David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Author: David M. Green

  • You thought Tiger Airways was incompetent…

    On one of my frequent trips to Coburg’sĀ  fabulous Sydney Road (on a quest for some new tea towels) I dropped by one of those dirt cheap discount shops – you know, the ones over-stocked with Southeast Asian merchandise – when I came across this gem:

    Oooh… The “Aerobus”!

    But wait… That’s clearly an Airbus A380 inside. Even if you chalk the missing under-wing engine to creative license (The A380 has two engines on each wing), it’s clearly presented in A380 livery.

    But hang on… I’m confused?

    Why is it labeled as “Aerobus” if it’s an Airbus?

    And take a closer look at that silhouette. That doesn’t look like an Airbus. Maybe it’s one of these “Aerobuses” I’ve heard so much about?

    Or maybe it’s a silhouette of THIS plane, which is on the opposite corner of the box:

    Ah yes, the Boeing 787 Dreamliner. Of course. And this is related to the “Aerobus” how? Well, it’s a plane, I guess.

    Sure, it’s a different model of plane, and sure, it’s produced by a different manufacturer. But all planes are the same, right?

    According to “Aerobus”, these are some fine qualities you should look for in an aircraft:

    Frequent Flyer
    If they’re referring to the aircraft, I suppose this is a good thing. Yes, the “Aerobus” does frequently fly.

    Real Comfort
    Fantastic! I’m so over other airlines “unreal” comfort with their virtual seats and imaginary in-flight entertainment systems.

    Chief Efficient
    Well that’s lovely.

    Science Refreshed
    Why, who on Earth would want science that’s gone way past its use-by date? I’m sure the “Aerobus” corporation wouldn’t accept any aerospace engineering that had been out of the fridge for more than a couple of days.

    They’re really selling their plane on comfort:

    Am I to understand one can actually walk around, take a seat, relax, feel the “speace” AND enjoy the comfort?

    What is this, a PLANE FOR ANTS!?!

    It’s a toy! You can’t take a seat in it! For one, there are no seats in it! IT’S JUST A PLASTIC SHELL!

    The only comfort you’ll get from this model plane is if you’re one of those people who enjoys inserting things into yourself… Would that mean you qualify for the Mile High Club?

    This reminds me of that Simpsons episode where Mr Burns designs the “Spruce Moose”, a plane that can “fly 200 passengers from New York’s Idlewild Airport to the Belgian Congo in 17 minutes!”

    Mr Burns attempts to force Smithers at gunpoint into the plane, which is only a model, probably smaller than the “Aerobus” above.

    So in conclusion, people are idiots.

    Still, could be worse. It could say “Tiger Airways” on the side.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    No complaints about their selection of tea towels though.

  • 31 Questions iPilot 2.0

    Six thumbs up? Or a bunch of well-dressed criminals getting ready to surrender their fingerprints? You decide.

    Yes! The 31 Questions Re-pilot, Pilot Mach 2, or iPilot 2.0 if you will, was successfully recorded to tape on June 29, 2011.

    The evening at RMIT University’s fabulous Studio A went very well. The set looked great. Wonderful lighting. All the mics and cameras worked. The crew turned up (well, most of them). The gags worked (well, most of them). The questions were just the right level of difficulty (unlike last time – way too hard!). And most importantly, it was a fun night of TV-making.

    It’s community television, so it’s virtually impossible to avoid using the term “shambles” at some point. But we embraced our shortcomings and kept on with the show.

    That’s right folks! 31 Questions. The show that keeps the mistakes the other game shows cut out!

    The day before the rehearsal, which we had the previous Wednesday, our original score-keeper and glamorous assistant, Minky Cooper, decided to quit the show (via Facebook. A sad sign of the times…). So we had less than 24 hours to find a replacement.

    Incredibly I was able to find the lovely Melanie Valentine at extremely short notice to take over the role. And considering it was her first time inside a TV studio, she did very well.

    Alasdair “Al” Tremblay-Birchcall also gave a fabulous performance as the official moderator. That guy cracks me up.

