David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Category: photos

  • 2014: The Year.

    And so another curtain turns by the milestone where a chapter passes around a corner that’s closed to cap off the page’s end of yet another ticked over year.

    Hi, I’m David M. Green and here’s the gist of what I did in 2014.

    It’s coming up on 5 years since I left Adelaide for dead and moved to Melbourne to pursue a life of comedy, radio, television and shopping after 9PM. And man, I did a big steaming pile of all those things this year…

    January through April was full on. I started at my childhood dream job of writing for a Shaun Micallef-based ABC TV comedy show: Series 3 of Mad As Hell (as seen above with Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall and Simon Taylor in our official ABC-supplied writing uniforms). There’s no other way to put it. It was bloody fantastic. An amazingly talented team of people and so, so much fun. I returned in September to write for Series 4 and I’m thrilled to say I’ll be back in the writers’ room again on Series 5, which starts in February.

    If you want tickets to come join the studio audience – which I can highly recommend – hit me upside the head. I know a guy 😉

    Here’s my favourite Mad As Hell sketch from this year: “Watching the Watcher”

    Returning to the start of the year, the ole RMITV gang got back together one last time to record the third and final season of 31 Questions: The TV game show where YOU get to be the viewer. We put everything into this one and it almost killed me.

    I reckon the best episodes this year were 1, 6 and 8.

    I’ve crapped on about the show enough now, but if you literally have nothing better to do and like that behind the scenes shit, read the blog entry I wrote after we finished shooting. Or the other one I wrote after the final episode aired.

    I’m amazed we got so far with that show. But 4 years and (fittingly) 31 episodes seems like enough for now. It cost a lot of money, time, sleep, dignity, and even a couple of friendships. But we did it because we loved it and everyone involved learned an incredible amount. And that’s community TV.

    And that’s why I’m so concerned about the future of community TV, which is currently under threat after Communications Minister Malcolm Turnbull decided to kick all 5 metro stations off the air at the end of 2015.

    So concerned, a few months ago I wrote an article for The Age/Sydney Morning Herald, which was shared a hell of a lot more than Malcolm Turnbull’s half-arsed response.

    It was even mentioned in Parliament:

    They’ll get my name right one of these days…

    Make sure you sign the petition over at Commit to Community TV if you think community television in this country is worth having.

    After that burst of TV-making in the first half of the year, I took my first trip to Tasmania with my friend and mentor Van Badham. It was pretty good, aside from the food poisoning on the second day. I think it was a combination of some bad fish and a slightly disturbing experience seeing MONA‘s infamous “shitting machine”.

    I thought surely I took a picture of that machine? But looking back through the photos, evidently I did not. Probably for the best.

    3 days in Hobart was great, though I spent one of those days in bed watching QI, which arguably I could do at home. So I’d love to go back and explore the rest of the state properly. There’s some pretty breath-taking scenery.

    Here I am taking a breath:

    Back in Melbourne, I met a girl from Sweden. Her name’s Annika. She wants to stay in Australia, so to get a second year on her visa, she went and worked at a dairy farm in Lockington near the Victorian/New South Wales border. For 3 months. For no money. In a profession in which she has zero interest.

    Understandably, she didn’t like it much. I’m kinda ashamed we make foreign visitors do that in Australia. We are a selfish, small-minded country – as comprehensively encapsulated by our current federal government and their systematic policies of unfairness… But on the other hand, at least I got something out of this situation (not selfish).

    I got to visit a part of the country I’ve never had a reason to go to. So I twice drove up to see Annika, temporarily save her from the life of a milk maid, and spend a few days in Echuca. I introduced her to Red Dwarf and we stayed in a B&B that had a fireplace. (A FIREPLACE, people.)

    Both trips were great, though the guy at the B&B was a bit of a dick the second time. Got a stern lecture when we went to check out at 10.07AM. Hey, I was there at 9.55 and the counter was unattended!

    Anyway, we’re totally going out now. Here she is riding a cannon (hoho):

    Throughout the year I’ve also been back behind the radio panel at Crocmedia, where I continued my self-imposed tradition of panelling the Grand Final for “AFL Live” in a suit:

    Even panelled a few shows with cricket legend Merv Hughes. Turns out we have similar tastes in shirts:

    There were fewer sound effects this year, but that wasn’t enough to prevent another batch of bizarre audio highlights. Get a load of these:

    [display_podcast]

    As always, a thrill and a pleasure to work with the whole team, on-air and behind the scenes (and not just because they get my name right, but that does go a long way).

