David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Category: TV

  • The Glamorous World of Television

    Hello!

    It’s been quite a turbulent month. I’ll start this blog entry with some words of wisdom from my first hand personal experience, for anyone with an interest in joining the hideous bitch goddess that is, “show biz”:

    1. Don’t ever write a review.

    Just don’t do it. Unless you want to write reviews for a living. Or, if you feel you must write a review, don’t write a bad review. Even more specifically, don’t ever write a review of someone you may have to work with in the future. Even if it’s not a bad review, I’d say best to avoid it all together and keep your opinions to yourself. And be wary of fragile egos. But of course, if you want to be the next David Stratton, then go nuts! You might want to grow a beard too.

    2. Don’t under-estimate the power of the telephone.

    90% of people won’t pick up the phone and call someone if there’s a problem. They’ll prefer a passive-aggressive email, or even worse, a text message. Leave those forms of communication where they belong, in the bedroom. If you want to get things done, pick up the phone. It’s instant. It’s intimidating. All the celebrities are doing it.

    3. Be nice to everyone, but don’t take any crap from anyone. (Thanks for that one Dad!)

    You’ve got to be nice to people. Even if they’re not nice back, make sure you can always say you treated them with respect first. But of course, there are always going to be incompetent people in this industry who will try to take advantage of you. Work out where your limits are. If they start pushing you a bit too far, ask yourself if you’re content to put up with that forever? If someone’s outta line, tell it to ’em straight. And don’t swear at anyone. Ever. It’s unprofessional. Stick to legitimate comments. For example, call them unprofessional! However, most likely you won’t be in the position of power, so be prepared to eat dirt for a while until the incompetence and unprofessionalism of others catches up to them.

    4. Get in with the crew.

    Television (and films) generally have large crews. Crew people are the best people. They get the job done and without them, it wouldn’t be TV. It’d be someone posting a video blog on YouTube. Help out with the crew. Put in the hard yards with them and you’ll get respect. From everyone. And for the love of God… Don’t f*** with their equipment!

    5. Not everyone likes critical feedback and constructive criticism.

    I love it myself. However, unless someone asks you two or three times for critical feedback, don’t give it to them. ESPECIALLY if you don’t know them! Remember, fragile egos in this biz.

    6. Don’t believe everything everyone says.

    A lot of people will make a lot of wild promises. Don’t count on all of them coming through. Unless the contact is in your hands and they’re asking for your signature, assume there’s only a slight chance of it actually happening.

    These are just a few things that may or may not have any relevance to recent events in my life… And now for an update on what I’m up to:

    Catalyst
    Read a condensed transcript of my interview with Tim Vine in edition 3 of RMIT’s Catalyst Magazine. Hard copies available from the various Melbourne campuses. There doesn’t seem to be an online copy, but you may as well just listen to the audio version right here. No plans to write anything else soon (especially any reviews!).

    RMITV
    I’m very excited to be helping out on “Late Night Tonight” this week. It’s a parody of a late night talk show. I’ll be operating camera two, presumably pointing it at host Michael Lanzer (Channel 31’s “The Inquiry”).

    I was previously going to be involved with “Studio A”. However that doesn’t appear to be happening any more. Particularly disappointing considering that show alone was one of the big selling points of moving to Melbourne. On the other hand, it didn’t look like I would have had much creative input as “script editor”. But anyway, I wish them all the best. They’re okay.

    Recent events and pep-talks from certain individuals have encouraged me to use my time in Melbourne and access to RMIT’s fabulous student television facilities wisely. After all, as much as I’d love to stay in Melbourne, it will all come down to where the jobs are at the end of the year. So my good friend Lachlan Cowlishaw and myself are going to make our own comedy show pilot. A 22-minute show incorporating single camera sketches and multi-camera studio pieces. Hey! Why not? That’ll be a goal for the year. Get that done. If nothing else, hopefully we’ll be able to say we made something funny and put it on the Internet. I can also confirm right now that at the request of Mr Nick Godfrey, the show WILL have a puppet.

    Stand-up
    I’m doing stand-up at The Comic’s Lounge on fabulous Errol Street, North Melbourne this evening. 8:30pm. Feel free to come along. It’ll be the first time I’ve done it in Melbourne. I can get five people in for free so let me know if you want in.

