David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Tag: cinema

  • If only it was still profitable…

    Hey there,

    Well as promised in my previous blog entry, Jemima and I did indeed venture once more to Glenelg to take advantage of the free session of Gone with the Wind on the final day of screening at Glenelg Cinema. It’s a sad day. Not least because I put my resume in there about 6 months ago and they stringed me along for 5 months telling me they were hiring soon… hehe, how ironic, seeing as though I just got a job at the Palace Nova cinema… Glenelg would have been a great place to work though. I’ve been wanting to work there for a long time. Pretty much ever since my good friend Tim Wray started working there back in 2003. I remember one occasion seeing him at the candy bar. I asked if he could give discounts. He very professionally said “no” before smashing a choc-top ice-cream onto the counter and selling me the defective product at a massive discount. And he told me it was such a great place to work; great pay and not that much work to do. That’s the problem with great work places: if there’s not much work to do it means business isn’t going to well, and inevitably you’ll probably lose your jobs when the place closes down, just like me at GameTraders Mitcham. No one ever came into that shop! Here’s a close-up of my head…

    But I have so many memories from the Glenelg Cinema. Heck, I’ve been going there as long as I can remember. Before Greater Union Marion opened in 1997, if we wanted to see a movie it was generally either Glenelg or Noarlunga. There were cinemas in the city too, but we generally kept to the suburban ones. My earliest memory at Glenelg was in 1994. My grandma, who at the time was living in West Lakes, took my sister Alice and I to see The Little Rascals. However it was sold out, so we sat in the adjacent mall (now demolished) trying to work out what to do. We eventually decided to see The Mask, starring a little known Jim Carey. I had a great time! And to this day I have never seen The Little Rascals.

    Another good memory was from one of the last days of Year 10 in 2002. For some reason, the Year 10 co-ordinator thought we were all mature enough to go see Molokai, a movie about a priest going to a leper colony in the mid-1800s. Boy was he wrong. Kids were yelling and laughing and throwing popcorn and shining laser pointers on the screen and at the back of teachers’ heads. And that was probably the last time I ever bought a tin of Kool Mints. You can’t get them in tins any more. Real shame. Oh there used to be this brand of potato chips as well that they don’t make any more. I forget their name. They were similar to Kettle Chips. Very oily and irregularly shaped. Fantastic. I think I’m starting to sound old?

    Something else I remember about Glenelg for no reason other than I have a great memory… I saw all 3 of the Mummy movies there. The first one in 1999 with my then friend Robert Elkson, the 2nd in 2001 with my then friend Craig Markham, and then the 3rd in 2008 with my then (and now) girlfriend Jemima. And it was with her that I saw the 2nd to last ever screening; the 1939 classic Gone with the Wind. We were the youngest people there by about 4 generations. And everybody gasped and applauded when Clark Gable uttered that famous line, the line you sit through the proceeding 4 hours to see, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.” A fitting phrase also for the profit-driven go-go world of commercialism, in regard to the Glenelg Cinema. Hey, don’t get me wrong, I love making money. I just wish they would replace the Glenelg cinema with a newer, better cinema, instead of just tearing it down and turning it into some boutique shops and a multi-storey car park. Oh well, we’ll always have the memories…

    Kind regards,
    Cinema’s David M. Green
    Probably ate too much popcorn…

  • Yeah, it’s a Big Week

    Welcome reader!

    Sit down, please; it’s the only way to read a blog. Seriously, who reads stuff on the Internet standing up?

