David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Tag: TV

  • What is this, a REAL TV show?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzhPX_5ggF4&feature=g-all-u

    A big thanks to the good folk over at Channel 31 Melbourne & Geelong who put that 31 Questions promo together for us!

    However, I feel I am obligated to point out that “it’s the quiz show like no other” might not actually be the best description, considering we parody segments from several other TV game shows and the gist of the format is lifted straight from “Sale of the Century” and really any game show that features a host asking questions…

    A more accurate line might be: “it’s the quiz show like most of the others”.

    But yes, we now have a promo airing on Channel 31 and all of a sudden OH MY GOD! I’M ON TV!

    A similar feeling must also be gyrating through the trousers of the good folk involved with RMITV’s NEW flagship show “Live on Bowen”, which also debuts this weekend on Channel 31. Friday evening 8.30PM to be precise.

    Thus called because RMIT University is… whatever the opposite of girt is… by Bowen Street in the north-east quadrant of the Melbourne CBD.

    Now, there’s surely a score of TV producers who, given the opportunity, may have been tempted to call the show “Live on Swanston” in order to more clearly communicate their unique brand of Melbourne-focused program content. But not these guys. Bowen Street is where it’s at. Literally.

    “Live on Bowen” replaces RMITV’s previous flagship late night comedy show “Studio A”. If you’re not familiar with why Studio A was cancelled, have a quick gander at this completely unbiased article from an impartial author: Channel 31’s Best Show Cancelled For Some Reason

    So, new cast and new writers! I for one think this is a great thing because there are very few opportunities to get hands-on experience in television comedy in this country.

    Speaking from my own experience, I joined RMITV shortly after I moved to Melbourne in February 2010. And one of the first things I did was put my hand up to audition to be a cast member and writer on Studio A.

    Wouldn’t you know it, I was unsuccessful. Which was fair enough. It’s a tough contest, and at that point my only TV experience was being an extra in “McLeod’s Daughters”. And that scene was deleted.

    But the cast and writers of Studio A remained unchanged for the next 2 years!

    For any inexperienced writer or performer who walked into the RMITV office in 2010 or 2011, the only way you could write for TV was to become a producer and pitch your own show. A task that’s considerably easier said than done (but which is infinitely more rewarding).

    Of course, a lot of writers can’t be arsed doing all that producing crap. I sure as hell wasn’t keen on it.

    So that’s why it’s great that “Live on Bowen” has come along and given some fresh faces an opportunity to see their gags performed on the small screen. It’s what RMITV and Channel 31 should be doing. And they are. So good on ’em.

    And may I wish the team at “Live on Bowen” all the best for their debut season.

    Now, “Live on Bowen” may have a bigger budget, a flash new set, a more professional cast and crew, big name celebrity guests and the honour of being RMITV’s “flagship” show… but do they have DMG-cam?

    I highly doubt it…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gg5Oij6X6z8&feature=g-all-u

    Right! Back to 31 Questions.

    Episode #1 will air on TV this Saturday. Be warned though, it is the 2nd pilot episode, which we shot as a once-off back in June 2011.

    The set is slightly different (mainly less stolen than in later episodes) and instead of series co-hosts Anthony McCormack and Sophie Loughran, it’s Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall and Melanie Valentine on board.

    Now, there’s probably a score of TV producers who, given the opportunity, would probably not allow the pilot episode to be broadcast… But not us!

    We figured there’s enough laughs to justify salvation from the cutting room floor.

    So it’s going to air – production mistakes, continuity errors, awkward audience shots, Glenn Ridge cameo and all – on Channel 31 Melbourne & Geelong this Saturday June 9 at 10PM.

    If you’ve ever wanted to see just how many things can go wrong while making a pre-recorded TV game show, now’s your chance!

    So tune in.

    And don’t forget you can tweet along too: @31Questions #31Questions

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    davidmgreen.com – #1 biased source of David M. Green news

  • 31 Questions starts 9 June 2012 on Channel 31 Melbourne & Geelong!

    I’m not quite sure how we did it, but somehow… we shot 12 episodes of 31 Questions in just six days. Not consecutively, obviously. Whoa! Don’t get me wrong!

    We spread those studio dates out over six weeks…

    Oh sure, that’s pretty poor by commercial TV standards. They shoot something like five “Deal or No Deals” a day. But for community TV, that is pretty spectacular.

    And it’s all thanks to that great bunch of people in the photo above. We were blessed with a fantastic crew who came in week after week to work for nothing more than a sandwich and a slice of pizza.

    What an incredible experience. If they had these sorts of facilities in Adelaide, I would have done a TV show years ago. But instead, I had to move to Melbourne to make this happen. But hey, can’t complain 😉

    It’s given me the opportunity to work with some exceptionally talented people…

    And I’ve made some new friends along the way…

    The actual taping of the last two shows on May 17 went off mostly without a hitch. Oh, don’t get me wrong. There was a hitch.

