David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Category: TV

  • Newsflash: I’m moving to Melbourne!

    Hello!

    Well yes, as you can guess from the title of this blog, I have indeed reached that point that every young Adelaidean reaches when they realise they must leave. After much speculation I can now officially announce that I’ll be moving to Melbourne in mid-February to study a 1-year post graduate diploma in journalism at RMIT University. Hopefully this will give me some legitimate media skills that will make it harder for me to be replaced with a computer (ala my stint as a panel-operator at SAFM).

    But why go to Melbourne to do journalism? Can’t you do that in Adelaide? Good point and well made. Sure, I could do journalism at Uni SA’s fabulous Magill campus. But what would be the point? The radio elective practical is reading the news on Radio Adelaide. Whoop-dee-doo. I’ve already done 4 shows on Radio Adelaide, each with 13-week seasons, plus 27 weeks of  student radio. I want a new scene. I want a new audience. Melbourne’s where it’s at. And I do hope to make the most of my time there and do some more comedy, radio and possibly some TV. They have RMITV after all, where Rove and Hamish & Andy cut their teeth. I couldn’t recommend eating glass. Not even for a freak show segment…

    So the plan is to get over there, find a place to live, possibly some student-type accommodation, study journalism, find a new casual job, make new friends, continue writing comedy and recording sketches and voice-overs and basically live the dream. Piece of cake, right? It’s going to be a big life change, but it’s something I have to do. I’ve really enjoyed the last 2 years since I finished my behavioural science degree at Flinders University. I did some community radio, worked for SAFM, stopped working for SAFM, went back to community radio, dated a wonderful girl named Jemima, wrote a novel that no publisher is interested in, applied unsuccessfully for about 40 different radio jobs, somehow tricked Triple M into letting me and some friends make a once-off comedy show, waited by the phone as promise after promise failed to materialise and miraculously got probably the best casual job possible at the Palace Nova cinema. But I can’t keep doing this forever. I can’t keep mooching off my parents. I’m 22. I need to get a proper job. And there’s only one thing I want to do, and it ain’t working at a cinema full time. It’s radio. It’s comedy. It’s goofing off in front of a camera. Sure, journalism isn’t the definitive answer, but it’s a step in the right direction. I’d rather read the news at a country radio station or be a newspaper reporter than serve customers at the candy bar 40 hours a week. Something’s gotta give! And if it means getting a job as a journalist in order to support myself and pursuing comedy-related ventures on the side, then that’s the way it has to be. As Mr Mister said: Welcome to the Real World.

    So appreciate photos like the one above, because there will be less images of David M. Green with Stobie Poles orderly alined in the background. In 2010, I’m living in Melbourne.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Live in Melbourne? Be my friend! Reasonable prices.

  • Comedy for the Working Man

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kLYToFDTkI&feature=player_profilepage

    Hey Hey!

    I did a spot of stand-up again last night. Thought I’d talk about my job at the cinema a little this time, so I did… I hope it doesn’t lead to my firing, like the last time I did workplace-related humour… Triple J’s Dave Callan did a great job hosting the evening. I actually thought I was on 3rd, but someone didn’t show up so I was surprised when my name was announced. Smiddy didn’t have the camera ready, as it was still in my bag, so the first 15 seconds or so wasn’t recorded (but those opening jokes fell flat anyway!). It was a very casual, laid-back evening of entertainment. Please enjoy.

    Oh yes, while I’m here, I watched John Safran’s Race Relations on ABC TV this week. Hilarious! By far the best Australian show I’ve seen all year. Wasn’t impressed much with the show on before it “Hungry Beast” (which I actually auditioned for under the show’s previous title of “Project Next”). It seemed like a bunch of journalism students trying to be the next “Chaser,” but very wooden and bland and not particularly funny. And I’m not just saying that because I was looked over for a hosting gig… stupid stuffed shirts wouldn’t let me on their crappy show for jerks… Na, they’re okay.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Several projects in the pipeline

