David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Tag: funny

  • Hilarious Spam!

    Hey Hey Hey!

    We all hate spam. Well, I assume we all do. I certainly do. But hey, maybe you love it. But if you’re like me, which I assume you are, although I’ve been known to be wrong, and hence I’m no better than you… annoying… right, the spam. My website receives about 20 spam blog comments a day. Most of them are a jumble of links and random characters, sometimes not even able to be displayed, and hence it’s just a string of those little rectangles. But some of them are just completely random comments that have no connection at all to anything I mentioned in any blog, ever. For your enjoyment, here are some of my favourite random spam comments:

    On Blog Entry – Ed Fella!?! Oh hang on… Michael Jackson!?!

    Submitted on 2009/09/27 at 9:14pm by yapapanyatt
    WOW! Good thing you kept your wits enough to fight off the bugger. Glad you’re ok. The worse thing to happen to me on that street was when I encountered a pack of dogs late one night. I kept a safe distance behind them until I got home. Take care.

    Submitted on 2009/10/01 at 6:34am by BlopayGlypelp
    Hey! Genealogical humor! Thanks, Internet!

    Submitted on 2009/10/31 at 11:49am by homemastergoga
    hiii ravin….do a favour for us….plz put a pic of ur love khushi on ur website or orkut…we all wanna see her…..plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……
    davidmgreen.com – go to my favorites!!!

    Submitted on 2009/11/02 at 7:11am by BlopayGlypelp
    I’m in love with you, my Adonis.

    On Blog Entry – Insane about Mad Men (the show. I’m straight.)

    Submitted on 2009/09/29 at 12:44am by yourbig.ru
    If you’re cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

    Submitted on 2009/09/30 at 8:00pm by ownbig.ru
    I think what they did to you was unfair and poor customer service

    On Blog Entry – Stand-up Trip to Lol-Ville. Population: Hilarity.

    Submitted on 2009/10/22 at 8:32pm by noemijed
    I have a joke for you =) Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage? Ta da dump, ta da dump, ta da dump Dump DUMP!!!

    Submitted on 2009/10/27 at 1:06am by carolzun
    I have a joke for you =) Did you hear about the bandit that held up a Chinese restaurant? Half an hour later he was broke.

    Submitted on 2009/10/29 at 2:08am by mireillelig
    I have read a good joke in internet What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.

    Submitted on 2009/10/05 at 9:03pm by vickyhuv
    Easy to get ed cheap priaprism at the famouse cheap online site. No prescription required a – buy vigra pill online..

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Hehehe… priapism…

  • Stand-up Trip to Lol-Ville. Population: Hilarity.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJnM1woqM-Q

    Hello!

    David M. Green here in blog form. What a turbulent week… I did some stand-up comedy on Saturday night at the “Star Theatre” in Adelaide’s fabulous western suburbs. It didn’t go so well. Maybe it was the atmosphere. Maybe it was the audience. But most likely, it was because I freaking forgot the damn routine and just stood there silently for 30 seconds trying to remember my next joke. Actually, that was definitely it….

    So needless to say I was feeling pretty down all week: Cognitive dissonance at work, people. Allow me to illustrate… I, David M. Green, believe that I am funny. However, on Saturday I did some stand-up and I bombed, mainly due to personal incompetence (Just for something different, I thought if I practiced LESS it would make for a more spontaneous performance. Instead, I couldn’t remember what I was going to say). Then there’s a conflict between my personal belief (ie. I’m funny) and reality (ie. I suck). And as in this biz, you’re only as good as your last ‘gig,’ for most of the week, I was a complete hack.

    However, last night at the Rhino Room, I had another go. The routine was about 50% the same material, but the material I did repeat I re-worded for maximum comedy output. And this time, I killed! Everything just worked. The audience was great. The other comics were quite good for a “new-comedy” night. It was fantastic. So, dissonance corrected, confidence restored, reputation redeemed and self-esteem reacquired. If you haven’t watched it already, you can view the GOOD stand-up performance at the top of this blog entry. Your comments and feedback are always appreciated.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Apologies to the Royal Society for the Blind