David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Category: TV

  • Idiots & apostrophes

    I couldn’t believe the above typo when I saw it. On a poster for the  new Channel Nine TV series In Their Footsteps, they make one of the simplest mistakes in the English language… They forget the apostrophe. Our “NATIONS” heroes?

    Unfortunately, those posters are on bus shelters, tram stops and train stations all over Melbourne, and presumably, the rest of the country as well. How did that one get through the proof-readers? Unbelievable.

    Do you think those brave diggers were battling in the trenches, knee-deep in crimson mud, so that we could all prance about back home making up our own God damn grammatical rules as we go along?!? I DON’T THINK SO!

    Could be worse. They could have called the show “In There Footsteps” – one path that I hope we do not follow.

    What isn’t to understand about the apostrophe?

    If people aren’t leaving them out, they’re sticking them where they don’t belong, like the “well-educated” folks at Burnside Village. This snap was taken in Adelaide by my good friend Tim Wray:

    Obviously a grasp of proper apostrophe use isn’t one of Burnside Village’s “Must have’s” this Mother’s Day.

    I’m not 100% on “Mother’s Day” either. Really, shouldn’t it be “Mothers’ Day”, as it’s a day for ALL mothers, not just one?

    Let’s run through the basics.

    Plurals do not require apostrophes!

    The only exception to this rule is when to not use an apostrophe would create more confusion. For example, to write “Cross the t’s and dot the i’s” is more appropriate than “Cross the ts and dot the is”. Both versions however, are more appropriate than “Cross the i’s and dot the t’s”, but that’s another issue.

    We use apostrophes to imply ownership. For example, “this is David’s apostrophe”. If we’re talking about a collective ownership, such as a group of people, we would say: “the mouth-breathers’ grammatical skills need some work”.

    Lastly, we use apostrophes to indicate missing letter(s). For example, “they are” can be contracted to “they’re” with the help of our old friend, the apostrophe.

    Don’t have time to take the omnibus to the supermarket? Take the ‘bus instead!

    Now do as I do and go out there and use this knowledge of apostrophes to make yourself feel like a big man!

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Two apostrophes in every garage.

  • 31 Questions is back on track BABY!

    I used to watch “Sale of the Century” religiously when I was a kid, growing up in the early to mid-90s pre-Internet world. So it was a small dream fulfilled to not only meet former host Glenn Ridge, but to also film a sketch with him!

    It’s been quite some time since my last update on the progress of my RMITV Student Television game show production for Channel 31: “31 Questions”.

    The last piece of news I shared was when Channel 31 reviewed our pilot and said they wanted us to make another one. We were planning on filming a second pilot in late March, which would then allow us to go ahead with a 13-episode season.

    Unfortunately, it didn’t go as smoothly as we would have hoped. We weren’t allowed to shoot our second pilot and for a while there our whole show had actually been canceled by RMITV. I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to go into the details, but I’m sure it will all come out years from now when someone decides to write a book on the history of RMITV… And when that happens I’ll be all too happy to provide insight.

    But anyway, the important thing is that after two months of production gridlock, we’ve finally been allowed to film our second pilot. And we kicked it off in style, by filming a sketch with TV legend Glenn Ridge!

    The shoot could not have gone better. Glenn very kindly donated his time and his production company office (Q Media) in Port Melbourne. Great guy and a total pro. An absolute pleasure to work with.

    We’ll have that sketch online soon. So make sure to SUBSCRIBE TO 31 QUESTIONS ON YOUTUBE and LIKE 31 QUESTIONS ON FACEBOOK to get all the latest notifications.

    This is hopefully going to be a recurring theme – tracking down notable past and present TV game show hosts and getting them to make cameo sketch appearances.

    TV’s John Burgess of “Wheel of Fortune” and “Burgo’s Catch Phrase” fame has said he’s up for it. Unfortunately though, he lives on the Gold Coast… so we’re not quite sure how we’re going to film it… You can always help out by throwing us a bone? There’s a donate button on the left side of my website.

    We haven’t got a studio date yet to film pilot #2, which will hopefully be episode #1 of a 13-episode first season. But we’re aiming to do it within the next month. Stay tuned.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    31 Questions
    Host – Writer – Producer

  • Who’s this twit?

    Well what d’ya know? I did it again!

    Slightly less witty than my debut Q&A re-tweet on March 7:

    But a thrill all the same!

    Last night’s episode of ABC TV’s “Q&A” was broadcast live from Albury-Wodonga (obviously they weren’t in both towns. I forget which one they were in. But it was certainly one of them).

