David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Tag: share house

  • One year in Melbourne!

    It’s one year to the day since I moved to Melbourne!

    February 13 2010. The day I cast off the dead-end one-horse town of Adelaide and flew to Melbourne to chase the show biz dream. What a year.

    I’ve done things I couldn’t dream of doing in Adelaide. The move remains, probably forever, one of my top 5 life decisions.

    They weren’t all good times. Moving cities is very hard. And my first month in Melbourne was terrible. For anyone who’s been through it, I’m sure you can relate to this:

    The above photo pretty much sums up the memory of my first few weeks in Melbourne. No family. No friends. No idea where anything was. No Internet. A shithouse sharehouse in Altona (which incidentally, has since been demolished). No idea how I was going to cope with journalism and a new casual job at a cinema that should have been great, but was made unnecessarily stressful by the boss, who was, and remains (probably forever), a complete arse hole.

    At one point, I think on my second shift there, he took me aside and said, “I don’t know how people do things in Adelaide, but this is Melbourne.” What a dick.

    But somehow I got through all that crap and 2010 turned out to present a bevy of experiences.

    I was hired and fired, I met new friends and fell out with them, got drunk, danced the night away, encountered people I’d only ever seen on TV, became a professional writer, hosted a television show, was rejected in a variety of contexts more times than I can recall, explored the suburbs, rode the rails, once walked from Flinders Street to Bell Street, was in a car accident, and learnt a whole lot of important life lessons, the grit of which I won’t go into here.

    As for the highlights, here’s a few photos that sum up the best of my first year in Melbourne…

    5. Interview #2 with Shaun Micallef

    It’s always an incredible honour to speak to my childhood hero and partial inspiration for moving to Melbourne. Those photos got me many an envious comment of praise. And I made sure to put the worst one on Shaun’s Wikipedia page, which for some reason, is still there. You can read my full interview with Shaun Micallef here… well, not “here”. Just over there, where the hyperlink is.

    4. Nightlife

    I never really “went out” in Adelaide. Melbourne 2010 was an awakening for my social life. Dancing to ’80s music at Trades Hall. Birthday parties at strange bars in strange suburbs I’d never heard of before. And unimaginable fun.

    For the most part of my first year in Melbourne, I didn’t have a car, and often found myself tagging along with strangers at 2 o’clock in the morning. I’ve had some very interesting conversations with taxi drivers, some of whom seemed to know less about Melbourne than I did.

    And I learnt a very important lesson about where my “limit” is. I haven’t been able to drink Carlton Draught since. Probably a good thing really.

    3. RMIT

    It was the catalyst for moving to Melbourne. I was accepted into the prestigious Graduate Diploma of Journalism at RMIT University, which I completed with distinction.

    It wasn’t just about the journalism. Radio, TV, writing, presenting, editing, dealing with people. I learnt so much in 2010. Universities aren’t just “degree factories”. I certainly grew as a person. I felt I grew more in my one year of journalism than I did in my three years of Behaviour Science at Flinders.

    One of the other benefits was the friendships. And I was invited into my fair share of beds…

    2. Television City

    The photo above has been by desktop background pretty much since November 25, 2010, when we shot the pilot for “31 Questions”, my community TV game show. THIS was why I moved to Melbourne. I want a career in television. I’m certainly on my way.

    Using “Studio A” at RMIT University city campus on fabulous Swanston Street, myself and a long list of volunteers filmed the first episode of “31 Questions”. We were under-time by 8 minutes. A bit of a shambles. But we got there in the end.

    At present we’ve been approved by RMITV Student Television for a series, pending approval from Channel 31 Melbourne. I’m very much looking forward to making 13 new episodes this year. Here’s hoping!

    1. Team Bell Street

    That’s right. “Team Bell Street”. After my horror share house experience in Altona, I frantically searched for somewhere else to live. After a long list of rejections, I eventually checked out a house at the end of the Number 1 tram line to East Coburg. Right on Bell Street.

    It was a little further out from the city than I wanted, but when Steph and Virginia offered me the room, I couldn’t refuse. It’s been almost a year since I moved in. A few people have come and gone – two German exchange students, Waldo and Toby. And after a couple of months, Kolinda moved in.

    I gotta say, I am very lucky to have found this place. I didn’t know any of them. They let me move in with them based purely on a brief meeting in their kitchen.

    I sometimes take them for granted, but together we’ve had a lot of laughs and I’ve always been able to count on Team Bell Street to cheer me up when I’m feeling down.

    They’re a good bunch. And Team Bell Street had a major role in me being able to claim Melbourne as my home.

