David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Tag: RMITV

  • 31 Questions: The TV game show pilot!

    About 4 months ago a conversation took place in RMIT University’s Studio A on the set of Channel 31 Melbourne’s “Tough Times”.

    I was sitting on the couch, providing my pale skin for the guys in the control room to configure the flesh tones. Fellow crew member Simon Eastwood was hanging around, talking to Eliza Beck (who later became RMITV General Manager). The conversation went something like this:

    Simon – “I want to make a TV show.”
    Eliza – “What sort of show?”
    Simon – “I don’t know, maybe a game show? Hey Dave, you wanna help me make a game show?”
    Me – “Can I host it?”
    Simon – “Sure.”
    Me – “Yeah!”

    So Simon would be producer/director, and I would be host/writer/executive producer. Essentially I would handle the content, and Simon would handle the technical and organisational side. And thank god, because no one ever wants to do that crap.

    And after more paperwork that I would have liked to worry about, Simon and I had a meeting with RMITV programming manager Naomi Davis. Basically our pitch was: “Channel 31 doesn’t have any game shows”. And we were quite quickly given the green light to make a pilot!

    “31 Questions” will be a standard quiz show with a youth/pop culture focus, a bit like Sale of the Century mixed with Spicks and Specks, Talkin’ Bout Your Generation and Vidiot (I loved that show in the mid ’90s!).

    In preparation for my new role as host, I’ve been researching famous game show hosts of the past. I’m sure there’s a few pointers I can pick up from this guy…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TRBwKFfJv4

    Jeeze… what a creep!

    Joining me on the show will be the show’s moderator Lachlan Cowlishaw, and our glamorous assistant Minky Cooper, currently the Monday host of 1700 on Channel 31.

    So we are filming the pilot for “31 Questions” the evening of Thursday 25 November 2010. If you live in Melbourne and would like to be in the studio audience, details are available on this Facebook event page.

    See you then!

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Man am I looking forward to this!

  • The Glamorous World of Television

    Hello!

    It’s been quite a turbulent month. I’ll start this blog entry with some words of wisdom from my first hand personal experience, for anyone with an interest in joining the hideous bitch goddess that is, “show biz”:

    1. Don’t ever write a review.

    Just don’t do it. Unless you want to write reviews for a living. Or, if you feel you must write a review, don’t write a bad review. Even more specifically, don’t ever write a review of someone you may have to work with in the future. Even if it’s not a bad review, I’d say best to avoid it all together and keep your opinions to yourself. And be wary of fragile egos. But of course, if you want to be the next David Stratton, then go nuts! You might want to grow a beard too.

    2. Don’t under-estimate the power of the telephone.

    90% of people won’t pick up the phone and call someone if there’s a problem. They’ll prefer a passive-aggressive email, or even worse, a text message. Leave those forms of communication where they belong, in the bedroom. If you want to get things done, pick up the phone. It’s instant. It’s intimidating. All the celebrities are doing it.

    3. Be nice to everyone, but don’t take any crap from anyone. (Thanks for that one Dad!)

    You’ve got to be nice to people. Even if they’re not nice back, make sure you can always say you treated them with respect first. But of course, there are always going to be incompetent people in this industry who will try to take advantage of you. Work out where your limits are. If they start pushing you a bit too far, ask yourself if you’re content to put up with that forever? If someone’s outta line, tell it to ’em straight. And don’t swear at anyone. Ever. It’s unprofessional. Stick to legitimate comments. For example, call them unprofessional! However, most likely you won’t be in the position of power, so be prepared to eat dirt for a while until the incompetence and unprofessionalism of others catches up to them.

    4. Get in with the crew.

    Television (and films) generally have large crews. Crew people are the best people. They get the job done and without them, it wouldn’t be TV. It’d be someone posting a video blog on YouTube. Help out with the crew. Put in the hard yards with them and you’ll get respect. From everyone. And for the love of God… Don’t f*** with their equipment!

    5. Not everyone likes critical feedback and constructive criticism.

    I love it myself. However, unless someone asks you two or three times for critical feedback, don’t give it to them. ESPECIALLY if you don’t know them! Remember, fragile egos in this biz.

