It’s happening! My debut stand-up show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival (or indeed any festival) is one Earth month away. If you like gags about man caves, poignant observations about umbrellas, questionable advertising campaigns or sitting on a chair in a dark room, you won’t want to miss this for all the gold on the world.
8 shows only, so get your ticket now and scratch a reminder into your fridge.
– DMG
Greetings from Stockholm!
I’m rounding out the year in Sweden with Annika. My first trip to Europe and my first time out of Australia in 10 years. A long overdue chance to see how life works in a place that isn’t Melbourne or Adelaide. For example, being able to insert your credit card in the machine at the supermarket before all the items have even been scanned? Mind blown, Sweden. Mind. Blown.
I’m here for a whole month so I’ll save up the humorous anecdotes and poignant cultural observations and give you the good ones later.
It’s been a grand year. Back in February I returned to the writing team for season 5 of Shaun Micallef’s Mad as Hell. Just about the most fun you can have as a comedy writer in Australia. And congrats to everyone on the AACTA Award for Best Television Comedy Series! Greatest team in TV.
Here’s one of my favourite sketches from Season 5 (I assume it’s the right one. Can’t seem to watch this video in Sweden for some reason. Really, The World? Still with the geoblocking?):
Also spent another year behind the control panel at Crocmedia. For my 4th year I worked on the radio flagship “AFL Live” program as well as the new “A-League Live” domestic soccer coverage, and Saturday nights at SEN during the summer. A great job and great people. Which is why I’m still there, obviously.
Here’s me with TV’s Jane Nield on AFL Grand Final Day:
It was also great to actually attend an AFL game this year too. Not just attend, but sit in the Crocmedia commentary box at the MCG to see Hawthorn vs Geelong in Round 20, with Rex Hunt calling with Darren Parkin and Terry Wallace.
Only my second time at the MCG and the third AFL game I’ve ever attended, if you can believe that? FYI, the first was Adelaide vs Geelong at Football Park in 1997. The second was Melbourne vs Brisbane at the MCG in 2010. I’m usually back at Crocmedia HQ pressing the buttons, ya see.
Man, what a view. And fascinating to see the operation from the other side of the ISDN line (Thanks again Jack Heverin!).
No 31 Questions this year (five years and three community TV seasons was enough). But a project I worked on throughout 2015 was my “new” webseries VHS Revue. I’ve been going through old pre-1995ish video tapes and cutting together the hilarious/unusual highlights with some contemporary gags in between. All recorded on period VHS technology.
I made nine episodes this year with the assistance of Nicholas Godfrey and Alexis Kotlowy in Adelaide. With another one I made way back in 2008, there are now 10 episodes on YouTube. Look out for cameos from TV’s Michael Pope and Mark Humphries!
Still a few more tapes in the box I haven’t gone through yet. They’re fun to make so I suspect I’ll make some more at some point. The Adelaide VHS Gang and I have another more complex project in the works for the future, so keep a nose out…
Here’s a clue:
Another thing I returned to this year was stand-up comedy. I’ve kept a pretty low profile. In fact, this is the first I’ve mentioned it online. But I’ll fill you in.
Between 2008 and 2011, I got up on stage to do a five minute spot about a dozen times. A few of those went pretty well. But I was always more interested in pursuing radio, TV and narrative/sketch-based comedy, so I never really took stand-up seriously and when “31 Questions” got up and running, I put stand-up on the back burner. Or rather, took it off the stove entirely.
But there was always a voice at the back of my head telling me I should be doing stand-up. A real comedian should be able to get up on stage in front of an audience at any time and deliver entertainment. I was conscious I couldn’t fulfill that requirement.
With a bit of free time in the second half of the year, that voice got harder and harder to ignore. So at the start of October I put my hand up at “Comedy at the Wilde” in Fitzroy. Coincidentally, it was four years to the day since I last performed.
I was pretty rusty and to be honest, completely terrified. I haven’t been that scared in I don’t know when. I’d forgotten what it’s like up there, with the bright lights and no autocue. I got some laughs. Also got a generous portion of nothing. But I just had to get that return to the stage done and out of the way. And here’s the difference between now and six years ago: I rewrote the routine and got up on stage at “Station 59” in Richmond and did it again. That went a hell of a lot better. Then I tried a new five minutes, and another and another. I got up eight times in two months before I left for Sweden. And you know what? When you take stand-up seriously, it’s really fun. And when you kill? When everything just works? Oh my God, what a feeling. It’s indescribable.