    So as I raise a Farmer’s Union Iced Coffee, I say I couldn’t have asked for a better first year in Melbourne… Well, actually of course I could have… but it’ll do. And here’s to many, many more.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Melburnian

  • Life-is-like-a-Hur-ri-ca-ne… here in… Co-burg…

    Hello (obviously),

    Jesus it’s just one thing after another with this whole “moved to Melbourne to pursue my dreams” episode of the life of David M. Green (me)… Let me give you the latest…

    Uni started last Monday. The first 3 days were pretty daunting, especially the part about having to watch the TV news, listen to the radio news and read all the newspapers (The Age, The Herald Sun AND The Australian) AND being tested every week on our knowledge of current events. Got to get used to that. But before I could really do any uni homework I moved house (again) on Thursday. Found a nice place in Coburg “with two seeexxxyy ladies!” (to quote The Simpsons). But seriously, they’re okay. The rent is the same as the Altona place, but the house is bigger, cleaner; the walls are thicker and it’s only 8km north of the CBD! On the good side! Observe:

    Of course, taking into consideration the meandering nature of Melbourne’s transport corridors, the distance from the city to Altona is more like 18km, but my new share house in Coburg is connected to the CBD by a roadway with minimal deviations. Not only that, it’s about 50 metres from the No. 1 East Coburg tram terminus. VERY convenient. And you know how I feel about light rail (*two thumbs up*).

    I’m settling in quite well. New house mates are great and I’m definitely enjoying the shorter commute each day. More “me time!” I haven’t had a lot of time to explore all that Coburg has to offer, however I do believe I’ve already spotted the two funniest “sight gags” in the neighbourhood… This is just what you want to see right across the street from your new place of residence…

    And then there’s this one… (hehehe you should have seen the looks I got from people when I took this photo…)

    Yes, so moving on, it was pretty full on last week with uni starting and then the move to Coburg. I also needed to purchase a new wardrobe, desk and chair, as my new room included none of these things. And I hate having my stuff strewn all over the floor, so it was very important that I organise these things pronto. Fortunately just a few shops down from the “Circum-centre” there was a furniture place with just what I needed at reasonable prices (I also checked out Ikea, but their cheap stuff was crap and their good stuff was too expensive). I picked up all three items for $700, including delivery 1km up Bell Street. Not bad I thought. And for the first time in about 5 years I’ve got drawers for my clothes!

    However… just when everything was falling into place, on Saturday the worst storm in 40 years struck Melbourne. As my desk hadn’t arrived, I had my laptop set up on the dining room table and I was finally getting some homework done when very quickly the sky turned black and a barrage of the biggest hail stones I’ve ever seen started raining down (wait… can hail rain? You know what I mean anyway…). They only got to be as big as marbles in Coburg but elsewhere in the metropolitan area they were reported as big as tennis balls! The most recent reports are saying the storm caused over $220 million damage. So anyway, naturally I rushed to the front porch to witness this once-in-a-lifetime spectacle, which also included an enormous downpour of rain the likes you’d see in Southern Australia maybe once or twice a decade. I stepped away from my computer for just a couple of minutes. I returned to discover the roof right above the dining room table was leaking water all over my laptop and diary. I quickly rushed to their aid but my laptop was completely drenched and the screen frozen. I picked it up and water came trickling out of the ports on the side. Naturally I switched it off immediately.

    I’m a pretty laid-back guy with most things. If my car windscreen was broken by a hail stone, I’d be irritated, sure, but I wouldn’t have been as freaked out as when I saw my note pad (containing 6 months worth of ideas) being ripped to pieces before my eyes by a crazed individual, or when I thought I’d just lost a brand new $1,500 laptop, that’s my ONLY connection to EVERYTHING I DO. I was freaking out. I hadn’t lost any data. I backed up just a couple of days earlier. It was just the thought of weeks of inconvenience more than anything. My contents insurance wouldn’t have helped me (why would you ever need anything other than coverage for fire and theft?), but I believe the landlord was probably at fault for improper maintenance of the roof. But I wasn’t thinking about the financial cost. I was devastated because I had work to do, you know.