    6. Don’t believe everything everyone says.

    A lot of people will make a lot of wild promises. Don’t count on all of them coming through. Unless the contact is in your hands and they’re asking for your signature, assume there’s only a slight chance of it actually happening.

    These are just a few things that may or may not have any relevance to recent events in my life… And now for an update on what I’m up to:

    Catalyst
    Read a condensed transcript of my interview with Tim Vine in edition 3 of RMIT’s Catalyst Magazine. Hard copies available from the various Melbourne campuses. There doesn’t seem to be an online copy, but you may as well just listen to the audio version right here. No plans to write anything else soon (especially any reviews!).

    RMITV
    I’m very excited to be helping out on “Late Night Tonight” this week. It’s a parody of a late night talk show. I’ll be operating camera two, presumably pointing it at host Michael Lanzer (Channel 31’s “The Inquiry”).

    I was previously going to be involved with “Studio A”. However that doesn’t appear to be happening any more. Particularly disappointing considering that show alone was one of the big selling points of moving to Melbourne. On the other hand, it didn’t look like I would have had much creative input as “script editor”. But anyway, I wish them all the best. They’re okay.

    Recent events and pep-talks from certain individuals have encouraged me to use my time in Melbourne and access to RMIT’s fabulous student television facilities wisely. After all, as much as I’d love to stay in Melbourne, it will all come down to where the jobs are at the end of the year. So my good friend Lachlan Cowlishaw and myself are going to make our own comedy show pilot. A 22-minute show incorporating single camera sketches and multi-camera studio pieces. Hey! Why not? That’ll be a goal for the year. Get that done. If nothing else, hopefully we’ll be able to say we made something funny and put it on the Internet. I can also confirm right now that at the request of Mr Nick Godfrey, the show WILL have a puppet.

    Stand-up
    I’m doing stand-up at The Comic’s Lounge on fabulous Errol Street, North Melbourne this evening. 8:30pm. Feel free to come along. It’ll be the first time I’ve done it in Melbourne. I can get five people in for free so let me know if you want in.

    Too Easy
    Yes, the webseries I filmed with Alex “Shooter” Willamson back in January is just about edited and the first two episodes will hopefully be online within the next few days, closely followed by the four other episodes of Season 1.

    Radio
    I’ve completed the compulsory training that one requires if one is to be a broadcaster at SYN, RMIT’s student radio station. I tried to get out of it, but ironically it was easier to get on-air via this 4-week training course, as opposed to simply providing a link to this website with my 100+ hours of radio experience. The facilities are lacking a decent soundboard/cart-rack programme to play sound effects, so I’m on the lookout for a version for my laptop. If anyone has any software options they can suggest I’d love to hear them. Hopefully get back on-air sometime soon, even if it’s just a graveyard 2am-6am one just for fun. Any excuse to subject others to obscure ’80s New Wave music!

    Voice-Over
    I recently did a voice-over for Riverside Plaza, Queanbeyan. So if you live in the A.C.T. and would like to hear my best David Attenborough impression, tune in on Mix106.3. Special thanks to Radio’s Michael Princi for that one.

    And that video game I did some voices for back in December has finally been released. Download “Sunset Studio – Behind the Scenes!” from this link right here. I’m not sure where exactly my voice appears in the game but I do know it’s the “science-fiction movie scene”. I’m eager to see/hear it myself! If anyone makes it that far into the game PLEASE let me know!

    Miscellaneous
    In other news I’m coming back to Adelaide for 2 weeks! I’ll be there from June 24 to July 8. It’ll be great to see the ol’ gang again. I’ll probably have a gathering in the city to catch up with everyone en mass in one big burst of socialisation. But if you want to book in a lunch or something, just give me a dial.

    Anyway, must tend to my life. Excuse me.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Can’t wait for DEVO’s first new album since 1990! “Something for Everybody” comes out next week!

  • David M. Green presents: April in Melbourne. With pictures.

    Ahoy!