    Too Easy
    Yes, the webseries I filmed with Alex “Shooter” Willamson back in January is just about edited and the first two episodes will hopefully be online within the next few days, closely followed by the four other episodes of Season 1.

    Radio
    I’ve completed the compulsory training that one requires if one is to be a broadcaster at SYN, RMIT’s student radio station. I tried to get out of it, but ironically it was easier to get on-air via this 4-week training course, as opposed to simply providing a link to this website with my 100+ hours of radio experience. The facilities are lacking a decent soundboard/cart-rack programme to play sound effects, so I’m on the lookout for a version for my laptop. If anyone has any software options they can suggest I’d love to hear them. Hopefully get back on-air sometime soon, even if it’s just a graveyard 2am-6am one just for fun. Any excuse to subject others to obscure ’80s New Wave music!

    Voice-Over
    I recently did a voice-over for Riverside Plaza, Queanbeyan. So if you live in the A.C.T. and would like to hear my best David Attenborough impression, tune in on Mix106.3. Special thanks to Radio’s Michael Princi for that one.

    And that video game I did some voices for back in December has finally been released. Download “Sunset Studio – Behind the Scenes!” from this link right here. I’m not sure where exactly my voice appears in the game but I do know it’s the “science-fiction movie scene”. I’m eager to see/hear it myself! If anyone makes it that far into the game PLEASE let me know!

    Miscellaneous
    In other news I’m coming back to Adelaide for 2 weeks! I’ll be there from June 24 to July 8. It’ll be great to see the ol’ gang again. I’ll probably have a gathering in the city to catch up with everyone en mass in one big burst of socialisation. But if you want to book in a lunch or something, just give me a dial.

    Anyway, must tend to my life. Excuse me.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Can’t wait for DEVO’s first new album since 1990! “Something for Everybody” comes out next week!

  • Live Television Debut!

    Greetings!

    Very exciting week last week: it was my turn to be on Newsline! I was the sports correspondent on May 18 2010 under the weighted anchoring of TV’s Ben Hagemann and Alicia Muling. The programme broadcast live on Channel 31 Melbourne from 4pm to 4:30pm.

    Coming to Melbourne and studying television journalism at RMIT has really opened my eyes to the practicalities of television production. It’s an incredible organisational feat. So much preparation goes into it. There’s a crew of about 15 people behind the scenes and putting together a 30-minute news programme and broadcasting LIVE five days a week is amazing. It still surprises me that we actually get to do this (as students, not professionals remember… not yet anyway).

    Special thanks also to TV’s Jill Singer, executive producer for Newsline. I can’t imagine the effort she’s put into getting this show off the ground. She’s done a wonderful job.

    Without beating around the bush, or using excessive cliches, I absolutely loved this. Each show has two hosts and three correspondents (news, business and sport). In some ways it’s actually harder to be a correspondent, as you’re up in a small room on your own with a green screen behind you and a camera pointed at your head, and unlike the hosts, the correspondents don’t get no autocue. All that presenting experience for YouTube sure came in handy.

    Even though I had to glance at my notes occasionally to remember some names, I’m very happy with my performance. I took it seriously. And how many opportunities does anyone get to do LIVE TV these days? How many shows are even done live anymore? And the people on those shows are mostly weathered TV veterans. Newsline and the resources at RMIT University provide an invaluable experience for newcomers to the industry, such as myself, and I am very grateful for the opportunity.

    Here are some snapshots of that day’s creation of Newsline, a voyeristic peak into the magic of student television news:

    This shan’t be my only dabble in television, of that I can assure you.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Photos my Yinmin Maung with Ben Hagemann’s camera.

  • Sports! (Not the Huey Lewis kind)

    Greetings!

    This just to hand: I, David M. Green, will now be the “sports correspondent” on Channel 31 Melbourne’s “Newsline” on Tuesday May 17 2010 at 4pm. Anchoring that day will be the veritable Ben Hagemann and the actual Alicia Muling. So tune in to see RMIT student journalism in its purest televisual form.

