David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Category: The Life of DMG

  • The most expensive gag in community television history… Probably.

    Did someone say, “Gee, that 31 Questions is okay for a community TV show. But they could really use a once off $350 joke”?

    No? Well, I’m not surprised… But for argument’s sake, let’s assume you did!

    Last Thursday May 10 was our penultimate studio shoot and my good friend of 18 odd years, Gerard Kotlowy (also one of the 31 Questions writers) booked himself a flight from Adelaide to Melbourne to see his vision to appear on television and then be transformed into a cardboard cutout of himself come true.

    The only problem was… the cardboard cutout only arrived today.

    So we shot Gerard’s “live” bit last week and hopefully the magic of television will allow the 2nd half of our single most expensive gag to be immortalised on fabulous standard definition video tape during our final day in the studio tomorrow evening!

    The rest of the taping was a bit more rocky than in previous weeks. This was thanks mainly to competition with the news programme “Newsline” over RMITV resources such as the autocues, graphics machine and other things I don’t understand.

    Newsline goes live to air from 5.45PM to 6PM in the adjacent Studio B. So we had to keep it down during a time where we would otherwise be rehearsing and setting up for our shows.

    I’m all too familiar with Newsline, having completed a Graduate Diploma of Journalism (with Distinction, might I add) from RMIT University two years ago. A great course. I learned a lot and especially loved the television component.

    If memory serves, back then Newsline was 45 minutes. But these days it seems to only be 15 minutes. It might have something to do with my infamous gaff on the show back in ’10…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSojtnWJIf8

    Man, that was some bizarre television… Exactly what community TV should be 🙂

    Speaking of which, back to our show!

    Ahh Anthony, will you ever change that shirt? Or even just wash it once in a while, for Christ’s sake…

    We had a huge audience last week. And by “huge”, I mean like, 15 or so? Many thanks to the good folk who came down and joined in the triviality of the evening.

    It’s all getting to be a bit of a blur now. We’ve done 11 of these shows. I’ve forgotten 90% of the crap I’ve said. And as yet, I haven’t even watched any of the footage back.

    That’s not really how I’d like to do things in a perfect world, as I do find I’m able to self evaluate my performance much more effectively when I can see the video. I improve my sex life in much the same way.

    So this brings us to the FINAL studio shoot. We’re taping the last two episodes of our 13-episode season Thursday, 17 May 2012.

    We’ve got a lot to get done. As well as Eps 12 and 13, we also have to shoot four sketches and a bunch of pick-up shots; little things we missed or forgot to do in previous weeks.

    So come join the fun. It’s most likely your LAST EVER OPPORTUNITY to see me host a TV show. I mean, what moron would let me loose in a TV studio again? Someone who wanted to get fired.

    Hell, 31 Questions was officially cancelled by management in February last year! People have been trying to stop this show since the beginning.

    So this is it, my friends and foes. It’s now or never.

    So what are you waiting for!?!

    Be an extra special member of our exclusive studio audience. 7PM RMIT University. Studio A, Level 2, Building 12, near the corner of Swanston and Franklin Streets, Melbourne. Join the Facebook event here. Come one, come all!

    And feel free to join us cast and crew for a few drinks afterwards at an as yet undecided location.

    Hope to see you there.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Televisionman

  • 31 Questions: Low budget TV at its most adequate.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAPVzMuPmzQ

    And a very big thank you to TV’s Andrew O’Keefe and the good people at Profile Talent Management and Global Television Studios in South Melbourne!

    The irony is we actually shot a sketch where AO’K refuses to appear in an ID for 31 Questions…

    Stay tuned for that one. It will be an opening sketch to one of our 13 episodes and will debut on Channel 31 at some point between June and August. More info when we find out our timeslot.

    We’ve now passed the half way point in the 31 Questions shooting schedule!

    Last Thursday May 3, we shot episodes 8 and 9. Once again there were the usual issues to deal with: crew calling in sick, technical glitches, pressed for time, etc.