    Life is good. But it’s been so jam-packed with stuff I haven’t had much of a chance to spend a solitary evening blogging about it. So for those who care, my apologies. For those who don’t, well maybe consider putting a little more effort into dedicating your lives to following mine. Na, you’re okay. You’ve done well.

    I’ve really noticed a massive change in my social life since moving to Melbourne. I’m just talking more. A product of being around more people: at uni, at the share-house and hanging out with people pretty much whenever I get a chance. It’s good. I must have spent a lot of time on my own last year. Uni really changes things. Especially this post-graduate environment. It’s completely different from undergraduate. Much more comradery. It’s a good thing. Of course at times I do also get sick of these people… Na, they’re okay. They’ve done well.

    Things to report on:

    RMITV
    I auditioned for RMITV Student Television’s “Studio A” live late night comedy/variety show. I was quite happy with the audition. I presented a 60 second monologue to camera and then conducted an “interview” with local Melbourne comedy personality Tommy Little. Unfortunately I didn’t get an on-camera role, or a writing role. But I’m happy to report you’re reading the blog of RMITV’s newest “Script Editor” for Studio A. This will allow me to take my Nazi-like stance on grammar to bizarre new places. But hey, this was the whole reason I moved to Melbourne so just glad to be on the team. I believe the show should go to air around June on Channel 31. More details coming soon…

    I was also a member of the crew for the Channel 31 production of “Tough Times”. It’s an interview show hosted by Michael Kuzilny and filmed at RMITV studios. For the first two shows I was a vision mixer (or “switcher”), and I must say, I LOVED it. Great fun. It’s not the direct TV equivalent of radio panel-operating. Technically that would be monitoring the audio recording for the TV show. But vision mixing gives you the same great feeling when you do a good cross from one camera to the other, just like a good crossfade between songs. Ah, it was great! I also helped out with camera and audio, but vision mixing was by far my favourite role. Of course, as much as I enjoyed that, I’d much rather be hosting the show itself. Maybe not that particular show, but the role of “host” is more attractive to me.

    Oh yes, that reminds me. I’ll be hosting the first live “Newsline” for 2010 on Monday May 17 on Channel 31 Melbourne with my glamorous co-host Lucy Ormonde. Looking forward to that!

    Catalyst
    RMIT Student Magazine “Catalyst” printed my interview with Shaun Micallef in “Edition 2” a couple of weeks ago. Copies are available from the various RMIT University Melbourne campuses. I presume it will also be put online (although as at May 6 2010 it’s still not there). So I guess keep checking out HERE until it’s uploaded. Unfortunately the fabulous editors forgot to print a link to this website so readers could read the complete Micallef interview (they also changed the title, as editors do, to “Talkin’ Bout Shaun Micallef”…sigh…). They assure me the link will be in the next edition to direct people to the complete Tim Vine audio interview. No hard feelings towards the editors, of course. They’ve done well.

    They also printed a short autobiographical article of mine titled “Throwing it all away”, where I discuss the tribulations of dating and drinking. I’ll post that article directly on this website at some point, as I kinda like it.

    Radio
    Still working on that one. Got a few leads but nothing of much interest. I’ll have something to report soon. God I miss it though…

    Stand-up
    I recently realised that, like back in Adelaide, no one is going to take me seriously as a comedian until I do regular stand-up (which I’m not too thrilled about, but hey, what can you do?). So I booked myself in at “The Comic’s Lounge” in fabulous North Melbourne for an open mic spot on Tuesday May 18 from 8:30PM. I’ve just got to get noticed in Melbourne. It’ll be interesting to see how the crowds are different. I’ve heard several stories from Melbourne performers here about how their shows were often not as well received in Adelaide. Of course, they didn’t mention whether or not Adelaide was the butt of the majority of their jokes… That may be a contributing factor. It does get rather tedious after a while. And I can tell ya, sure, Melbourne’s great and I like it more than Adelaide, but Melbourne ain’t perfect. Although their audiences may be easier? I’ll soon find out…

    Well, I can cross another one of those “’80s bands to see before I die” off the list. Two actually. Even though Tears for Fears were the support act, I was more excited about seeing them than Spandau Ballet. But I stuck around after they’d finished to see Spandau Ballet too. Hey, I paid for it, right? $100. And like Howard Jones, I couldn’t find anyone who could justify spending that much money to accompany me to this concert, so I attended Melbourne’s famed Rod Laver Arena alone.

