David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Tag: Logies

  • How do you solve a problem like The Logies?

    No comedy. No writers. Catering aplenty.

    The Logies are unique among the world’s entertainment industry awards. This is not a compliment.

    The organisers would like to believe Australian Television’s “night of nights” is the equivalent to The Oscars. The biggest. The fanciest. The most regarded awards ceremony on the event calendar.

    But the Academy Awards are for the silver screen. Not the small screen. The fashion reporting on the red carpet is where the comparison between the two stops. So in that sense, The Logies are more like The Emmys; The American awards for television production.

    But if The Logies are supposed to be Australia’s version of The Emmys, why aren’t they run like The Emmys?

    Emmy Award winners are decided by industry professionals. Some Logie winners are chosen this way; the categories that begin with “Most Outstanding”. However, the majority of Logie categories begin with “Most Popular” and those winners are decided by votes from the public. It’s basically a popularity contest.

    So in that case, The Logies are run more like The MTV Movie Awards. No offense to MTV, but I think that’s pretty embarrassing for Australian Television.

    But even The MTV Movie Awards have an award for “Best Comedic Performance”. How many awards do The Logies currently give for comedy? Zero. Pardon the pun, but that’s a joke.

    There hasn’t been an award for comedy at The Logies since 2009, when “The Hollowmen” won “Most Outstanding Comedy Program”.

    What does that say about Australian comedy if it’s not even acknowledged at the highest level? This serious lack of respect would make Rodney Dangerfield roll over in his grave.

    Think about all the hilarious Australian TV shows that have made us laugh through the years: The Late Show, Frontline, Kath & Kim, Hey Hey It’s Saturday, The Chaser, The Micallef Program, Summer Heights High. All of those shows won the Logie for “Most Outstanding Comedy Program”. In fact, some won it twice.

    Interesting to note, of the 16 awards for Most Outstanding Comedy Program given between 1994 and 2009, 13 of them were won by the ABC. Goes to show you don’t need money to make outstanding television comedy.

    But the best a comedy show can hope for these days is the Logie for “Most Outstanding Light Entertainment Program”.  What is “light entertainment” anyway? Aren’t all television shows supposed to be entertaining?

    In 1997, there were three separate Logies for comedy. Roy and HG’s “Club Buggery” won “Most Outstanding Achievement in Comedy”, the hilarious “Full Frontal” won “Most Popular Comedy Program” and Eric Bana won “Most Popular Comedy Personality”.

    It was a simpler time. Comedy was comedy. Drama was drama. And reality TV only existed in movies about a fictional dystopian future.

    But though comedy is no longer officially recognised by Australian TV, it seems to have crept into just about every other program.

    The new buzz word at the moment is “dramedy”. I hate that word. For me, it represents a comedy not quite funny enough that the producers want to commit and call it a comedy. Or a drama not quite dramatic enough to be called a drama. Shows such as Seven’s “Winners and Losers” and Ten’s “Mr and Mrs Murder” have both been promoted as “dramedy” shows.

    Network Ten’s “The Project” is another example. Hard news, light tragedy, music, stock footage, infotainment, and a few gags.

    But for a really bizarre example of comedy white-anting into a traditionally no-comedy TV zone, take a look at this new comedy segment that’s just appeared on Ten Late News. One recent segment involved my good friend Sam Mac videoing his facial expressions while receiving a series of simulated prostate exams:

    I’m a fan of Sam Mac. But this is not a comedy program. This is a late night news program broadcast nationally on Channel Ten. I’d much rather see him do this schtick on his own show – A show that could be nominated for a Logie for comedy.

    The Logies also has a serious lack of respect for Australian writers. Unlike The Oscars and The Emmys, The Logies has no awards at all for writing. None for comedy. None for drama. None for a telemovie or miniseries.

    I find it absolutely beyond comprehension the industry award body for Australian television doesn’t recognise its writers. Industry people and viewers alike are constantly complaining about the substandard level of screenwriting in Australia. We have great actors. We have world class cinematographers. Australian films and TV shows always look amazing.

    But the script? The story? The writing? It’s such an afterthought; we don’t even have an award for it. Who cares, right? Hey, why do we even need writers for TV?

    I believe the first step to improve Australia’s reputation for quality screenwriting is to recognise quality screenwriting at the highest level. And the easiest way to do that is to include Logie Awards for writing.

    The Logie Awards Ceremony itself also differs from the big American ones. The Oscars. The Emmys. The Tonys. They’re all held in theatres, with a seated audience watching the stage.

    But The Logies are conducted more like a pub trivia night, with the audience and nominees seated around tables in the Palladium Ballroom of Melbourne’s Crown Casino. Many of the attendees aren’t even facing the stage.

    Is it any wonder nobody wants to host The Logies? It’s widely believed among the TV industry that hosting The Logies is death. It’s a tough room. Most people are there purely to be seen and to enjoy a steak dinner.

