David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Tag: death

  • Ed Fella!?! Oh hang on… Michael Jackson!?!

    Well, it’s already yesterday’s news, but hey, I’ve been busy. That’s right… Ed McMahon is dead. Also, Michael Jackson. And Farrah Fawcett… plus countless others if you want to be pedantic about it (which you clearly do), but I can’t possibly write obituaries for all of these people, so just FREAKING BACK OFF man! Excuse me.

    But Michael Jackson. Wow. Who saw that coming? What a guy. At his peak, of course. Back in the early ’80s he was incredible. Just look at the “Thriller” music video. JUST LOOK AT IT!?! Outstanding. It’s in a league of its own. “Billy Jean”: probably the best song of the last 30 years. No one else came close to the greatness of Michael Jackson. I’m talking creatively, of course. As for the scandals, obviously when someone reaches the heights that he did, it turns you a bit peculiar. Like at all the great ones; they work hard for years until they get their big break. They’re amazing. Then they go crazy and die early or turn into a recluse.

    But from 1975 to 1992, Michael Jackson was truly great. And although I barely lived through this period, his music has had a definite presence on the soundtrack to my life. I recall listening to “Black or White” in my year 2 class in 1994, followed by a discussion on racism, and then substituting “purple” and “blue” into the song lyrics the following recess, to much amusement. “Beat It” was played at my year 9 social, and I have forever associated it with being awkward around girls. The first time I ever took a drive in my car by myself, I turned on the radio and it was Michael Jackson singing “Bad.” Luckily for me I had just that day acquired my license, so it was all legitimate… So for the next week at least, I’ll be driving around with my windows down, blasting nothing but Michael Jackson from my cassette player and driving like it’s 1983. So in other words, I’ll be doing 60km/h instead of the modern limit of 50, coincidentally, the age of Michael Jackson. RIP.

    Yours sincerely,
    David M. Green

  • Grandma’s Funeral and thoughts on Life

    Hello,

    Yesterday I attended my Grandma’s funeral at the beautiful Middlebrook Estate in McLaren Vale. It was a fitting service. I remember Grandma once told me she never wore black to a funeral, preferring instead to wear bright blue. So at her request, none of the guests wore black. It was one of the most brightly dressed groups of people I’ve seen. I myself wore a blue tie.

    Grandma loved clothes and designed many of her own outfits, and some of them were on display, as were some of her paintings she had painted herself. She really did make the most of life. She got out there and loved trying new things and loved showing her friends and family a good time. The music at the funeral reflected her love of musicals. And at the end, a lone bag-piper played ‘Amazing Grace’ as her hearse drove away. I couldn’t help but be reminded of the end sequence of ‘Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Kahn,’ but I was probably in the minority. Even so, it made the moment no less moving.

    I even learnt some things about her I didn’t know, especially about her younger years. For example, I had no idea she wanted to be an actress and joined a theatre company, and then for a while, she wanted to be a journalist. I’d almost forgotten she used to do a lot of creative writing. She encouraged me too when I began to show an interest in it. And at age 19, after a failed romance, she ran away with a friend to Melbourne and worked at a hotel. It sounded almost like a movie. Speaking of which, another interesting fact (that I knew already), in 1945 at the age of 15, she talked her way into a job as an usherette at the Regency theatre on Rundle Street, when at the time the minimum age for an usherette was 18. And funnily enough, on an interesting side note, I myself currently work at a cinema on Rundle Street.

    It was truly a celebration of the life of Terri Lawlor-Smith. No religious stuff. Just her life story, some testimonials, some anecdotes, lots of bright colours, delicious food and uplifting music. Some may say it wasn’t your “traditional” funeral, but really, who are they? It’s exactly the way Grandma would want us to remember her. She lived in the moment. She used to say she never worried about yesterday, because you couldn’t change it, and it wasn’t worth worrying about tomorrow, because it might never come. If there’s one thing we can learn from the life of my Grandma, it’s to remember that life is a precious gift. So don’t waste it sitting in a darkened room watching reality television, getting angry over something insignificant or worrying about the future. I mean sure, there’s a time and a place; don’t be reckless. But remember to enjoy yourself. You only get one shot at it. No regrets. And be nice to people, or at the very least, be less of a jerk, because life is just too short to worry. Live.