  • Playing by your own rules

    Avast ye matie… oh wait, sorry that was last week… hello,

    I’m sure by now many of you would have heard of the recent David Letterman scandal. If not, read all about it here. Basically, some guy tried to blackmail him for $2 million. Apparently Letterman has had a few flings with some female co-workers over the years, which he admitted to on his show last night. The blackmailer has since been arrested. From what I’ve read on “The Internet” it seems most people are appalled at the blackmailer (and rightly so) but don’t seem to mind about Letterman’s affairs. To quote this article: “Reaction from Letterman fans appeared to back the popular chat show host. Kelli Lageschulte, 20, from Iowa said: ‘I wonder if he told jokes while they were having sex. He is, after all, very funny. Anyway, everybody’s doing it,’ she told The New York Daily News.”

    You do have to admit, Letterman set a good example by how he handled the situation, ie. go straight to the police and then come clean. But the guy still cheated on his girlfriend. Hey, it’s none of my business. Each to their own, of course. But personally, I’m just very disturbed by “being unfaithful.” I remember hearing some statistic a few years ago, that close to 70% of both men and women have admitted to cheating on their partner at one time or another. 70%!

    “Everybody’s doing it, so that makes it okay?” This is what troubles me. In the context of cheating, this is a bad mindset. It’s not like downloading music. People actually get hurt and it’s just not right, in my opinion anyway. I’ve never done it and I don’t think I could ever do it. If you are unsatisfied in a relationship, have the decency to end that relationship before you start another one. I’m sure there are some grey areas and there’ll be people who will argue sometimes it’s okay, eg. open relationships, separated, it’s “just sex,” etc. To them I say, you don’t need to argue with anyone else. You’ll know if you’ve done the wrong thing. That’s between you and your significant other(s). Just remember that no matter who you are, whether you’re some nobody or you’re the host of the biggest talk show on TV, you can’t just do whatever (and whoever) you want and not have to face the consequences of breaking the rules.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    And of course, blackmailing a much loved celebrity is pretty stupid too.

  • Insane about Mad Men (the show. I’m straight.)

    Hello!

    David M. Green. Long time no blog. My apologies, for I have been applying to jobs and universities, filling in forms and submitting things to various places (more will be revealed if and when there’s anything to reveal), so I haven’t been much in the mood to construct a shiny new blog entry. Although, I have had a number of ideas for blogs that I didn’t get around to writing about…

    Channel Ten’s new stock footage show “The Spearman Experiment” for example, the show where “the public” counts down the top 15 of something. Episode One, that went to air September 8th, was counting down the top 15 “Aussie Comedy Characters.” First of all, it’s a crime that none of Shaun Micallef’s characters appeared in the list. At the very least I would have expected “Milo” to make it (although I prefer “David McGahn” and his fictional fictional character of “Roger Explosion”). Second, of the 15 characters, 7 of them were from Channel Ten shows. I reckon Channel Ten should scrap the whole disguise and just make a show called “The Channel Ten Show” or maybe “The Channel Ten Project” or “The Channel Ten Attempt” where they just list reasons why Channel Ten is the best. In fact, why even make it a show? That’s all they should play. You switch on Channel Ten any time day or night and it’s just the station logo with Rove McManus’s voice in a Yoko Ono-esque loop saying “Channel Ten… Channel Ten… Channel Ten…” because after all, they’re just fantastic, aren’t they? Ahh… that’s good satire.

    But to more important things now. Mad Men. Have you heard of it? It’s been on my list of shows to watch for a while now. I’d heard it’s critically acclaimed. So I finally got around to watching it this week. I’d found myself a little burnt out from comedy shows and I needed a nice period drama to get into. Cue Mad Men. It’s a brilliant show. Set in early 1960s New York, it centres on the lives of advertising executives working at a fictional ad firm. I love the show’s visual appearance. And I think they’ve done an excellent job of replicating a ’60s office. Firstly, I don’t think there’s a single scene that doesn’t have the whole lot of them smoking, drinking or being incredibly sexist to the secretaries. I don’t smoke (because I’m not an idiot) and I’m not much of a drinker but watching Mad Men I find myself craving a scotch and a pipe, and skipping off down to the janitor’s closet with Christina Hendricks. And I’d love to go back to New York. What a place… I was there for a mere 4 days back in 2005. I’d really like to just live there. Some day hopefully… sit tight Christina…

    So anyway, if you like a good period drama, don’t waste your time with anything else. Go watch Mad Men. I highly recommend it.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Star of the new Mad Men spin-off about radio advertising: Radioactive Men. Na, not really. I’m okay.

