David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Tag: cinema

  • VHS Revue 45 – Yogi’s First Christmas (1992)

    Highlights from a 1992 VHS tape of “Yogi’s First Christmas”. Presented by David M. Green.

    Featuring:
    – Seven’s Family Christmas message from Mike Smithson & Dixie Marshall
    – Wallis Cinemas TVC with seat belts
    – Beyond 2000 promo with primitive CGI Humphrey Bogart and Marilyn Monroe “actors being brought back to life for the movies of the future”
    – Beyond 2000 promo with a man in one of those spinning sphere things
    – Sony Handycam from City International Duty Free TVC
    – The 1992 Carols Celebration at Campbelltown Oval TVC with “BBQ tea” (special guest appearance by TV’s Andrew Maj)
    – Whitehouse Furniture TVC with a “I’m a Lumberjack-esque” jingle
    – Green’s groceries TVC
    – Seven Promo for Bony and Pacific Power’s Carols in the Domain
    – Clarksons glass repair TVC
    – Super Seal plastic bag sealer infomercial from Demtel

    Footage recorded from Adelaide’s Channel Seven in December 1992 and used here for review, parody and satirical purposes.

    Special thanks to Alexis Kotlowy, John Hnatowych, Andrew Maj, Jason Evans, Hannah Green, Annika Samuelsson, Carolyn Lawlor-Smith, Nigel Charman, Zoe Charman and our generous supporters on Patreon.

    VHS Revue Links:

    DMG

  • More bad grammar

    It’s been a while since my successful grammatical stand against the Commonwealth Bank, so if you’re in need of a reminder, check out BEFORE and AFTER David’s M. Green’s red correction pen.

    In the mean time I’ve accumulated a few more examples of bad grammar and general incompetence, so back by popular demand… it’s David M. Green: Grammar Nazi!

    What’s worse than finding human faeces in your hotel swimming pool?

    Well… actually, I’d probably prefer the bad grammar:

    Don’t worry. Darryl will sort you out.

    Went to see a movie at the Hoyts cinema at Melbourne’s fabulous Northland Shopping Centre the other day. Ain’t that just humanity at its worst?

    They’re not the kind of folk that take too kindly to outsiders, NEITHER their food NOR drink:

    And here’s an amusing Facebook slip-up from my good friend Rebecca McKinney. No explanation required:

    Jesus, what kind of stitch pattern is she using? She might have to give Darryl a call…

    Grammatical mistakes happen to the best of us. Stuff on Facebook is pretty forgivable, but once it’s printed and turned into signage – especially when it’s big business – grammar fans, let the mockery begin!

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    David M. Green: Grammar Nazi will return in “The Spellcheck Is Not Enough”.

  • Comedy for the Working Man

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kLYToFDTkI&feature=player_profilepage

    Hey Hey!

    I did a spot of stand-up again last night. Thought I’d talk about my job at the cinema a little this time, so I did… I hope it doesn’t lead to my firing, like the last time I did workplace-related humour… Triple J’s Dave Callan did a great job hosting the evening. I actually thought I was on 3rd, but someone didn’t show up so I was surprised when my name was announced. Smiddy didn’t have the camera ready, as it was still in my bag, so the first 15 seconds or so wasn’t recorded (but those opening jokes fell flat anyway!). It was a very casual, laid-back evening of entertainment. Please enjoy.

    Oh yes, while I’m here, I watched John Safran’s Race Relations on ABC TV this week. Hilarious! By far the best Australian show I’ve seen all year. Wasn’t impressed much with the show on before it “Hungry Beast” (which I actually auditioned for under the show’s previous title of “Project Next”). It seemed like a bunch of journalism students trying to be the next “Chaser,” but very wooden and bland and not particularly funny. And I’m not just saying that because I was looked over for a hosting gig… stupid stuffed shirts wouldn’t let me on their crappy show for jerks… Na, they’re okay.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Several projects in the pipeline

  • Tales from The Palace

    Hi film fans,

    This past week I’ve worked 36 hours. That’s full time… in France… But the spike in hours isn’t due to a request on behalf of my drug habit, nor is it due to a mad scientist with a time machine, treading on the spacetime continuum, for this week was the 2009 Adelaide Film Festival, and thus there was more demand for my ticket-selling skills at the Palace Nova Cinema.

    The Adelaide Film Festival truly is the “who’s who” of the Adelaide Film Festival industry. The things I saw. The things I heard. The things I smelt… Are just 60% of my past week’s experiences, as sampled by my sensory input. By far the highlights of the week were seeing host of “At The Movies” on SBS, TV’s David Stratton (I recognise that beard anywhere). I also couldn’t seem to get away from the familiar wheezings of Bob Ellis, who looks like he’s about to die (just an observation). When I first saw him, I knew he was a somebody, but I couldn’t pick him. Then I had a flashback to season 1 or 2 of the SBS comedy show “Pizza” (you know, when it was still kinda good) and I remembered Bob Ellis had a cameo, playing the Premier of New South Wales. The glory days of Bob Ellis are long gone.

    Meanwhile, at the candy bar, I served Stephan Elliot (director of “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert”), TV’s Quentin, Triple J’s Sam Simmons and some guy who I remember thinking would look a lot like Hugo Weaving if he lost the beard, and who I later discovered was actually Hugo Weaving.

    I also learned a valuable lesson regarding throwing out drinks that still contain significant amounts of liquid: Pour the liquid out first, before you throw the cup in the garbage. This will help to avoid spilling several litres of coke right in front of Michael Atkinson, South Australian Attorney General. Hmm… I wonder if he’ll censor this…

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Didn’t get a chance to see any of the movies myself though…

  • Not working in a coal mine, but still working.

    A co-workerly good morning to the proletariat in you!

    David M. Green here. Man, have I been working this weekend? Yes. Hard. And for 3 different employers! Let me give you the run-down… First I worked at the Palace Nova Eastend cinema:

    Then I delivered some pizzas:

    Then I took a drive to scenic Uraidla in the Adelaide Hills to dress up as “Spike,” the lovable Adelaide and Mount Lofty Ranges Natural Resources Management Board Echidna:

    Thus perfectly executing the comedian’s “rule of three!”

    But anyway, a fun, profitable, and tiring weekend. Most fun of all was dressing up as a giant purple echidna. I think I looked a bit like “Sonic the Hedgehog,” so much so I think I could potentially assume his identity and steal some rings from a jewellery store… COULD… There’s something about being in a costume that creates a catalyst for hugging. Everyone wanted to hug me! Sure, a few people wanted to hurt me, but luckily Mandy, my chaperon, kept them at bay. Although on one occasion while she was doing this I walked into a pole… My giant head cushioned the impact. Also, the costume. But mostly it was a beautiful day filled with hugs, bouncy comic walking, posing for photos and bringing joy and fear to children. Could a guy ask for anything more? Plus I got to see Uraidla, a town in the Adelaide Hills I’d never even heard of. Fun and learning. Certainly a day to blog about.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Jesus I’m tired.