David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Tag: Shaun Micallef

  • 2013 A.D(MG)

    It’s the end of another year this year. And what an end of a year it’s been. Also, the rest of the year was eventful.

    I started 2013 with no regular work and by March I’d run out of money. Well, I say “run out of money”, but I mean it in the first world sense. I got down to my last $9 in the bank, but I still had a car and other things of tangible value, etc. But it was still pretty stressful.

    At one point, I applied for a job as a school crossing guard with the Boroondara Council. It was basically this scene from the 1985 motion picture “Lost in America” starring Albert Brooks:

    I wasn’t successful.

    But I did do this for $150:

    Salvation came with the AFL Season and my return to Crocmedia to panel their fabulous “AFL Live” football commentary to 100 radio stations around Australia. Best radio job I’ve had.

    [Sports writing mode begins]

    The most memorable moment was the Adelaide v. North Melbourne game, Round 9 at Etihad Stadium. The Kangaroos had lead for the entire game, only to have the Crows kick 5 unanswered goals in the final quarter, culminating in an Adelaide goal with only 15 seconds left to give my home town a miracle 1-point victory. It was a fairy tale ending. I’ve never heard Rex Hunt call anything as intense as that.

    You can listen to the highlights package I edited during the game here.

    I don’t leap out of that panel operator’s chair onto my feet very often, but that was one of those moments.

    [Sports writing mode ends]

    After the AFL season finished, I started some weekend panelling at 1116SEN, using the ole MTR studios in Richmond. So finally, that move from Coburg to Hawthorn to be closer to work (2 days before MTR shut down) has actually paid off. Only took 18 months.

    And actually, since I moved in July from the eastern side of Hawthorn to the western side, a stone’s throw from Richmond, I’m close enough to WALK to work in about 15 minutes. The route takes me down Bendigo Street past the old GTV Channel 9 studios, now luxury apartments. To use my favourite cliched broadcasting expression, it’s “absolutely sensational”.

    Please enjoy this guided tour of my new place:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8T2pT_bdvAU

    It’s much better than the last apartment. Cheaper. More space. Laundry taps and an exhaust fan in the bathroom (as mentioned). And the insulation is excellent. That 40 degree day in Melbourne the other week? Barely noticed it. Place doesn’t even have air conditioning. The insulation alone is just so effective.

    2013 has been another year of media delights. In addition to 20 throw-away episodes of my “need an excuse to upload something” vlog series “Life of DMG” (as seen above), I also made a few videos with TV’s Shane Crawford for his website. I was basically Richter to his O’Brien. Shaffer to his Letterman. And to a lesser extent, robot skeleton to his Ferguson. Though I can’t seem to find those videos online any more, you can see part of one in my most recent showreel, where I took one for the team:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8Y9CBJ_BZs

    31 Questions – The TV game show all the kids are listening about – returned for its second season. We shot 9 episodes, 7 of which were broadcast-able. They aired on community TV stations in Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, Perth and New Zealand. And will soon air in Adelaide after they finish repeating the first season.

    Season 2 was a step up in many respects. Better graphics, better editing, a flashier scoreboard, more defined characters and some minor touches here and there. Although it wasn’t quite the step up in lighting and audio that we had hoped.

    There are always challenges and setbacks when you’re making a television show. We had to make do with reduced studio time, simultaneously throughout the production my parents back in Adelaide were splitting up after 29 years of marriage, and worst of all I had a really bad haircut 2 weeks before we started taping.

    But we had some good crowds towards the end and the laughs were there. And what our crew managed to do with those limited resources was quite impressive. Not bad for $4,000?

    This is my favourite episode. It was the Season 2 premier, but it was actually the last episode we shot:

    And in case you missed the memos, 31 Questions is indeed coming back for a third season. We raised $3,262 with our recent crowdfunding campaign and we’re back in the fabulous RMIT University televisual studio from late February.

    This will be the big one. So stay posted if you want to come join the studio audience or BE ON THE SHOW.

    Back in Adelaide, after talking about it for years, my folks have finally sold the family home at Seacliff. I remember the day we moved in: 17 March 1992, just before my 5th birthday.

    It’s a great house. The big walls all around the outside got me quite used to privacy. Everywhere else I’ve lived has seemed quite exposed by comparison. And aside from 9 months in 2000, when the second storey appeared, I lived there 18 years until I left for Melbourne in 2010.

    It was still nice to return to my home town and stay in my old bedroom. But I don’t have that any more. And the SA jaunts haven’t quite been the same. This year in particular, going back to visit Adelaide has felt less and less like visiting home and more like seeing a jigsaw puzzle with pieces gradually being removed and replaced.

    Don’t get me wrong, I love Adelaide and there’s some exciting things going on at the moment. I’ve had many a conversation about local infrastructure projects with anyone who will listen. But it’s not where I want to be right now.

