David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Tag: christmas

  • VHS Revue 45 – Yogi’s First Christmas (1992)

    Highlights from a 1992 VHS tape of “Yogi’s First Christmas”. Presented by David M. Green.

    Featuring:
    – Seven’s Family Christmas message from Mike Smithson & Dixie Marshall
    – Wallis Cinemas TVC with seat belts
    – Beyond 2000 promo with primitive CGI Humphrey Bogart and Marilyn Monroe “actors being brought back to life for the movies of the future”
    – Beyond 2000 promo with a man in one of those spinning sphere things
    – Sony Handycam from City International Duty Free TVC
    – The 1992 Carols Celebration at Campbelltown Oval TVC with “BBQ tea” (special guest appearance by TV’s Andrew Maj)
    – Whitehouse Furniture TVC with a “I’m a Lumberjack-esque” jingle
    – Green’s groceries TVC
    – Seven Promo for Bony and Pacific Power’s Carols in the Domain
    – Clarksons glass repair TVC
    – Super Seal plastic bag sealer infomercial from Demtel

    Footage recorded from Adelaide’s Channel Seven in December 1992 and used here for review, parody and satirical purposes.

    Special thanks to Alexis Kotlowy, John Hnatowych, Andrew Maj, Jason Evans, Hannah Green, Annika Samuelsson, Carolyn Lawlor-Smith, Nigel Charman, Zoe Charman and our generous supporters on Patreon.

    VHS Revue Links:

    DMG

  • Merry Christmas from 31 Questions! (select video MOST relevant to you)

    Merry Christmas from me and the team from 31 Questions: The TV game show of that name. Please view the appropriate Christmas message:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3v23l8BkG0

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V72Nkx6Tq94

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-dQCGkMsTU

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=371W84T_tYA

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuoz0oKX-nQ

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6VdemGVKoI

    If you live somewhere other than Melbourne, Adelaide, Brisbane, Perth, Sydney or New Zealand, just try to imagine your favourite message without any geographic references.

    Happy holidays,
    David M. Green

  • Adelaide in colour

    I’ve just returned from a 2 week chillaxment in Adelaide. Always a pleasure to visit my home town. Great to see the family and old friends, and boy, there’s nothing like that first glass of Adelaide water.

    The last 2 weeks in Adelaide were probably the best weather I’ve ever experienced. Bright blue skies and sunshine every single day. There’s a certain brightness and freshness that you don’t often get in Melbourne. No offense.

    I was back for Christmas. And the winner of “best present ever” goes to my thoughtful sister Hannah, who actually read the article I wrote on gifts for mX the other week. She got me this:

    Instead of something useless that’s just going to take up the limited space I have in my room in Melbourne, she made a donation to charity, which provided a piglet to a poor family in Laos. This is fantastic.

    This is what Christmas should be about. Giving things to people who really need it. I can’t remember the last time I reacted to a Christmas present with a genuine smile. Best present ever.

    Was also good to catch up with my brother Luke C. Green. He, along with my other sister Alice, have a rare degenerative condition called “hereditary spastic paraplegia”. But Luke’s making the most of it. His reduced mobility gives him an excuse to do what he really loves: play computer games.

    The whole thing is very hard on my parents. I really don’t know how they do it.

    And I was very, very happy to see Katie, the family Cardigan Corgi. She’s had some problems with her hips the last couple of years. Since I moved it’s apparently become worse. She doesn’t tend to move around the house much any more. But when I arrived she ran out to greet me. A rare honour these days, so I’m told.

    Caught up too with the talented Li’l Lisa Pellegrino. We go way back to those unsupervised days at Radio Adelaide 101.5FM circa 2007. In 2009 she moved to Darwin to do breakfast on Mix 104.9FM. She recently made the move to 105.7 ABC Darwin. Plus she also helped get me a job at the Palace Nova Cinema in Adelaide, so I still feel I owe her. She’s definitely one to watch.

    I notice the Adelaide Advertiser hasn’t changed. Just as appalling as ever. And they’re persisting with the same poorly designed reader poll graph, which I have previously mocked on this website:

    2 responses? Honestly, why don’t they just make it up? And the arrow points towards NO! This is the worst kind of ergonomics. When will they learn? The city really needs a second daily local newspaper.

    I spent a lot of time listening to my vast collection of 80s new wave records, which I dearly miss. Resolution for this year is to get them all over to Melbourne so I can enjoy them all the time. I may have made that resolution last year…

    In the space of 2 weeks, I managed to listen to all of these:

    How many albums can you name on my vinyl floor?

    Hilariously, when I put this photo on Facebook, the facial recognition system picked up Peter Gabriel (line 9, position 1), Phil Collins from The Face Album (line 4, position 2) and that guy from Wang Chung (line 7, position 2).

    And probably most excitingly, I caught up with Radio’s Alex Williamson, Nick Godfrey and Tim Wray to shoot some more of our somewhat popular Internet sitcom Too Easy.

    Expect 4 new episodes coming to your computer screens and mobile devices later this month! And we reckon these are the funniest ones so far…

    Here are some behind the scenes snaps to wet your appetite…

    Get ready for the return of Ricky T! Played by the talented Jack Ellis, who’s just been accepted into NIDA in Sydney!

    Some great memories there. Can’t wait to share them with you when Alex cuts the episodes together.