    So that’s the gist of it. I’m seeing the year out in Adelaide. Gonna see the old gang. Gonna play some golf. Gonna have my bowl. Gonna eat cereal. Gonna eat at my favourite spots: The Blue Bird Bakery and Charminar Indian restaurant in Brighton, that Yiros House place on Rundle Street, and maybe even Gilbert Place’s The Pancake Kitchen – just like Melbourne’s The Pancake Parlour, but everything’s 30 per cent cheaper. Just the way I like it.

    I still love Adelaide. And I love coming back to visit. It’s slowly turning into a proper city. I reckon every time I’m here, I see more solar panels and speed cameras. And little bits of Melbourne slowly being absorbed into the local scene. That’s progress, my friend.

    So that’s the gist of it. Thank you for reading, enjoy your holidays and I’ll see you in 2015. We should do lunch.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Your treat.

  • 31 Questions Episode VIII: The Wisdom of Friends

    By the way, hope you’re enjoying these sequel title gags. Got a bit tricky to find titles after 7…

    Anyway… 31 Questions! We’re done!

    And the ratings are IN. We broke all previous records this season with the Channel 31 Ratings Machine indicating 46,000 people in Melbourne & Geelong tuned in to our 4th episode on June 28. Beats the hell out of our previous best of 37,800 for our Season 2 finale last year. These days with all the competition from the plethora of digital channels, YouTube, PacMan and hula hoops, that some damn good figures.

    I assume.

    Personally, I reckon the best episodes of Season 3 are 1, 6 and the finale. And what a way to go out. Highlights of Ep 8 include the contractually required “Sophie’s Choice” segment, in which contestants Aaron and Naomi sing for points; Sophie and Anthony’s all-French exchange and one very special cameo.

    If you missed the season finale when it aired on C31 Melbourne & Geelong on July 26, or you haven’t watched it on YouTube yet, look away now as I ruin the surprise.

    A wonderful moment and by far the biggest round of applause we ever received of all the episodes.

    31 Questions: the little game show that could, has come a long way since that first pilot 4 years ago. So many people have helped make the show possible. A nice way to illustrate is to take a look at the crew photos, starting with our 2nd pilot shoot in 2011.

    Also note, I’m holding a pot plant above Simon Eastwood’s head:

    Season 1, 2012:

    Season 2, 2013:

    Season 3, 2014:

    Just by these 4 photos, you can also see how the whole thing has evolved: The set, logo, lighting, the number of people involved and just the general level of organisation too.

    Funnily enough, I didn’t begin with the crew photo from our 1st pilot because our level of organisation in those early days was not sufficient to organise a group photo.

    This is the closest I’ve got from our disastrous first shoot in 2010:

    Side note, get a load of the Question Mk #1 jacket:

    I believe that was a rush job the night before… Where was I?

    So my point is literally hundreds of hands and thousands of fingers have worked on 31 Questions. 99 per cent of them for no money. And it’s the little touches you don’t even think about that bring out the best in a big project like this. People solved problems and did things on this show I don’t even know about. You could even say we got this far thanks to “the wisdom of friends”.

    I probably wouldn’t, but I mean you COULD say that, if you wanted.

    Any way you look at it, it was teamwork made this show. It wasn’t perfect, but we had far more hits than misses. It’s just about the best community television can be.

    And I’m damn proud to put my name on it.

    Hope you enjoyed watching.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green

  • 10 years of Corollas

    When I was in Adelaide over the Christmas and New Year period I had the unique opportunity to get a photo, standing next to my car outside my parent’s soon-to-be-sold house in Seacliff.

    What’s the significance of this photo? It happened to be 10 years to the day since I took a similar photo in the exact same position on the Earth’s surface!

    Just a few things had changed in that decade…

    Check it out:

    I didn’t look at the first photo before I took the second one, so I was going by memory. That’s why the angle is slightly different, and why my Mum’s Honda is in shot.

    Obviously that house in the background was recently knocked down. The concrete running down the centre of the Stobey Pole is a lighter colour in the recent photo because the pole was replaced in 2011 or 12.

    Note the trees, brick house and grey fence on the far left of the photo are still there.

    Had I not split my pants the night before during some mostly sensible new year’s eve celebrations, I would have been wearing the same style of pants again in the second photo. Alas. But I haven’t broken the habit of crossing my legs and shoving my hands in my pockets in the last 10 years.

    As for the car, on New Year’s Day 2004 I’d had my P-Plates for less than a month and was just beginning to enjoy driving my 1986 Toyota Corolla Seca around the neighbourhood all by myself. In 2006, I traded up to a white 2001 Toyota Corolla Seca, which I then sold in 2010 when I moved to Melbourne. I only lasted one year without a car before I bought my current maroon 2000 Toyota Corolla Ascent. They’re wonderful cars.