    So I called my tech guy back in Adelaide. He told me to open it up, take the battery out and some of the easier-to-access panels at the back to let all the moisture drain out. I left it to dry overnight and gave the computer another shot on Sunday. It wasn’t working. I was pretty upset. I was so close to getting everything organised. By that stage the desk had arrived but of course, with no computer the desk was pretty useless. It had just been setback after setback with this whole Melbourne thing. Just when I thought I had it all figured out, something else would pop up I hadn’t considered. It had really taken it out of me and this was just another major hurdle that had just been dropped right in my way. You know, I’ve probably cried as much in the last month as I have in the last 2 years. But I had to compose myself and get to the Cinema Nova for another busy night time shift. By the time I’d arrived I’d composed myself and actually, chatting and joking with the customers and the other cinema casuals during my shift really cheered me up. By the time I got home at about 1am I’d worked out a plan of action. I’d take my laptop into a repair place on Tuesday (as Monday was a public holiday) and maybe there were just a few components that needed to be replaced. If not, I guess I’d be looking at buying another one. But before I went to bed I thought I’d give it another shot. Wouldn’t you know it, the damn laptop worked perfectly…

    Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ I’m lucky… Really… There I was worrying about a computer that was totally replaceable (I didn’t lose any data, remember) when there were other people in Melbourne who had their roofs cave in and their entire houses flooded. All that freaking out. Totally unnecessary! Jesus…

    Hey, here’s my Coburg set-up:

    Thank God for that public holiday yesterday. God, I needed it. My appetite seemed to come back today for the first time since I arrived in Melbourne. I really am beginning to feel comfortable again. I also had my first television journalism lecture and tutorial on Friday and I’m loving it. The other journalism topics this semester are all print-based and I was thinking maybe spending $13,000 on this course wasn’t such a good idea. But then we got to television and I remembered why I’m here. I’ll get to host “Newsline” on C31 later in the year, which I’m REALLY looking forward to. Just television, as a medium in general, is something I really want to get involved in.

    To summarise this somewhat rambling blog entry, well, it was a somewhat rambling week. Had some bad days, then a good one, them some bad ones, then a good one again. I’ve often found myself recently thinking and remembering about “the good old days” back in Adelaide, seeing my close friends regularly, working every now and then at the Palace Nova, weekend getaways with Jemima… it was all so care-free… And let me tell you, you never appreciate the beauty of nature and the outdoors so much as when you’re stuck at a desk reading a text book. But then, even though those days were great and I knew exactly what I was doing, I wasn’t going anywhere. At least here in Melbourne I feel like I’m achieving something.

    Hmm, yes I think that’ll do for now.

    How are you by the way?

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Did anyone get the “Ducktales” reference in the title? Pretty good huh?

  • I’m moving to Melbourne. Moving to Melbourne now. And… just moved to Melbourne.

    Hello!

    Well firstly, apologies are in order. I’m sorry. Despite my urge to blog, I’ve had a lot of trouble finding a suitable Internet connection in which to do so. It’s been a hectic couple of weeks for me, and by extension, the nation. Especially the last few days, there hasn’t seemed to be enough hours in the day. Granted I was down 30 minutes from the start. Thank YOU Central Standard Time…

    Allow me to fill you in… Hello, I’m David M. Green. On Saturday February 13th I moved from Adelaide to Melbourne. Naturally there was a lot to organise, and it all seemed to happen all at once. Fortunately for me (or unfortunately), I didn’t have to move ALL my stuff. I was able to leave the majority of my junk at my parents’ house and only take “what I needed” with me to Melbourne. Sure, this means I don’t have to take as much, but it also means I have to decide what “I need.” It may have been easier to just take everything that’s mine… But anyway, I put together five largish boxes of various items and sent it over via a moving company. It was mostly stationery/office equipment, clothes, a few books and DVDs and two big ticket items: my bike and my printer. All up it came to about $230, which is pretty good, considering the bike alone is worth $400. Hopefully it’ll all arrive safely later this week.

    So while my freight travels by road, I caught a plane Saturday evening. There was a slightly teary goodbye to my Mum and sister Hannah at the airport. I’ve never lived out of home before, let alone a home 800km away… Oddly enough I seem to encounter constant reminders of why I’m doing this. On the drive to Adelaide airport, I saw a giant billboard for Channel Ten featuring fellow former Adeladian Shaun Micallef (who seems to be the “face” of Channel Ten ever since Rove went on hiatus). Then on the plane, listening to “The Smile High Club” with Adam Spencer on Qantas Radio, I heard a bunch of Shaun Micallef sketches from his recent comedy album “His Generation.” I recently borrowed that album from my good friend Gerard Kotlowy. I’m not a big fan of musical comedy, which was most of the album (although I LOVE Shaun’s Christopher Walken/David Bowie singing). My favourite sketch by far was “Dalgetty’s Fruit Wholesalers.” Fantastic! I’ve always been a big fan of satirical advertising. Richard Marsland has also been on my mind. Certainly the two of them (Micallef & Marsland) have walked the path that I’m walking now. They more than anyone else have set the standard for Adelaide-born comedians heading east for greater opportunities. This is just what I think anyway.