    During the final round of the final show, the tape malfunctioned and stopped recording. It also caused the back-up recorder to stop as well. So we lost the last segment and annoyingly had to re-shoot it.

    So that being the case, you may notice a few in-jokes about deja vu towards the end of episode 13.

    But these things happen. We’re lucky the guys and girls in the control room noticed it early and we didn’t lose more footage. And luckily for us, that was the only time that happened to us on the whole series.

    That fear was always at the back of my mind. I could just imagine shooting two episodes back to back, only to then discover none of it had been recorded. It’s every TV-maker’s worst nightmare.

    But thankfully that didn’t happen and it’s now all “in the can”, or more accurately, that little plastic case the DV tapes come in.

    And before I forget, a BIG THANK YOU to the many people who made up our studio audience. Our last two nights in the studio had our biggest audiences to date. And it really made the whole experience so much better.

    Fortunately also, we were able to record the important second half of the Gerard Kotlowy cardboard cutout gag. See previous blog entry.

    I think cardboard cutouts are up there with boats and golf in terms of hilarious concepts. We had a lot of fun with that cardboard cutout:

    Actually that video pretty much sums up the show. A few people goofing around while others freak out.

    As for 2D Gerard… he seems to be developing a mind of his own…

    He’s now taken his rightful place on permanent display in my apartment. I’ve set him up just inside the entrance.

    The first time I arrived home after setting this up, I forgot “Cardboard Gerard” was there and upon opening the door I experienced one second of absolute terror as for some reason there was a suited screaming man in my home. I suspected that would happen. Hilarious.

    However, I’m less certain how to explain this… When I arrived home the NEXT night, it was almost as if Cardboard Gerard was expecting me…

    An additional side effect I’m now faced with is the prospect of finding places in my apartment for all the other props and tidbits we used on 31 Questions.

    A prospect I’m very much enjoying…

    So we now move on to the NEXT stage of television… the editing.

    This may take a while.

    In the mean time, I’m proud to announce OUR TIMESLOT!

    Episodes of 31 Questions will be broadcast for the first time Saturdays 10PM on Channel 31 Melbourne & Geelong – starting 9 June – and repeated Fridays 1.30AM from 15 June.

    It’s not exactly the timeslot we were expecting, but hey, we’ll take it!

    I’ve done radio shows in worse timeslots. Who could forget 2007’s “Brain Damage” on Radio Adelaide 101.5FM, Wednesday nights midnight to 1AM, hilariously wedged between “The Albanian Program” and five hours of the BBC World Service?

    Everyone, that’s who.

    If you’re outside of Melbourne and Geelong, sit tight. We’re looking at other community TV stations around Australia. And there’s YouTube as well. So there’ll be no excuses for not watching 😉

    Unless of course, you’re a blind person.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Livin’ the dream.

  • The most expensive gag in community television history… Probably.

    Did someone say, “Gee, that 31 Questions is okay for a community TV show. But they could really use a once off $350 joke”?

    No? Well, I’m not surprised… But for argument’s sake, let’s assume you did!

    Last Thursday May 10 was our penultimate studio shoot and my good friend of 18 odd years, Gerard Kotlowy (also one of the 31 Questions writers) booked himself a flight from Adelaide to Melbourne to see his vision to appear on television and then be transformed into a cardboard cutout of himself come true.

    The only problem was… the cardboard cutout only arrived today.

    So we shot Gerard’s “live” bit last week and hopefully the magic of television will allow the 2nd half of our single most expensive gag to be immortalised on fabulous standard definition video tape during our final day in the studio tomorrow evening!

    The rest of the taping was a bit more rocky than in previous weeks. This was thanks mainly to competition with the news programme “Newsline” over RMITV resources such as the autocues, graphics machine and other things I don’t understand.

    Newsline goes live to air from 5.45PM to 6PM in the adjacent Studio B. So we had to keep it down during a time where we would otherwise be rehearsing and setting up for our shows.

    I’m all too familiar with Newsline, having completed a Graduate Diploma of Journalism (with Distinction, might I add) from RMIT University two years ago. A great course. I learned a lot and especially loved the television component.

    If memory serves, back then Newsline was 45 minutes. But these days it seems to only be 15 minutes. It might have something to do with my infamous gaff on the show back in ’10…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSojtnWJIf8

    Man, that was some bizarre television… Exactly what community TV should be 🙂

    Speaking of which, back to our show!

    Ahh Anthony, will you ever change that shirt? Or even just wash it once in a while, for Christ’s sake…

    We had a huge audience last week. And by “huge”, I mean like, 15 or so? Many thanks to the good folk who came down and joined in the triviality of the evening.

    It’s all getting to be a bit of a blur now. We’ve done 11 of these shows. I’ve forgotten 90% of the crap I’ve said. And as yet, I haven’t even watched any of the footage back.