    Ahh I’ll miss that house… But it will live on in so many video projects, like this one:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oQakmn_cAw

    That reminds me, we really should get around to editing those 3 other Too Easy episodes…

    So that’s about it for 2013. Well I did some other things. I went to Sydney for a bit. Bought a bookcase. Hosted a documentary series about webseries. Had a really nice sandwich, etc.

    But my big news for the new year is I’ll be a writer on the third season of “Shaun Micallef’s Mad As Hell” starting February 2014! Coincidentally, my first day writing is on the 13th, which is the four year anniversary of my move to Melbourne.

    How about that?

    Best move ever.

    Hope you’ve had a good year yourself and things are looking even better for 2014. I’ll see you on the other side.

    You can buy me a coffee.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    No, I’m serious. Small cappuccino with one, please.

  • Francis Greenslade is Other Famous People

    Earlier this week I caught up with the very talented Francis Greenslade in my favourite Melbourne suburb in terms of pronunciation: Elsternwick. We chatted for an hour about insects, acting, Blue Heelers, Winners & Losers, Shaun Micallef, sketch comedy, theatre, musical instruments and other related things.

    Fortunately, this fascinating conversation was recorded and you can hear it all in the latest episode of David M. Green & Other Famous People. Available on iTunes, as well as in the player embedded below:

    [display_podcast]

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Sans Slade.

  • How do you solve a problem like The Logies?

    No comedy. No writers. Catering aplenty.

    The Logies are unique among the world’s entertainment industry awards. This is not a compliment.

    The organisers would like to believe Australian Television’s “night of nights” is the equivalent to The Oscars. The biggest. The fanciest. The most regarded awards ceremony on the event calendar.

    But the Academy Awards are for the silver screen. Not the small screen. The fashion reporting on the red carpet is where the comparison between the two stops. So in that sense, The Logies are more like The Emmys; The American awards for television production.

    But if The Logies are supposed to be Australia’s version of The Emmys, why aren’t they run like The Emmys?

    Emmy Award winners are decided by industry professionals. Some Logie winners are chosen this way; the categories that begin with “Most Outstanding”. However, the majority of Logie categories begin with “Most Popular” and those winners are decided by votes from the public. It’s basically a popularity contest.

    So in that case, The Logies are run more like The MTV Movie Awards. No offense to MTV, but I think that’s pretty embarrassing for Australian Television.

    But even The MTV Movie Awards have an award for “Best Comedic Performance”. How many awards do The Logies currently give for comedy? Zero. Pardon the pun, but that’s a joke.

    There hasn’t been an award for comedy at The Logies since 2009, when “The Hollowmen” won “Most Outstanding Comedy Program”.

    What does that say about Australian comedy if it’s not even acknowledged at the highest level? This serious lack of respect would make Rodney Dangerfield roll over in his grave.

    Think about all the hilarious Australian TV shows that have made us laugh through the years: The Late Show, Frontline, Kath & Kim, Hey Hey It’s Saturday, The Chaser, The Micallef Program, Summer Heights High. All of those shows won the Logie for “Most Outstanding Comedy Program”. In fact, some won it twice.

    Interesting to note, of the 16 awards for Most Outstanding Comedy Program given between 1994 and 2009, 13 of them were won by the ABC. Goes to show you don’t need money to make outstanding television comedy.

    But the best a comedy show can hope for these days is the Logie for “Most Outstanding Light Entertainment Program”.  What is “light entertainment” anyway? Aren’t all television shows supposed to be entertaining?

    In 1997, there were three separate Logies for comedy. Roy and HG’s “Club Buggery” won “Most Outstanding Achievement in Comedy”, the hilarious “Full Frontal” won “Most Popular Comedy Program” and Eric Bana won “Most Popular Comedy Personality”.

    It was a simpler time. Comedy was comedy. Drama was drama. And reality TV only existed in movies about a fictional dystopian future.

    But though comedy is no longer officially recognised by Australian TV, it seems to have crept into just about every other program.

    The new buzz word at the moment is “dramedy”. I hate that word. For me, it represents a comedy not quite funny enough that the producers want to commit and call it a comedy. Or a drama not quite dramatic enough to be called a drama. Shows such as Seven’s “Winners and Losers” and Ten’s “Mr and Mrs Murder” have both been promoted as “dramedy” shows.

    Network Ten’s “The Project” is another example. Hard news, light tragedy, music, stock footage, infotainment, and a few gags.

    But for a really bizarre example of comedy white-anting into a traditionally no-comedy TV zone, take a look at this new comedy segment that’s just appeared on Ten Late News. One recent segment involved my good friend Sam Mac videoing his facial expressions while receiving a series of simulated prostate exams:

    I’m a fan of Sam Mac. But this is not a comedy program. This is a late night news program broadcast nationally on Channel Ten. I’d much rather see him do this schtick on his own show – A show that could be nominated for a Logie for comedy.