    So anyway, I’m here now. Enough of the speculative crap. I’m living in Altona in a 50 year-old house with two new housemates (but not in a voyeristic “Big Brother” way). Now, I would of course love to mention their names, but they’ve requested to remain anonymous. Evidentally this is what living with David M. Green will do to you… I will say however I’m living with one female and one male humanoid. They’ve both been living there for about a month. They’ve done a pretty good job settling in, but there’s still so much to organise. They still haven’t set up an Internet connection. For some reason, we can’t get “naked DSL” in our area (that means Internet without a phone land line, for my technologically inept readers. Oh yes, and well done on finding my website). So we have to get the phone line set up, but it’s still in the former resident’s name. It’s probably going to take some time. Luckily there’s wireless Internet access at RMIT, where I’m soon to start studying journalism, and I was smart enough to invest in a laptop.

    But Internet’s not the only thing I need. Granted, it’s practically on par with food, sleep and shelter. Speaking of which, I bought a bed on Sunday! I caught a train to Essendon, then a tram to Airport West and bought the “Galaxy bed package” from the hilariously titled “The Bed Factory.” $800 for a queen-sized bed frame, queen-sized mattress, quilt, sheets, 2 pillows and a 3-drawer bed-side table, including delivery and assembly. The words “good” and “freaking,” not necessarily in that order, immediately come to mind. It should arrive at the house later today, which will provide a welcome relief from the couch cushions I’ve been sleeping on the last 2 nights:

    “Housemate #1” was nice enough to let me sleep in her bed the first night (Thanks “#1!”). And thanks too to “Mr X.” for letting me use his spare desk and chair. That’ll save me some $$$!

    There’s lots of other things to organise. Can you believe “Anonymous Altona Housemates” had an iron but no ironing board? Not having much tolerance for creases myself, I promptly purchased one. Luckily “Nameless Guy” has a car, so I was able to get it home. It’d be a little tricky taking that on a tram. Although I must say, aside from things like that, I’m adjusting quite well to live without a car. If you’re going to do it anywhere in Australia, Melbourne is probably the best place for it. The trains and trams are VERY convenient. Although everyone still seems to complain about them. I guess I’m still comparing their public transport system to Adelaide’s. Probably once I’m here for a while I’ll start noticing the weaknesses. But until then I’m in Rail Heaven! Ahh Rail Heaven… where there are no fares and the trains are always on time…

    In other news I joined RMITV (RMIT’s student television organisation). Hopefully I’ll be able to get involved with their famed comedy/variety show, “Studio A.” After all, it was practically the whole freaking reason I came to RMIT… Are you reading this TV executives?

    Uni starts on March 1st. So until then I’ll continue getting settled. This morning I stopped by the Cinema Nova in Carlton to pick up my uniform. My first shift is on Friday! On Sunday, one of my “Unidentified Housemates” threw an “Anti-Valentine’s Day” soiree at the Altona house and invited some of her heart-broken single Melbourne friends. When asked by one of her Melbourne friends if I had a job yet, I responded “yeah, I’ve got a casual job at the Cinema Nova.” Her reaction was a gasp followed by “Really? I know people who have tried to get a job there for years!” Hehehe… They’re calling me “The Dude” now! Well… they aren’t. But they should.

    Although I appreciate the irony of the day, I’m not crazy about the seemingly spur of the moment decision by another one of her friends to shave his head and leave the cranial debris in our only bathroom sink:

    Now, I wasn’t overly annoyed with this. I did suggest someone possibly move the hair to a rubbish bin, but I was assured it would be “taken care of.” Unfortunately this task wasn’t completed before another anonymous individual, who was possibly also incognito, (and who, on a side note, kept calling me “Matt”) threw up in the sink… Now… I won’t subject you to the horrors of that image (and yes I DID take a photo). I’m not one for Internet censorship, but I do believe it’s just too gross. Not too gross for the Internet, but certainly too gross for davidmgreen.com. However, I WILL show you the expression on my face when I made this shocking discovery:

    Now I wouldn’t say I’m a “neat freak,” but I suppose it’s all relative. Personally, I just like being clean. To be honest, I don’t really want to re-live the rest of that night, but let’s just say thank GOD there was a Coles supermarket within walking distance that was open to midnight AND sold Draino.

    So anyway, I’ve done some things, but still have lots left to organise. To quote the advice of Howard Jones: “don’t try to live your life in one day.” I should probably keep that in mind. I will be here for (at least) a whole year, after all. But still, there’s so much to do! Speaking of which, I’ve got to go buy some towels and get home in time for my bed to be delivered. I’m a simple man. Just give me a bed and an ADSL connection and I’m happy.

    Kind regards,
    Melbourne’s David M. Green
    (Formally Adelaide’s David M. Green)