    But we had a great audience turnout this week and we managed to shoot a couple of quick sketches in addition to the two episodes. Plus we finished on time for a change. Incredible!

    And it’s still smiles all round. At least when Simon gets his camera out.

    Some of the gags were a bit hit and miss. It never ceases to surprise me how completely off the mark I can be re how I think an audience will react.

    My hilarious friend Gerard Kotlowy and I, in one of our many laugh-generation sessions whenever I’m back in Adelaide, came up with this gag involving me pulling a cob of corn from beneath my podium in response to a question about farmers.

    I thought it would kill!

    On the night it received a lukewarm response. In hindsight it probably just confused people.

    But on the other hand, a throw away line coming back from a break: “I’m David M. Green. The love child of Jim Carrey, Gary Numan, and Jim Carrey…” got a HUGE laugh.

    Pfft… comedy.

    I think that’s why I like it so much. It’s never without mystery.

    An amusing bi-product of producing this TV show is I seem to be amassing an assortment of bizarre random items.

    The other day I had to go buy a rubber duck and a packet of little army men… watch the show and eventually you’ll find out why.

    When this is all over, I’ll have in my possession: x4 A1 sized black and white posters of my face, x10 David M. Green mugs, an air horn, x2 fluoro orange workers’ shirts, a name plate that says “Moderator”, x3 overpriced 31 Questions custom microphone flags, a safety card from a Boeing 737-800, and these are just the things we haven’t already given away as prizes…

    If there’s one thing I’ve already got enough of… it’s desk ornaments…

    Television has a rich history of amassing interesting knickknacks. A fact explored further by Anthony McCormack and myself in this brief video recorded in the RMITV prop room…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fne9b6T4UQ&feature=plcp

    This Thursday May 10 is our penultimate 31 Questions studio shoot. So if you can’t make it for the finale on May 17 THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE!

    So come watch two shows as they’re recorded on fabulous standard definition video tape this Thursday 7PM, Studio A, Level 2, Building 12 of RMIT University on scenic Swanston Street, Melbourne.

    RSVP to the event on Facebook. Or don’t and come anyway. Or alternatively, RSVP on Facebook and then don’t come. Or don’t RSVP and don’t come. These are your four options.

    Surprise me.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Oooooh… 31 Questions is coming sooooooooon!

  • Now we’re making television!

    I walked away from RMIT University’s Studio A on fabulous Swanston Street last Thursday evening feeling like a million dollars! Nothing beats a great comedy performance. Although in fairness, some of that may have been the cocaine.

    On April 26, we shot episodes 6 and 7 of 31 Questions and it went splendidly. I believe it also marks the first time 31 Questions will require a “drug references” warning at the start of the broadcast.

    Our audience warm-up guy wasn’t there again, but it didn’t seem to matter because there was a really positive vibe in the studio this week, which wasn’t quite all there last week.

    It’s still proving difficult to get people to come to the taping. Five minutes before we were to start the first of our two shows for the evening, I walked out onto Swanston Street in a last minute desperate attempt to find some audience members.

    Incredibly, I was somehow able to drag in two Queensland girls who had only been in Melbourne for about four hours! They were just wandering aimlessly around the city streets. Now they’ve got a great story for their Sunshine State friends: “Oh yeah, you can’t walk down the street in Melbourne without being dragged into a TV studio.”

    We shot a little behind the scenes video with them, which I believe has been sent off to Lisbon, Portugal for editing. I’d say it will be “coming soon” to the 31 Questions YouTube Channel, so keep your eye’s and bananas peeled.

    In the mean time, here’s a still:

    Also, here’s a photo that has something to do with 31 Questions:

    Another great moment while filming came about a third of the way into taping the first episode of the evening.

    We’ve been having some trouble with the buzzers. Simon had organised their construction through a friend of his at a cost of something like $250. But with the constant battering they’re receiving from over-zealous contestants, the plastic casing has cracked and the wiring is starting to come loose.

