David M. Green: Purveyor of fine humour

Author: David M. Green

  • Tastes in Jackets Shared with Crispin Glover

    Hey slackers! (it’s a “Back to the Future” reference – No offence intended)

    Wow! I can cross another thing of my rapidly fulfilled “list of things to do before I die” because last night I met Crispin Glover! Crispin Glover is of course best known for his brilliant performance as George McFly in the 1985 motion picture “Back to the Future.” However, he was in Australia on a lecture tour of sorts. He first read from some of his books, and then we watched his experimental film “It is Fine! EVERYTHING IS FINE!” before a lengthy and fascinating Q&A session. Amongst other things Crispin recounted the details of his memorable 1987 Late Night with David Letterman appearance. As my good friend Nick Godfrey said, it was worth the $40 ticket just to hear him talk about that!

    As for this “list of things to do before I die” I keep referring to, allow me to explain my thinking here because sure, “meeting Crispin Glover” is a little obscure. It’s more like a blank list that’s gradually being added to, as opposed to a list where things are being crossed off as I complete them. I was sitting at home on my computer, and I discovered Crispin Glover was coming to Adelaide, and I thought “See Crispin Glover in real life? …Hmm, yeah, that’s something I’d like to do with my life and limited monetary resources.” And it was great being able to talk to him afterwards and tell him in person how much I enjoyed his performance in “Back to the Future” because it’s one of my favourite movies and I spent many many schoolyard lunch hours quoting that trilogy with my friends (namely John Timoney). He replied with “Thank you. Yeah, I’m proud of that.” Another treasured memory. Well worth it.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    One “Creepy Thin Man” to another

  • Lack of Seating Forces Sketch Comedian to Stand…-Up

    Good (insert appropriate time period here),

    Hello again, David M. Green… I mean, I’M David M. Green. I’m not calling YOU David M. Green and saying hello to you. That would be inefficient. Only a hand-full of other people in the world are called David M. Green… Also, it’s pretty silly. My apologies… BUT ANYWHO… Last Thursday I comically stood-up and did some stand-up comedy at Adelaide’s fabulous “The Rhino Room.” Funnier than the last time. Plus I wore a tie! Enjoy!

    http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=Kw9Pg8BET1A

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Card-carrying member of ‘The Blood Club’

  • Commercial Television’s Worst Nightmare

    FINALLY! The good people at Roy Morgan Research have knocked on my door and for once it is I, David M. Green… who get to contribute to the official Australian television and radio ratings… And you can bet your sweet ass I’m going WAAAAAAYYYYY out of my way this week to avoid watching and listening to the vacuous, sensationalised, reality, celebrity, commercial-driven CRAP that comprises 90% of the content that infects our screens and speakers!

    This week, I’m supporting outstanding comedy, professional journalism and TV and radio programmes that are ACTUALLY entertaining. I’m taking so much satisfaction in putting an ‘x’ under the ABC’s fantastic new comedy series ‘Very Small Business’ and leaving blank boxes under ‘Taken Out,’ ‘Make me a Supermodel,’ ‘Today Tonight,’ ‘A Current Affair,’ ‘Neighbours,’ ‘Dancing with the Stars,’ ‘Crash Investigation Unit’ and all those other appalling programmes clogging our screens that were obviously thought up during someone’s lunch break.

    But what’s that you say? Hey David you hypocrite, you worked for SAFM, a notoriously commercial radio station! Well firstly, astute observation and well articulated. And secondly, allow me to explain my philosophy on the issue… Sure, I’ll work for commercial media if they pay me (it’s lots of fun!), BUT… I’ll sure as hell never stop trying to get genuinely funny, innovative, intelligent and downright entertaining ideas past the suits and the censors. Good comedy requires risk taking. Commercial media in Australia doesn’t like to take risks. They like to stick with what’s tried and true, which is why they more often than not just copy a concept that’s a few years old, which the more media savvy have already seen on BBC, HBO, ABC (Australian Broadcasting Corporation) or downloaded themselves. And if a TV or radio station is making crap, there’s no motivation for John Q. Public to put away the pirated DVDs and the .mp3 player. If you don’t take risks and get out in front of the pack, you’ll never do anything outstanding…  That’s why in Australia, the ABC doesn’t only make the best comedy, they make the best television! And ‘Very Small Business,’ Wednesday nights 9:30pm on the ABC, is the funniest Australian show on TV at the moment. I cannot recommend it enough.

    Now I also realise I’m a 21-year old male, allegedly the most difficult demographic to crack. And I’m certainly no ordinary representative from my demographic (eg. I have a 142 IQ and love obscure ’80s New Wave music). But I don’t mind going on record as saying most commercial TV and radio in Australia is terrible, because I reckon I know how to make it better… Specific criticism is available upon request. Oh yeah, I really miss ‘Get This’ with Tony Martin, Ed Kavalee and Richard Marsland. There hasn’t been a commercial radio show worth listening to since then in my opinion, and my ratings book is certainly going to reflect my qualms.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Tellin’ it like it is, and desperately wanting to fix it.

  • How to Waste Steve Carell’s Time!

    Hey folks,

    If you want to know how to waste Hollywood actor and comedian Steve Carell’s precious time, this is the blog entry for you! The following expert advice can help you achieve your goal of wasting the time of not only Steve Carell, but a veritable plethora of celebrities, actors, musicians, war veterans, elected officials and anyone else who works for a living, and who’s time equals money. Here’s what you need to do:

    1. Arrange an interview or gain access to a press conference with celebrity, eg. Steve Carell.
    2. Don’t see his/her new movie/song/policy, eg. The 40 Year Old Virgin.
    3. Don’t prepare any relevant questions.

    IT’S JUST THAT EASY! And now with the Internet, not only can you waste Steve Carell’s time, but thousands of suckers searching YouTube for entertainment. Here’s an example from avid celebrity time-waster and self, David M. Green:

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Go fourth and annoy!

  • (Sur)Real Interview with Larry David

    [youtube]http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=_RCMVFFhiAw[/youtube]

    Hello,

    Last year I flew to Los Angeles and interviewed ‘Seinfeld’ co-creator and star of HBO’s ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm,’ Larry David, over lunch at an exclusive LA restaurant. You know, one of those fancy places where all the walls are painted different colours… I didn’t bring my video camera, as it was a radio interview, but I have reconstructed the events of that afternoon using still photographs taken at the time by a crazed fan… Enjoy.

    Kind regards,
    David M. Green
    Sheathed Enthusiasm