    It’s been a pretty fantastic decade too.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Time flies.

  • 2013 A.D(MG)

    It’s the end of another year this year. And what an end of a year it’s been. Also, the rest of the year was eventful.

    I started 2013 with no regular work and by March I’d run out of money. Well, I say “run out of money”, but I mean it in the first world sense. I got down to my last $9 in the bank, but I still had a car and other things of tangible value, etc. But it was still pretty stressful.

    At one point, I applied for a job as a school crossing guard with the Boroondara Council. It was basically this scene from the 1985 motion picture “Lost in America” starring Albert Brooks:

    I wasn’t successful.

    But I did do this for $150:

    Salvation came with the AFL Season and my return to Crocmedia to panel their fabulous “AFL Live” football commentary to 100 radio stations around Australia. Best radio job I’ve had.

    [Sports writing mode begins]

    The most memorable moment was the Adelaide v. North Melbourne game, Round 9 at Etihad Stadium. The Kangaroos had lead for the entire game, only to have the Crows kick 5 unanswered goals in the final quarter, culminating in an Adelaide goal with only 15 seconds left to give my home town a miracle 1-point victory. It was a fairy tale ending. I’ve never heard Rex Hunt call anything as intense as that.

    You can listen to the highlights package I edited during the game here.

    I don’t leap out of that panel operator’s chair onto my feet very often, but that was one of those moments.

    [Sports writing mode ends]

    After the AFL season finished, I started some weekend panelling at 1116SEN, using the ole MTR studios in Richmond. So finally, that move from Coburg to Hawthorn to be closer to work (2 days before MTR shut down) has actually paid off. Only took 18 months.

    And actually, since I moved in July from the eastern side of Hawthorn to the western side, a stone’s throw from Richmond, I’m close enough to WALK to work in about 15 minutes. The route takes me down Bendigo Street past the old GTV Channel 9 studios, now luxury apartments. To use my favourite cliched broadcasting expression, it’s “absolutely sensational”.

    Please enjoy this guided tour of my new place:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8T2pT_bdvAU

    It’s much better than the last apartment. Cheaper. More space. Laundry taps and an exhaust fan in the bathroom (as mentioned). And the insulation is excellent. That 40 degree day in Melbourne the other week? Barely noticed it. Place doesn’t even have air conditioning. The insulation alone is just so effective.

    2013 has been another year of media delights. In addition to 20 throw-away episodes of my “need an excuse to upload something” vlog series “Life of DMG” (as seen above), I also made a few videos with TV’s Shane Crawford for his website. I was basically Richter to his O’Brien. Shaffer to his Letterman. And to a lesser extent, robot skeleton to his Ferguson. Though I can’t seem to find those videos online any more, you can see part of one in my most recent showreel, where I took one for the team:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8Y9CBJ_BZs

    31 Questions – The TV game show all the kids are listening about – returned for its second season. We shot 9 episodes, 7 of which were broadcast-able. They aired on community TV stations in Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, Perth and New Zealand. And will soon air in Adelaide after they finish repeating the first season.

    Season 2 was a step up in many respects. Better graphics, better editing, a flashier scoreboard, more defined characters and some minor touches here and there. Although it wasn’t quite the step up in lighting and audio that we had hoped.

    There are always challenges and setbacks when you’re making a television show. We had to make do with reduced studio time, simultaneously throughout the production my parents back in Adelaide were splitting up after 29 years of marriage, and worst of all I had a really bad haircut 2 weeks before we started taping.

    But we had some good crowds towards the end and the laughs were there. And what our crew managed to do with those limited resources was quite impressive. Not bad for $4,000?

    This is my favourite episode. It was the Season 2 premier, but it was actually the last episode we shot:

    And in case you missed the memos, 31 Questions is indeed coming back for a third season. We raised $3,262 with our recent crowdfunding campaign and we’re back in the fabulous RMIT University televisual studio from late February.

    This will be the big one. So stay posted if you want to come join the studio audience or BE ON THE SHOW.

    Back in Adelaide, after talking about it for years, my folks have finally sold the family home at Seacliff. I remember the day we moved in: 17 March 1992, just before my 5th birthday.

    It’s a great house. The big walls all around the outside got me quite used to privacy. Everywhere else I’ve lived has seemed quite exposed by comparison. And aside from 9 months in 2000, when the second storey appeared, I lived there 18 years until I left for Melbourne in 2010.