    At last year’s 54th Annual Logie Awards, Adam Hills walked out on stage to present the first award, and after establishing that there was no host, he said, “Hosting the Logies is like being one of Gina Rinehart’s children. It sounds good, but you get nothing out of it.”

    That’s true for most of the hosts in recent memory. In fact, of the last 10 ceremonies, six of them had no single host. The risk of dying a death on stage was shared by several presenters.

    For a truly exceptional ceremony, you have to go back to Shaun Micallef in 2001.

    Channel Nine thought so too and they gave him his own tonight show two years later. But Wendy Harmer (2002) and Gretel Killeen (2009) weren’t so lucky.

    So how do you cure The Logies? It’s so simple even a TV executive could do it. Bring back awards for comedy. Introduce awards for writing. And hold the ceremony in a theatre where the audience’s attention is on the host. Only then will The Logies be the Australian equivalent of The Emmys.

    And so they should be.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Student of Logie.

  • Cafe Micallef

    Ahoy,

    Ooh I tell ya, this whole “living in Melbourne” thing just keeps getting better and better! Under the premise of writing an article for RMIT University’s “Catalyst” Magazine, I lured TV’s Shaun Micallef to Druids Cafe on Swanston Street yesterday, where we chatted for approximately 50 minutes. Oh wait, actually, Druids was his suggestion…

    Of course, it wasn’t the first time I’d interviewed him (2006), nor was it the first time that I had met him (2004), but it was still a wonderful privilege to pick the brain of one of this nation’s most respected comedians, again. Just last week he received his first Gold Logie nomination, despite  having worked in television for 20 years. We talked in a somewhat rambling all-over-the-place fashion about comedy, Australian television, Talkin’ Bout Your Generation, his Melbourne Comedy Festival show with Stephen Curry (Good Evening: The Sketches of Peter Cook & Dudley Moore), Shaun’s New Year’s Eve Special, The Late Richard Marsland, his 2009 magical TV moment with Martin Short, his kids, who Shaun finds funny these days and a lot of other crap I’ve forgotten. Thankfully I recorded it! Ahh… I can hear my journalism lecturers making that disappointed “Skippy the Bush Kangaroo noise” as they shake their fingers at me for relying on a recording device instead of taking notes…

    I’ll condense it down for you, the reader guy/gal, and put it in texual form for the May edition of Catalyst. And for those of you who don’t live in Melbourne, or who can’t be bothered picking up a copy, I’ll post a link to the online edition when it’s available… or hey, if you want the Catalyst website now, don’t waste your time with fumbly search engines, just click here.

    Special thanks also to fellow RMIT post-grad journalism student Ben Hagemann for taking these excellent photos. I love the lighting. Some higher resolution versions will no doubt appear alongside the published article.

    Shaun also signed my copy of “Smithereens,” which I’ve had since 2004 and not actually finished reading…

    And like everyone I meet everyday, I presented Shaun Micallef with a copy of “David M. Green: The Radio Adelaide Years.”

    I’ll keep you posted on the release date of the article.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Jeeze… I’m turning into some kind of… “journalist”

  • 2009 Logies Review from a Non-viewer

    Hello,

    The 51st Annual TV Week Logie Awards: Australian television’s “night of nights.” I didn’t watch it. I was working. But if I wasn’t working, I may have had it on in the background… maybe… as I heard Shaun Micallef was presenting an award, and I tend to go out of my way to watch, listen or read anything with his name on it… I really haven’t been following it (the Logie thing) at all, eg. the nominees, the voting. I didn’t even know who hosted it until today (Gretel Killeen?!? Jesus… but more on that in a moment). I barely watch any free-to-air TV, not to mention any Australian shows. Even if I wanted to mention some, I’d have trouble, seeing as though I don’t watch any. Nor do I attend water cooler conversations. I’m usually oblivious to what’s “hot” on commercial TV. If anything important happens I usually discover it on the Internet before it appears on TV anyway… BUT… why am I bothering to contribute to the already numerous blog entries and articles out there pointing out how terrible the Logies were? Especially seeing as though I didn’t even watch it? Why? I’ll tell you why… It’s because I myself want to know “why?” Why does TV keep doing this? What do the decision-makers expect when they get Gretel Killeen to host it?!?

    I did watch Gretel’s intro on YouTube. Okay, so I didn’t quite “not watch” the whole thing. I lied slightly… But if that’s how the Logies started, I’m guessing that’s how the rest of it went: Weak material, phoney presenting and lame jokes from a host no one liked. And Gretel Killeen, as far as I can recall, hasn’t done anything on TV since the 2007 season of Big Brother. Why bring her back now? Just… why? Now… I’m not one for slandering people on the Internet, but JESUS H. CHRIST WHO COULD HAVE POSSIBLY THOUGHT THAT GRETEL KILLEEEN WOULD BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN APPALLING!?!?! Is the person who rubber-stamped that one TRYING to get fired? Who out there thought: “Hey, Gretel Killeen is hosting? Thank God, the Logies have been saved!”

