How do you solve a problem like The Logies?

No comedy. No writers. Catering aplenty.

The Logies are unique among the world’s entertainment industry awards. This is not a compliment.

The organisers would like to believe Australian Television’s “night of nights” is the equivalent to The Oscars. The biggest. The fanciest. The most regarded awards ceremony on the event calendar.

But the Academy Awards are for the silver screen. Not the small screen. The fashion reporting on the red carpet is where the comparison between the two stops. So in that sense, The Logies are more like The Emmys; The American awards for television production.

But if The Logies are supposed to be Australia’s version of The Emmys, why aren’t they run like The Emmys?

Emmy Award winners are decided by industry professionals. Some Logie winners are chosen this way; the categories that begin with “Most Outstanding”. However, the majority of Logie categories begin with “Most Popular” and those winners are decided by votes from the public. It’s basically a popularity contest.

So in that case, The Logies are run more like The MTV Movie Awards. No offense to MTV, but I think that’s pretty embarrassing for Australian Television.

But even The MTV Movie Awards have an award for “Best Comedic Performance”. How many awards do The Logies currently give for comedy? Zero. Pardon the pun, but that’s a joke.

There hasn’t been an award for comedy at The Logies since 2009, when “The Hollowmen” won “Most Outstanding Comedy Program”.

What does that say about Australian comedy if it’s not even acknowledged at the highest level? This serious lack of respect would make Rodney Dangerfield roll over in his grave.

Think about all the hilarious Australian TV shows that have made us laugh through the years: The Late Show, Frontline, Kath & Kim, Hey Hey It’s Saturday, The Chaser, The Micallef Program, Summer Heights High. All of those shows won the Logie for “Most Outstanding Comedy Program”. In fact, some won it twice.

Interesting to note, of the 16 awards for Most Outstanding Comedy Program given between 1994 and 2009, 13 of them were won by the ABC. Goes to show you don’t need money to make outstanding television comedy.

But the best a comedy show can hope for these days is the Logie for “Most Outstanding Light Entertainment Program”.  What is “light entertainment” anyway? Aren’t all television shows supposed to be entertaining?

In 1997, there were three separate Logies for comedy. Roy and HG’s “Club Buggery” won “Most Outstanding Achievement in Comedy”, the hilarious “Full Frontal” won “Most Popular Comedy Program” and Eric Bana won “Most Popular Comedy Personality”.

It was a simpler time. Comedy was comedy. Drama was drama. And reality TV only existed in movies about a fictional dystopian future.

But though comedy is no longer officially recognised by Australian TV, it seems to have crept into just about every other program.

The new buzz word at the moment is “dramedy”. I hate that word. For me, it represents a comedy not quite funny enough that the producers want to commit and call it a comedy. Or a drama not quite dramatic enough to be called a drama. Shows such as Seven’s “Winners and Losers” and Ten’s “Mr and Mrs Murder” have both been promoted as “dramedy” shows.

Network Ten’s “The Project” is another example. Hard news, light tragedy, music, stock footage, infotainment, and a few gags.

But for a really bizarre example of comedy white-anting into a traditionally no-comedy TV zone, take a look at this new comedy segment that’s just appeared on Ten Late News. One recent segment involved my good friend Sam Mac videoing his facial expressions while receiving a series of simulated prostate exams:

I’m a fan of Sam Mac. But this is not a comedy program. This is a late night news program broadcast nationally on Channel Ten. I’d much rather see him do this schtick on his own show – A show that could be nominated for a Logie for comedy.

The Logies also has a serious lack of respect for Australian writers. Unlike The Oscars and The Emmys, The Logies has no awards at all for writing. None for comedy. None for drama. None for a telemovie or miniseries.

I find it absolutely beyond comprehension the industry award body for Australian television doesn’t recognise its writers. Industry people and viewers alike are constantly complaining about the substandard level of screenwriting in Australia. We have great actors. We have world class cinematographers. Australian films and TV shows always look amazing.

But the script? The story? The writing? It’s such an afterthought; we don’t even have an award for it. Who cares, right? Hey, why do we even need writers for TV?

I believe the first step to improve Australia’s reputation for quality screenwriting is to recognise quality screenwriting at the highest level. And the easiest way to do that is to include Logie Awards for writing.

The Logie Awards Ceremony itself also differs from the big American ones. The Oscars. The Emmys. The Tonys. They’re all held in theatres, with a seated audience watching the stage.

But The Logies are conducted more like a pub trivia night, with the audience and nominees seated around tables in the Palladium Ballroom of Melbourne’s Crown Casino. Many of the attendees aren’t even facing the stage.

Is it any wonder nobody wants to host The Logies? It’s widely believed among the TV industry that hosting The Logies is death. It’s a tough room. Most people are there purely to be seen and to enjoy a steak dinner.

At last year’s 54^th Annual Logie Awards, Adam Hills walked out on stage to present the first award, and after establishing that there was no host, he said, “Hosting the Logies is like being one of Gina Rinehart’s children. It sounds good, but you get nothing out of it.”

That’s true for most of the hosts in recent memory. In fact, of the last 10 ceremonies, six of them had no single host. The risk of dying a death on stage was shared by several presenters.

For a truly exceptional ceremony, you have to go back to Shaun Micallef in 2001.

Channel Nine thought so too and they gave him his own tonight show two years later. But Wendy Harmer (2002) and Gretel Killeen (2009) weren’t so lucky.

So how do you cure The Logies? It’s so simple even a TV executive could do it. Bring back awards for comedy. Introduce awards for writing. And hold the ceremony in a theatre where the audience’s attention is on the host. Only then will The Logies be the Australian equivalent of The Emmys.

And so they should be.

Kind regards,
David M. Green
Student of Logie.