    That’s not really how I’d like to do things in a perfect world, as I do find I’m able to self evaluate my performance much more effectively when I can see the video. I improve my sex life in much the same way.

    So this brings us to the FINAL studio shoot. We’re taping the last two episodes of our 13-episode season Thursday, 17 May 2012.

    We’ve got a lot to get done. As well as Eps 12 and 13, we also have to shoot four sketches and a bunch of pick-up shots; little things we missed or forgot to do in previous weeks.

    So come join the fun. It’s most likely your LAST EVER OPPORTUNITY to see me host a TV show. I mean, what moron would let me loose in a TV studio again? Someone who wanted to get fired.

    Hell, 31 Questions was officially cancelled by management in February last year! People have been trying to stop this show since the beginning.

    So this is it, my friends and foes. It’s now or never.

    So what are you waiting for!?!

    Be an extra special member of our exclusive studio audience. 7PM RMIT University. Studio A, Level 2, Building 12, near the corner of Swanston and Franklin Streets, Melbourne. Join the Facebook event here. Come one, come all!

    And feel free to join us cast and crew for a few drinks afterwards at an as yet undecided location.

    Hope to see you there.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Televisionman

  • 2011. A year of sweet success.

    What started out as a pretty crappy year for me, really picked up about half way through, and ended on a high.

    Since finishing journalism at RMIT Uni last year, I literally applied for 75 jobs between October 2010 and May 2011, to no success. It was extremely demoralising. Even more so because I’m a genius, and most people don’t seem to have the time to notice. Also, I’m terrible in job interviews.

    But it just so happened I was at the right place at the right time with MTR. I started as a Melbourne Talk Radio panel operator in June. And in October I started working full time on The Steve Vizard Show. It’s turned out to be one of the most amazing experiences I’ve ever had. Great people. Lots of laughs. A few tears. And some great radio. Very much looking forward to continuing in 2012.

    This is why I moved to Melbourne.

    Something that’s gone a little less successfully, was my Channel 31 TV game show “31 Questions”. After actually being canceled in February, we managed to get un-canceled in May and we shot a second pilot on June 29. It went very well and certainly one of the highlights of my year:

    We had a spanner thrown in the works when some clown at RMIT University decided they wanted to make it as difficult as possible for people to use their television studio. And for the last 6 months we’ve been waiting for the go ahead to present the pilot to Channel 31 (which might I add, has already been filmed. It’s sitting on a DVD ready to go). We’ve neither been approved nor rejected. And we’re hoping (yet again) we’ll get to make a 13-episode series in early 2012.

    And if we get a “no”, then we’ll obviously be looking at other options, because this is what we want to do. We want to make TV. It’s incredible how many people are out there trying to tear you down. But I can assure you I will never give up. NEVER! NEVER! NEVER!

    I’ve made a few other TV appearances this year. To save you time, here are a selection of hilarious highlights:

    It’s been a year of highs and lows. But I think the high highs make the low lows worth it. And I do believe that for the eighth year in a row, this has been the best year of my life.

    Professionally. Creatively. Socially.

    And I’m still loving Melbourne.

    I’m now looking forward to heading back to Adelaide for Christmas and the New Year. See the family, old friends and shoot some more Too Easy!

    But I’ll be back in Melbourne for 2012. I have a feeling next year is going to be something special.

    So have yourselves a merry little Christmas and all that crap. See you on the other side.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green

  • So you want to be an extra?

    This year I’ve dabbled in a bit of work as a television extra. You might recognise me as “guy walking in background with street light antennae” in the above scene from episode 17 of Seven’s “Winners and Losers”… No? Well, you must have missed that one.

    I’ve now been a professional extra on shoots for every major Australian television network, with the exception of SBS. As well, I’ve finally got around to watching Ricky Gervais’s “Extras”, which is some fantastic satire on the whole process of being an extra. Plus it’s just a funny show.

    So I thought I’d pool all of my “wisdom” together into a blog entry to enlighten you on some common myths and harsh realities of working as a television extra.

    1. It’s good money.

    No it isn’t.

    Sure, a lot of the time you’ll just be sitting around getting $25 an hour, waiting to be told where to walk. But you might be lucky enough to get one or two 4-hour jobs A MONTH (assuming you live somewhere with a thriving film and television scene). You’re not getting paid to sit around the other 712 hours of the month.

    And keep in mind, you have to give 10% to your agent.

    The real TV money is in acting, writing, producing, directing and crewing. But you’re never going to buy a house by working as an extra.

    2. Free catering!

    Well… sometimes…

    This is one of the finest illustrations of what it’s like for an extra at the catering table… (skip to 8.21):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBFZP2wU1Tg

    From my own personal experience, I’ve found that often the producers will try very hard to AVOID feeding the extras. Feeding extras = extra costs.

