David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Author: David M. Green

  • Internet Television? The Future is NOW!

    Ahoy,

    Until recently, I was just like you; I thought that Internet TV was something that only existed one time in my mind when I thought up the concept myself a few years ago. Foolishly I did nothing about it and turns out someone else invented it. Not only that, but Australia’s first Internet TV station, Australia Live TV, is based right here (where I am, at least) in Adelaide, a mere 17.8km (via road) from my house!

    After perusing Australia Live TV’s extensive list of 5 shows (4 of them sports-related), I was just about to close the web page forever, when I noticed that they’re launching their new morning show, to be called “Mornings Live.” Furthermore, they need a couple of hosts. Hey hey! Now it’s personal. And seeing as though applying for the position required little effort on my part, I figured I gotta get in on this, so I threw this demo video together in an afternoon…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJsmw6IAceo

    I certainly enjoyed myself. In all seriousness, I’d love to do it. but if it doesn’t go beyond the demo-filming stage, hey that’s okay. I’ve also enjoyed watching the other entrants (Check those out here). There are about 5 with which I have been legitimately impressed. I must say, SOME of them are absolutely shocking… I’d love to put together a 30-minute TV special where I critique all the entries. But I don’t have the resources for that, so I’ll just do it here: For starters, about half of them either didn’t read the guidelines, or completely ignored them, as the demo video was supposed to be no longer than 60 seconds. Granted, my own is 69 seconds, but if you only watch the first 60 seconds, I was essentially through. But other entries range from 20 seconds to 10 minutes long! And most seem to be around the 2-4 minute range!

    Furthermore, some of them are not directed to the specific position. Okay, fair enough, a few people have just put up a generic showreel. No harm in that. However, some have gone further (or shorter, rather), actually using their demo video for a completely unrelated talent search conducted earlier this year by the new ABC3 digital children’s channel. Hence several demo videos on the Mornings Live website feature hopeful presenters pouring their hearts out about wanting to work with children on the ABC! I myself also applied for that (and actually re-used part of my ABC demo for this one!), but I was clever enough to sneakily splice in new footage, which explains why my hair subtle changes length throughout the video, hehehe!

    Another trend I noticed: Of the 90 or so video entries submitted so far, the most popular choice of background music seems to be “Clocks” by Coldplay. I can’t help but notice I was the only one to include both “Conditioning” by Howard Jones (stereotypical hilarious ’80s music) AND “Menuet From String Quintet No. 5 Op 13” by Luigi Boccherini (stereotypical hilarious “rich guy” music).

    Lastly, I’d love to share just a few specific entries with you (who ever YOU are…). Please don’t get me wrong. This is not a mean-sprited dig at others’ expense, but merely me pointing out a few entrants’ “interesting choices” with regard to making their demo. Behold…

    1. Helen Ahrens: Shot with camera at 90 degrees.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdxtEoZ3cA4&feature=channel_page

    2. Peter something: Firstly, very low volume. Second… uh… what?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxI1PUIbyS0&feature=related

    3. Sarah Lawrence: Filmed considerably close to a busy road.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arbDNbG-MOI&feature=channel_page

    4. Fatimah Abbouchi: Used the Ten news theme (with Ten news voice-over).

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1E0SJI8vMs&feature=channel_page

    5. Jason Kemp: Evidentally a keen user of Movavi Video Converter’s fabulous trial version. Also, which one is Jason Kemp?

    But of course, for maximum enjoyment, I highly recommend you watch EVERY entry. Thanks to guidelines not followed, what should be 90 minutes of entertainment, is more like 200 minutes of entertainment. And darn good watching!

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    What’s next? Internet books?

    PS. Oh yes, by the way, if you like, feel free to vote for me on the Mornings Live website. I’d very much appreciate it and be happy to email you a signed photograph of something.

  • Where no stand-up has gone before… probably

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JU_hQB3jdM

    Hello!

    David M. Green again. Hey I made my quarterly stand-up appearance last Thursday at Adelaide’s “The Rhino Room.” Having recently watched “Carl Sagan’s Cosmos” and HBO’s “From the Earth to the Moon,” read up on NASA’s Apollo program and listened to The B-52’s complete discography, you can see how the above stand-up routine came to be. I seriously have no idea what’s “topical” any more. Free-to-air TV is a complete waste of time, in my opinion. I’m not too keen on radio at the moment either There’s no show that makes me want to go out of my way to watch it (Although I hear good things about this THE Big Show on Triple M). So hey, I make up my own damn entertainment!