    The Logies also has a serious lack of respect for Australian writers. Unlike The Oscars and The Emmys, The Logies has no awards at all for writing. None for comedy. None for drama. None for a telemovie or miniseries.

    I find it absolutely beyond comprehension the industry award body for Australian television doesn’t recognise its writers. Industry people and viewers alike are constantly complaining about the substandard level of screenwriting in Australia. We have great actors. We have world class cinematographers. Australian films and TV shows always look amazing.

    But the script? The story? The writing? It’s such an afterthought; we don’t even have an award for it. Who cares, right? Hey, why do we even need writers for TV?

    I believe the first step to improve Australia’s reputation for quality screenwriting is to recognise quality screenwriting at the highest level. And the easiest way to do that is to include Logie Awards for writing.

    The Logie Awards Ceremony itself also differs from the big American ones. The Oscars. The Emmys. The Tonys. They’re all held in theatres, with a seated audience watching the stage.

    But The Logies are conducted more like a pub trivia night, with the audience and nominees seated around tables in the Palladium Ballroom of Melbourne’s Crown Casino. Many of the attendees aren’t even facing the stage.

    Is it any wonder nobody wants to host The Logies? It’s widely believed among the TV industry that hosting The Logies is death. It’s a tough room. Most people are there purely to be seen and to enjoy a steak dinner.

    At last year’s 54th Annual Logie Awards, Adam Hills walked out on stage to present the first award, and after establishing that there was no host, he said, “Hosting the Logies is like being one of Gina Rinehart’s children. It sounds good, but you get nothing out of it.”

    That’s true for most of the hosts in recent memory. In fact, of the last 10 ceremonies, six of them had no single host. The risk of dying a death on stage was shared by several presenters.

    For a truly exceptional ceremony, you have to go back to Shaun Micallef in 2001.

    Channel Nine thought so too and they gave him his own tonight show two years later. But Wendy Harmer (2002) and Gretel Killeen (2009) weren’t so lucky.

    So how do you cure The Logies? It’s so simple even a TV executive could do it. Bring back awards for comedy. Introduce awards for writing. And hold the ceremony in a theatre where the audience’s attention is on the host. Only then will The Logies be the Australian equivalent of The Emmys.

    And so they should be.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Student of Logie.

  • David M. Green and Other Famous People

    Every man and his dog has a podcast these days. I now have 3. Podcasts, not dogs.

    But my latest one is perhaps a little more relatable than four nautical-themed characters prattling on about old timey things or two guys irritating Michael Caine…

    David M. Green and Other Famous People!

    It’s a collection of interviews, all of them featuring me and another famous person. The first two episodes are now available on iTunes for your downloading pleasure.

    Episode 1 is my 2006 interview with Tony Martin. I’ve also managed to dig up an ID he recorded as John Howard, which I’d completely forgotten about and hasn’t seen the light of day since it first aired on the now non-existent Flinders University Student Radio.

    Episode 2 is my first interview with Shaun Micallef. And I’ve also included the ID he recorded, which won me the 2007 South Australian Community Broadcasting Association “Bilby” Award for “Best Station ID” for some reason.

    If you’re not a fan of iTunes (I’m certainly not), you can hear the episodes RIGHT HERE:

    [display_podcast]

    But hey, don’t think this’ll just be a junk yard for my 6-year-old Radio Adelaide interviews. I’m planning on recording some NEW interviews with NEW famous people. Stay tuned.

    And if you’re wondering what ever happened to that podcast I was doing with Anthony McCormack – The Good Show – we’ve been struggling to find adequate studio facilities and nice people to let us record there for free. It looks like I’m going to have to bite the bullet and buy my own equipment so I won’t be faced with this problem again.

    It’s quite ridiculous the history of trouble I’ve had with getting access to recording facilities.

    SAFM said I could use their studios when I worked there in 2008, but they wouldn’t give me a computer login, so I could record but I couldn’t get the audio off the computers. Around the same time I was making sketches for 891 ABC Adelaide, but they wouldn’t let me record the sketches there, which were FOR THE ABC. Ridiculously, we had to use community radio facilities at Radio Adelaide, until Radio Adelaide found out we were recording non-Radio Adelaide things. They didn’t like that.

    For a brief time when I was working at MTR, I had access to their fabulous studios. Until they shut down in March. Fun Fact: “Studio Pleasant” is now the SEN news booth.

    I feel like Monet without a steady supply of canvases. Or Beethoven without his hearing.

    So I guess I’m saying I’m Beethoven.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    My kingdom for two microphones and a mixer?