    I always enjoy being back in Adelaide. However, having said that… I think I would be a little depressed if I were to move back there permanently. For now, I’ve got to be in Melbourne to keep on with the career.

    Alex said it best I think. Adelaide’s comfortable. But sometimes, you’ve got to get out of your comfort zone.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Stay classy, Adelaide.

  • 2011. A year of sweet success.

    What started out as a pretty crappy year for me, really picked up about half way through, and ended on a high.

    Since finishing journalism at RMIT Uni last year, I literally applied for 75 jobs between October 2010 and May 2011, to no success. It was extremely demoralising. Even more so because I’m a genius, and most people don’t seem to have the time to notice. Also, I’m terrible in job interviews.

    But it just so happened I was at the right place at the right time with MTR. I started as a Melbourne Talk Radio panel operator in June. And in October I started working full time on The Steve Vizard Show. It’s turned out to be one of the most amazing experiences I’ve ever had. Great people. Lots of laughs. A few tears. And some great radio. Very much looking forward to continuing in 2012.

    This is why I moved to Melbourne.

    Something that’s gone a little less successfully, was my Channel 31 TV game show “31 Questions”. After actually being canceled in February, we managed to get un-canceled in May and we shot a second pilot on June 29. It went very well and certainly one of the highlights of my year:

    We had a spanner thrown in the works when some clown at RMIT University decided they wanted to make it as difficult as possible for people to use their television studio. And for the last 6 months we’ve been waiting for the go ahead to present the pilot to Channel 31 (which might I add, has already been filmed. It’s sitting on a DVD ready to go). We’ve neither been approved nor rejected. And we’re hoping (yet again) we’ll get to make a 13-episode series in early 2012.

    And if we get a “no”, then we’ll obviously be looking at other options, because this is what we want to do. We want to make TV. It’s incredible how many people are out there trying to tear you down. But I can assure you I will never give up. NEVER! NEVER! NEVER!

    I’ve made a few other TV appearances this year. To save you time, here are a selection of hilarious highlights:

    It’s been a year of highs and lows. But I think the high highs make the low lows worth it. And I do believe that for the eighth year in a row, this has been the best year of my life.

    Professionally. Creatively. Socially.

    And I’m still loving Melbourne.

    I’m now looking forward to heading back to Adelaide for Christmas and the New Year. See the family, old friends and shoot some more Too Easy!

    But I’ll be back in Melbourne for 2012. I have a feeling next year is going to be something special.

    So have yourselves a merry little Christmas and all that crap. See you on the other side.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green

  • Gift giving

    In case you missed it in mX last Friday, here’s my two cents on gifts…

    It’s supposed to be all about generosity, love, happiness and all that junk. But personally, I find giving and receiving gifts a nightmare.

    And Christmas is the worst.

    When you’re a kid, you think it’s simple enough. I want this! I want that!

    But then you get older and you discover a whole bunch of bizarre “gifting rules”. And everyone seems to have their own interpretation.

    Take my Dad (Please). He hates gifts. This is no secret. When someone gives him a present, any present, his reaction is consistent: “I didn’t ask for this. I don’t need it. I don’t want it.”

    My Mum on the other hand, will tell me every Christmas, “It’s okay, you don’t need to get me a present this year.” And then when I go ahead and get her nothing, I find out what she really meant was: “I don’t need any presents this year, but I would actually like a small present.”

    WHY DON’T YOU JUST SAY THAT!?!

    Why the labyrinth of interpretation?

    Because nobody wants to admit “I want presents”.

    My family has never been big on gift-giving. When I tell people this, often they find it incomprehensible. It even makes some people upset! They call me David M. Grinch.

    When I experienced the first Christmas with my first girlfriend, I was under the impression I would give her a present and she would give me one. And this was true.

    But what I wasn’t expecting when I turned up at her house on Christmas Day, was a present from her parents, presents from her three brothers, one from her brother’s girlfriend, one from her grandparents and another from her aunt.

    Might I point out, I’d hadn’t even met half these people before.

    And you know what I got for them? Nothing!

    I know they were trying to make me feel included, but it just made me feel awful. Was I supposed to get presents for all of them too? I didn’t have a job at the time. I’d have to declare bankruptcy! I’m ruined!

    So what makes a good gift?

    I believe the best present is money – cold hard cash – because you can do whatever you want with it.

    But people say, “No! You can’t give money! Where’s the thought in that?” They tell me I have to at least get them a gift voucher.

    A gift voucher is less thoughtful than money. A gift voucher can only be used at one place under certain conditions and if you don’t redeem it by a certain date it’s worthless.

    But money has no expiration date! It can be used anywhere! For anything! Just a thought…

    And it’s the thought that counts.

    There was about ten Christmases in a row there where several relatives thought I’d enjoy a nice desk ornament. Every year, more and more desk ornaments. How many desks do you think I have? I need a second one now just for the ornaments.

    If you must give a gift, give something that’s useful. We’ve all heard the clichés about socks and jocks, but I think they’re great. Assuming they don’t have an awkwardly placed tag or itchy stitching.

    And if you want to give ME a present this year… please… make a donation to a worthy charity. Okay? You feel good. The gift goes to someone who really needs it. Everybody’s happy.

    Either that or Lego.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Putting that journalism degree to good use, obviously.