    I did get talking to the other pathetic single man next to me though. A 44-year-old baker from Broadmeadows who, upon discovering I was studying journalism, preceded to reveal his entire sci-fi novel idea, pausing only to think out aloud, “I probably shouldn’t be telling my idea to another writer… but I will anyway.” Mental note: steal his idea. Na, he’s okay. He’s done well.

    Unlike Howard Jones, who played at the intimate Governor Hindmarsh Hotel, this was at Rod Laver Arena, one of the largest enclosed performance venues in the country. Naturally, opting for the cheaper ticket, my seat was appropriately placed:

    As for the actual performances, Tears for Fears were good. Unfortunately, as they were the support act, the sound levels weren’t optimal. They seem to do that, don’t they? Spandau Ballet had great levels, but I only knew four of their songs, so I was mostly just sitting through it, sharing the occasional “raised eyebrow hello” with the sci-fi baker to my right. He actually left about 10 minutes into Spandau Ballet. Obviously had some early baking to do. But hey, overall an enjoyable experience.

    I also went to my first AFL game since 1997. I tagged along with a bunch of the RMIT journo people to Melbourne vs. Brisbane at the MCG. I’d never been to the MCG before. Very impressive stadium. It was good theatre, I suppose. I enjoyed the insults being hurled from members of the crowd at Brenden Fevola. But I found myself sitting cross-legged, looking around at these footy fans as they cheered and carried on, and I thought to myself, “I can see why people like this, but I just can’t get excited over it.” I’ve just got too much else in my life to follow a sports team.

    Later that night I got to drive a car for the first time in about two months. A manual too. Ahh… still got it!

    There is of course so much more, but this blog entry is dragging on a bit, so I’ll leave you with two things. 1) The reassurance that I’m enjoying myself and I’m continuing on the dream-chasing venture that is my move to Melbourne. And 2) This photo, which in no way reflects my personal political views:

     

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    I was not responsible for that graffiti. Give me some freaking credit! I would have used two B’s.

  • I’m moving to Melbourne. Moving to Melbourne now. And… just moved to Melbourne.

    Hello!

    Well firstly, apologies are in order. I’m sorry. Despite my urge to blog, I’ve had a lot of trouble finding a suitable Internet connection in which to do so. It’s been a hectic couple of weeks for me, and by extension, the nation. Especially the last few days, there hasn’t seemed to be enough hours in the day. Granted I was down 30 minutes from the start. Thank YOU Central Standard Time…

    Allow me to fill you in… Hello, I’m David M. Green. On Saturday February 13th I moved from Adelaide to Melbourne. Naturally there was a lot to organise, and it all seemed to happen all at once. Fortunately for me (or unfortunately), I didn’t have to move ALL my stuff. I was able to leave the majority of my junk at my parents’ house and only take “what I needed” with me to Melbourne. Sure, this means I don’t have to take as much, but it also means I have to decide what “I need.” It may have been easier to just take everything that’s mine… But anyway, I put together five largish boxes of various items and sent it over via a moving company. It was mostly stationery/office equipment, clothes, a few books and DVDs and two big ticket items: my bike and my printer. All up it came to about $230, which is pretty good, considering the bike alone is worth $400. Hopefully it’ll all arrive safely later this week.