By March, I’m planning to have 45 minutes of fine, hand-crafted comedy.
Why?
Hell yeah! It’s my debut show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival!
Come see me in “Fan Club”. It’s at a nice little cocktail bar called Caz Reitop’s Dirty Secrets, 80 Smith Street, Collingwood. I’ll be doing two shows a week, Thursdays and Sundays 9PM from March 24 to April 17. Book your tickets at TICKETMASTER (CLICK HERE).
It’ll be an evening (well a portion of an evening) of stand-up, a few stories and some live commercial reads. Producing it all myself. Just me and my comedy brain and possibly some other organs. If you’ve enjoyed any of my work ever, or you’re one of those people who’ve been asking me if I’ve got a show in the festival throughout the last decade, I’d be thrilled if you come. But until then, I’ll be round the stand-up traps in Melbourne. If you see me, come say hi.
In other news, I read some great books this year. I’ve been getting back into that too. I particularly recommend “Command and Control” by Eric Schlosser and “Catch Me If You Can” by Frank Abagnale and Stan Redding.
Well whoever you are, thanks for reading (this, not the books mentioned above). Hope you’ve had a good year too and all of the best for 2016.
Let us do coffee. Let us do lunch. Let us do all of the things.
– David M. Green
And so another curtain turns by the milestone where a chapter passes around a corner that’s closed to cap off the page’s end of yet another ticked over year.
Hi, I’m David M. Green and here’s the gist of what I did in 2014.
It’s coming up on 5 years since I left Adelaide for dead and moved to Melbourne to pursue a life of comedy, radio, television and shopping after 9PM. And man, I did a big steaming pile of all those things this year…
January through April was full on. I started at my childhood dream job of writing for a Shaun Micallef-based ABC TV comedy show: Series 3 of Mad As Hell (as seen above with Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall and Simon Taylor in our official ABC-supplied writing uniforms). There’s no other way to put it. It was bloody fantastic. An amazingly talented team of people and so, so much fun. I returned in September to write for Series 4 and I’m thrilled to say I’ll be back in the writers’ room again on Series 5, which starts in February.
If you want tickets to come join the studio audience – which I can highly recommend – hit me upside the head. I know a guy 😉
Here’s my favourite Mad As Hell sketch from this year: “Watching the Watcher”
Returning to the start of the year, the ole RMITV gang got back together one last time to record the third and final season of 31 Questions: The TV game show where YOU get to be the viewer. We put everything into this one and it almost killed me.
I reckon the best episodes this year were 1, 6 and 8.
I’ve crapped on about the show enough now, but if you literally have nothing better to do and like that behind the scenes shit, read the blog entry I wrote after we finished shooting. Or the other one I wrote after the final episode aired.
I’m amazed we got so far with that show. But 4 years and (fittingly) 31 episodes seems like enough for now. It cost a lot of money, time, sleep, dignity, and even a couple of friendships. But we did it because we loved it and everyone involved learned an incredible amount. And that’s community TV.
And that’s why I’m so concerned about the future of community TV, which is currently under threat after Communications Minister Malcolm Turnbull decided to kick all 5 metro stations off the air at the end of 2015.
So concerned, a few months ago I wrote an article for The Age/Sydney Morning Herald, which was shared a hell of a lot more than Malcolm Turnbull’s half-arsed response.
It was even mentioned in Parliament:
They’ll get my name right one of these days…
Make sure you sign the petition over at Commit to Community TV if you think community television in this country is worth having.
After that burst of TV-making in the first half of the year, I took my first trip to Tasmania with my friend and mentor Van Badham. It was pretty good, aside from the food poisoning on the second day. I think it was a combination of some bad fish and a slightly disturbing experience seeing MONA‘s infamous “shitting machine”.
I thought surely I took a picture of that machine? But looking back through the photos, evidently I did not. Probably for the best.
3 days in Hobart was great, though I spent one of those days in bed watching QI, which arguably I could do at home. So I’d love to go back and explore the rest of the state properly. There’s some pretty breath-taking scenery.
