David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

  • New Voice on the Block/Air/Air-Block

    Ho (as in, “hi ho”, not commenting on your promiscuity or anything…),

    I’m not sold on selling my body, ironically, however this hasn’t stopped me from selling my voice, of which I am now sold, and my voice is now for sale! Allow me to explain coherently… I have joined the Allan Miller Fast Voice-Over agency, specialising in character voices. Click here to hear my 1-minute demo, or visit Allan Miller Fast Voice-Overs to find out more info, including how to hire me (but just my voice, remember?).

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Hearing voices is a good thing

  • Tales from The Palace

    Hi film fans,

    This past week I’ve worked 36 hours. That’s full time… in France… But the spike in hours isn’t due to a request on behalf of my drug habit, nor is it due to a mad scientist with a time machine, treading on the spacetime continuum, for this week was the 2009 Adelaide Film Festival, and thus there was more demand for my ticket-selling skills at the Palace Nova Cinema.

    The Adelaide Film Festival truly is the “who’s who” of the Adelaide Film Festival industry. The things I saw. The things I heard. The things I smelt… Are just 60% of my past week’s experiences, as sampled by my sensory input. By far the highlights of the week were seeing host of “At The Movies” on SBS, TV’s David Stratton (I recognise that beard anywhere). I also couldn’t seem to get away from the familiar wheezings of Bob Ellis, who looks like he’s about to die (just an observation). When I first saw him, I knew he was a somebody, but I couldn’t pick him. Then I had a flashback to season 1 or 2 of the SBS comedy show “Pizza” (you know, when it was still kinda good) and I remembered Bob Ellis had a cameo, playing the Premier of New South Wales. The glory days of Bob Ellis are long gone.

    Meanwhile, at the candy bar, I served Stephan Elliot (director of “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert”), TV’s Quentin, Triple J’s Sam Simmons and some guy who I remember thinking would look a lot like Hugo Weaving if he lost the beard, and who I later discovered was actually Hugo Weaving.

    I also learned a valuable lesson regarding throwing out drinks that still contain significant amounts of liquid: Pour the liquid out first, before you throw the cup in the garbage. This will help to avoid spilling several litres of coke right in front of Michael Atkinson, South Australian Attorney General. Hmm… I wonder if he’ll censor this…

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Didn’t get a chance to see any of the movies myself though…

  • Wildcard draws David M. Green to Raw Comedy Semi-Finals, four.

    Gentlemen, and to a lesser extent, ladies (not being sexist, just a reflection of my website visitor statistics),

    Well, I wasn’t funny enough to be a winner on night #3 of the SA Raw Comedy stand-up contestations, but that hasn’t stopped me from receiving remedial assistance from Raw’s coveted “wildcard programme.” So this means I’ll be doing stand-up again. This time at Adelaide’s “PJ O’Brien’s” on East Tce (an establishment I have never had a reason to go to before), on Tuesday March 10th at 9pm.

    So once again, if you wish to see me perform stand-up live (only for the 4th time ever), feel free to buy a ticket through the Adelaide Fringe Festival office, or at the door on the night. But if you can find a way to sneak in for free, what the hell do I care? I’m not getting paid anything for this, so go nuts. Go there the night before with a friend and drink each other under the table. Then just stay there for 20 hours disguised as a sticky patch of floor, and you’re laughing! Literally… hopefully anyway… Either that or you’ll develop Korsakoff’s syndrome…

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Ironically, most stand-up comedians are a joke

  • On The Yacht Final Voyage Tonight!

    Hey blog-trotters,

    In approximately 3 hours we’ll begin the FINAL episode of our grossly unpopular satirical comedy/talk-back radio parody show “On The Yacht.” Tune in for one last time on Radio Adelaide 101.5FM at midnight Adelaide time to hear Adam, Norman Vine, Dr Kevin Goodall and Tim Wray (in the news room). But if you can’t make it, please don’t fret… I’ll post links to all the podcasts soon.

    On The Yacht has been described by a random listener as: “Funny. At Times.” I think that comment sums up the show nicely.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    AKA Norman Vine

  • Not working in a coal mine, but still working.

    A co-workerly good morning to the proletariat in you!

    David M. Green here. Man, have I been working this weekend? Yes. Hard. And for 3 different employers! Let me give you the run-down… First I worked at the Palace Nova Eastend cinema:

    Then I delivered some pizzas:

    Then I took a drive to scenic Uraidla in the Adelaide Hills to dress up as “Spike,” the lovable Adelaide and Mount Lofty Ranges Natural Resources Management Board Echidna:

    Thus perfectly executing the comedian’s “rule of three!”

    But anyway, a fun, profitable, and tiring weekend. Most fun of all was dressing up as a giant purple echidna. I think I looked a bit like “Sonic the Hedgehog,” so much so I think I could potentially assume his identity and steal some rings from a jewellery store… COULD… There’s something about being in a costume that creates a catalyst for hugging. Everyone wanted to hug me! Sure, a few people wanted to hurt me, but luckily Mandy, my chaperon, kept them at bay. Although on one occasion while she was doing this I walked into a pole… My giant head cushioned the impact. Also, the costume. But mostly it was a beautiful day filled with hugs, bouncy comic walking, posing for photos and bringing joy and fear to children. Could a guy ask for anything more? Plus I got to see Uraidla, a town in the Adelaide Hills I’d never even heard of. Fun and learning. Certainly a day to blog about.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Jesus I’m tired.