of us going to them.

    I did make three trips to Adelaide though before Gus was born. First for Dad’s 70th birthday back in February, where we enjoyed a wonderful dinner at The Lenzerheide (my favourite Adelaide restaurant) and a very nice 1982 Grange.

    In April, I attended the wedding of my good friends Tim and Daniel, which had been postponed twice due to various lockdowns and border restrictions over the last couple of years. I made a pretty good speech.

    And then just a few weeks later I was back again for my sister Hannah’s wedding to her partner Nick. I emceed that one. I love this photo of the two of them. The gum tree looks like a watercolour painting.

    Other things, wrote my first piece for The Guardian.

    Still panelling radio for SEN and in April it was 10 years since I started working for them (back when it was called Crocmedia). Once again put on a suit to panel the AFL Grand Final. It’s a tradition that’s starting to catch on among the panel operators, with young Matt Donald taking up the tie this year as well.

    After 11 years of sheer driving mediocrity, I said goodbye to my 2000 Toyota Corolla. Donated it to the good people at Kids Under Cover.

    There have been some truly awful events this year. Russia’s blatant disregard for human life and the international rule of law in their invasion of Ukraine created traumatic scenes many believed would never be seen again in Europe; incompatible with our modern age. But the swift global condemnation as well as the remarkable resilience from the Ukrainian people and President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has been one of the most inspiring things I’ve ever seen.

    A seemingly never-ending run of natural disasters around the world should ring alarm bells for us all that man-made climate change is quickly making parts of our planet uninhabitable. We need to stop burning fossil fuels and transition to renewable energy FAST. We clearly don’t have the infrastructure to adequately deal with these floods, fires, heatwaves and storms now and they’re only going to get worse.

    Some hope though and there was a collective sigh of relief in May when Australia finally voted out the Morrison Government, which had left the country in neutral with the engine running in the national garage for the last nine years. Thank Christ for that because I could not take another term of Coalition corruption, rorting and their complete lack of accountability and leadership in practically every facet of Australian culture. Good riddance.

    Whoops getting a bit political here. Quick, here’s a picture of Rockley in front of the Christmas tree:

    Travel, renovations and putting my precious things on progressively higher shelves are my major plans for 2023.

    I’m also open to more comedy writing work if ya know of any. Or if you wanna grab a coffee and talk about life and stuff, send me a message sometime.

    All the best to you and yours.

    -DMG