David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Tag: ABC

  • Hooray for student media

    In response to new Education Minister Christopher Pyne’s comments last week RE: again abolishing compulsory student services fees at Australian universities, I wrote an opinion piece for ABC’s The Drum website about my own experience last time it happened and the impact it had on student media.

    Read my thing here: Student media needs student fees to survive.

    The good people at Radio Adelaide – where my media career began – saw the article and invited me onto their breakfast show on Monday to have a chat with Radio’s Angus Randall. It was slightly too early in the morning for me, but you can listen to the audio here.

    Always too happy to give back to Radio Adelaide, the station that gave me everything. Including an award, which they have since misplaced.

    If anyone sees the 2007 South Australian Community Broadcasting Association “Bilby” Award for Best Station ID 2007 anywhere, would you let me know?

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    And good to hear The Empire Times is back up and running.

  • Alan Brough is Other Famous People

    Alan Brough joins me on the latest episode of David M. Green and Other Famous People. You can download the podcast from iTunes or listen below for Alan Brough’s circa 2007 thoughts on fridges, acting, comedy, Spicks and Specks, Kevin Rudd vs. Julia Gillard and early 90s New Zealand butter commercials.

    [display_podcast]

    New episode of my other podcast The Good Show coming very soon.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    In pod form.

  • 2012. Highest of highs. Lowest of lows.

    I started 2012 in much the same way I end it: Relaxing in Adelaide, uncertain about my state of employment when I return to Melbourne.

    12 months ago, I was on my Christmas break from panelling “The Steve Vizard Show” on Melbourne Talk Radio. Instead of finding a fill-in host for 4 weeks, MTR instead took a network feed from 2GB in Sydney. This sparked rumours the show wouldn’t be coming back in 2012.

    My plan was simply to work there as long as possible. That ended up being 7 weeks.

    It was just a regular day at the radio station on 2 March 2012. The Vizard crew left early to have some farewell drinks in St Kilda to celebrate assistant producer Gen’s last day. We were sitting outside on Fitzroy Street around 4.45PM when phones started ringing. And that was it. MTR had been clumbsily pulled off the air by upper management at 5PM.

    Turned out it was everyone’s last day.

    But at least we were in the right place for it. I never ended up paying, so thank you to who ever fixed the bill that night. I went back to the station around 7 o’clock to pick up my bag. Naturally the studio had been dead-bolted, my security pass deactivated and a security guard posted at the front door. Fortunately there was a nice chap at SEN who let me in. I took the opportunity to swipe some post-it notes.

    This happened at a particularly difficult time for me, as I’d just signed a lease on my own apartment two days earlier. Conveniently in the adjacent suburb to the MTR studios. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?!

    I tried my luck at some other radio stations, though it turns out it’s not much easier to get panelling work even with experience. And in my case anyway, no one seemed particularly interested in paying for training. So the option was to go in and work for free for an indeterminate amount of time with no promise of a job at the end of it, while my rent goes unpaid, or give up and get a job stacking shelves in a supermarket like so many other out-of-work show biz types.

    Hence I was extremely lucky to land another local panelling gig at Crocmedia, working on AFL Live with the legendary sports broadcasters in Rex Hunt, Sandy Roberts and Peter Donegan. Certainly the best part of that whole venture was being the go-to sound effect guy for Rex Hunt. And panelling the Grand Final to 96 radio stations (flawlessly, I might add) is going to be a highlight of radio career that won’t soon be surpassed.

    [display_podcast]

    So from March to April, I went from full time radio work to weekend radio work, with a little casual wedding DJ-ing in between. The DJ-ing lasted until I discovered I was being paid half of the travel allowance I was lead to believe. Is it too much to ask to be given a freaking break?

    Though less money was coming my way, I did have an abundance of time, which came in handy in the lead up to shooting the first season of my TV game show 31 Questions. This was why I moved to Melbourne, after all.

    Television.