    Special thanks also to our very talented, and forgiving, contestants: Julia and Andrew. They were both an absolute pleasure to work with.

    And a big thanks to the 16 or so strong crew. Without all you we’d just be making a silent film in the dark.

    But most importantly, THIS pilot went SO, SO, SO MUCH BETTER than our first pilot back in November. Instead of 4 pages of post-show improvement notes, this time I only had 6 key points. And they were all procedural or organisational issues, not to do with the fundamental concept of the show.

    The pilot is currently being edited by the talented Anthony McCormack. We’ll soon be handing it in to the good people at RMITV Student Television and Channel 31 Melbourne for their approval.

    And hopefully they’ll let us film 12 more!

    I’ll keep you updated.

    But if you’d like more immediate updates, or you want to check out more production photos, make sure you LIKE 31 QUESTIONS ON FACEBOOK. It’s all up there. And SUBSCRIBE ON YOUTUBE. All episodes (& some extra bonus material!), that’s where they’ll be.

    Kind regards
    David M. Green
    Mayor of TV-Land

  • Panelling it like it is.

    I’m proud to announce I’m back in the panel-operators’ club! I now work at Melbourne Talk Radio MTR1377!

    It’s been a long time since my last paid panel-operator gig at Adelaide’s SAFM ended with me being replaced by a computer.

    That was August 2008. I was young and inexperienced. And it was in that brief period after the job cuts of the global financial crisis but before the increased opportunities that came from digital radio. But hey, that’s all water under the burnt bridge… šŸ˜‰

    So it’s only taken 3 years, a Graduate Diploma of Journalism, a move to Melbourne, and 76 job applications since October (not even joking), but I’ve finally found another job in radio.

    So far I’m enjoying working at MTR. Everyone I’ve met has been fantastic. There’s a strong news culture. And it’s no secret I’m a fan of talk back radio (See On The Yacht).

    I’ll be working on a casual and fill-in basis for now, which suits me perfectly, as that will allow me to work on my Channel 31 game show 31 Questions over the next few months. A big thank you to MTR operations manager Jason Taylor.

    I’m particularly enjoying the idea of working in the same building as Steve Vizard and my childhood TV hero, Glenn Ridge! Actually, it’s kinda strange having filmed that sketch with Glenn just last month, and now I’m seeing him every Saturday night when I arrive at MTR just as he leaves.

    So tune in to 1377AM if you’re in the Melbourne area, or listen online. You just might hear the audible results of me pressing buttons and moving faders.

    I’ll leave you now with a tune that sums up this moment perfectly, from a fellow panel-operator by the name of Radio’s Sam Mac…

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Back on the buttons!

  • Lights, Camera, Maction! Ep #5 (TV’s “Bondi Vet”)

    Horah! It’s episode 5 of Sam Mac’s “Lights, Camera, Maction!” guest starring Dr Chris Brown (AKA The Bondi Vet – who turns out to be a pretty good actor), as well as myself and the delightful and clearly gullible Minky Cooper for another escapade into stuff girls like.

    This time we have a slumber party… Enjoy!

    And once again, cheers to Simon Eastwood behind the camera.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Gotta love that robe.

  • Such a tease, 31 Questions…

    That ought to get your mouth watering for my new TV game show. It’s our opening sketch with special guest, former host of Sale of the Century, TV’s Glenn Ridge! Also, you might want to grab a napkin.

    Yes! I can now officially announce 31 Questions (finally) will be taping its special second pilot on the evening of Wednesday June 29, 2011. This show will hopefully become episode 1 of our 13-episode first season.

    If you’ll be in the Melbourne area and are interested in joining our studio audience, you can get the details and RSVP to the event on Facebook. If you’re not on Facebook, what the hell are you doing?

    Alternatively, send an email to producer/director Simon Eastwood (simonpeter.eastwood@gmail.com).

    Space is limited, so if you really want in, RSVP early.

    And don’t forget to LIKE US ON FACEBOOK and SUBSCRIBE ON YOUTUBE for all the latest news, photos and video.

    Let’s ask 31 Questions!

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Whoo!