David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Tag: email

  • Get Noticed? Okie Dokie!

    This is hilarious.

    A few weeks ago I received this email out of the blue:

    Date: Tue, 18 Oct 2011 15:15:47 +0100
    From: Marcus Taylor

    Hey David,

    Hope you’re having a great start to the week 🙂

    I just wanted to get in touch as I came across your Youtube channel and really enjoyed your review of How to Win Friends & Influence People – great book!

    I’m currently looking for some awesome video bloggers like yourself to review a book coming out this Thursday called Get Noticed, which is described as being ‘a how to guide to being in the right place at the right time, all the time’ and has been dubbed as a ‘must-read’ by New York Times best selling author Debra Fine.

    You would be one of the first people to review this book, so there’s a great exposure opportunity in place. As a little added benefit we’d also be offering you:

    • ÂŁ4.20 (roughly $7.50) commission for any sales you refer from your video review.
    • Exposure on the Get Noticed website
    • Promotion of your video from the author’s Twitter & Facebook accounts
    • A free e-copy of the book to read
    • Invitation to an exclusive UStream interview with the authors (you also have the opportunity to interview the authors with any questions you have)

    Hopefully together we can promote your video and channel to get some benefit from the buzz around the book launch.

    If it sounds of interest I can send through a copy of the book and we can go from there!

     
    Thanks,
    Marcus

    Now, I get spam like this all the time. So naturally, I did a little research. This guy seemed legit. He’s some author from the UK who’s written what I could only assume was some kind of self-help book.

    But what the hell was he contacting me for?

    When did I ever review “How to win friends and influence people”?

    Oh wait… surely he doesn’t mean THIS…

    Ah yes, last year my good friend Lachlan Cowlishaw and I, for a bit of fun, set up a couple of cameras and chairs in Lachlan’s garage and goofed around for a few hours.

    We just used things lying around his garage as props. One of them happened to be a copy of the original 1936 self-help book “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie. And in the midst of ab-libbing, we made a few references to it.

    Okay, so this Marcus guy is familiar with my sarcastic brand of comic japery. And the temptation of a quick buck is a boon for the spam email industry… so I figured I had nothing to lose by asking a few more questions:

    Date: Wed, 19 Oct 2011 17:06:34 +1100
    From: David M. Green

    Hi Marcus,

    Thanks for your email. Sounds interesting.

    What kind of deadline are you wanting?

    DMG

    —

    Date: Fri, 21 Oct 2011 18:17:22 +0100
    From: Marcus Taylor

    Hi David,

    Thanks for getting in touch, there’s no deadline per se but the sooner the better as there will be a lot of buzz about the book during the launch this week. I’ve attached a copy for you to have a look at and base your review on. If there’s anything extra that would help you just let me know and i’ll see what I can do 🙂

    Cheers,
    Marcus

    So I took a look at the book. My first reaction was “100 pages!?! This is like an entire book! I don’t have time to read this!”

    For the first time in my life, I’m working full time (6 day weeks for a while there) and really don’t have time to do anything.

    At the same time I welcomed the opportunity to make another funny video; I don’t seem to make enough of them these days…

    I figured this Marcus guy was a savvy character. He’s written a book. He wants to promote it. Surely, he’s sent out dozens of these emails to YouTube people, right?

    So I did a browse, but couldn’t find anyone else who had uploaded a review.

    I did find one though from the authors themselves:

    I also saw THIS, which is just too good to be true…

    Note the upload date and number of views for his video “How to Get Noticed on YouTube”:

    Okay. So a guy who ironically has a video on YouTube about how to get views on YouTube, that’s had 6 views in 4 months, wants to give me a $7.50 commission for every book I sell for him.

    Now, I’m no whiz with these money-making schemes. I sure as hell don’t make any money from this website. How exactly would this work?

    I inquired.

    Date: Sat, 22 Oct 2011 23:12:13 +1100
    From: David M. Green

    Cheers Marcus,

    I’ll take a look at that.

    Just out of interest, how will you track the number of sales I attract?

    DMG

    —

    Date: Sat, 22 Oct 2011 13:20:48 +0100
    From: Marcus Taylor

    No problem, the sales are tracked with an affiliate tracking code that’s unique to you. So we’ll give you a unique link to the site, which if sales are referred from we’ll know that you referred the sale.

    Marcus

    —

    Date: Sun, 23 Oct 2011 00:48:38 +1100
    From: David M. Green

    Ok sounds good. And you’d just want me to upload the video to my own YouTube account?

    DMG

    —

    Date: Sat, 22 Oct 2011 17:11:36 +0100
    From: Marcus Taylor

    yep! 🙂

    So long story short, my good friend Anthony McCormack came round and helped me make THIS:

    Hold on to your hats folks, because what I’m about to say may shock you…

    I don’t think Marcus likes it.