    Without a doubt, it’s been the best experience of my life. My favourite part of the process was being in the studio, joking around with the cast, crew and contestants. When a gag I had written months earlier was finally delivered (not necessarily by me) and it actually WORKED, I can’t describe how rewarding the laughter was. It was such a thrill when anything on that show actually worked. Even the buzzers.

    And I’m so pleased with how far the show has come. It was always a distant goal to get it aired on all the community stations around Australia. And we did it. We even got approved by a TV station in New Zealand.

    The team and I now have our eyes set on a second season, which is due to start shooting in March 2013. There are still plenty of mistakes we made in season 1, which I’m relishing the opportunity to improve upon.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOVE3TJtkYE

    Here are some of my favourite ridiculously positive comments left on the 31 Questions Facebook Page this year:

    Lachlan Couley, Sydney, 4 Dec
    “This is the best show I’ve ever watched in my whole life.”

    Jacob Thaw, Melbourne, 26 Jul
    “I don’t think it would be unreasonable to say that this is the best game show on c31. Perhaps even the best show on television. 31 thumbs up!”

    Daniel Barrie, Sydney, 17 Dec
    “You guys are flippin Hillarious! Me and my housemates watch this crap every week!!! Lmfao the best half hour I waste every week”

    Pip Schapel, Adelaide, 20 Nov
    “Dear 31 questions, I’m devastated tonights your last show. came across it a few wks back & it’s f****** awesome. Some of the contestants are fair average though…I would win this show, I get heaps of these questions right. Hope you do another season PEACE!”

    Blazenka Brysha, Melbourne, 11 Jun
    “I think the reason you lot are not on the ABC is because you are so entertaining. I do hope that you can still remain so chipper and creative when the ABC lures you into its staid straightjacket.”

    Lachy Palmos, Perth, 16 Oct
    “this is probably the best show on television at the moment…legit”

    How fantastic is that? People who actually like the show! Thanks everyone. It’s so rewarding to read these comments.

    Perhaps more interesting, what does it say about the general state of TV in Australia when someone would actually say that our crappy little game show is “the best show on television”?

    Obviously a pretty sad line up…

    I’ve also done quite a bit of freelance writing work this year, appearing in/on The Drum, Mamamia, The Punch, mX and Australian Popular Science Magazine.

    There were a handful of other little creative projects: a couple of podcasts, more Too Easy episodes, a screenplay, the odd bit of voice-over work, etc. I also spent seven weeks working at a digital advertising agency. It was a valuable experience in the sense I’ve added another occupation to the list of jobs I don’t want.

    In the year of our lord 2012, I also made my debut on ABC Radio National’s “The Science Show” with a 5 minute radio story about a Carl Sagan-inspired play at the Malthouse Theatre called “Pale Blue Dot”.

    Science has always been an interest of mine. Had comedy not been my chosen path, I reckon I’d have set my eyes on space.

    After 4 years of ABC job applications, I finally managed to get a few casual producing shifts at 774 ABC Melbourne, producing for “The Morning Program” with Jon Faine. I enjoyed working there and would definitely be interested in MORE SHIFTS… something to keep pursuing in 2013 😉

    In fact, the ABC has been the dream for a long time. It seems to be the the only place in radio or TV in Australia that really gives talent the opportunity to develop and create content that isn’t about Kim Kardashian.

    Though I only did 3 shifts at ABC 774 this year, I did meet Jill Meagher a few weeks before she died. She was the unit assistant, so she handled all the paperwork when I started. She was a lovely person and like everyone else, I was completely shocked and deeply saddened when she was found raped and murdered.

    Events like this, terrible as they are, give people a chance to step back and appreciate the important things in life. And I’ll tell you what, petty office politics isn’t one of them.

    Possibly the biggest lifestyle change I’ve experienced this year is a new found appreciation for tea. That’s all thanks to Van Badham, my close friend and mentor. She introduced me to Dilmah Rose and French Vanilla tea with vanilla soy milk. Sure, it’s more camp than a row of tents. But it’s absolutely sensational.