  • One year in Melbourne!

    It’s one year to the day since I moved to Melbourne!

    February 13 2010. The day I cast off the dead-end one-horse town of Adelaide and flew to Melbourne to chase the show biz dream. What a year.

    I’ve done things I couldn’t dream of doing in Adelaide. The move remains, probably forever, one of my top 5 life decisions.

    They weren’t all good times. Moving cities is very hard. And my first month in Melbourne was terrible. For anyone who’s been through it, I’m sure you can relate to this:

    The above photo pretty much sums up the memory of my first few weeks in Melbourne. No family. No friends. No idea where anything was. No Internet. A shithouse sharehouse in Altona (which incidentally, has since been demolished). No idea how I was going to cope with journalism and a new casual job at a cinema that should have been great, but was made unnecessarily stressful by the boss, who was, and remains (probably forever), a complete arse hole.

    At one point, I think on my second shift there, he took me aside and said, “I don’t know how people do things in Adelaide, but this is Melbourne.” What a dick.

    But somehow I got through all that crap and 2010 turned out to present a bevy of experiences.

    I was hired and fired, I met new friends and fell out with them, got drunk, danced the night away, encountered people I’d only ever seen on TV, became a professional writer, hosted a television show, was rejected in a variety of contexts more times than I can recall, explored the suburbs, rode the rails, once walked from Flinders Street to Bell Street, was in a car accident, and learnt a whole lot of important life lessons, the grit of which I won’t go into here.

    As for the highlights, here’s a few photos that sum up the best of my first year in Melbourne…

    5. Interview #2 with Shaun Micallef

    It’s always an incredible honour to speak to my childhood hero and partial inspiration for moving to Melbourne. Those photos got me many an envious comment of praise. And I made sure to put the worst one on Shaun’s Wikipedia page, which for some reason, is still there. You can read my full interview with Shaun Micallef here… well, not “here”. Just over there, where the hyperlink is.

    4. Nightlife

    I never really “went out” in Adelaide. Melbourne 2010 was an awakening for my social life. Dancing to ’80s music at Trades Hall. Birthday parties at strange bars in strange suburbs I’d never heard of before. And unimaginable fun.

    For the most part of my first year in Melbourne, I didn’t have a car, and often found myself tagging along with strangers at 2 o’clock in the morning. I’ve had some very interesting conversations with taxi drivers, some of whom seemed to know less about Melbourne than I did.

    And I learnt a very important lesson about where my “limit” is. I haven’t been able to drink Carlton Draught since. Probably a good thing really.

    3. RMIT

    It was the catalyst for moving to Melbourne. I was accepted into the prestigious Graduate Diploma of Journalism at RMIT University, which I completed with distinction.

    It wasn’t just about the journalism. Radio, TV, writing, presenting, editing, dealing with people. I learnt so much in 2010. Universities aren’t just “degree factories”. I certainly grew as a person. I felt I grew more in my one year of journalism than I did in my three years of Behaviour Science at Flinders.

    One of the other benefits was the friendships. And I was invited into my fair share of beds…

    2. Television City

    The photo above has been by desktop background pretty much since November 25, 2010, when we shot the pilot for “31 Questions”, my community TV game show. THIS was why I moved to Melbourne. I want a career in television. I’m certainly on my way.

    Using “Studio A” at RMIT University city campus on fabulous Swanston Street, myself and a long list of volunteers filmed the first episode of “31 Questions”. We were under-time by 8 minutes. A bit of a shambles. But we got there in the end.

    At present we’ve been approved by RMITV Student Television for a series, pending approval from Channel 31 Melbourne. I’m very much looking forward to making 13 new episodes this year. Here’s hoping!

    1. Team Bell Street

    That’s right. “Team Bell Street”. After my horror share house experience in Altona, I frantically searched for somewhere else to live. After a long list of rejections, I eventually checked out a house at the end of the Number 1 tram line to East Coburg. Right on Bell Street.

    It was a little further out from the city than I wanted, but when Steph and Virginia offered me the room, I couldn’t refuse. It’s been almost a year since I moved in. A few people have come and gone – two German exchange students, Waldo and Toby. And after a couple of months, Kolinda moved in.

    I gotta say, I am very lucky to have found this place. I didn’t know any of them. They let me move in with them based purely on a brief meeting in their kitchen.

    I sometimes take them for granted, but together we’ve had a lot of laughs and I’ve always been able to count on Team Bell Street to cheer me up when I’m feeling down.

    They’re a good bunch. And Team Bell Street had a major role in me being able to claim Melbourne as my home.

    So as I raise a Farmer’s Union Iced Coffee, I say I couldn’t have asked for a better first year in Melbourne… Well, actually of course I could have… but it’ll do. And here’s to many, many more.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Melburnian