    Yours sincerely,
    David M. Green

  • RIP Grandma Terry

    Last night, my Grandma, Terry Lawlor-Smith, died in her McLaren Vale nursing home, in the presence of family members. She was 78.

    We were close, and during the time we had, we had some great times. From a very young age, right up until I was almost 18, I would regularly stay with her in McLaren Vale. We’d see movies and hire videos and play carpet bowls and Grand Canasta. For the first 10ish years, she drove me around, then for the last few, I drove her. She showed me how to make an excellent roast, which still has the rest of the family marvelling at my fantastic cooking ability. The funny thing is it’s not even that hard; peel vegetables, coat them with oil and cook them for an hour, there you go.

    As a child, I rarely drank soft drinks. It wasn’t until I started working at Kmart and I was earning my own money that I started buying my own and keeping it in my little fridge. So when I was little, going to Grandma’s and having unlimited access to all the caffeine-free diet coke I could drink was a real treat. I probably took it a little too far… But to you I say, don’t knock it until you get up in the morning, and pour yourself a bowl of porridge and a glass of coke. Hmm mmm.

    Grandma was a smoker. She quit in the mid 1990s but she smoked for practically her whole life. Understandably this had quite an affect on her ability to breathe, and any small cold quickly turned into a trip to the hospital. To the smokers out there today, to you I say, you are idiots. The evidence has existed for decades now, that smoking will eventually kill you. If it weren’t for cigarettes, my Grandma would still be alive today, or at the very least, her quality of life would have been much better in her final years. But really, that’s what it’s all about; “quality of life.” Who wants to live to be 100 if you don’t know where you are and can’t do anything yourself? It was Grandma’s decision not to return to hospital, and I respect that.

    I last saw her on Monday. I told her the latest news with me. She said it was good to see me and we each said “I love you.” Of course it’s sad. But hey, that’s life. I’m really going to miss her.

    Yours sincerely,
    David M. Green

  • RIP Richard Marsland

    Hello,

    I was extremely shocked and saddened today to hear that comedy writer and radio personality Richard Marsland died yesterday at the under-ripe age of 32. This tragedy has touched me personally because of our shared comedy ideals, and also because he was an acquaintance of mine. I would like to say friend, but I don’t think I knew him well enough. Although you don’t have to know him well to know he’s one of the nicest guys in radio. He was also VERY FUNNY and in my opinion, “Get This” with Tony Martin, Ed Kavalee & Richard Marsland on the buttons is the funniest radio show of all time. Having to pull the car over to the side of the road due to uncontrollable laughter was a regular occurrence. I actually had the good fortune to interview Richard once for my community radio show I was hosting at the time. It took place December 29th 2007, just over a month after “Get This” was axed. You can hear that interview here.

    That interview was only the beginning of a short but serendipitous relationship I had with Richard. Around the time of our interview, I got a call from SAFM/Today Network Program Director Craig Bruce. Eventually he got me a job as a panel-operator at SAFM, a job which Richard had had about 10 years earlier. When I went to Melbourne in July this year for a short holiday with my girlfriend Jemima, Richard was nice enough to agree to meet me, and he bought lunch for me and Jemima at one of those Melbourne alley cafes (that’s where the photo of me giving him that shirt comes from). We talked for about 2 hours about all sorts of stuff; radio, comedy, writing, TV, old sketches from Get This. Eventually Jemima left out of boredom. I’m very lucky to have had such an experience and I can tell you it is one of the greatest things in the world, to go up to someone you admire and tell them you love their work. I’m glad for the opportunity, but still sad that he’s gone. My thoughts are with his friends, family and everyone he touched with his humour over his short but brilliant life.

    Panel in peace Rich.

    EDIT – On December 12th we dedicated the second episode of our Radio Adelaide comedy show ‘On The Yacht’ to his memory. I broke character to read a short tribute just before the show, which can be heard here.

    Yours sincerely,
    David M. Green