    The stand-up didn’t go quite according to plan, but the confusion probably actually made it funnier. Sometimes I prefer “rough around the edges” comedy to “slick.” For that very reason I always preferred Conan O’Brien to Leno. I just like the idea that any minute the whole thing could come crashing down around someone, in this case: me. I screwed up the Buzz Aldrin gag, got some of it out of order, and I was going to do a more detailed impression of Carl Sagan but interaction with some enthusiastic audience members forced me to move on. Final conclusion: good, not great. One tick.

    What do you think?

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    There are others like you… thousands…

  • Sweet Grammatical Victory

    The Commonwealth Bank: Now with grammatically correct signage.

  • So it comes to this… A COMEDY SHOW ON TRIPLE M!

    Hey Hey!

    Okay, let’s get straight to it. Now that it’s been posted on the Triple M website, I can now reveal to YOU that Matty B, Nick Godfrey, Tim Wray, Adam Navarro and myself will be putting together a once off 2-hour comedy show that will go to air on the Triple M radio network on a Sunday night! WOW!

    THE Big Show Team Photo

    But how did we manage to scam our way into this? Good question. For reasons unknown, Triple M and some advertising people came up with the idea for this contest called “Semi-Pro Radio.” It’s a contest open only to people who work for the advertising or “creative” industry. I entered as an employee of “Allan Miller’s FAST Voice-overs” (technically they count… pretty clever huh?). Entrants put together a show proposal. A number of finalists are selected (13) and those finalists, one of them being us with our show: “THE Big Show,” get to fill 2 hours of air time on Triple M. Then after all shows go to air a winner is selected, yada yada yada something about fabulous prizes… You can read all the details here.

    But anyway… WE GET TO MAKE A COMEDY SHOW FOR TRIPLE M! This is a dream come true for me personally. Triple M’s “Get This” (from the comic genius of Tony Martin, Ed Kavalee & Richard Marsland) is still, and will probably always be, my favourite, and the GREATEST radio show of all time. I realise that there’s no way I could ever do a show as good as Get This. However, that’s what we’re gonna aim for. Hey, it’s a once off appearance. We might as well make it the absolute best, funniest, greatest 2 hours of radio we can. I don’t care if we don’t win. I just want to do a good show so afterwards I can say “yeah… that was pretty funny.” Plus I’ll get to reunite with Matty B, whom I rarely see these days as he lives in Sydney. It’s THE Big Show. Be on THE look out for it and of course, when I know more (like, WHEN it will air) I’ll put the info up here.

    On a personal note, tomorrow will mark one year to the day since I met and had lunch with Richard Marsland (of Get This fame… obviously). I don’t think I would be doing this show on Triple M if it had not been for the advice and assistance he gave me. I owe him a lot and I really wish he was still here to see this.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    MMM

  • Sick… And not the attractive kind

    Greetings from my isolation tank (ie. my bedroom… what? Don’t YOU sleep in a tank?),

    This video pretty much speaks for itself…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TRE-oQy8Qk

    Quite. For the last week and a bit (I honestly can’t remember exactly when it started), I have been quite sick. It’s very “flu-like.” I know what you’re all thinking, because I have a psychology degree and therefore, I can read minds. And you’re all very disturbed… But also, you’re thinking “Is it THE Swine Flu?” Well, the thought crossed my mind too, so my doctor, who also happens to be my Mother, administered a test that involved jamming a swab up my nose. She was supposed to insert it a ridiculous 5cm or something like that. It went in maybe half of that and I said “Hey, that’s as far as it’s going. You’re poking my brain!” Thankfully, the test came back negative for the Swine Flu. But regular flu is just as bad.

    I seem to be on the “recovery” end now. To quote Rodney Dangerfield: “Buy a hat like that you get a free bowl of soup.” And also: “I tell ya I’m alright now but last week I was in rough shape, you know?” Yes. I do know. I was in VERY ROUGH shape. I was coughing up all kinds of things, including the biggest chunk of phlegm that’s ever originated in my sinus. So large in fact I took a photo of it. After much consideration, I have decided to share the photo with the world. After all, what’s the Internet for? Now, I won’t FORCE the gruesome image onto you, so if you would LIKE to see it, you can view the genuine David M. Green limited edition sputum RIGHT HERE. Note, interestingly, it appears to be in the shape of Australia. I guess I am a patriot, huh?

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    *Cough* *Cough*