    Tea tastes considerably better when you have it in a proper teacup. As nice as it is to drink a hot beverage from a mug with my face on it, a traditional teacup holds less liquid, so the tea is more highly concentrated. And I think there’s something about the cone-esque shape of the cup that aerates the tea better, or some crap.

    Anyway, my parents have a bunch of old porcelain handed down through the generations just sitting in boxes at the family mansion. They haven’t been used in 50 years or something. So I’ve taken it upon myself to take them to Melbourne. What’s the point of having these fabulous antiques if you aren’t getting pleasure from using them?

    You only live once. These things are supposed to be enjoyed!

    So what’s the plan for 2013?

    Season 2 of “31 Questions” on Channel 31 and beyond. And some more paid work would be nice.

    I’d also like to invest in my own proper recording equipment so I can finally be free to create audio masterpieces without having to rely on other people or organisations.

    Anything else will be a bonus.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    See you in 2013.

  • Punch The Drum to summon David M. Green

    Greetings!

    I was all over the Internet last week, making my debut on two of Australia’s most read opinion blogs.

    Earlier in the week I made a stand against Australian five cent coins on The Punch.

    And on Wednesday, an event rarer than a total solar eclipse (and that took a while for me to work out, so I hope you appreciate that fun fact) inspired me to write a piece for The Drum on conscience votes in Australian federal politics.

    Click the links above to read my articles on those respective websites.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    The Internet. It’s the way of the… present.

  • So you want to be an extra?

    This year I’ve dabbled in a bit of work as a television extra. You might recognise me as “guy walking in background with street light antennae” in the above scene from episode 17 of Seven’s “Winners and Losers”… No? Well, you must have missed that one.

    I’ve now been a professional extra on shoots for every major Australian television network, with the exception of SBS. As well, I’ve finally got around to watching Ricky Gervais’s “Extras”, which is some fantastic satire on the whole process of being an extra. Plus it’s just a funny show.

    So I thought I’d pool all of my “wisdom” together into a blog entry to enlighten you on some common myths and harsh realities of working as a television extra.

    1. It’s good money.

    No it isn’t.

    Sure, a lot of the time you’ll just be sitting around getting $25 an hour, waiting to be told where to walk. But you might be lucky enough to get one or two 4-hour jobs A MONTH (assuming you live somewhere with a thriving film and television scene). You’re not getting paid to sit around the other 712 hours of the month.

    And keep in mind, you have to give 10% to your agent.

    The real TV money is in acting, writing, producing, directing and crewing. But you’re never going to buy a house by working as an extra.

    2. Free catering!

    Well… sometimes…

    This is one of the finest illustrations of what it’s like for an extra at the catering table… (skip to 8.21):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBFZP2wU1Tg

    From my own personal experience, I’ve found that often the producers will try very hard to AVOID feeding the extras. Feeding extras = extra costs.

    One time I was on a shoot with a cal time of 6AM. I approached the catering table, just hoping for a coffee. A guy who was standing at an espresso machine said, “What are ya after mate?” I replied, “Oh… just a flat white, thanks.”

    I made two mistakes there:

    1. He wasn’t the guy who makes the coffees. And
    2. Coffee was for actors and crew only.

    So I settled with just a water.

    On another occasion, I’d just finished 4 hours of wandering in the background with a group of about eight other extras. The AD (Assistant Director) called out, “Right that’s lunch everyone. Oh, and extras, that’s a wrap for you. You can go straight home.”

    But if you’re lucky enough to land a full day extra gig somewhere, make the most of it and enjoy that free food!

    3. You get to MEET famous people!

    Maybe…

    You’re probably more likely to MEET a famous actor if you’re hanging around the set and you’re NOT an extra. Because when you’re an extra, this tends to happen (skip to 4.50):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_K9kdV36S0U

    Sure, you certainly get to SEE lots of famous people when you’re an extra. But you generally don’t get the opportunities to have extensive conversations with them.