    I actually have a little reset button on my podium. So after each question, I press the button to reset the buzzers for the next question. But after Act 1 of episode 6, the reset button stopped working, meaning the buzzers essentially became very expensive (and tall) coasters.

    So we took a little break to chat to the audience, while the very talented technical director James Gormley got out a soldering iron and set to work on repairs. About seven minutes later, he’d done it!

    I think James actually got the biggest applause we’ve had on the whole series so far.

    We were probably 60 seconds away from carrying on without the buzzers and implementing our very sophisticated back-up plan of contestants raising a hand when they know the answer. And let’s face it… That would have been pretty lame.

    I’m thrilled that 31 Questions is finally starting to resemble my initial vision for a funny low budget TV show. Now, if I can only get my hair to stay in place…

    There’s still 6 episodes to go!

    So come join the party! We’re taping episodes 8 and 9 this Thursday May 3, 7PM. Studio A, Level 2, Building 12, RMIT University, Swanston St, Melbourne.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    31 Questions! Or as Ben Cousins calls it, “Getting Arrested”.

  • 31 Questions Eps 4 & 5 taping

    Last Thursday April 19 was our third day in the studio, making low budget TV history. We successfully shot episodes 4 and 5 of the game show all the cool kids are ignoring: 31 Questions.

    This time we had the ability to play VTs (video tapes, for the uninitiated) and the crew had a few flying hours together so technically speaking, things were running smoothly. But the slight problem this time round was the embarrassing reality that virtually no one came to see it!

    Not including contestants and crew, the studio audience for the second show of the evening consisted of two people… TWO!

    This is one of the things stopping me from doing a REAL show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival; How the hell am I supposed to get people to pay $15 to come see me do stand up, when I can’t even get them to come see something far more interesting FOR FREE?

    I don’t know how those real comedians do it? Maybe they’re just really funny… Nah. That’s crazy talk.

    Still, it didn’t stop us from putting on a show. Two shows, actually.

    It’s a great atmosphere. There’s a lot of laughter in that studio when the 31Q gang is in town, but everyone knows they’ve also got a job to do. Though too often I find myself worrying about things – like whether the guys in the control room are getting all the gags and Jesus I hope they didn’t forget to press record on the tape – instead of throwing caution to the wind and just enjoying it.

    Ahh, when the burdens of producing fall upon the talent… but then of course if it were any other way, it wouldn’t be my show. I’d be hosting someone else’s TV show.

    But luckily I have the very talented Riyana Kasmawan sitting beside me in the producers’ chair. There’s no actual chair. But she is worth her weight in gold and we couldn’t do this thing without her pulling the strings off camera. Thank you thank you thank you!

    And I know I’ve said this already, but we really do have an outstanding crew working on this show.

    This is the biggest single creative project I’ve ever undertaken. In many ways it would have been much easier and simpler to do another single camera comedy show, something like my webseries Too Easy but for television, all shot on location with just a couple of people.

    But I’ve done that. And I’ll do it again. But here was an opportunity to make a REAL television show, using a real television studio with four cameras; equipment worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. And you can’t do it with just a couple of people. You need a big crew. You simply cannot get around it. And as such, you have to delegate. But them’s the breaks. So why the hell not?

    Of course, as impressive as all this is, this is NOTHING compared to any run-of-the-mill TV show on one of the commercial networks, or even the “under-funded” ABC.

    The first thing I noticed when I walked into the ABC studios in Elsternwick, the home of “Letters & Numbers” and “In Gordon Street Tonight” amongst others, was the ceiling. Take a look at the number of lights in the above studio photo there. Times that by about 12 and that’s roughly how many lights the ABC has in just the ONE studio!

    But if the alternative is sitting in the rent-free east wing of my parents’ resplendent house in Adelaide, working some dead end customer service job and lamenting the lack of progress with my television career, which is very much what I was doing in late 2009 before I moved to Melbourne… I’ll take this any day.

    So seriously, you’re running out of chances! Come join our studio audience. It’s quite likely after this, they’ll never let us make another TV show again.