    One time I was on a shoot with a cal time of 6AM. I approached the catering table, just hoping for a coffee. A guy who was standing at an espresso machine said, “What are ya after mate?” I replied, “Oh… just a flat white, thanks.”

    I made two mistakes there:

    1. He wasn’t the guy who makes the coffees. And
    2. Coffee was for actors and crew only.

    So I settled with just a water.

    On another occasion, I’d just finished 4 hours of wandering in the background with a group of about eight other extras. The AD (Assistant Director) called out, “Right that’s lunch everyone. Oh, and extras, that’s a wrap for you. You can go straight home.”

    But if you’re lucky enough to land a full day extra gig somewhere, make the most of it and enjoy that free food!

    3. You get to MEET famous people!

    Maybe…

    You’re probably more likely to MEET a famous actor if you’re hanging around the set and you’re NOT an extra. Because when you’re an extra, this tends to happen (skip to 4.50):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_K9kdV36S0U

    Sure, you certainly get to SEE lots of famous people when you’re an extra. But you generally don’t get the opportunities to have extensive conversations with them.

    Even if you’re in the same scene together, you can’t bother them. They’ve got to think about their lines and which marks they have to hit around the set. And you have to listen out for your cue to walk.

    Unless you’re directed to “converse and have a laugh with Al Pacino”, you’re not likely to exchange more than a “hello”, or at best a handshake and a quick photo. But I guess on Facebook, that’s all you need as evidence you met a celebrity… Speaking of which, did I mention I met Peter Combe?

    4. It’s easy.

    Most of the time it is. But it can also be extremely stressful.

    Picture this. You’re one of 10 extras in a scene with big name TV stars in front of a crew of about 30 people. There’s guys with smoke machines and bright lights. There’s boom microphones bobbing all around just above your head. Guys running around with steady-cams looking like some half-man half-recording-machine. And you have to somehow walk through all of this in a precise way, at a precise time, without disturbing the real actors, without tripping on cables, and without looking at the cameras.

    AND, you don’t want to be the extra who screws up the take. Because you know that you’re a nobody. And the only good thing an extra has going for them is their reliability. If word gets out you don’t perform 100% every time, BANG that’s it. You’re blacklisted and you’ll never work as an extra in this town again.

    Keep in mind also that quite often as an extra, you’re not always given all the information.

    You rarely get to see the script. You don’t know the names of most of the cast or crew. Sometimes you’re not even sure who the director is. And there have been occasions where I’ve been on a set and I don’t even know the name of the show I’m on!

    I’ve showed up for a job only to discover I was at the wrong place, and the unit base was about half a kilometre away.

    On that same shoot, I also discovered only when i arrived at the set, that the role would require some serious heavy lifting. No one told me that. No one asked if I was fit enough to carry a man on an antique stretcher. Even more surprisingly, there was no safety briefing! No one told me how to lift, or to do any stretches.

    Then just before we go for a take, the director tells me to turn around and lift the stretcher backwards! I was struck by a vision of me slipping on the slick marble floor and seeing this guy’s head crack open with cameras capturing the moment in stunning high definition.

    No one else seemed to realise the danger. Was I going to be the one who speaks up? (My girlfriend works for WorkSafe Victoria, you know)

    That’s too much pressure for $25 an hour.

    I actually refused to carry him backwards. I simply said “I’m sorry, but I can’t lift it like that.” We got through it in the end without killing anyone. But my hands, shoulders and legs were very sore for the rest of the week.

    Absolutely appalling for one of Australia’s major broadcasters.

    I did actually call the line producer the next day and told her my concerns. She said she’d look into it. I never heard back. I suspect I’ve probably been blacklisted.

    But who cares about all of that when…

    5. You get to be on TV!

    If you’re lucky.

    I’ve actually been very fortunate so far with being selected on the day, purely by chance, to be an extra who has his face pointed towards the camera (See “Winners and Losers” screen shot top of page).

    Of course I’ve had my fair share of being hidden in the background with my back to the camera as well:

    Here’s how Ricky Gervais portrayed it in Extras (watch the first minute):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skmwwHS4iR8

    I can beat Ricky on this one though. Back when I was still living in Adelaide, I was an extra in an episode of Nine’s “McLeod’s Daughters”. The whole scene was cut.

    6. Well, it’s a good place to start.

    No. No it’s not.

    You will never ever be promoted to “star” from purely doing work as an extra. The best you can hope for is more extra work. And the occasional screen shot (see above).

    But no Hollywood director is going to watch the show, notice you miming in the background and say, “Wow, look at that out of focus guy pretending to drink a coffee! He’s perfect for the lead in my next picture!”

    Still, it is a bit of a laugh. And I’ll happily pretend to drink coffee out of focus in the background for $25 an hour again, if and when the time calls for it.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Extra special.