    Even if you’re in the same scene together, you can’t bother them. They’ve got to think about their lines and which marks they have to hit around the set. And you have to listen out for your cue to walk.

    Unless you’re directed to “converse and have a laugh with Al Pacino”, you’re not likely to exchange more than a “hello”, or at best a handshake and a quick photo. But I guess on Facebook, that’s all you need as evidence you met a celebrity… Speaking of which, did I mention I met Peter Combe?

    4. It’s easy.

    Most of the time it is. But it can also be extremely stressful.

    Picture this. You’re one of 10 extras in a scene with big name TV stars in front of a crew of about 30 people. There’s guys with smoke machines and bright lights. There’s boom microphones bobbing all around just above your head. Guys running around with steady-cams looking like some half-man half-recording-machine. And you have to somehow walk through all of this in a precise way, at a precise time, without disturbing the real actors, without tripping on cables, and without looking at the cameras.

    AND, you don’t want to be the extra who screws up the take. Because you know that you’re a nobody. And the only good thing an extra has going for them is their reliability. If word gets out you don’t perform 100% every time, BANG that’s it. You’re blacklisted and you’ll never work as an extra in this town again.

    Keep in mind also that quite often as an extra, you’re not always given all the information.

    You rarely get to see the script. You don’t know the names of most of the cast or crew. Sometimes you’re not even sure who the director is. And there have been occasions where I’ve been on a set and I don’t even know the name of the show I’m on!

    I’ve showed up for a job only to discover I was at the wrong place, and the unit base was about half a kilometre away.

    On that same shoot, I also discovered only when i arrived at the set, that the role would require some serious heavy lifting. No one told me that. No one asked if I was fit enough to carry a man on an antique stretcher. Even more surprisingly, there was no safety briefing! No one told me how to lift, or to do any stretches.

    Then just before we go for a take, the director tells me to turn around and lift the stretcher backwards! I was struck by a vision of me slipping on the slick marble floor and seeing this guy’s head crack open with cameras capturing the moment in stunning high definition.

    No one else seemed to realise the danger. Was I going to be the one who speaks up? (My girlfriend works for WorkSafe Victoria, you know)

    That’s too much pressure for $25 an hour.

    I actually refused to carry him backwards. I simply said “I’m sorry, but I can’t lift it like that.” We got through it in the end without killing anyone. But my hands, shoulders and legs were very sore for the rest of the week.

    Absolutely appalling for one of Australia’s major broadcasters.

    I did actually call the line producer the next day and told her my concerns. She said she’d look into it. I never heard back. I suspect I’ve probably been blacklisted.

    But who cares about all of that when…

    5. You get to be on TV!

    If you’re lucky.

    I’ve actually been very fortunate so far with being selected on the day, purely by chance, to be an extra who has his face pointed towards the camera (See “Winners and Losers” screen shot top of page).

    Of course I’ve had my fair share of being hidden in the background with my back to the camera as well:

    Here’s how Ricky Gervais portrayed it in Extras (watch the first minute):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skmwwHS4iR8

    I can beat Ricky on this one though. Back when I was still living in Adelaide, I was an extra in an episode of Nine’s “McLeod’s Daughters”. The whole scene was cut.

    6. Well, it’s a good place to start.

    No. No it’s not.

    You will never ever be promoted to “star” from purely doing work as an extra. The best you can hope for is more extra work. And the occasional screen shot (see above).

    But no Hollywood director is going to watch the show, notice you miming in the background and say, “Wow, look at that out of focus guy pretending to drink a coffee! He’s perfect for the lead in my next picture!”

    Still, it is a bit of a laugh. And I’ll happily pretend to drink coffee out of focus in the background for $25 an hour again, if and when the time calls for it.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Extra special.