    So while my freight travels by road, I caught a plane Saturday evening. There was a slightly teary goodbye to my Mum and sister Hannah at the airport. I’ve never lived out of home before, let alone a home 800km away… Oddly enough I seem to encounter constant reminders of why I’m doing this. On the drive to Adelaide airport, I saw a giant billboard for Channel Ten featuring fellow former Adeladian Shaun Micallef (who seems to be the “face” of Channel Ten ever since Rove went on hiatus). Then on the plane, listening to “The Smile High Club” with Adam Spencer on Qantas Radio, I heard a bunch of Shaun Micallef sketches from his recent comedy album “His Generation.” I recently borrowed that album from my good friend Gerard Kotlowy. I’m not a big fan of musical comedy, which was most of the album (although I LOVE Shaun’s Christopher Walken/David Bowie singing). My favourite sketch by far was “Dalgetty’s Fruit Wholesalers.” Fantastic! I’ve always been a big fan of satirical advertising. Richard Marsland has also been on my mind. Certainly the two of them (Micallef & Marsland) have walked the path that I’m walking now. They more than anyone else have set the standard for Adelaide-born comedians heading east for greater opportunities. This is just what I think anyway.

    So anyway, I’m here now. Enough of the speculative crap. I’m living in Altona in a 50 year-old house with two new housemates (but not in a voyeristic “Big Brother” way). Now, I would of course love to mention their names, but they’ve requested to remain anonymous. Evidentally this is what living with David M. Green will do to you… I will say however I’m living with one female and one male humanoid. They’ve both been living there for about a month. They’ve done a pretty good job settling in, but there’s still so much to organise. They still haven’t set up an Internet connection. For some reason, we can’t get “naked DSL” in our area (that means Internet without a phone land line, for my technologically inept readers. Oh yes, and well done on finding my website). So we have to get the phone line set up, but it’s still in the former resident’s name. It’s probably going to take some time. Luckily there’s wireless Internet access at RMIT, where I’m soon to start studying journalism, and I was smart enough to invest in a laptop.

    But Internet’s not the only thing I need. Granted, it’s practically on par with food, sleep and shelter. Speaking of which, I bought a bed on Sunday! I caught a train to Essendon, then a tram to Airport West and bought the “Galaxy bed package” from the hilariously titled “The Bed Factory.” $800 for a queen-sized bed frame, queen-sized mattress, quilt, sheets, 2 pillows and a 3-drawer bed-side table, including delivery and assembly. The words “good” and “freaking,” not necessarily in that order, immediately come to mind. It should arrive at the house later today, which will provide a welcome relief from the couch cushions I’ve been sleeping on the last 2 nights:

    “Housemate #1” was nice enough to let me sleep in her bed the first night (Thanks “#1!”). And thanks too to “Mr X.” for letting me use his spare desk and chair. That’ll save me some $$$!

    There’s lots of other things to organise. Can you believe “Anonymous Altona Housemates” had an iron but no ironing board? Not having much tolerance for creases myself, I promptly purchased one. Luckily “Nameless Guy” has a car, so I was able to get it home. It’d be a little tricky taking that on a tram. Although I must say, aside from things like that, I’m adjusting quite well to live without a car. If you’re going to do it anywhere in Australia, Melbourne is probably the best place for it. The trains and trams are VERY convenient. Although everyone still seems to complain about them. I guess I’m still comparing their public transport system to Adelaide’s. Probably once I’m here for a while I’ll start noticing the weaknesses. But until then I’m in Rail Heaven! Ahh Rail Heaven… where there are no fares and the trains are always on time…

    In other news I joined RMITV (RMIT’s student television organisation). Hopefully I’ll be able to get involved with their famed comedy/variety show, “Studio A.” After all, it was practically the whole freaking reason I came to RMIT… Are you reading this TV executives?

    Uni starts on March 1st. So until then I’ll continue getting settled. This morning I stopped by the Cinema Nova in Carlton to pick up my uniform. My first shift is on Friday! On Sunday, one of my “Unidentified Housemates” threw an “Anti-Valentine’s Day” soiree at the Altona house and invited some of her heart-broken single Melbourne friends. When asked by one of her Melbourne friends if I had a job yet, I responded “yeah, I’ve got a casual job at the Cinema Nova.” Her reaction was a gasp followed by “Really? I know people who have tried to get a job there for years!” Hehehe… They’re calling me “The Dude” now! Well… they aren’t. But they should.