    I of course also watched the short clip of Shaun Micallef presenting the award for best miniseries or telemovie. Hilarious. Shaun is fantastic. He’s properly funny, and it’s still my opinion that the BEST Logies were back in 2001 when Shaun himself was the host. He says it’s a tough room. I’m sure he’s right. But I myself am a tough room, not in the literal sense of course. But I can completely relate to being in an audience watching someone who’s not funny. When I’m in that situation, I generally don’t laugh. I would never expect someone to laugh unless something that was said or done was actually funny. It’s a pretty simple equation. Funny host = entertainment. Gretel Killeen isn’t funny. But brace yourself, because here’s something really bizarre… 

    Now, I don’t usually link to videos on my blog that aren’t my own, but I’ll break with tradition here because I’ve noticed something very interesting I’d like to draw to everyone’s attention. Here’s Gretel’s intro clip I saw. Have a look at this… (If it’s been taken down, try searching for “Gretel’s 2009 Logies intro” on YouTube or something)

    [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qj-G1dMpJ7k[/youtube]

    Okay. Did you notice Gretel was “shot” there and she fell over? Pretty funny right? Not particularly. And when you think about it… she kinda exploded… That’s really quite horrible. Not to mention confusing. I don’t even really know what she was going for… If anyone can explain it to me, please go ahead.

    But now for the bizarre thing I promised. Something about Gretel falling over and pretending to be dead at the Logies reminded me of something… Something from a long time ago. 8 years ago to be precise. I have a scrap book at home with various newspaper clippings, and I found this one from The Adelaide Advertiser circa March 2001, printed the week before Shaun Micallef was to host the Logies:

    If the font’s too small (and fair comment), click on the article and you’ll be taken to a larger version. High Definition Newspapers: The future is now. But anyway, the relevant part of the article I wish to draw your attention to is basically the first two paragraphs, which read:

    “COMEDIAN Shaun Micallef wanted to try something different to start the annual Logie award presentation this year. ‘I wanted to walk out on stage and begin my introduction spiel and then, about a minute into my dialogue, collapse on to the ground,’ Micallef recalls.
    ‘I thought it would be great if the network could ‘temporarily’ stop broadcast, go to a test pattern or something and then come back to me with a bandage or whatever around my head and have me continue the show.’
    Needless to say the producers disagreed.”

    Now hang on… wait a minute here… Shaun Micallef thought about falling over during his intro and the producers said NO? He goes on to say that if he really demanded to do it, the producers probably would have caved in and let him. So he COULD have done it, but he chose not to (His intro did contain several other physical gags, but none that involved falling over). Then 8 years later… Gretel Killeen’s hosting, and she decides it would be a good idea to collapse on stage. I wonder what the producers thought of this? Did they try to discourage her? Maybe they suggested it? Would it REALLY have been inappropriate for Shaun Micallef to do that joke back in 2001? Comedy was simpler back then, after all… It probably would have been funnier back then too, I imagine. But if you compare Shaun’s 2001 Logies intro to Gretel’s 2009 appall-a-tron, there’s simply no contest. Gretel didn’t say anything remotely funny, interesting or memorably. The only thing she did do was die on stage, and then pretend to die on stage (zing!). But isn’t that bizarre? I don’t quite know what to make of this… I mean, it’s hardly an original idea. Orson Wells did it in 1938. But still one wonders…

    Of course, there have been 7 other Logie ceremonies in between 2001 and 2009. In 2002 it was hosted by Wendy Harmer. I boycotted that one, and from most accounts she was comparable to Gretel. In 2003 and 2004 it was Eddie McGuire. Satisfactory, but it was like a sandwich with no filling. Sure, it had the two pieces of bread, but lacking in tasty content. From 2004 to 2007 the squabbling networks couldn’t agree on any single host so they each threw in a representative and “shared” the role. Then last year there was NO HOST. What a joke. For God’s sake, just PICK SOMEONE GOOD! Get Bert Newton while he’s still alive! He’s still got it, after all. Or develop some new talent. Hey, I reckon I could do a pretty good job… Some day maybe…

    On a final note, I also watched the “2009 Logies – In Memoriam” clip. I’ve never stopped thinking about the death of Richard Marsland. I found this footage very bizarre as well, as it was only in July last year that I was having lunch with him, having no less than an in-depth discussion about how bad the 2008 Logies were… No kidding (about the conversation. But also, the Logies were awful) I think I even remember talking about how there’s always a couple of deceased people who receive a bigger applause during the memorial. Can you believe that? You know, it is actually pretty disrepectful to all the other lesser-known TV people who’ve died, but I guess we can’t help showing our appreciation to certain individuals we really like.

    And good on Bill Collins for being accepted into the Logies Hall of Fame. I like him too and he certainly deserves it.

    So in conclusion… In my opinion, the Logies were mostly crap, but when you look at Australian television, indeed, it’s mostly crap. So what do you expect? Some may say my review has been somewhat biased, but hey, like I said… I didn’t even really watch it!

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    If you enjoyed the Logies, please write to me and tell me why. I’m interested.