    We’re back in there taping episodes 6 and 7 tomorrow, Thursday April 26. 7pm to 10pm. Studio A Level 2 Building 12 RMIT University, Swanston Street, Melbourne. Free lollies!

    Oh, and one last thing…

    If you thought being a TV game show host was going to greatly enhance my sex life… guess again…

    Exert from a recent conversation on Oasis Active:

    daisy909 says:
    Haha where are you performing?
    superdude87 says:
    I’m making a game show for Channel 31
    daisy909 says:
    Ohhhh really
    daisy909 has removed you from their contacts. You can no longer send any messages to this member.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    31 Questions: The greatest TV game show this side of Swanston Street and still technically within the Hoddle Grid of the Melbourne Central Business District… What an achievement!

  • 31 Questions Eps 2 & 3 taping

    Last Thursday April 12, the 31 Questions team once again gathered at the television studios at RMIT University on fabulous Swanston Street, Melbourne for the taping of episodes 2 and 3 of our 13-show first season.

    It’s a mistake to think nothing will go wrong. I really should stop setting myself up for disappointment.

    This time we had corrupted video files. But that didn’t matter so much, because there was a problem with the VT (video tape) machine, which meant we couldn’t play the clips anyway.

    This mainly affected the “Word on the Street” segment, where we play contestants vox pop footage of people on the street talking about a particular topic, without saying the name of that topic. The contestants then need to identify what the folks are talking about.

    Of course, without the ability to PLAY the footage, the segment doesn’t really work. However, we found an ingenious stop gap solution…

    I threw to the footage as usual, then my trusty sidekick Anthony McCormack simply read a transcript of the vox-pops. We’ll just insert the vox-pop footage in during editing and no one’s the wiser!

    This is community TV.

    I recall Rove McManus’s first appearance on “The Tonight Show” with Jay Leno in 2007. He mentioned one occasion in the mid 90s when he was hosting “The Loft Live” on Channel 31 – which was a LIVE show and broadcast from the very same studio – where they were forced to go to air with no audio. So he was at the desk writing things on a piece of card and holding it up to the camera so he could communicate with the viewers!

    This is community TV.

    Thank God we’re pre-recorded.

    And that wasn’t the only thing that went wrong. There were problems with the electronics that controlled the buzzers, lights kept blowing out, crew called in sick, there was no audience warm-up person and there were various breakdowns in communication.

    But we’re so lucky to have a damn good bunch of people working on this show. There’s a few who stand out immediately and I know they’ll have illustrious careers in television.

    Now what is really remarkable is that we somehow overcame all of the problems, kept our cool, pulled together and shot two complete episodes, which I have a feeling should come out of the editing process pretty damn well.

    To be honest, yesterday when we put the studio tape in the machine and watched it back for the first time, I was so relieved there was any recorded footage AT ALL, it could have been 45 minutes of a goat licking a sugar cube and I would have been happy.

    They mystery of how such goat footage made it onto the tape would be another matter.

    It was a small studio audience. Probably only 10 people or so. But we actually managed to get some pretty big laughs out of them. In a way it was lucky we started with a small crowd, because it didn’t matter so much we were still ironing out the bugs.

    We’ve also established a new convention on the show. If neither contestant knows the answer to a question, I’ll throw it open to the audience. There’s a great atmosphere in that studio. It really is a very powerful format: the TV game show.

    And our four contestants were great. Good general knowledge and best of all, they played along with our silly gags! And they seemed genuinely amazed they walked away with ACTUAL PRIZES! Granted, they’re just things with my face on them, but still… turns out these props are pretty expensive to get printed up… so they’re worth at least the cost of the materials.

    We’ve still got 10 shows left to go and we’ve got some pretty hilarious things planned, so if you can’t wait til June to see it on TV, come on down and join our studio audience this Thursday evening. Seats still available!

    And don’t forget to subscribe to 31 Questions on YouTube (We’ll have some sneak peak behind the scenes footage up there for you soon!).

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    31 Questions: The TV game show where YOU get to be the viewer!