    You may have noticed (but you probably didn’t, no offense), there’s no link anywhere in the video or its description for you to go and purchase a copy of “Get Noticed”.

    The saga continues…

    Date: Sat, 29 Oct 2011 18:38:36 +1100
    From: David M. Green

    Hi Marcus,

    I’ve “reviewed” your book.

    If you’d be so kind as to send over that unique tracking code link, I’ll put it in the video description.

    Kind regards,
    TV’s David M. Green

    —

    Date: Sun, 30 Oct 2011 14:31:55 +0000
    From: Marcus Taylor

    Hi David,

    I appreciate you taking the time to do this, however I’d like to raise a few points.

    The video I was referencing in my e-mail was this one:

    [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SElyyg4C8ig[/youtube]

    which although not a ‘review’ per se, I found quite funny.

    Also, Get Noticed is not a ‘self help’ book as such, it’s aimed towards creative people & entrepreneurs and is about getting noticed to become more successful at what you do. I did show the video to a few friends who have read the book and they were very confused by the claims you were making.

    No hard feelings, but i’d like to ask you kindly if you can remove the video if you wouldn’t mind. I don’t feel it positively serves what either of us are trying to do and I was under the impression from your emails that you were genuinely interested in reading it – I’ve always felt that making personal attacks & uninformed negative reviews publicly is not productive and after all, what goes around tends to come around.

    With that in mind, i’d appreciate it if you could remove the video, but if you feel strongly about leaving it live we can discuss further, as I really don’t want to create negativity online about each other’s work as i’m sure we’ve both got much better things to get on with.

    Many thanks,

    Marcus Taylor
    Co-author of Get Noticed

    “Uninformed negative reviews”?

    Now personally, the idea that there’s a group of people on the other side of the world “very confused” by my video, I find hilarious.

    What I found confusing was how he could set “The All New Garage Show” as the benchmark for a good, wholesome and funny book review (I could just end that sentence there, but there’s more), AND THEN be surprised at the video I produced for HIS book?

    Date: Mon, 31 Oct 2011 16:54:15 +1100
    From: David M. Green

    Hi Marcus,

    So, you are aware that I’m a comedian. What exactly were you expecting?

    DMG

    Hehehe… this just gets better and better…

    Date: Mon, 31 Oct 2011 13:46:16 +0000
    From: Marcus Taylor

    Hi David,

    Honestly, I was expecting a genuine review of the book with a touch of humour but in a way that you’d be able to maybe share some of the tips from the book, opposed to humouring the book & myself directly. I wasn’t entirely sure how you’d go about it, but I figured you’d do it in a way slightly differently to most video bloggers, which is kind of what i’m after.

    I am going to be living in Melbourne for six months next year, which I notice is where you’re based, so I’ll try and come along to a show if you’ve got anything lined up then as I do enjoy your comedy (obviously excluding the review…) and we’re also looking to do some cool stuff promoting the talents of creative & artistic individuals so i’d be keen to see you do some stand-up.

    Is there any possibility that you could remove the video?

    Thanks,

    Marcus

    Hmmm… puts me in a predicament doesn’t it?

    Do I take it down in exchange for some “promotion” or do I leave it up and get the “promotion” I was originally promised, like they gave to Mattias Gronborg from Stockholm, who I can only assume “passed” the Get Noticed review challenge:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fW2A1xBdijk

    I never seem to learn my own lesson: DON’T WRITE REVIEWS!

    The last review I wrote got me kicked off a TV show.

    But you know what? This time I’m standing up for free speech.

    Date: Tue, 01 Nov 2011 22:02:43 +1100
    From: David M. Green

    Hi Marcus,

    Thank you for the compliments.

    I must say though, I find this whole thing fascinating.

    You have actually watched that video, yes?

    You do realise that in that “review”, Lachlan (Kevin) reveals he hadn’t actually read “How to win friends and influence people”? (This is stated multiple times throughout the video)

    So I have not at all misrepresented myself. I have not tricked you into thinking I do serious book reviews. My review of “Get Noticed” was in a similar style.

    You say you figured I’d do my review “in a way slightly different to most video bloggers”. I believe I’ve done exactly that.

    When you asked me to review your book, you didn’t set any guidelines. You did not say “don’t call it a self-help book”. I apologise if I’ve misrepresented your “it’s aimed towards creative people & entrepreneurs and is about getting noticed to become more successful at what you do” book by calling it a “self-help book”.