Here I am taking a breath:
Back in Melbourne, I met a girl from Sweden. Her name’s Annika. She wants to stay in Australia, so to get a second year on her visa, she went and worked at a dairy farm in Lockington near the Victorian/New South Wales border. For 3 months. For no money. In a profession in which she has zero interest.
Understandably, she didn’t like it much. I’m kinda ashamed we make foreign visitors do that in Australia. We are a selfish, small-minded country – as comprehensively encapsulated by our current federal government and their systematic policies of unfairness… But on the other hand, at least I got something out of this situation (not selfish).
I got to visit a part of the country I’ve never had a reason to go to. So I twice drove up to see Annika, temporarily save her from the life of a milk maid, and spend a few days in Echuca. I introduced her to Red Dwarf and we stayed in a B&B that had a fireplace. (A FIREPLACE, people.)
Both trips were great, though the guy at the B&B was a bit of a dick the second time. Got a stern lecture when we went to check out at 10.07AM. Hey, I was there at 9.55 and the counter was unattended!
Anyway, we’re totally going out now. Here she is riding a cannon (hoho):
Throughout the year I’ve also been back behind the radio panel at Crocmedia, where I continued my self-imposed tradition of panelling the Grand Final for “AFL Live” in a suit:
Even panelled a few shows with cricket legend Merv Hughes. Turns out we have similar tastes in shirts:
There were fewer sound effects this year, but that wasn’t enough to prevent another batch of bizarre audio highlights. Get a load of these:
[display_podcast]
As always, a thrill and a pleasure to work with the whole team, on-air and behind the scenes (and not just because they get my name right, but that does go a long way).
So that’s the gist of it. I’m seeing the year out in Adelaide. Gonna see the old gang. Gonna play some golf. Gonna have my bowl. Gonna eat cereal. Gonna eat at my favourite spots: The Blue Bird Bakery and Charminar Indian restaurant in Brighton, that Yiros House place on Rundle Street, and maybe even Gilbert Place’s The Pancake Kitchen – just like Melbourne’s The Pancake Parlour, but everything’s 30 per cent cheaper. Just the way I like it.
I still love Adelaide. And I love coming back to visit. It’s slowly turning into a proper city. I reckon every time I’m here, I see more solar panels and speed cameras. And little bits of Melbourne slowly being absorbed into the local scene. That’s progress, my friend.
So that’s the gist of it. Thank you for reading, enjoy your holidays and I’ll see you in 2015. We should do lunch.
Kind regards,
David M. Green
Your treat.
It’s exactly what the title implies…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXZ9S9HdzuY
The TV game show all the cool kids are ignoring, 31 Questions Season 3 premieres this Saturday night in Melbourne & Geelong, 8.30PM on Channel 31 (actually channel 44). So gather around the viewing tube and expose your eyeballs to some trivial entertainment (and possibly unsafe levels of radiation)!
We’re screening in New Zealand on Face Television from Thursday June 12, 8.30PM on Sky Channel 083. Then 8.30PM from the following Thursday (June 19), we’re on air in Sydney on TVS.
I’ll have timeslots for Adelaide, Brisbane and Perth in the fullness of time.
Made another appearance on TV Tonight as well. Good to see less grammatical errors this year.
Less, but not none.
Kind regards,
David M. Green
Promo needed a little more DMG.
I was a guest on a special “tonight show edition” of C31 Melbourne & Geelong’s premiere motorsport show “In Pit Lane” the other week. So special in fact, I don’t believe it’s even aired on television yet. But it is on YouTube:
No motorsport was discussed. But I did talk a little 31 Questions before an invisible and non-existent studio audience with host Brett Ramsey, who had an uncanny knowledge of my other career highlights. Even an article I wrote for Mamamia got a mention (I’ve since removed that from my bio).
Also on the show, fellow RMITV-er Tony Avard chats about his new webseries “Follies of Youth” and music from Melbourne band Animal Hands.
But for me, the highlight of the show by far was Phil, the Hank Kingsley-esque announcer. I could have watched him announce things all night. Just brilliant.
Oh and by the way, I’ve since discovered 31 Questions Season 3 debuts 8.30PM Saturday 7 June 2014 on C31 Melbourne & Geelong. Set your VCRs to “stunned that you’d still be using a VCR”.
Kind regards,
David M. Green
Drink responsibly.