    The main theme of the evening was rural Australia. Not having much to contribute to that discussion, it was more a coincidence that my love of high speed rail would also be beneficial to “rural folk”.

    There’s also the possibility someone at the ABC “Twitter Desk” has their own high speed rail agenda, with fellow RMIT journalism student Emma Buckley Lennox having her fast locomotion-themed tweet broadcast as well:

    I am jealous her tweet appeared beneath Tony Windsor. I do love that man.

    I didn’t get much response after my tweet this time. I’m guessing that’s because Osama Bin Laden was providing a distraction from regular current affairs viewers, and probably also because the theme of last night’s Q&A was “rural Australia”, which, let’s face it, probably doesn’t rate high on the typical Australian’s care meter.

    No doubt these two factors contributed to below average TV ratings. I also noticed the “#qanda” hash-tag wasn’t “trending” last night either. Case closed!

    Until next time.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Resident twit.

  • Popping voxes for RMITV

    The other day I swung by my alma mater, RMIT University, to record a short promotional video for RMITV Student Television at the university’s O-Day celebrations.

    And I had a freaking fantastic time!

    Basically I walked around with a talented camera-operator named Emma (didn’t catch her surname), doing vox-pops and joking around.

    We recorded about 40 minutes of footage, 15 of which was really good (in my opinion, anyway).

    Someone else edited together a 7 minute video for the Student Union website, which featured some fancy cut-away footage spliced in there and a “best of” the day’s vox-pops.

    They also did that thing where they cut to a second camera that I’m NOT looking at, while I’m doing my PTCs (pieces to camera), and which, if I can be honest, I absolutely hate.

    It makes it look like I’m presenting on Video Hits or some teen show where they assume the audience is so depraved of an attention span you need to keep putting in cuts to the same thing from different angles. Sometimes they change it to black and white or put it in slow motion as well. At least RMITV didn’t go that far…

    Seriously though, great edit. It’s far more swish-looking than I could manage. It’s supposed to be on the Student Union website, but I can’t seem to find it… Little help?

    But anyway, I acquired permission to upload ALL the good footage to the Internet here so YOU can see the good stuff that didn’t make it to the official video.

    So here they are separated into three easy-to-digest videos!

    #1 – Who are you & what are you studying? (Keep your eye out for a cat and a giant bowling pin…)

    –

    #2 – Are you a member of a club or society? (I make two Thai girls sing their national anthem in this one!)

    –

    #3 – Have you heard of RMITV? (Turns out some people understand television better than others…)

    –

    I think I displayed just the right amount of smart-arseness. What do ya reckon?

    Everyone there at the RMITV stall was a pleasure to work (and slack off) with. I wish I could do this sort of thing everyday!

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    And that was a damn fine shotgun microphone.

  • The Twitter Holy Grail: Retweeted by Q&A!

    I couldn’t believe it.

    Last night was the first time I’d twittered along to ABC TV’s political discussion programme “Q&A” and my second ever use of the #qanda hash-tag was put on TV!

    They were talking about the Tea Party movement in the United States, and whether that sort of movement would ever happen in Australia.

    My first tweet was: “I think someone needs a tea bag”. But then I thought of a better pun I had a feeling would be right up the ABC’s alley…

    I’m not entirely sure how they decide which tweets to put on TV. I figure there’s probably one guy who scans the twitter feed and somehow transfers the relevant/funny ones. I’ve heard the show gets tens of thousands of tweets during the hour, so I was quite surprised and very honoured to have achieved the Twitter “Holy Grail” of every comedian and journalist alike, especially on what was essentially my first attempt.

    Within seconds I had about 10 replies on Facebook and Twitter, including one from The Sydney Morning Herald’s Glenda Kwek:

    curious_scribe yes, @david_m_green, a #greenteaparty sounds good. Healthy bowels for all! #qanda

    And I liked this one too from my Internet friend in Townsville:

    Pantomime_Horse Perhaps they’ll hire Hugh Jackman to do the advertisements for a Green Tea Party. #qanda RT @David_M_Green How about a Green Tea Party?

    Several of my friends in Melbourne and Adelaide inform me they gasped in amazement when they saw my name on TV, as did my cousin Laura in Canberra, who apparently nearly fell of her chair. Even one of my RMIT journalism lecturers, Alex Wake, who was watching from the Solomon Islands, allegedly “laughed and laughed”.

    Hehehehe… *sigh*… Can I have a job now?

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    As seen beneath Gail Kelly