    In an editorial, I can actually express any opinion I want, so long as it’s not defamatory, which of course it wasn’t. In fact, I think I’ve given you a fairly positive review. The whole video is essentially me saying how great your book is and how everyone should buy it, albeit in a tongue-in-cheek way.

    You can’t commission a review and then kick up a fuss when the reviewer doesn’t give you the exact review you want. If you made a film and I gave it 3 stars and you think it’s worth 5, well then bad luck. That’s the risk you take when you put your product out there.

    Are you going to hold up your end of the bargain by giving me my affiliate tracking code link?

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green

    And strangely enough I have yet to receive a reply.

    I’m guessing I’m not going to see any money from this…

    So if you enjoyed my video review of “Get Noticed”, please share the link. Post this to your Facebook or Twitter accounts.

    Hey, why not even mention it to @MarcusATaylor or his social media agency @SEOptimise, which I do believe yesterday won “Best Blog” at the 2011 UK Search Awards. Good on ’em.

    If you’d actually like to buy a copy of “Get Noticed”, you can do so here. But keep in mind, as I don’t have an affiliate link, I’m not receiving any commission. So if you would be so kind as to use the “donate” button on the left hand side of my website to shoot me over $7.50, I would be very confused.

    Also, I have not read this book.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Hey, made a good blog entry at least.

  • Marslando Calrissian: 2 years on…

    Today marks two years since the untimely passing of Radio’s Richard Marsland.

    I had a bit of a bad week last week, and I found myself looking over some old emails from another difficult period in my life.

    In August 2008 I was dropped from my job as a casual panel-operator at SAFM, dropped from making regular guest appearances on 891 ABC Adelaide’s “The Evening Show with Peter Goers” and had a falling out with one of my best friends. Suddenly my life went from heading in the right direction to being thrown into complete uncertainty.

    After I lost the SAFM job I emailed Richard (a former SAFM employee), telling him what happened and asking for some advice. I figured this is a good time to make this email public. It’s good advice, after all… So here it is:

    Sun, 24 Aug 2008 20:13:07
    Re: SAFM no more

    Oh no David, I’m so sorry – I just read this email … dang – sorry mate! I don’t check this all the time. What horrible news! But you know what? I had exactly the same thing happen to me in exactly the same building when I was pretty much your age. And then I came back like three months later. I’m of the opinion that you haven’t really had a career in the Australian media if you haven’t been sacked due to no fault of your own. Look at the long list of talents who have been told to hit the bricks – from Tony to Shaun to Judith to Mick: it’s insane and it makes no sense BUT it does happen and the best thing to do is take it on the chin and keep coming at them. What you must remember is that they might take away your job, but guess what? You can still write, You can still perform. You still can do it, you know? It’s like a trench digger being fired – he doesn’t have a job but he still has the skills to get another. So it will happen. It’s not a case of if, but when.

    Craig [Bruce] is a straight shooter and I’m sure he’d love to have you if they could afford it, they’re cutting costs everywhere at the moment. It seems terrible right now I’m sure, but it’s merely a new start for you. Like Craig said, I’d look at it as an opportunity to go somewheres different and ply your trade – there are now a lot more places in Adelaide to look, Nova for example. Easier said than done, I know. But I’d go for the ABC thing (if it’s not too late), and I would keep throwing everything into the Peter Goers show. Call around, ask to speak to PDs and tell them your situation and work history – SAFM always looks great on a CV … You never know what’s around the corner. And keep up your website!

    And I promise I’ll keep an ear out for anything that might pop up. It’s a funny industry full of revolving doors, so eventually one will open for you, I guarantee it. You just have to keep positive, and stay persistent. Luck is hard work meeting opportunity.

    So – don’t let it get you down too much, okay? I won’t lie – I know it sucks, but everything will be DMG before you know it. You just have to get ready.

    Speak soon, give me a call anytime!
    Richard

    That was the last contact I had from Richard. He died three and a half months later. Although he did say “give me a call anytime”, I didn’t, because I didn’t want to bug him.

    The above is another example of the genuine character of The Late Richard Marsland. Such a nice guy, and such personal, relevant advice.

    It’s interesting looking back on that time. “Everything will be DMG before you know it”. It certainly didn’t seem like that then. But things did get better. And of course, moving to Melbourne definitely made a difference.

    I miss “Get This” on Triple M very much. Although, some fantastic news I just learned yesterday: Tony Martin and Ed Kavalee will be teaming up again next year, this time on TV for “The Joy of Sets”, a new light entertainment show on Channel Nine (If you can believe that?). I’m sure Richard will be there in spirit.

    I’m actually in Adelaide as I write this, and I kid you not, I’m sipping a Farmers Union Iced Coffee. I never used to like them until this year.

    Rich, this one’s for you.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green