  • Internet Television? The Future is NOW!

    Ahoy,

    Until recently, I was just like you; I thought that Internet TV was something that only existed one time in my mind when I thought up the concept myself a few years ago. Foolishly I did nothing about it and turns out someone else invented it. Not only that, but Australia’s first Internet TV station, Australia Live TV, is based right here (where I am, at least) in Adelaide, a mere 17.8km (via road) from my house!

    After perusing Australia Live TV’s extensive list of 5 shows (4 of them sports-related), I was just about to close the web page forever, when I noticed that they’re launching their new morning show, to be called “Mornings Live.” Furthermore, they need a couple of hosts. Hey hey! Now it’s personal. And seeing as though applying for the position required little effort on my part, I figured I gotta get in on this, so I threw this demo video together in an afternoon…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJsmw6IAceo

    I certainly enjoyed myself. In all seriousness, I’d love to do it. but if it doesn’t go beyond the demo-filming stage, hey that’s okay. I’ve also enjoyed watching the other entrants (Check those out here). There are about 5 with which I have been legitimately impressed. I must say, SOME of them are absolutely shocking… I’d love to put together a 30-minute TV special where I critique all the entries. But I don’t have the resources for that, so I’ll just do it here: For starters, about half of them either didn’t read the guidelines, or completely ignored them, as the demo video was supposed to be no longer than 60 seconds. Granted, my own is 69 seconds, but if you only watch the first 60 seconds, I was essentially through. But other entries range from 20 seconds to 10 minutes long! And most seem to be around the 2-4 minute range!

    Furthermore, some of them are not directed to the specific position. Okay, fair enough, a few people have just put up a generic showreel. No harm in that. However, some have gone further (or shorter, rather), actually using their demo video for a completely unrelated talent search conducted earlier this year by the new ABC3 digital children’s channel. Hence several demo videos on the Mornings Live website feature hopeful presenters pouring their hearts out about wanting to work with children on the ABC! I myself also applied for that (and actually re-used part of my ABC demo for this one!), but I was clever enough to sneakily splice in new footage, which explains why my hair subtle changes length throughout the video, hehehe!

    Another trend I noticed: Of the 90 or so video entries submitted so far, the most popular choice of background music seems to be “Clocks” by Coldplay. I can’t help but notice I was the only one to include both “Conditioning” by Howard Jones (stereotypical hilarious ’80s music) AND “Menuet From String Quintet No. 5 Op 13” by Luigi Boccherini (stereotypical hilarious “rich guy” music).

    Lastly, I’d love to share just a few specific entries with you (who ever YOU are…). Please don’t get me wrong. This is not a mean-sprited dig at others’ expense, but merely me pointing out a few entrants’ “interesting choices” with regard to making their demo. Behold…

    1. Helen Ahrens: Shot with camera at 90 degrees.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdxtEoZ3cA4&feature=channel_page

    2. Peter something: Firstly, very low volume. Second… uh… what?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxI1PUIbyS0&feature=related

    3. Sarah Lawrence: Filmed considerably close to a busy road.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arbDNbG-MOI&feature=channel_page

    4. Fatimah Abbouchi: Used the Ten news theme (with Ten news voice-over).

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1E0SJI8vMs&feature=channel_page

    5. Jason Kemp: Evidentally a keen user of Movavi Video Converter’s fabulous trial version. Also, which one is Jason Kemp?

    But of course, for maximum enjoyment, I highly recommend you watch EVERY entry. Thanks to guidelines not followed, what should be 90 minutes of entertainment, is more like 200 minutes of entertainment. And darn good watching!

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    What’s next? Internet books?

    PS. Oh yes, by the way, if you like, feel free to vote for me on the Mornings Live website. I’d very much appreciate it and be happy to email you a signed photograph of something.