David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Tag: Dave Callan

  • Raw Comedy 2011… Eh…

    I guess I did cast a shadow at this afternoon’s Raw Comedy heat at Melbourne’s fabulous Northcote Social Club, but this literal shadow wasn’t what the judges were looking for.

    I was on first, which is always a tough spot. The audience wasn’t really warmed up. And no one was drunk yet. However, I’m not sure whether alcohol would have increased the crowd’s appreciation for my cerebral blend of humour.

    I am not a particularly good “stand-up” comedian.

    I think a lot of my gags would work better if written on a desk calendar…

    I don’t do jokes about where I’m from (who cares?). I don’t play to the room. I don’t swear in my routine. And David M. Green doesn’t go blue, unless it’s “clever”, and even then, I personally find using the scientific words for things funnier than their crude slang equivalents. This doesn’t seem to be a shared love.

    Maybe if I did the opposite of what I just stated above, I’d get more laughs. But, what would be the point?

    I have really high standards, both for my own material, and that of other comedians. So generally I find myself sitting quietly in the audience hearing other comedians play on some old gender/racial/locational stereotypes, thinking, “this has been done”.

    It’s quite heart-breaking. But of course, what do you expect? People are idiots, after all.

    So why do I keep doing this?

    Because comedy is networking. Because people don’t take you seriously as a comedian unless you do stand-up. To show people I can write and perform, fundamental skills that apply to other comedy formats, eg. television, radio, etc.

    And also, so stuff like this happens:

    Triple J’s Dave Callan came up to me after the show and took me up on my offer of free autographed headshots!

    I guess the day wasn’t a complete waste of time.

    So that’s it for me and Raw Comedy. You can only enter 3 times, which I have now done. Certainly my best appearance was last year, when for some reason, everything just worked:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmdTp97X9oA

    But if you want to experience a more DMG-friendly comedy format, tune in to “The Magic Show” on SYN 90.7FM from 8pm, Thursday January 27. I’ll be radio-ing with Antonio Cafasso until 6am!  Ten hours of sketches, prank calls, guests, obscure ’80s new wave music and a few other surprises…

    Now you’re talkin’!

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Did someone say excessively over-produced IDs?

  • A David M. Green Kinda Night

    Ahh… I love ruining peoples’ photos:

    So anyway, hello! Wow what a Friday night! Quite possibly the best night out ever. Started out at Prudence Bar on Victoria Street, North Melbourne for the birthday gathering of fellow RMIT journo-student Meg Clement (as seen above on the right, next to Bec Puddy. Also note the “evil genius” expression on the face/head of Lachlan Cowlishaw, far left. Hehe that guy cracks me up!). It was essentially a night out for the majority of the journalism class. A good several hours of wit-laced conversation, drinking over-priced cider, receiving compliments on my YouTube videos and listening to drunk pitches for low-budget television shows. Outstanding.

    But the night didn’t stop there. When Prudence closed at about 1am a group of us headed on over to Trades Hall on Lygon Street, as we’d heard there was music there, or something. Hey! Why not? It blew my mind when I walked in. I stepped in and to my right, wearing a black bow tie was comedian Andrew McClelland. I went up to him. He complimented me on my tie, or possibly it was a direct compliment to my tie, not sure. I said, “Hey! I know you! I served you at the Palace Nova cinema in Adelaide about a year ago. You said you’d like one ticket to Watchmen. I asked ‘just an adult ticket?’ You replied ‘Yes. One man please’.” He may or may not have actually remembered, but he did smile and nod.

    To my delight the music was a mix between ’80s New Wave, ’90s Britpop and ’80s-esque electro from whatever the ’00s decade is called. I quite honestly had the time of my life. I’d never enjoyed dancing that much, of course, if you could call it “dancing”. It was mostly me flailing my arms about like I was having a seizure. Jesus, my neck hurts now. Not even joking. At one point Meg and I were dancing in ‘a three’ with comedian Dave Callan (first series of Rove, and the voice of that “Tough Nuts” commercial). Here’s the event from my perspective:

    Pretty good dancer, by the way. Dave and Meg weren’t bad either. And God bless Meg for requesting “You Can Call Me Al.” Although she probably wouldn’t appreciate that as I believe she’s an atheist. That’s like saying “nice to meat you” to a vegetarian. But of course, it would be ridiculous to use ‘meat’ in that context.

    When that shut up about 3am, I was on the way out when I noticed TV’s Lawrence Leung standing at the bar. I’d been waiting more than 3 years for this moment… So I went up to him, introduced myself and in person, requested a copy of his short film “Howard Flu”, which won the Peoples’ Choice Award in some Comedy Channel contest back in 2007. During a short trip to Melbourne in January 2007, my good friend John Timoney and I were sitting on the steps of the Victorian Parliament House when we were approached by Lawrence Leung and a John Howard puppet. Several months later my equally good friend, Adam Navarro, was flicking through the channels and swore he saw John on TV. According to Lawrence, yes, John was in it, but alas I wasn’t. I still said I’d like a copy, so I gave him my details and hopefully he’ll send it to me via “yousendit.com” or something. Quite serendipitous. On a side note, it was Lawrence’s website that inspired this one.

    After that, Lachlan and I went back to Meg’s friend Nisa’s house in Moreland. I’ll save the details of that visit for my memoirs I think… Let’s just say it was pretty funny.

    At 5am I started walking home, listening to Depeche Mode’s 1986 “Black Celebration” album on my Creative Zen Neeon mp3 player and smelling the freshly baked bread from Sydney Road’s numerous bakeries. I got home about 5:30. Fantastic Friday night.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    How great is wearing a suit for no reason?

  • Comedy for the Working Man

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kLYToFDTkI&feature=player_profilepage

    Hey Hey!

    I did a spot of stand-up again last night. Thought I’d talk about my job at the cinema a little this time, so I did… I hope it doesn’t lead to my firing, like the last time I did workplace-related humour… Triple J’s Dave Callan did a great job hosting the evening. I actually thought I was on 3rd, but someone didn’t show up so I was surprised when my name was announced. Smiddy didn’t have the camera ready, as it was still in my bag, so the first 15 seconds or so wasn’t recorded (but those opening jokes fell flat anyway!). It was a very casual, laid-back evening of entertainment. Please enjoy.

    Oh yes, while I’m here, I watched John Safran’s Race Relations on ABC TV this week. Hilarious! By far the best Australian show I’ve seen all year. Wasn’t impressed much with the show on before it “Hungry Beast” (which I actually auditioned for under the show’s previous title of “Project Next”). It seemed like a bunch of journalism students trying to be the next “Chaser,” but very wooden and bland and not particularly funny. And I’m not just saying that because I was looked over for a hosting gig… stupid stuffed shirts wouldn’t let me on their crappy show for jerks… Na, they’re okay.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Several projects in the pipeline