    Wow, what a week it’s been! I’ve been very busy lately, so apologises for my lack of blog entries. I have some announcements I can now officially make. I now have 2 new jobs. A couple of weeks ago I started working at the Brighton Pizza Haven as a delivery driver, which is something I’d always kinda thought about doing, if for nothing else than to follow in the footsteps of Phillip J. Fry. I’ve gotta say, aside from the incredibly low pay (<$10 per hour!) it’s actually pretty fun. If it’s busy, I spend most of the time driving around the south western suburbs of Adelaide with my ’80s New Wave mix cassette tapes blasting from my Toyota Corolla’s factory speakers. Unlike a lot of jobs I’ve had, it’s actually quite relaxing. I actually look forward to going to work. Although, if I could just make a small suggestion to you if you ever order your pizza delivered… tip the pizza guy! Seriously, if I drive all the way to the outer fringes of the franchise district to receive the exact amount on the receipt in a pile of 20 cent pieces, it’s a real bummer. But hey, I know this is Australia and tipping isn’t really part of our culture… But man… or woman, I suppose… if you give the pizza guy an extra $1, speaking from my own personal experience, it’ll put that fast food courier in such a good mood, he or she will be smiling the whole drive back to the shop, and maybe… JUST maybe… no one will get hurt… They haven’t given me a uniform yet so I’ve been delivering pizzas wearing my Hawaiian shirt circa 1999. Rumour has it the Brighton Pizza Haven will be transformed into an “Eagle Boys” pizza shop within the week, so I’ll upload a photo for your amusement and ridicule if and when I get proper pizza-attire…

    As for the second job I mentioned… I just found out today I’ve got a job at the Palace Nova cinema! This is awesome! I’ve always wanted to work at a cinema. I think I’ve submitted about 10 resumes to Greater Union Marion and Wallis Glenelg, which sadly is closing very soon. Jemima and I are going to see Gone With The Wind on their final day of screening, this Sunday. But hey, Palace Nova! Alright! And thank you Lisa Pellegrino for moving to Darwin and leaving a job vacancy at said cinema, hehehe…

    But those 2 jobs are of course the 2 success stories. In the last few months I’ve applied to approximately 25-30 different places; places as diverse as radio stations, government departments, retail outlets, traineeships and even a “why the hell not” application for an advertised vacancy in the adult publication industry. Some of these places I’m still waiting to hear back from; others have generously contributed to my ever-growing “wall of rejection letters.” It’s a load-bearing wall now. I like looking at it. It reminds me of how hard I’m working.

    But as for other things, yes I’m still making my appearances on community radio. You can hear the satirical talk-parody comedy show known as “On The Yacht,” that I am a part of, Thursday nights midnight to 1am on Radio Adelaide 101.5FM. Or just click here to listen back to the best stuff… If you listen to nothing else, listen to the fake news breaks. Number 6 and 7 are, in my opinion, outstanding. I’m also still making my regular 8AM-ish Tuesday morning appearances on the Fresh 92.7FM breakfast show, with a new tailor-made audio-based sketch each week for the young ravers of Adelaide, who have proper jobs to get to in the morning. Check those out here.

    And speaking of comedy, which on any given day I probably am, I entered into the Raw Comedy stand-up contest thing. I made my appearance in Heat #3 at Adelaide’s The Rhino Room on Thursday. Alas I was not one of the winners on the night. That honour went to Chris Knight, a very funny guy (as seen on YouTube), and Dave Campbell was the second winner. I was also highly entertained by the first act of the evening, a guy named Aaron Nobes, who I would describe as a 16-year-old Tony Martin. He even looked and sounded just like him! And I thought his intellectual style was funnier than the reaction given by the audience. But enough about everyone else, let me talk about me. I think I did pretty well. There was laughter where I wanted it. I’m certainly satisfied with my performance. I’ve said many times of course, I’m more of a sketch comedian than a stand-up, but I don’t think I could have lived with myself if I didn’t have a go at Raw. I did video my set… well, I didn’t actually do it. I got someone else to do it; Voice-Over’s Tim Wray, in fact. So as soon as I receive confirmation that I have not been miraculously awarded a wildcard entry into the state semi-finals and I don’t have to perform the same act again, I shall upload the footage for permanent storage on this, the Internet. But for all those who just can’t wait, you’ve probably already noticed the still image just below, which was the silliest-looking frame I could find from the footage…

    Hehe, look at those eye brows… So until slightly further into the future, to quote Jerry Springer, “some 9 years ago, I spent time with a woman I shouldn’t have… and I paid her with a cheque. I wish I hadn’t done that and the truth is, I wish no one would ever know” … oh wait… I mean, take care of yourselves… and each other.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Combining the arts of pizza and cinema