    Little known fact about myself: I actually played Australian Rules football for 3 years back in the mid to late 1990s. Some good times, like singing along to that Goldburn Valley sliced peaches commercial circa 1996 featuring the “Oarsome Foursome”… although it’s only incidental we were at football training at the time. And some bad times too, like the time I “accidentally” broke a bottle at the top of the Brighton Rugby Club stadium and watched in horror as broken glass bounced down most of the concrete steps, echoing around the entire ground and alerting security. True story.

    Unfortunately there probably won’t be any badminton results to report; another one of my former sporting passions. Possibly some golf news though… Tune in.

    But in all seriousness, it’s a proper news show. I will actually be reporting on the sporting news of the day in a professional manner.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    This is the only sporting-related photo of myself I could find at short notice:

  • Shame Shame Shame.

    Hello!

    Yes, I’ve been brushing shoulders, literally, with the “Scrabble elite”. On Monday I accompanied fellow RMIT post-grad journalism student, Newspaper’s Ben Hagemann, as HE interviewed Radio (and TV)’s Derryn Hinch at the 3AW studios on fabulous Spencer Street, Docklands!

    Ben accompanied me on my recent interviews with Micallef and Vine, so I returned the favour and acted as his photographer, snapping this shot:

    Plus I kinda just wanted to meet Derryn Hinch and listen to what he had to say on the topic of “citizen journalism” (and a few Scrabble-related queries too). It was a load off not actually having to DO the interview. I just sat there. Very interesting indeed. I decided I wasn’t going to ask for a photo, because I thought that might be a bit awkward, but then after I took Ben’s, Derryn asked if I’d like one too. Naturally I jumped at the opportunity. Of course, in hindsight, I could hardly say: “No thanks, I’ll be right… Jerk.” That’s just rude.

    We were there for about 5 minutes before Ben’s interview was interrupted by Derryn’s producer, who burst in with, “Sorry Derryn, but we’ve got a huge story.” Ben and I were pushed out while a few phone calls were made. After another 5 minutes in the foyer, we were allowed back into his office, only to be informed personally by Derryn Hinch that “Carl Williams has been stabbed to death in prison”. I must admit, I didn’t really know who that was, but I’ve never seen “Underbelly”. Incidentally, later that day we learned that he wasn’t actually stabbed, but beaten to death, rather, with part of an exercise bike no less. Who ever said a little exercise never hurt anyone?

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    HEY! IT’S DERRYN HINCH!

  • Shootin’ the puns with Tim Vine

    Hello!

    David M. Green here, blogging live from Melbourne, and have I got a treat for you! On Tuesday I was thrilled to interview UK comedian Tim Vine!  I loved him in “The Sketch Show”, so much so I even named my “On The Yacht” radio character after him (Norman Vine). He is the undisputed “Master of the Pun”.

    We met outside Cafe Mediterraneum on Swanston Street directly opposite the Melbourne Town Hall. However, it turned out they closed at 5pm, so after taking some photos in a nearby stairwell we found a table alfresco across the street at Brunetti’s. I jammed my Zoom H2 recorder in the umbrella-holder in the centre of the table and recorded our conversation. It’s without a doubt the most enjoyable interview I’ve ever conducted. Tim Vine is genuinely hilarious.

    Depending on various planetary alignments, a written segment of our interview will hopefully appear in an upcoming edition of RMIT University’s Catalyst Magazine. However, due to my supreme respect for the medium of the Internet, here now for your listening pleasure is the interview in full:

    [display_podcast]

    Topics covered include his show “The Joke-amotive”, Guinness World Records, best and worst puns, his appearance on Neighbours, The Sketch Show, Scrabble, Steve Coogan, Shaun Micallef and Tim plays “the judge” in a mini-version of the comedy equivalent of “So You Think You Can Dance?” that I (DMG) invented just then: “So You Think You Can Pun!”

    After the interview some good friends and I attended his show “The Joke-amotive”. Very funny. I’d certainly recommend seeing it. I think the last performance is tomorrow. Not all the jokes were hilarious but hats off to him for quantity. There must have been over 200 jokes in that hour, and the hilarious ones were certainly worth waiting for. Excellent prop-comedy too. 5 Stars.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Photos by The Fabulous Ben Hagemann