    It was still nice to return to my home town and stay in my old bedroom. But I don’t have that any more. And the SA jaunts haven’t quite been the same. This year in particular, going back to visit Adelaide has felt less and less like visiting home and more like seeing a jigsaw puzzle with pieces gradually being removed and replaced.

    Don’t get me wrong, I love Adelaide and there’s some exciting things going on at the moment. I’ve had many a conversation about local infrastructure projects with anyone who will listen. But it’s not where I want to be right now.

    Ahh I’ll miss that house… But it will live on in so many video projects, like this one:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oQakmn_cAw

    That reminds me, we really should get around to editing those 3 other Too Easy episodes…

    So that’s about it for 2013. Well I did some other things. I went to Sydney for a bit. Bought a bookcase. Hosted a documentary series about webseries. Had a really nice sandwich, etc.

    But my big news for the new year is I’ll be a writer on the third season of “Shaun Micallef’s Mad As Hell” starting February 2014! Coincidentally, my first day writing is on the 13th, which is the four year anniversary of my move to Melbourne.

    How about that?

    Best move ever.

    Hope you’ve had a good year yourself and things are looking even better for 2014. I’ll see you on the other side.

    You can buy me a coffee.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    No, I’m serious. Small cappuccino with one, please.

  • 31 Questions S2E06 & Sydney Funtimes

    31 Questions S2E06 aired on C31 Melbourne & Geelong on the 31st day of August. And there is it on glorious YouTube.

    I spent 4 days in Sydney last week. It was the first time in seven years I’d been somewhere that wasn’t Melbourne or Adelaide. And it was fantastic.

    I stayed in the seaside suburb of Sans Souci on the shores of Botany Bay (to my knowledge, the only bay named after a spaceship from Star Trek) with the lovely Barb Badham:

    She’s mother to my good friend and mentor Van Badham. Here’s a photo of her aged 14, which I discovered in a drawer that wasn’t locked in any serious kind of way:

    I forgot that I actually like Sydney. Last time I was there it was for New Year’s Eve 2006 when my Grandma treated the family to watch the fireworks on Sydney Harbour. An unforgettable experience. Back then, I returned to Adelaide via Melbourne. On that trip, I had a much better time in Sydney than Melbourne. To quote my 19-year-old self from my own diary:

    7 January 2007
    “I think I prefer Sydney to Melbourne. Watching this promotional video in the Rialto Tower really gave me the impression Melbourne is an arrogant city. It’s really just a bigger, more disorganised Adelaide.”

    It probably didn’t help I was travelling with my good friend John Timoney and by the time we got to Melbourne, we were well and truly sick of each other. While I’ve got my diaries out, here’s how I felt about Melbourne when I was there again 18 months later:

    12 July 2008
    “Melbourne is great. I can see myself living here more than I could last time.”

    Quite a turn around! And since then, the only news I ever hear about Sydney is to do with traffic congestion, high cost of living and racist electorates in the western suburbs. But I always have a great time when I’m there (I don’t drive and I stay away from the western suburbs).

    Highlights of this Sydney trip include meeting Mark Humphries from ABC2’s “The Roast” at Pizza Hut. We talked comedy and TV and such for 5 hours straight. Didn’t even take a photo with him. But he’s pretty good in this:

    I also caught the train to the Petersham TAFE to be interviewed by Sean Campbell for his “The Sean Campbell Show” on XRLENT Radio. Good guy. We talked about 31 Questions, TVS, RMITV, radio and Adelaide. Here’s the video of our chat:

    On Thursday, after one and a half cancellations, I finally caught up with my old radio pal Matty B at the Queen Victoria Building (or MB at the QVB). Hadn’t seen him in 3 years. Again no photo, but we did do this once:

    [display_podcast]

    And now for the strangest experience of my trip…

    On Thursday night, to coincide with the broadcast of S2E04 on TVS, I journeyed to Ultimo (a couple of streets back from the headquarters of the Australian Broadcasting Corporation), home to the infamous “Ultimo Bachelor Pad” – the self proclaimed (and probably rightly so) biggest 31 Questions fans in, if not Sydney, then the world.

    Now, they are some REAL fans…

    To illustrate:

    Dear God. We must be doing something right with 31 Questions?

    Thanks again to Mike, James, Zoe, Nathan, Mel and (via Skype from Europe) Daniel for a magnificent dinner and cake, as well as their ridiculous amount of support they continue to give to me and the rest of the 31 Questions team. Fans in other cities, you’ve got your work cut out for you if you plan on topping that.

    I’m now safely back in Melbourne. And it’s back to the hyper-reality that is my life.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    PS. 31 Questions debuts on Face Television New Zealand this Thursday 9.30PM.