    Although I appreciate the irony of the day, I’m not crazy about the seemingly spur of the moment decision by another one of her friends to shave his head and leave the cranial debris in our only bathroom sink:

    Now, I wasn’t overly annoyed with this. I did suggest someone possibly move the hair to a rubbish bin, but I was assured it would be “taken care of.” Unfortunately this task wasn’t completed before another anonymous individual, who was possibly also incognito, (and who, on a side note, kept calling me “Matt”) threw up in the sink… Now… I won’t subject you to the horrors of that image (and yes I DID take a photo). I’m not one for Internet censorship, but I do believe it’s just too gross. Not too gross for the Internet, but certainly too gross for davidmgreen.com. However, I WILL show you the expression on my face when I made this shocking discovery:

    Now I wouldn’t say I’m a “neat freak,” but I suppose it’s all relative. Personally, I just like being clean. To be honest, I don’t really want to re-live the rest of that night, but let’s just say thank GOD there was a Coles supermarket within walking distance that was open to midnight AND sold Draino.

    So anyway, I’ve done some things, but still have lots left to organise. To quote the advice of Howard Jones: “don’t try to live your life in one day.” I should probably keep that in mind. I will be here for (at least) a whole year, after all. But still, there’s so much to do! Speaking of which, I’ve got to go buy some towels and get home in time for my bed to be delivered. I’m a simple man. Just give me a bed and an ADSL connection and I’m happy.

    Kind regards,
    Melbourne’s David M. Green
    (Formally Adelaide’s David M. Green)

  • Newsflash: I’m moving to Melbourne!

    Hello!

    Well yes, as you can guess from the title of this blog, I have indeed reached that point that every young Adelaidean reaches when they realise they must leave. After much speculation I can now officially announce that I’ll be moving to Melbourne in mid-February to study a 1-year post graduate diploma in journalism at RMIT University. Hopefully this will give me some legitimate media skills that will make it harder for me to be replaced with a computer (ala my stint as a panel-operator at SAFM).

    But why go to Melbourne to do journalism? Can’t you do that in Adelaide? Good point and well made. Sure, I could do journalism at Uni SA’s fabulous Magill campus. But what would be the point? The radio elective practical is reading the news on Radio Adelaide. Whoop-dee-doo. I’ve already done 4 shows on Radio Adelaide, each with 13-week seasons, plus 27 weeks of  student radio. I want a new scene. I want a new audience. Melbourne’s where it’s at. And I do hope to make the most of my time there and do some more comedy, radio and possibly some TV. They have RMITV after all, where Rove and Hamish & Andy cut their teeth. I couldn’t recommend eating glass. Not even for a freak show segment…

    So the plan is to get over there, find a place to live, possibly some student-type accommodation, study journalism, find a new casual job, make new friends, continue writing comedy and recording sketches and voice-overs and basically live the dream. Piece of cake, right? It’s going to be a big life change, but it’s something I have to do. I’ve really enjoyed the last 2 years since I finished my behavioural science degree at Flinders University. I did some community radio, worked for SAFM, stopped working for SAFM, went back to community radio, dated a wonderful girl named Jemima, wrote a novel that no publisher is interested in, applied unsuccessfully for about 40 different radio jobs, somehow tricked Triple M into letting me and some friends make a once-off comedy show, waited by the phone as promise after promise failed to materialise and miraculously got probably the best casual job possible at the Palace Nova cinema. But I can’t keep doing this forever. I can’t keep mooching off my parents. I’m 22. I need to get a proper job. And there’s only one thing I want to do, and it ain’t working at a cinema full time. It’s radio. It’s comedy. It’s goofing off in front of a camera. Sure, journalism isn’t the definitive answer, but it’s a step in the right direction. I’d rather read the news at a country radio station or be a newspaper reporter than serve customers at the candy bar 40 hours a week. Something’s gotta give! And if it means getting a job as a journalist in order to support myself and pursuing comedy-related ventures on the side, then that’s the way it has to be. As Mr Mister said: Welcome to the Real World.

    So appreciate photos like the one above, because there will be less images of David M. Green with Stobie Poles orderly alined in the background. In 2010, I’m living in Melbourne.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Live in Melbourne? Be my friend! Reasonable prices.